The Adventures of Sylvanas and Tim Episode 4.1: Strudel and Shiny Armor

[Lightfist]

All previous episodes!

Hello, friends! I've been REALLY busy in real life lately, and it has left little time for writing. Things are slowing down, so I'll try to get these out more regularly =) Anyway, here's part 1 of 2 of Episode 4. Feedback appreciated! I might be a bit rusty, so bear with me =P Oh, and I'll try to get a thread up with all the episodes linked so I won't have to make you go through hoops to read from episode one =)

With the defeat of the malevolent Ricardo, Quel'thalas has been an unusually quiet place. While Tim has enjoyed the time to develop stratagems and training the Rangers, Sylvanas hasn't been taking the lack of action well. Tim, being the kind elf he is, has decided to check on her.

Tim: *calling to Sylvanas from outside her home* Sylvanas? Are you in there? You're 2 hours late for patrol.

Sylvanas: *mumbled* Go away, Tim.

Tim: No. I can't get on with my day until you come out of there, and I'm sick of waiting! The auctioneer keeps winking at me and licking his lips - it's creepy.

Sylvanas: At least someone would find you attractive enough to make unwanted sexual advances on you!

Tim: What in the nether are you talking about?

Sylvanas: GO AWAY!

Impatient and uncomfortable with the Auctioneer, Tim disregards Sylvanas and enters her home. He is instantly assaulted with an onslaught of individually savory smells, blended together into a single sickeningly sweet odor. Stepping over dozens of half eaten pastries and various meats, he finally reaches Sylvanas' bedroom. Opening the door, he discovers a somewhat more...chubby Sylvanas lying in her bed, a plethora of half eaten foods around her.

Tim: Sylvanas? What...what are you doing?

Sylvanas: Oh, what? You never sit in bed in the dark eating strudel?

Tim: No. Then again, I'm sane. We have a patrol to do.

Sylvanas: No! What's the point? Nothing ever happens anymore! It's been like, forever since we did something!

Tim: It's been a week.

Sylvanas: That's, like, 2 months in crab time. 2 months, Tim!

Tim: ...right.

A load knock echoes through the house, quickly followed by the rushed breath of a courier.

Courier: Captain Tim! I bring urgent news! When you finish with this pastry-chef, your assistance is required!

Sylvanas: Pastry-chef? I'm the Ranger General! Do you know how shiny my buttons are?

The courier looks blank for a second before continuing.

Courier: Apologies, your shiny-ness...I just remember you being less...

Sylvanas: *Glaring* You call me fat and I'm going to rip your feet off and beat you with them.

Tim: Well, you wanted something to do.

Sylvanas: Damn straight! Tim! Hand me my pants!

Tim: No.

Sylvanas: Okay!

Following the courier, the pant-less Sylvanas and Tim rush outside. They are greeted by a tall human in heavy platemail, a large mace on his back and a book in his hand.

Tim: Who are you, human?

Sylvanas: *whispering* Tim! Tim! He has shiny armor! He must be REALLY important.

Human: Greetings! I am Lord Arrington, and I'm afraid I bear grave news.

Sylvanas: News on bear graves? Tim, when did we start burying bears?

Tim: No, Syvlanas, he means he has bad news.

Sylvanas: About the bear graves?

Lord Arrington: No, my Lady - though graves are involved. People have been stealing -

Sylvanas: Pants?!

Arrington: ...no, my Lady. Please let me finish talking -

Sylvanas: Talking about your daring plan track down the Pirates by befriending the local tribe of downtrodden orphans, then taunting them with insults about their impedance until they attack us, allowing a secondary team to sneak on board and steal back our pants, thus turning the pirates back to stone?

Arrington: No...

Sylvanas: *angry* THEN WHY ARE YOU WASTING MY TIME? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY STRUDELS I COULD HAVE EATEN!

Arrington looks Sylvanas over.

Arrington: Many, apparently. However, my Lady, I have good reasoning! I believe bodies are being stolen from the graves of Quel'thalas.

Sylvanas: *gasp* Bear bodies?

Tim: Sylvanas, have you ever seen a bear here?

Sylvanas: Well, no...but that's probably because they're all dead.

Tim: How would every single bear have just died?

Sylvanas: Bees.

Arrington: Lady -

Tim makes a silencing gesture to Arrington.

Tim: Yes, Sylvanas. Bear bodies. To be raised and used as mounts for the pirates.

Sylvanas slams her fist into her palm.

Sylvanas: THEY MUST BE STOPPED!

Arrington: Agreed! Here's is a map with the location of the grave with the most disappearances, and the one I want to investigate first.

Arrington hands Tim a rolled up parchment with a hastily scribbled map on it. There also appears to be a doodle of a kitty with a funny hat.

Tim: We'll meet you there later, Lord Arrington. Thank you.

Arrington: Meet me there after the sun has set - the shadowy cloak of night will grant them no sanctuary tonight!

Sylvanas *nodding* Tim, prepare the hats!

Tim: Why would we need hats?

Arrington: We must be prepared for anything, sir elf.

Sylvanas: That's my motto, Mr. Shiny Armor!

Tim: I thought your motto was something about marmalade?

Sylvanas: Oh, right...

Arrington gives a bow and then turns to make arrangements for the following night.

[Wildberry]

oh dang, my first time reading any of this, BRB READING THE REST

[Kelger]

Hell. It's about time.

[H3ll]

Finally!! <3

[Lightfist]

Yeah, yeah - sorry I took so long, guys =P

How was this one? Like I said, I'm probably a bit rusty =/

[Maki98]

Pants pirates riding dead bears, hahaha. Well done .

[MushroomBomb]

Rusty? The only rusty thing around here is the lids of the stolen coffins.

*unnecessary seal of approval*

[Oneru]

Tim: No. Then again, I'm sane.

Hahah that's brilliant. Comments like this could have been in any good British comedy (Blackadder etc). Love it.

Don't see the rusty part. Seems to me like you found the right inspiration again mate.
Better take your time and make it good then losing quality while posting every week. Think George R.R. Martin ;-D!

Keep em coming though!

[Deleted]

I'm unsure why this is in Cataclysm General Discussion...

[Lightfist]

I'm unsure why this is in Cataclysm General Discussion...

Because I want it to continue up until current time in Cataclysm (at least)...and I'd have to separate them otherwise.

Hahah that's brilliant. Comments like this could have been in any good British comedy (Blackadder etc). Love it.

Don't see the rusty part. Seems to me like you found the right inspiration again mate.
Better take your time and make it good then losing quality while posting every week. Think George R.R. Martin ;-D!

Keep em coming though!

I shall keep them coming! Hopefully, on a more regular basis =)

Rusty? The only rusty thing around here is the lids of the stolen coffins.

*unnecessary seal of approval*

Thank you for the seal, my good sir! Though, for future reference, I prefer ACTUAL seals. Baby ones. Delicious, delicious baby seals...I mean, uhh...*smoke bomb*

Pants pirates riding dead bears, hahaha. Well done .

They must be stopped!

[Arrowstormen]

is Sylvanas now so emo that she is eating herself fat? poor her!

[Lightfist]

is Sylvanas now so emo that she is eating herself fat? poor her!

Not emo. Bored. Very, very bored.

[gunner_recall]

Needs moar gunner :>

[Arrowstormen]

Not emo. Bored. Very, very bored.

i hope she gets thin soon
also, love it, but how do she know about the Crab's time? seems odd, since, there is no crabs in Quel'Thalas as far as i know.

[Taurous]

i hope she gets thin soon
also, love it, but how do she know about the Crab's time? seems odd, since, there is no crabs in Quel'Thalas as far as i know.

She's Sylvannas

[Lightfist]

i hope she gets thin soon
also, love it, but how do she know about the Crab's time? seems odd, since, there is no crabs in Quel'Thalas as far as i know.

She's Sylvannas

This man speaks the truth.

Needs moar gunner :>

Want to gueststar? =P

[Supercrunchy]

Good job as always Lightfist, and it seems you got yourself more ninja smoke gernades since last time

[gunner_recall]

Want to gueststar? =P

Of course. I have a very fragile ego and it must be appeased.

[Lightfist]

Good job as always Lightfist, and it seems you got yourself more ninja smoke gernades since last time

They're pretty expensive on the Auction House, but worth it!

Of course. I have a very fragile ego and it must be appeased.

*nods* Very well - what race would you like your avatar to be? =P

[gunner_recall]

*nods* Very well - what race would you like your avatar to be? =P

Undead, of course :3