Swinging and swapping partners

[FusedMass]

I have done this before. I wouldn't sincerely call it cheating. When a person dates someone. You ask that same person do you think that guy or girl is good looking. They kindly respond with "I have a boyfriend" that does not mean you are dead. People deny how attractive other people are while their dating someone then when they break up.

They start the cycle again with a new person. What if we were just honest. I'd said you could sleep with that guy or girl since it's just sex and not emotional as long as you came back to me every night. The person adds spice to their sex life given they are both trusting and secure. But wait some might say. "Isn't this cheating" I look at is if you were not dating your partner would most likely do if single.

Why not enhance their pleasure giving them the option to do it while dating you. It it enhances their pleasure and afterwards they come back to you. Then who exactly is losing out. People bitch and moan about their personal relationships sometimes because they become bored with same sexual positions and situations. This is just another way of enticing a love life.

Granted not for every relationship depends on personality etc. But a person who is less jealous and controlling in a relationship lasts longer then an abusive boyfriend/girlfriend creating stress mentally. Just my two cents.

[Deleted]

While I can't recall the data, I do believe divorce rates among swinging couples was lower than that of monogamous ones, either way with a divorce rate and the chance of relationship failure of ANY kind regardless of sexual promiscuity, the gap is wide enough that one can't specify which is superior.

---------- Post added 2013-01-30 at 11:14 PM ----------

I have done this before. I wouldn't sincerely call it cheating. When a person dates someone. You ask that same person do you think that guy or girl is good looking. They kindly respond with "I have a boyfriend" that does not mean you are dead. People deny how attractive other people are while their dating someone then when they break up.

They start the cycle again with a new person. What if we were just honest. I'd said you could sleep with that guy or girl since it's just sex and not emotional as long as you came back to me every night. The person adds spice to their sex life given they are both trusting and secure. But wait some might say. "Isn't this cheating" I look at is if you were not dating your partner would most likely do if single.

Why not enhance their pleasure giving them the option to do it while dating you. It it enhances their pleasure and afterwards they come back to you. Then who exactly is losing out. People bitch and moan about their personal relationships sometimes because they become bored with same sexual positions and situations. This is just another way of enticing a love life.

Granted not for every relationship depends on personality etc. But a person who is less jealous and controlling in a relationship lasts longer then an abusive boyfriend/girlfriend creating stress mentally. Just my two cents.

You're right in some aspects, however sometimes sleeping with other people is not desirable to them in the first place.

[ddsad2212]

Alot of people seem fairly narrow minded on this thread. Some people are just ok with things like this, personally I see no problems with it. They both agree'd to it, they both enjoy it and they are both comfortable with it. Now if that was not the case, there would be alot of problems in the relationship, but as long as it is the case, I cannot see how it would hurt the relationship.

Ofc there will be relationships like this that may break down due to jealousy etc, but as long as you can keep it why this is happening straight in your head ie for a bit of fun, rather then because you are not satisfied with your current spouse, then I don't see how problems could occur.

[Megadeth]

It's a very fucked up world out there. I try not to think about it, focusing on my life.

[aztr0]

Whatever floats their boat.

[FusedMass]

While I can't recall the data, I do believe divorce rates among swinging couples was lower than that of monogamous ones, either way with a divorce rate and the chance of relationship failure of ANY kind regardless of sexual promiscuity, the gap is wide enough that one can't specify which is superior.

---------- Post added 2013-01-30 at 11:14 PM ----------



You're right in some aspects, however sometimes sleeping with other people is not desirable to them in the first place.

No one is forcing one person to sleep with another. It's not as if you are putting a gun to you're boyfriend or girlfriend's head. It work's like this you both find people perhaps a couple that you both find mutually attractive. Now this couple is in love, maybe even married whom are very serious about dating. However you or your partner has a desire to sleep with one of the people.

Purely sexual. It has to have both people into it. You have to accept that your boyfriend or girlfriend is getting pleasure from someone else not from you. (Mind you they likely slept with several, several people before you anyways) all your doing is bringing that inner desire to light and giving them the option to do something. Granted the more jealous and controlling people personality would never do it.

Just explaining. Doing it doesn't right away mean you are cheating if the partner agree's to it who know's they might even like it. Who is it really hurting.

[oblivionx]

It's a great way to expose yourself to lots of STD's.

I mean did you really want herpes that bad?

[Badpaladin]

It's a great way to expose yourself to lots of STD's.

So is having sex, period. Your point is?

[FusedMass]

It's a great way to expose yourself to lots of STD's.

I mean did you really want herpes that bad?

A man on average has sex with dozens of women. Each women they date they pretend that it's new and unique when it's just another partner. They pretend to be in love. Give each other cute nick names. The exact same thing their boyfriend's or girlfriend's have done to past partners. It's not new. My point is just because you're doing it is not like you're having sex with an escort.

People can do it ahead of time to prove they are clean etc. It's not about Only Rich People Do it it's about wanting to explore other sexual things rather then the same old same old which is why some people get so bored so quickly in relationships. Sometimes it's just sexual and not emotional.

[Austilias]

People can do what they please but in any instance i've ever been told of a relationship wherein there's more than two partners, at least one partner involved tends to experience jealousy.

All sounds as if cuckolding is the new 'in' thing anyway, so i'd pass.

[oblivionx]

So is having sex, period. Your point is?

The obvious point is mixing your having sex in with people that have it with lots of different partners is riskier.

[Luko]

I've not done it. I don't hold anything against those who do. More power to them.

[Badpaladin]

The obvious point is mixing your having sex in with people that have it with lots of different partners is riskier.

And? Someone not in a serious relationship who has multiple partners over the course of a year will be more "at risk" than someone in a monogamous relationship. What kind of bearing should that have on the act(s) of having sex with more than one person over a period of time? I'm asking for your reason behind these posts, not why you're posting something just to offer a negative view on the subject.

[Deleted]

It's a great way to expose yourself to lots of STD's.

I mean did you really want herpes that bad?

Heard of protection? And do you even know in what conditions herpes is contracted?

[Bakis]

Props to them, the more the marrier if it turns them on. Why should anyone mind it.

---------- Post added 2013-01-31 at 12:34 AM ----------

The obvious point is mixing your having sex in with people that have it with lots of different partners is riskier.

Dont know what school you possibly went to but it seems they did not bring up protection in their sexual education.

[Argroth]

Honestly sounds gross to me.

It's not for me, even if the other half agreed to it, it is still cheating in my eyes.

Not exaggerating. Reading that made my stomach churn.

If sleeping around was so important, why would you get married in the first place?

This completely separates marriage, love, and physical union. On the surface, people may view this as harmless sex, but you can't break down a marriage into individual components without causing (great) damage.

All of this.

It IS gross. It IS cheating. Why do these people even bother getting married if they just sleep around?

It's always a funny joke when I hear people say it makes a relationship stronger, probably because the relationship was a farce/joke in the first place if they need to sleep with other people.

---------- Post added 2013-01-30 at 11:44 PM ----------

Granted not for every relationship depends on personality etc. But a person who is less jealous and controlling in a relationship lasts longer then an abusive boyfriend/girlfriend creating stress mentally. Just my two cents.

Nice little snide/equally judgmental as everyone else remark at the end there. As if people in a monogamous relationships are controlling and jelous, y'know just not normal...lol. Or just maybe people are truely happy with people who they are with and don't feel the need to sleep around. Maybe people can handle their libido and do just fine and great without being the town bicycle?

The last remark of your whole spiel just seems very condescending as if someone like you has reached some new plateau of maturity by sleeping around and letting your partner do the same.

[Slummish]

So, I guess I'm in the minority here... as I usually am around these parts, but I'll add my perspective anywho.

I am gay. I am 37 years old. My partner is 45. We have been living together for 10 years. We are what you might consider swingers in that we occasionally meet up with other gay couples for the obligatory dinner and drinks and then see where it goes. Honestly, the OP is somewhat correct in his assertion that swingers are fat, middle-aged people that are lucky to be having sex with anyone...

Of the dozen or so couples we've met with the intent of "swinging," things have only panned out three times. As you're likely aware, gay men are pretty shallow when it comes to physical attraction. The two of us are not necessarily vain, but we have the financial freedom to spend lots of time with personal trainers, have our healthier meals cooked for us, have nips and tucks and injections and hair removal and anything you can purchase to make yourself more attractive. As such, our standard for potential sexual partners is a bit on the high end.

Swinging is about trust and a total lack of jealous inclination. We have had long discussions between the two of us to hammer out what is and is not acceptable. Neither of us are particularly jealous people... mainly because we were both slutty whores for the bulk of our 20s and made the conscious decision to partner up for life after having been fortunate enough to survive our youths without disease, overdose or death.

Don't get me wrong, our sex life is great when it's just the two of us. We still make love every morning and every night almost every day even after 10 years, but there's simply something about the male psyche that requires a bit of newness and lust on occasion. Swinging provides this outlet for us and when it's done, we have a rule: we never fuck the same people twice. It keeps things from getting weird or out of control. Sex is just sex. For men, love always involves sex, but sex doesn't always involve love.

Swinging doesn't always work out because most other couples are pretty gross and desperate. Those dinner dates don't last long. Our standard rule is to have one of our PAs call one of us 45 minutes into the "date" and page us away to my fake sister-in-law that's going into labor. Unless, however, the date looks promising and then we pretend the call was a wrong number.

In any event, we never go to anyone's home... Mainly because we don't want hook-ups to know where we live and because we don't want to end up in someone else's gross, cramped apartment that smells like cigarettes, reefer, lube and mildew. We book a regular room at a certain niche hotel and everyone goes back to our room where all the sex occurs in one room in full view of everyone else.

Hope this sheds some light on how modern swinging is and should be.

[Sam the Wiser]

Power to them OP. Personally I probably couldn't do it.

[Ihnasir]

I knew some swingers... they wanted my gf and I to come see them and have some "fun", although I think they were after an orgy (or just my gf). They were an odd bunch.

[Deleted]

No one is forcing one person to sleep with another. It's not as if you are putting a gun to you're boyfriend or girlfriend's head. It work's like this you both find people perhaps a couple that you both find mutually attractive. Now this couple is in love, maybe even married whom are very serious about dating. However you or your partner has a desire to sleep with one of the people.

Purely sexual. It has to have both people into it. You have to accept that your boyfriend or girlfriend is getting pleasure from someone else not from you. (Mind you they likely slept with several, several people before you anyways) all your doing is bringing that inner desire to light and giving them the option to do something. Granted the more jealous and controlling people personality would never do it.

Just explaining. Doing it doesn't right away mean you are cheating if the partner agree's to it who know's they might even like it. Who is it really hurting.

You act as though enjoying an emotional connection to sex makes them somehow inferior to those who don't want that aspect. "The more jealous and controlling people personality would never do it." isn't really true, there's no better or worse way to have a relationship.