Is it wrong to have a favorite child as a parent?

[Doctor Amadeus]

In society I've heard people talk about a favorite parent somewhat, but typically anytime it comes to parents having a favorite child it seems frowned upon. Having twins, I am of the mindset that it's difficult for parents to not have a favorite, however I think it's very easy not to treat children differently.

So, is it wrong to have a favorite child?

It might be wrong, but it's hard to help honestly, as long as you never treat your children differently in terms of favoritism.

Follow up:

Were you a Favorite Child?


No, not really or at least only some times.

Whether you were a favorite child or not what was your experience?


Mom would never say it, but based on our behavior she had her favorite at different times I think, I never really felt it when I knew I wasn't her favorite at times.

As a parent or if you ever become a parent would you or do you have a favorite?

I don't think it's one of those things you can help, but I'm sure based on behavior, and LIKE is NOT the same as LOVE. You can LOVE someone you don't like or like what they do.

[Daedius]

Yes...

[Poopymonster]

Parents will almost always have one child they favor over another. No 2 kids will be the same, even being born/raised in exactly the same circumstances and time. A difference in personality, actions, whatever shit can make a parent prefer one child over another. Do they love them less? Possibly if you measure love as a metric.

Is it wrong? Only if you act on it in a way that lets one both or all kids know one is the favored child.
And parents are human, so they'll probably fuck it up.
Then you just hope their therapist at least names the boat after you, since your child (possibly as an adult) made him enough money to purchase it.

[Fencers]

This isn't possible if you have a good relationship with your kids. Favoring one child over another is a matter of not having a connection to your child. That is possible, but not if you have a good connection with your kids. It's not even a thing.

The question is an "I am not a parent or have this specific life experience" type of question.

[BeepBoo]

This isn't possible if you have a good relationship with your kids. Favoring one child over another is a matter of not having a connection to your child. That is possible, but not if you have a good connection with your kids. It's not even a thing.

Proposing that you can equally connect with anyone, even your own children, is ridiculous. There's always going to be at least SOME variation in connection between two people because two people are incapable of being actually identical. Ergo, by your own admission, you'll innately favor one child, even if just subconsciously.

Can you ACT like that's not the case? Absolutely. But that doesn't change the reality of your subconscious feelings.

[DarkAmbient]

It's not wrong. Just don't express it.

[Biglog]

It's hard for me to imagine how a parent could favor one child over another. Every child is different and so the relationship and experiences will be unique. But if a parent actually favors one over another, that's just being an awful parent. But there are plenty of parents out there that actually do this. And no, favoring one over the other but not telling them does not make it ok. It's silly to think the kids won't be able to tell, and is just trying to rationalize doing it. Parenting isn't ever easy but there are some things like this that are the low bar. Treating a parent's children the same, spending quality time with them, taking them to do fun things once in a while...that's kind of the foundation and easy stuff.

And for the love of all things, regardless of how you grew up don't be a person that approaches parenthood as feeling compelled to repeat bad experiences that you may have had. I've seen parents say, I went through X (ex. a favored sibling) so my it's ok if my kids do too. Be a better person and break that cycle.

[Orange Joe]

depends.


Do you still treat them the same regardless? Then it is ok.


If you favor one of the other. Then it's wrong.

[Draco-Onis]

As the oldest I am still the favorite my other brothers hate it they are still being compared to me even in their old age. As a parent myself seeing how hard they have taken it I do my best not to do it to my kids in terms of treating them differently but it's kind of impossible to not have a favorite.

[Milchshake]

It's perfectly normal to have preferences. This applies to relationships of all kinds, even familial relationships.
Parents will have their preferred kid.
Guess what, kids have their preferred parent as well!

Total shocker huh. /s
Just dont use the preference as an excuse to neglect your other long-term relationships.

This will be a shocker for the incels and the antiwork people in the audience. But relationships require constant work.

[Kokolums]

my sister was a hot head. would easily throw temer tantrums over nothing. i was easy-going and fun. she was jealous that everyone seemed to like me more.

[Cthulhu 2020]

There's not always going to be a "favorite" and "not favorite" or "less liked". Your relationship with each one will be different, and you'll naturally have a better relationship with one of your children, even if just slightly. Favoritism can manifest subconsciously often times as well, and kids can often pick up on that.

[Evil Midnight Bomber]

It's wrong to have a favourite child if you do it in the way Donald Trump has a favourite Child.

[jonnysensible]

as my parents favorite child (and my grandparents favorite child) i would say no. I can't help that I rule more than my siblings and cousins.

[rayvio]

is it wrong? probably
is it normal? probably
but only in the same way that it's wrong to, for example, imagine inflicting horrible violence upon people who annoy you. it's not a healthy thing to do, it's probably going to happen sometimes anyway and if you don't actually act on the idea or let the people involved know about it then you're probably fine

[BeepBoo]

It's hard for me to imagine how a parent could favor one child over another. <snip>

Sounds to me like you're talking about the action version of favoring someone versus the feel version. I think most people are talking the feel part, as OP even clearly says "as long as you never treat your children differently in terms of favoritism"