Most Useless Super Powers

[3DTyrant]

I'm not sure if this type of thing has popped up in the past, but a friend and I sometimes do this, thinking, and stating the "most useless super powers"

I'll start off:

Being able to fly... afew centimetres off the floor
The ability to become invisible, when no one is looking
You can teleport anywhere you like, within a range of five feet (maybe not ALWAYS useless, but mostly)

[The soulless]

Talk to fish

[Xeion]

Being able to hear the grass grow.

[shamantime]

Being able to control dust particle. Dustomancy (Adventure Time)

[Arkenaw]

I'm not sure if this type of thing has popped up in the past, but a friend and I sometimes do this, thinking, and stating the "most useless super powers"

I'll start off:

Being able to fly... afew centimetres off the floor
The ability to become invisible, when no one is looking
You can teleport anywhere you like, within a range of five feet (maybe not ALWAYS useless, but mostly)

I can imagine lots of scenarios when those could be useful. You could never be ambushed or snuck up on! And you could run on water!

[soterya]

Oh fun!
How about the ability to control slime!
or
Spoon Manipulation.

[Fullmetal89]

Just going to leave this here:

[Mercadi]

Ability to change the eye color at will.

[Bladeface]

I'm not sure if this type of thing has popped up in the past, but a friend and I sometimes do this, thinking, and stating the "most useless super powers"

I'll start off:

Being able to fly... afew centimetres off the floor
The ability to become invisible, when no one is looking
You can teleport anywhere you like, within a range of five feet (maybe not ALWAYS useless, but mostly)

being able to fly a few centimeters off the ground would actually be amazing. you could rob high security areas without triggering floor sensors and you could sneak up on people without making any footsteps. you could also use it to get away from people without leaving tracks and assuming you have good enough control over it you could fall from any height without being hurt.

OT: being able to turn invisible. but only your skin.

[Zapgreen]

Time-travel, but it only works forward and at regular speed

[Mercadi]

Time-travel, but it only works forward and at regular speed

We all are using this. Nice one

[Arkenaw]

Oh, I got one, though I'm not sure if I made it up or heard it somewhere.

You can detect if there's a wi-fi signal available.

[chrisberb]

The ability to see 5 seconds into the past.
The ability to time travel, 5 seconds into the future.
Being able to shoot bubbles from your fingers!

[apepi]

A super power that knows all the useless superpowers.

[Deathstyle]

Being able to hear the grass grow.

THIS! And maybe being able to talk to Manatees too. They're cute but can't do anything for you except swim at a snail's pace.

[Deleted]

Being able to control dust particle. Dustomancy (Adventure Time)

what the fuck? How is that useless? You could clean your house in no time by gathering all dust in one place.

[zorkuus]

The body becomes immortal if you're decapitated.

[someotherguy]

being able to levitate, but only at 1,000,000 miles above closest planet

- - - Updated - - -

a power to do the opposite of cross-eye

[Kaleredar]

what the fuck? How is that useless? You could clean your house in no time by gathering all dust in one place.

You could also choke your enemies, create smoke clouds to escape, create distractions... hell, you could even create forces strong enough to fly on a cloud of dust.

[someotherguy]

a power to identify exactly the object you just sat on, just from the feeling of your bottom - like if they give you two manufactured toilet seats of same type, model, etc, and you sit on one, you would know exactly on which one.

ability to stop your own heart, but not start it

ability to grow fingernails really really quick.

ability to turn diamonds into sudafed

ability to count to a million in under a second