"game relationship" and moral dilemma.

[Kathandira]

Hey guys, I need to ask some advice or thoughts on a situation I've gotten myself into. I am posting this here on a gaming forum because I feel like some of you may understand this situation better than say, a typical relationship forum. I am a married female gamer in my twenties. My husband also is a gamer, but plays a different game. However, he doesn't have a problem with how much I play, which is a lot and I have a lot of friends in game. Our guild uses a voice program and we use it every day socially, as well as for raids/stuff. Obviously as a woman, sometimes I get extra attention.

Any way, so a little over a month ago, I became friends with someone in the game. A guy, younger than me. He was a really positive, helpful player and fun to hang out with. We became facebook friends, which I never thought much about because I have lots of people who I've played games with over the years as friends on facebook. We started doing a lot of stuff together, some days being in a group for 6-8 hours a day, occasionally with other people or sometimes just us. Over time, we shared a lot of details about our lives and became quite close. He was flirty and fun to talk too and I got a definite vibe from him that he liked me, but I made it really clear from the start that I was married and whatever we had going on was limited to within the game, a "game relationship" only I guess. He would say he understood, but he still would make lots of lovey-dovey comments. I'll be honest. I like the attention. I like him a lot. I hate to admit it, but I do have some conflicted feelings for him and I would be absolutely crushed to lose him as a friend. But again, I am married, so... this puts me in a bad spot. I know this is a grey area, but I'm not interested in leaving my husband or starting anything irl. We had so many conversations with me telling him how it would not work between us: I'm not available, distance, age, life situation, how he needs to find someone single near him instead, etc...

My dilemma is that I feel he's developed some pretty hardcore feelings for me. He has pet names for me. He's jealous of my husband. He sometimes talks about stuff we should do in real life or makes comments about what a good couple we'd be(in rl). I know if I told him that I wanted to meet him, he'd fly here in a heartbeat(which would be a terrible idea and not something I'd ever suggest btw). I don't know what to do. I am really attached to him(obviously not as much as he is), and if I were single, maybe I'd consider it but I'm not and I don't want to mess with this guys head. How can I fix this?

Sounds like he is not respecting your wishes to keep things "friendly" and no more than that. This does not equal a true friend, this sounds like a wolf waiting to make his move.

Also sounds like you need some fresh attention from your husband. Maybe some time away from gaming and reconnecting with your husband would do you both a lot of good. Go do something adventurous and romantic. Take a hike and go camping or something, you two could run around in the woods together hopefully reigniting the childlike joy of just playing outside.

I know what it is like to be with one person for an extended period of time. Routine gets boring and someone new who is interested in you is exciting. Even if you have no desire to act on anything, it is still nice. This can be remedied by adding a new spark to your relationship. Try to figure out how to add some mystery and excitement.

[Fasolina]

You really are being a total turd on this one... You are leading the wow guy on, you are emotionally cheating on your husband and you try to excuse it with "I like the attention". I am sorry but you sound like a horrible person who needs to step away from the com and grow up.

Sorry to say, but I kinda of agree with this guy. Let me put it in a nicer way: I think both you and they guy acted inappropriately, so just saying that "he should back off" isn't addressing the bigger picture. As many others have said: you have encouraged his crush by not discouraging it when it was apparent. At the point of him flirting, giving you nicknames, expressing disdain for your husband, you should have immediately drawn a line. From your description, it doesn't sound like you did that.

To put it in a more constructive way: if you TRULY love your husband (something which I'm not sure of because a)I don't know you and b)you haven't really made that clear), then I would explain to this boy that his behavior is not acceptable, but that you don't place the blame solely on him because you should have known better than to let it get to this point.

Frankly, I doubt you will be able to bring this back to friendship. He's clearly become enamored, and he's not going to like the friend zone at all. That, however, is the price you are going to have to pay in order to make this right.

Well, unless you want to consider a life of polyamory, or just a threesome like the other guy suggested.

[Stir]

Well, unless you want to consider a life of polyamory, or just a threesome like the other guy suggested.

Polyamory never ends well, and a threesome should never be considered with a person you have a crush on/has a crush on you.

OP: You're to blame for leading him on and allowing him to continue his behaviour. You're allowing him to believe he has a shot with you.

[Gamdwelf]

So you like attention, but you husband doesn't give you any, why did you marry him?

[Randec]

I feel as if you're not being very faithful to your husband, emotionally. Talking and flirting with another person is a form of cheating. It's a pretty hurtful form of cheating, too. Some would argue it's more of a betrayal than a drunken moment of physical lust.

One thing that stood out to me is when you described the situation, you were way more focused on your relationship with the young man on the internet than the one with your husband. You go on and on about how you value your relationship with him and how great he is, yet comparatively say little about your husband. This is very telling in my opinion. You need to re-evaluate your relationship with your husband and be honest with him about what's going on.

[Kathandira]

I feel as if you're not being very faithful to your husband, emotionally. Talking and flirting with another person is a form of cheating. It's a pretty hurtful form of cheating, too. Some would argue it's more of a betrayal than a drunken moment of physical lust.

One thing that stood out to me is when you described the situation, you were way more focused on your relationship with the young man on the internet than the one with your husband. You go on and on about how you value your relationship with him and how great he is, yet comparatively say little about your husband. This is very telling in my opinion. You need to re-evaluate your relationship with your husband and be honest with him about what's going on.

Orrrr maybe it's just because the topic is about her relationship with the other man. I believe you may be looking a bit too much into a internet forum post. But! Maybe i'm not looking hard enough.

"Talking and flirting with another person is a form of cheating" I wouldn't say that as though it is a matter of fact. It is perfectly healthy to playfully flirt with someone, it is just in some peoples nature. It depends how far that flirting goes.

I would not feel the least bit of jealousy if my g/f were to tell another man that he was handsome, or had pretty eyes. These are observations and compliments. If it was followed up with inviting body language, then maybe, but just vocal flirting "can" be harmless.

I am the type of guy who may walk arm and arm with another woman. It is chivalrous and polite. When our walk is over I would deliver her to her S/O and thank them both. Her for spending the time with me, and he for allowing me the moment. You then shake his hand a tip your hat.

Some may consider this a threat. These people are insecure. Other's, like myself would appreciate that a friend was taking care of my S/O and treating her like a proper lady.

[Hooked]

I'm starting to feel like the OP is making up a story...note the join date and post count...

I agree but the question is still one that could be true in some instances.

[Puck]

Post pics of him and then your husbando so I can compare and make a choice for you!

[Speaknoevil]

Post pics of him and then your husbando so I can compare and make a choice for you!

Academic potential, credentials, career goals, and current occupation as well please.

[Puck]

Academic potential, credentials, career goals, and current occupation as well please.

Naaaaaaah.

Penis size -------> Everything else.