Should men & women live together?

[Jayburner]

Everyone I know who lives/lived together is miserable. Wouldn't it be a good idea if couples had their own separate homes and visit each other when it's convenient for either party?

I have no personal experience with this myself but after seeing and listening to friends and family I have to start to wonder if living apart would be the best for their relationships.

What do you guys think?

[Gheld]

There's actually some couples that have done this, even married ones, with varying degrees of success.

EDIT: I think if two people really want to be together, then they should do whatever they believe will work best.

[Kasierith]

No, that would not be better.. and I see absolutely no base for such a route in the vast, vast majority of cases. The cases where it would be a better option are pretty conditional.

[Deleted]

Everyone I know who lives/lived together is miserable. Wouldn't it be a good idea if couples had their own separate homes and visit each other when it's convenient for either party?

I have no personal experience with this myself but after seeing and listening to friends and family I have to start to wonder if living apart would be the best for their relationships.

What do you guys think?

Well, I won't speak for anyone else but I've had 2 relationships reach the stage where we've been living together and both have ended terribly. Obviously, all my previous relationships have ended but these 2 worse than the others. I can't really say that moving in together was the trigger for our eventual breaking-up but I'm very wary about doing it again!

[Deleted]

If you are miserable with someone why dafuq would you want to be with that person..?

[Jayburner]

Okay, maybe this would be only a good idea for older people in their 30's and up.

[Gheld]

If you move in together, you are automatically common-law in the eyes of the law for at least 6 months after the time the relationship was last consummated. So you really shouldn't move in together until you are damn sure things have a decent chance of success, otherwise married or not you might find yourself being taken for alimony.

EDIT:

If you are miserable with someone why dafuq would you want to be with that person..?

Because misery loves company. Short of finding Nirvana you will hit miserable snags in your life, and the only way you could possibly hope to be with somebody forever is if you can enjoy misery by their side. Most people aren't ready to accept this fact and that's why most people end up divorced once those butterflies land.

[Deleted]

If it ends miserable, that means you were not meant to be together anyways (if we throw away all feelings).
From personal experience, living together is such a nice thing. Everyday you struggle to do something nice... And you get a month work trip away from home, to even more understand how you want to get back

I'd say with the right person, you can live together and have the best time of your life. If you can not live together, you won't be good apart as well. That is also from personal experience

[Deleted]

I think we want to have some sort of partner, most of us at least. Personally, I wouldn't want to live alone and just see my partner when ever we both have time. It's worse then separate bedrooms, but it's pretty much the same thing. I'd like to push him out of the bed or steal a pillow in the middle of the night, because that's how our love works. Life would be boring if we didn't see each other as much as we do now.

I don't think this is for everyone and I don't think that relationships are for everyone either. It might sound weird but I want to believe in this: "when there's a will, there's a way or let's get divorced" ... People just don't seem to be able to work things out anymore. Another part is that some people just don't want to tell their partner what they want, they settle for something and further down they start regretting it and they want out of the relationship.

On the record, I've been living with someone for the last 8 years (26 damn years old). It's hard and annoying sometimes, for sure, but it's also worth fighting for.

[ledger]

I've lived with my girlfriend for 10 months now. Nothing terrible has happened yet.

When a couple decides to move in together, you'll quickly notice how dependable they were on their parents or their previous roommates.
You might not share same traits, like you might be tidy while your partner might be really messy. Thus this will end up in long fights.
You could throw in many more traits that might differ from person to person, which again might end up in yet another endless fight.
That's the problem with many people when they decided to move in together. It's all love and rainbows, cause they've been living off their parents and not off themselves.

[Kickbuttmario]

Because misery loves company. Short of finding Nirvana you will hit miserable snags in your life, and the only way you could possibly hope to be with somebody forever is if you can enjoy misery by their side. Most people aren't ready to accept this fact and that's why most people end up divorced once those butterflies land.

What do you mean by when you use misery? Are you merely stating that couples search for this crap because they are miserable themselves and they want change immediately? Is that what you mean?

From what I learned from sociology, most couples end because a) endorphin rush ends after the 4 years (why divorce rates are mostly of couples who were 4 years together) b) they were selfish. they search for this so called love because they believed they would get a large benefit from doing so, when it should've been the other way around, as in, you are the one who benefits them. Not sure if that explanation works but I'll go with it .

[Dyra]

If we all had to live seperately this would put an immense amount of stress on an already strained housing situation. There's just not enough housing available.

For my part. If they were miserable together, it really wasn't meant to be. I've lived with my bf since the age of 18 and we're still going strong 8 years later down the line.

[Darsithis]

Depends on the couple. I don't like living apart. Some people do. It works out well for them.

[Deleted]

I wouldn't be able to trust a person not willing to share the full package. Referring to a serious and long term relationship of course.

[Aurora]

If you don't click with someone to the extent where you can't live with them you're probably just shielding yourself from the reality of an incompatible match by living separately. Ignorance is bliss and it'd work I'm sure but the ideal scenario is finding someone you're compatible with and can live with.

[Notos]

Well if things are getting serious in a relationship (marriage plans and whatnot) then I would say moving in is a good idea. You should first find out if you can stand living with someone before you marry them.

[Jayburner]

I'm an older person who has seen his share of relationships fail. You know the old adage "7 year itch" what really happens is the "20 year ditch" Why is that?

[Spectral]

I'm an older person who has seen his share of relationships fail. You know the old adage "7 year itch" what really happens is the "20 year ditch" Why is that?

I wouldn't call being with someone for 20 years "failure", unless it was an unhappy 20 years.

[Jayburner]

I wouldn't call being with someone for 20 years "failure", unless it was an unhappy 20 years.

but it still ends in divorce and visiting rights and etc etc.

[Issalice]

My boyfriend moved in with me exactly a month, to the day, after we first met. He moved in because he couldn't afford the amount of rent his friend was charging him for a small bedroom in his friends house, which amounted to my entire rent. We had an amazing connection and it was getting silly having to commute to see one another (he lived about 45 minutes away, I had no car at the time because I was living in a small college neighborhood where everything was walking distance).

We have been living together since, 4 years. I think it depends on the couple though. Most people would never move in together so quickly, but I can't imagine not living with him.