Insecure people

[Deleted]

^ Why should someone fake their insecurity?

She did more then just talk about sex... That aside

she claims she covers herself in lies that she wants to be friends.

She sometimes asked me out of the blue " Why are you so lovely to me? " " Why are you so understanding? " and she throws with stuff around like " you're the first person that's nice to me " and " I wish you could lay next to me now " ...

I know she wants to meet me, but this block called insecurity is in my way...

Based on these..
Do I get lot of hate if I say that those are not insecurities and you're naïve to think so? Shes attention seeking. Theres difference there.
I'm sorry, she wants attention from you. Shes not insecure. Worst thing you can do is to give her too much attention..because that way she gets what shes looking from you and you'll be in friendzone forever. Be hard to get and mysterious, dont play your cards right at start.
Also complimenting thro MSN doesnt feel like anything. You have to say those face to face.

[Sverige]

You know she's worth in 1,5 months? :/

[Deleted]

I never got my hopes up to high, it can only come out to be disappointment. I haven't been on MSN today and I won't for the rest of the week. Will be fun to see her crawl for me again. Just kicking the ball in her court and she can do with it whatever she wants. I would not be bothered if she and I wouldn't have a relationship.

You know she's worth in 1,5 months? :/

I think that's even longer then the " love at first sight " - shit that I get thrown around in my face from friends...

[Skippy88]

I would be curious to see what happens if you showed up on her doorstep and see how she reacts to that. Sometimes in order to learn how to swim you need to be pushed into the water.

[Deleted]

I would be curious to see what happens if you showed up on her doorstep and see how she reacts to that. Sometimes in order to learn how to swim you need to be pushed into the water.

Uhh nope.

That would seem creepy, stalker-ish, etc. It is never a good thing.

[Deleted]

Uhh nope.

That would seem creepy, stalker-ish, etc. It is never a good thing.

This...

She told me her working days + hours, then she joked about me coming over... but then in the end she decided she didn't want me to see her in her working clothes. If she would still liked me to come I would be there... but she refused

[Myrrar]

We actually did cam... and she hasn't had a relationship before and feels nothing for anyone at this moment. When she get's... horny she loses all her insecurity and afterwards she feels ashamed what she did...

This isn't trying to insult her, but is she overweight? Seeing someone over cam and seeing them face to face is very different, and if she is she may feel self conscious about it. If she is, you just need to keep reassuring her you think she's attractive and you don't care about her weight(which if she is you obviously don't).

Maybe she's lying about her job, or ashamed of where she lives. Can be 100 things, but if you really like her keep reminding her you don't care.

I'm not sure why so many men in this thread think women would fake insecurity to this extent. If she was faking for attention, it wouldn't prevent her from seeing him face to face. You don't beg for compliments then blow the guy off when he's interested.

[Sverige]

@Myrrar - Are you a male or female?

[Deleted]

This isn't trying to insult her, but is she overweight? Seeing someone over cam and seeing them face to face is very different, and if she is she may feel self conscious about it. If she is, you just need to keep reassuring her you think she's attractive and you don't care about her weight(which if she is you obviously don't).

Maybe she's lying about her job, or ashamed of where she lives. Can be 100 things, but if you really like her keep reminding her you don't care.

I'm not sure why so many men in this thread think women would fake insecurity to this extent. If she was faking for attention, it wouldn't prevent her from seeing him face to face. You don't beg for compliments then blow the guy off when he's interested.

You hit the nail on the head, she actually is overweight and she is not happy about that. A few weeks back she kept asking questions about a "friend" who wanted to know how I thought about things. The "friend" asked things about overweight and actually about her body. I said I liked it all and the "friend" shouldn't worry about finding a lovely boyfriend. She usually blushes when I tell her she is really cute and last time we spoke she put on kitty-ears just for me.

I tell her so many times she is pretty, because she is. I like woman with a lovely face and she knows I love her eyes. Sometimes she does go over the top ( out of nothing ) like asking me about experiences in sex and she asked me if she could ... preform oral on me. I said " you want an honest answer? " and she said yes. I told her I wouldn't mind and she was ... shocked...

She gives clear signals that she wants me, she let's me bite the bait but she doesn't really reel me in...

I cannot really understand what you mean with " self conscious " as my dictionary doesn't have that word... dutch ftl

[sadface]

I'm currently chatting with this beautiful woman, and before I even go talk about her, I do not respect posts that say " leave her, blabla " or " lol she doesn't like you blabla " because to be honest those trolls can go die in a fire. I am looking for a good discussion about reaching out to someone you love/like and take away their insecurity.

The first time I met her we had a 6 hour conversation and the next day we didn't want to rush into things so we both kept quiet on MSN. A few days later I just started talking and we had the same hour of conversation again. She asked if she wanted to cam with me so I said yes and now this has been going on for a month.

She sometimes talks about sex with me, but we can also have very normal conversations about things in life. She is very open and honest to me, but for some reason she doesn't feel "worthy" to be asked out on a date. She loves to go on a date with me, she said I am everything she ever wanted in a man, but she is affraid that I don't like her.

She isn't "standard hot" ( read that as slim, tall etc ) but she is perfect enough for me. I just wonder how I can get this insecurity out of her and guide her. I personally think it's worth it to try and get that insecurity out so she can be herself around me, then we can advance. I don't care how long it takes... she is worth it

You're a complete mongolian retarded organism and i bet £100 she is exactly the same

How can you be all she ever dreamed of from a chat room and webcam lol you farting shiting stinking mass of retarded uninformed neurons

All you gotta do is meet up ask her for sex and bam bam 2-3 kids you're set for life.. just do it and don't be a gay boy

You know you masterbate over her everynight you turd

[Myrrar]

@Myrrar - Are you a male or female?

I feel like this is a trap =[
Female

I cannot really understand what you mean with " self conscious " as my dictionary doesn't have that word... dutch ftl

She worries about it a lot.


Honestly, it's probably that then. You may need to be blunt with her and just tell her you don't care about her weight and ask her if that's why she doesn't want to meet you. All women worry about their weight to some extent. I have a fast metabolism and am naturally thin and I nitpick about it. I can imagine it's really awful for her to think that maybe you'll meet her face to face and not like her anymore due to her body.

Intense insecurities lead to bad relationships though. If you explain to her you don't care and she still pushes you away, you may just want to move on.

[Sverige]

I feel like this is a trap =[

Female

It's not a trap. I just wanted to know because I've seen that happening to some friends quite a few times...

Girls that are... how can I say this... attention whores.
Honestly, I've no clue why they'd do this, maybe they feel ''powerful'' by doing so?

I can tell you, it does happen. (One of the girls even laughed at my friend and told him after that she did it on purpose, just to see if he'd compliment her, care for her, etc).

[Deleted]

It's not a trap. I just wanted to know because I've seen that happening to some friends quite a few times...

Girls that are... how can I say this... attention whores.
Honestly, I've no clue why they'd do this, maybe they feel ''powerful'' by doing so?

I can tell you, it does happen. (One of the girls even laughed at my friend and told him after that she did it on purpose, just to see if he'd compliment her, care for her, etc).

If there would be a man that was able to write a book about how woman work, they would get a Nobel Prize each year for 50 years in a row...

[Deleted]

I'm not sure why so many men in this thread think women would fake insecurity to this extent. If she was faking for attention, it wouldn't prevent her from seeing him face to face. You don't beg for compliments then blow the guy off when he's interested.

Maybe I am wrong but for that does make sense to me. When one's attention whoring, I doubt she wants anything to do with her victim beyond a certain point. Moving this relation from an internet/webcam stage to a RL stage is a big leap in levels. Maybe she enjoys the compliments and attention but since she does not want to do anything with him beyond that, she'd feel uncomfortable if he took things to "the next level".

Once again, I am not saying that is the case, I am just saying it makes sense to me.

[Geary]

Call me what you will, but I think people need to work through their material insecurities prior to getting into romantic relationships. And by "material" insecurities, I mean ones that regularly and materially affect (really, impair) interpersonal relationships, as opposed to immaterial ones, that don't lead to material impairment.

Source: Personal experience, and friends' experiences.

[skrump]

It is simple have someone you both know lead her to this thread so she can read the first post.
Or you could do something completely off the wall like oh I dunno tell her you really like her and that she is worth more to you than what she realizes.

---------- Post added 2012-07-09 at 10:36 AM ----------

Call me what you will, but I think people need to work through their material insecurities prior to getting into romantic relationships. And by "material" insecurities, I mean ones that regularly and materially affect (really, impair) interpersonal relationships, as opposed to immaterial ones, that don't lead to material impairment.

Source: Personal experience, and friends' experiences.

your sort of right but when it comes to your own self image and insecurities relationships tend to be the best way for one to realize that they might be giving themselves to little credit.

Honestly people need to realize how they see themselves is not how the rest of the world see's them

[Geary]

Intense insecurities lead to bad relationships though.

Glad to see someone agrees! People don't have to be perfect, but you want them to be at least in the healthy range on the self-esteem spectrum.

Or as Dr. Phil would say: "Nayow yeeeeew neeeed to work on looooving yeeeew, beeefooore yeeeeew cayan be in a position to treewly love an-nuther."

[Myrrar]

Maybe I am wrong but for that does make sense to me. When one's attention whoring, I doubt she wants anything to do with her victim beyond a certain point. Moving this relation from an internet/webcam stage to a RL stage is a big leap in levels. Maybe she enjoys the compliments and attention but since she does not want to do anything with him beyond that, she'd feel uncomfortable if he took things to "the next level".

Once again, I am not saying that is the case, I am just saying it makes sense to me.

That's true. I guess it makes sense that they just want instant gratification then nothing more, lol.

[frogger237]

If you know her address, don't talk to her on msn for a couple days then send her flowers and apologize cause you couldn't be on and you missed talking to her.

If you don't know her address just keep your relationship the way it is for now and eventually try to get it to send her something just something to show you actually listen to her(like a stuffed toy monkey if that's her fav animal), If you can't wait a couple months to drill her IRL then you probably got some issues as well and its probably best for you to stop talking to her or go to a therapist instead of trying to force yourself onto her.

If you can wait, tell her you want to prove how much you like her and want to meet her a like a week or month from now at a mall or something and your gonna be there no matter what even if she doesn't show up, If she really is insecure she might show up and try to see if you are there but hide from you, If you see her go over and talk to her or just wait till you get back home and she will see that you really do like her, by waiting for a couple hrs at the mall for her. If she isn't:1. she is just toying with you then she will have a good laugh at your expense and you can move on. or 2. She will show up and meet with you.

Also, she may already be in a relationship IRL and is just having fun with you.

[Deleted]

If you know her address, don't talk to her on msn for a couple days then send her flowers and apologize cause you couldn't be on and you missed talking to her.

If you don't know her address just keep your relationship the way it is for now and eventually try to get it to send her something just something to show you actually listen to her(like a stuffed toy monkey if that's her fav animal), If you can't wait a couple months to drill her IRL then you probably got some issues as well and its probably best for you to stop talking to her or go to a therapist instead of trying to force yourself onto her.

If you can wait, tell her you want to prove how much you like her and want to meet her a like a week or month from now at a mall or something and your gonna be there no matter what even if she doesn't show up, If she really is insecure she might show up and try to see if you are there but hide from you, If you see her go over and talk to her or just wait till you get back home and she will see that you really do like her, by waiting for a couple hrs at the mall for her. If she isn't:1. she is just toying with you then she will have a good laugh at your expense and you can move on. or 2. She will show up and meet with you.

Also, she may already be in a relationship IRL and is just having fun with you.

I was thinking about sending her something, but the only thing I know is where she works...