Need advice on how to not screw up a friendship

[Bearfur]

Little bit about me: I'm male, single and never had an actual serious relationship with a girl. I don't really have any friends who are living close by either so I've been pretty much alone for quite some time now since I have moved.

Anyway, I met this girl online, known her for a few weeks now. We chat a lot online, talk on skype, on the phone, and we text each other a lot. We are having a good time and a lot of fun. I definitely like her (as a friend) and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way. So it's all good, right? Well, not really. I'm the type of person that definitely likes the attention and I also want to give someone a lot of my attention. Problem is, I think about her a lot (too much in my opinion), thinking as in caring as a friend, nothing sexual, mainly because I'm happy that there's someone I really get along with very well. So sometimes I tend to do or say too much. I just want to be nice, let the other person know that I care about them, be there for them, etc. But I have been in that situation before and it didn't end well. I became too much of a hassle for the other person because it always seemed I wanted too much, even though I was just looking for a good friendship and a chance to get to know the person better.

So now I'm not sure how to handle this. I am going to be in her area some time soon, which she knows. What she doesn't know is that I would be travelling there just for fun (hobby of mine) and that I can pretty much go whenever I want. She mentioned on multiple occasions how she would totally come visit me in the town I'm staying. So it seems she's definitely not against meeting me, which is good. However, I don't want to push it. I kind of want it to be on her terms since I don't want to be too pushy. But I'm also almost dying here wanting to get to know her and spending some time with her. I screwed this up once before and don't want to do that again. So what should I do?

I don't want to mess this up because I absolutely don't want to lose a good friend. I have a feeling that the longer this goes on, the worse it's gonna get for me and I'll just end up driving her up the wall. Any advice?

[Reg]

The social awkwardness is astounding. If there is nothing sexual on your mind, and you just want to be friends, I don't even see where a problem will arise. Be her friend. Words more men should live by: NOT EVERY CHICK WANTS TO FUCK YOU. You can be friends with women without sexual tension. And too much of a hassle? What does that even mean?

[GreatSageCorban]

how far we talkin.

[AceGoodheart]

there is a bit of a neurotic in you and maybe tons of tween anxiety that never made it out. RELAX, if you already know sometimes you do or say too much then check yourself. really stop when you can and apologize when you can't and realize you derped. dafuq is wrong with kids these days o.0 slow down she's not going anywhere and the world is still spinning....

[Deleted]

1. Go to the area you would go
2. Go to where she lives
3. Ring the bell
4. Say hi
5. From here on wait and feel how all anxiety flows away.
6. Congratulations you have now not ruined this.

(1-4 may seem impossible, but that's just your anxiety speaking. You really can do it)

[Bearfur]

It's not anxiety that's the problem. I've met girls irl before that I have met online. There were some bad experiences, but mostly good. So meeting her is definitely not the issue here: been there, done that. My problem seems to be getting to that point. Last time, actually last two times I wanted to meet someone, it went downhill pretty quickly once I had mentioned the idea of meeting up. Maybe those two were just scared and I'm stressing out over nothing. So even though the girl now said she'd hang out with me when I'm in her area, I'm still very hesitant. /shrugs

[Blueobelisk]

Your hobby is to go to random places?

It sounds kind of weird that you're DYING to see her lol.

[Bearfur]

I'm a hobby photographer and I have always wanted to visit that area. So now I have two reasons to go there.

As I have mentioned I really don't have any close friends, so getting along with someone that well just begs the question if we would get along irl as well. Can't find out if you don't try. But I'm definitely not visiting to have sex with her, that's one of the last things on my mind right now.

[even]

You should have more trust in her (and maybe other people) and stop questioning your own intentions more than necessary. Simply visit the area and enjoy whatever you do there and if the possibility arises that she comes along/you meet her look FORWARD to it and don't dwell on how things may go or may not go, even if you think they are based on past experiences.

[Gandrake]

Just go and be like "hey wassup, it's so great to finally meet you" and go from there?

if you don't really get along then it's whatever?

[Deleted]

1. Go to the area you would go
2. Go to where she lives
3. Ring the bell
4. Say hi
5. From here on wait and feel how all anxiety flows away.
6. Congratulations you have now not ruined this.

(1-4 may seem impossible, but that's just your anxiety speaking. You really can do it)

This could fail very very badly. She could get scared as hell by him looking up where she lives and going there. Forcing yourself onto someone is not a good idea.
Just say you've got some time to spare and ask her if she wants to meet up or something. If she wants to and is able to, great. If she wants to but can't she'll make it happen some other time. If she doesn't want to she'll say she can't and you'll still keep your e-friendship.

[Nario64]

If you want to be totally clear with her, then be totally clear. Mention that you'd like to come take some photographs in her area and wonder if she'd like to join you for a walk. Then simply tell her as politely that you want to be clear about your intentions and that you don't have any romantic feelings for her but enjoy the time you've shared together. She'll respect that and everything will be fine from then on. Also, if you have a plan for the day, and end time or a time you need to go get food or something, it'll alleviate a lot of tension as well as both of you will know when it's over for the day without trying to draw it out.
If any feelings to arise from either side, someone will bring it up later, but she'll at least know where you stand now.


(Side note: I was a similar situation not long ago, and I did just that, told her I didn't have romantic feelings and that I just wanted to keep the friendship going. Eventually, feelings became stronger but in the beginning we were both happy with a friendship. She's also the one that opened up first that she wanted more which made me re-evaluate the current friendship and whether I wanted to take it to the next level, we did.)

[Blueobelisk]

Your situation is very awkward because you're just going to her area casually, not even with the intention of a vacation. Just to...take pictures...(LOL.........)

See if you had some concrete reason to be there, like "oh I have a business meeting here" or anything that could keep you there for a very specific length of time, then it'd be easier. I honestly suggest just not doing this trip at all.

I'm curious as to how far away this town is from your house.

[Bearfur]

My life itself is awkward, not so much this situation. :P And it's just a couple of hours, not too far away. I was going there anyway for two days. People travel around the world just to take pictures. I'm not seeing how extending an overnight trip by a day is awkward. So really, the trip itself isn't the issue for me. And like I said, she has mentioned a couple of times already that she would hang out with me when I'm in the area. Maybe I'm just making a big fuss about nothing, but I really like her and I'm just afraid that I mess this up somehow. I know myself, and even though right now my intention is to have a good friendship and get to know each other better, there is a part of me (unfortunately) that at times hopes for more.