Trouble holding up conversations

[Holyhands]

If there is one thing in my life that I am a total failure at it is conversation. I'm not sure how to actually keep up conversations for too long, what to say next, or how to bring in a different topic without making it seem random.

For example, if someone is talking about video game or movies, I can converse for perhaps 15-20 minutes while trying to keep open ended questions. But once that topic dies, I don't know what to say next. A lot of the stuff I read books about, politics, and religion, don't make good topics to talk about as well.

Does anyone have any tips?

[Deleted]

If there is one thing in my life that I am a total failure at it is conversation. I'm not sure how to actually keep up conversations for too long, what to say next, or how to bring in a different topic without making it seem random.

For example, if someone is talking about video game or movies, I can converse for perhaps 15-20 minutes while trying to keep open ended questions. But once that topic dies, I don't know what to say next. A lot of the stuff I read books about, politics, and religion, don't make good topics to talk about as well.

Does anyone have any tips?

do you also sometimes say inappropriate things you didnt realize were inappropriate until someone tells you afterwards ?

[Deleted]

do you also sometimes say inappropriate things you didnt realize were inappropriate until someone tells you afterwards ?

That's like me, I'll get all excited at a topic I love and say something totally inappropriate and hear a gasp from people around me. I don't know what to do.

[Blueobelisk]

Where are you that you're talking to people for a over 20 minutes lol? Context is important.

[openair]

A lot of the stuff I read books about, politics, and religion, don't make good topics to talk about as well.

Does anyone have any tips?

I thought i had a similar issue with conversations for a long time. Then i realised i just needed to meet people who were interested in similar things i was. That i needed to meet people who were interested in talking about more than some tv, movie, star gossip, or other nonsense. Your topics are perfectly acceptable topics (with the right people).

[Deleted]

That's like me, I'll get all excited at a topic I love and say something totally inappropriate and hear a gasp from people around me. I don't know what to do.

Go get checked for Aspergers

[Holyhands]

do you also sometimes say inappropriate things you didnt realize were inappropriate until someone tells you afterwards ?

Inappropiate? No. Stupid? Occasionally.

[Grummgug]

The overwhelming majority of people keep conversations going by gossiping about other people. Its evil and nasty but thats what happens. Its also used as a social glue for those not getting "othered". people use gossip to establish a pecking order first to determine who is cool. Other topics can be about how drunk or high you got last weekend, what concert you are going to, etc.

Think valley girls. Valley girls are about social status, personal appearance, and shopping instead of intellectual development or personal accomplishment.

Id recommend staying away from most of those losers and finding a nice girl who enjoys talking about things you like.

[Deleted]

A lot of the stuff I read books about, politics, and religion, don't make good topics to talk about as well.

Does anyone have any tips?

If you can't make any good conversations about the stuff that you are interested in, maybe it's because of the people you are talking to? I get along very well with people and i usually have a lot to talk about, but sometimes i do meet people that i have absolutely nothing in common so i don't even try. I won't be keeping up the conversation too long just to be polite, i would get bored too easily

[Biske]

I just keep bringing up random shit. It's not the "correct" way cuz people say I'm random and weird all the time, but at least it gets people talking. The only thing I can go on and on about are animals, including dinosaurs for some reason. But that topic doesn't come up often.

[Holyhands]

Where are you that you're talking to people for a over 20 minutes lol? Context is important.

When I am hanging out with friends. Usually, I'm just standing there not sure what to say.

---------- Post added 2013-01-24 at 11:09 PM ----------

I just keep bringing up random shit. It's not the "correct" way cuz people say I'm random and weird all the time, but at least it gets people talking. The only thing I can go on and on about are animals, including dinosaurs for some reason. But that topic doesn't come up often.

How are you able to keep up with such a small thing, like dinosaurs, for such a long time? I might say something like " T-rexs are cool" and there goes my ability to talk about dinosaurs.

[Deleted]

Aristotle's Rhetoric might help you.

[Deleted]

The overwhelming majority of people keep conversations going by gossiping about other people. Its evil and nasty but thats what happens. Its also used as a social glue for those not getting "othered". people use gossip to establish a pecking order first to determine who is cool. Other topics can be about how drunk or high you got last weekend, what concert you are going to, etc.

Think valley girls. Valley girls are about social status, personal appearance, and shopping instead of intellectual development or personal accomplishment.

Id recommend staying away from most of those losers and finding a nice girl who enjoys talking about things you like.

Yeah that is one thing I hate...the women/girls I see everyday are all talking utter bollocks and I have nothing in common with those people. I don't want to gossip and talk behind others' backs. I hate that.

[openair]

Yeah that is one thing I hate...the women/girls I see everyday are all talking utter bollocks and I have nothing in common with those people. I don't want to gossip and talk behind others' backs. I hate that.

I hate that too. But dont worry. In my experience, you're better off staying as far from thoes kind of people as possible.

[caractacus]

My suggestion would be try to learn to be argumentative but in a positive way. Life would be pretty boring if we all agreed on everything. Even if I agree with someone I like to play devils advocate. The art is trying not to make it into a personal war. I do have a lot of trouble when I meet new people as it takes me a while to gauge how far I can prod them without them taking offence. Also it can be very annoying to people I know well as I can some times get carried away.

[Deleted]

How are you able to keep up with such a small thing, like dinosaurs, for such a long time? I might say something like " T-rexs are cool" and there goes my ability to talk about dinosaurs.

That "able to keep up" is kind of a problem too, i think. I might be wrong, but you seem to approach this like it's a kind of a work that has to be done. Conversation should go on it's own course, naturally. If i would start talking about those dinosaurs with my friends for example, subject would probably change at some point to maybe the extinction of the dinosaurs, then to meteors in general, then to space, then to black holes, then someone would make a sexist joke related to black holes, then we would talk about boobs for a while, then about women in general, then someone would complain about something that their wife did...you get the picture

[Deleted]

I hate that too. But dont worry. In my experience, you're better off staying as far from thoes kind of people as possible.

Yeah, it's like that with my family too...instead of talking about good things to do with the environment, latest technology, animals, even the frickin cosmos.... they start shit about who did what to who and who should be ashamed of themselves and who is a bad muslim and who is good in their eyes (totally hypocrisy is evident but I don't say anything)...I mean move the fuck on, it's 2013 and we aren't gonna live on this Earth forever. It's truly bizarre what these people are interested in.

[Reg]

How are you able to keep up with such a small thing, like dinosaurs, for such a long time? I might say something like " T-rexs are cool" and there goes my ability to talk about dinosaurs.

T-rexs ARE cool!

[Luuth]

What I usually do is go stand at a bus stop and then just start talking really loudly to myself about interesting things like nuclear war or aliens in the hopes that eventually someone else will join in the conversation.

[Grummgug]

Actually, studies show that men are far worse gossips than women. Sociologists say the way it works is men use gossip to establish a pecking order in the social group. Women sit back and wait for the pecking order to get established, then they chase those at the top of the order.