Advice: Do I go and visit my friend in jail?

[Skorpionss]

So I never expected to be in this situation

A close friend I have known for a few years went through some "family stuff" last summer and disappeared from the grid for a few weeks worrying everyone. He reappeared and we spent the summer hanging out and being in a volleyball league together.

A few months later in summer I get a text from him. In the message he told me he got busted for child porn and will be going away for a while. I haven't heard from him since. The few articles I have found indicate that his disappearance seems to coincide with his bust.

WOW WTF

This young man is in his early 20s, attractive, good career, all around good and genuine person. I care about him as a friend but this is pretty terrible.

A mutual friend went and visited him in jail (I think he is awaiting trial. I'm not sure but I check court records often and haven't seen anything). He is being held about an hour away from me. Do I go visit to show my support even though this is a horrible thing?

I mean I guess he has a real problem and he needs help. I don't know what to do.

We can't answer that for you...

You have a few questions to ask yourself and reach a conclusion:
1. Is he really a friend, or more of an acquaintance?
2. Since he's young himelf was the charge really that big of a deal? Like did he have nekkid 12 years old on his PC(or whatever), or more like some 16-17 years old girl send him nudes.
3. Does it bother me that much that he's in jail?
4. Do I want to continue our relationship after we get out?

I was in a similar situation with you a few years back, with a friend that got busted for smoking weed with a few minors, and I pussied out and didn't visit my friend in jail, now we barely speak anymore, which I regret cause we were really good friends before.

[Uselessrouge]

is he a friend? yes
is he not a friend ? no


people here.. seems pretty hard the life out there

[Huntingbear_grimbatol]

Depends on what your views on pedophilia is, do you think it’s something that can be ‘worked out of someone’ like a disease or do you think it’s a permanent drive?
If you think pedophilia can be "healed" then be there for your friend.
If you don’t think it can be then leave him by.

...maybe it even depends on what your friend thinks, does he believe it’s a sickness he can be treated for? There’s lots of psychological and ethical questions that you and your friend has to figure out. Maybe visit him one time and hear his view on it, if he wants to get past this and ‘be free of it’ then maybe help him ...but it’s 100% up to you.

[Puupi]

Depends on what your views on pedophilia is, do you think it’s something that can be ‘worked out of someone’ like a disease or do you think it’s a permanent drive?
If you think pedophilia can be "healed" then be there for your friend.
If you don’t think it can be then leave him by.

...maybe it even depends on what your friend thinks, does he believe it’s a sickness he can be treated for? There’s lots of psychological and ethical questions that you and your friend has to figure out. Maybe visit him one time and hear his view on it, if he wants to get past this and ‘be free of it’ then maybe help him ...but it’s 100% up to you.

Do you think the same about homosexuals? Be a friend if you think they can be "healed"?

[Fastlane_hellscream]

People with an iq over 50 won't though

You can't actually think that, right? Almost everyone, world wide, cares about and protects the reputation they have spent a lifetime building. IQ has nothing to do with the fact that people will judge you based on who you surround yourself with. It's a basic human instinct, whether you are smart or not.

[Akka]

Is it child porn as in "looked at loli hentai" or "had a nude of a 17 years old girlfriend" or "watched Traci Lords early movies" ?
Or was it child porn as in "logged into the Darkweb to watch livecam of toddlers getting violated" ?
Because the first is inconsequential, the second is morally disgusting. So depending on what kind of situation would land him in jail, you should either support him or ditch him.

[Vargulf the Happy Husky]

i mean if he is remorseful for what he did and wants to change, and you think you could help him, then sure visit him in jail. if this is the type of person that usually just fucks around, then ditch him. child porn is pretty goddamn skuzzy. i have kids and if any of my friends were into child porn i would have to cut ties immediately. and i'd rat on them.

you could kill the queen of england and i'd stay quiet but if you have a naked 10 year old on your computer then fuck you

[Hashtronaut]

That's something he should be thinking about after​ he has figured out what has actually even happened.

Yeah this exactly, feel like I wouldn’t be able to make a decision until I knew what exactly he did.

[Knaar]

Go visit him, see what his side of the story is, decide after that

[Themius]

"Busted for child porn" sounds like he had some porn material on his computer that involves underage girls.

Now there is an ocean between babies getting raped and a 17 year old girl being naked in a photo when it comes to child porn material, but both of them qualify as such.

Which doesn’t make sense.

Pedophilia and ephebephilia and hebephilia are quite different

In fact you know people don’t give a shit about the last two because I’ve argued against 13-14-15 year olds who “willingly” have sex with adults and got shit for it. Ephebe is about 15-20

There's an entire porn field for ephebe, called barely legal.

[Najnaj]

No matter what he did he is your friend. You do not need to condone someones behavior to be a good friend.

[KOUNTERPARTS]

real friends stick by each other to the end, don't let this cesspool of a website - whom are all basement dwelling loners, mind u - try to change your mind

in your heart, if you feel it 's wrong to stand by him as a friend , then follow that feeling.... if not, be there to support your friend

[Saeran]

It is a hard one and only you can decide. I don't think you will get the right type of answer on here as many people judge people without knowing all the facts.

People can do terrible things in life, but the support of people that care about them is a good way to ensure that they are rehabilitated. The consequence of his actions will be with him for the rest of his life, loosing friends and family support as well can only be detrimental.

This is from personal experience of a member of circle of friends. I stood by him, because I knew if it had somehow been the other way around, the support would have been critical to me as well. I don't regret doing that, it was 17 years ago now, and he has lived his life since as a law-abiding citizen.

Btw people, please don't use the words "Child Porn", it demeans the offence, it is Child Abuse Images.

[Piglord]

It may bee a moot point depending on where you are from. Most places I've ever heard of require people to be on a visitation list to see inmates.

[Jonnusthegreat]

I'm sure it would be an interesting conversation to catch up and figure out why and how he got there. Depending on his answers you'll be able to tell if he's worth as a friend or not.

[Puupi]

More like a lake

You never disappoint with the ridiculous statements.

[moremana]

Yes lets write him off even though he has not been found guilty. Low IQ's are shining today.

Child porn is a charge, what is entailed is a whole different ballpark.

Do you know what actually happened? I would find out before writing him off.

[telygroar]

I'm sure it would be an interesting conversation to catch up and figure out why and how he got there. Depending on his answers you'll be able to tell if he's worth as a friend or not.

Yep. Or eventually, tell him to take a therapy.
If he's just 20 and got busted with a 17 years old, shit happens. This law should be amended to take into account age difference.

[Themius]

1. Why are topics about child porn allowed

2. Why do you keep defending this shit so fervently.

Where is the defense in this particular quote?

Like you come out of nowhere say some shit that isn't inside my post .

[McFuu]

My friend was charged with child porn and it pretty much ruined his life.

He was 18 and dating a 17 year old, she sent him a pic and her mom saw it on her phone and called the cops. He got charged and found not guilty, but still had the stigma attached with the charge and ended up moving across the country.

Had a similar situation with a good friend from the military.

Long story short...
He went out with this chick before joining military, he was 17 she was 15. He joined at 17, went home on leave at 19. He wasn't going out with this chick anymore... hadn't seen her in 1 1/2 years. Goes to a friends party and she is there. She tries to reattach... He says no. She accuses him of rape and some other nastiness even though they didn't even talk to each other at the party (plenty of witnesses). She has a history of false claims of rape against specifically military guys (she lives around a military training base in FL). He was arrested while he was home on leave, but luckily the investigation and prosecutor moved pretty quickly, everything was thrown out he was let out, he was only home for 1 extra week more than his leave allowed.
Comes back to our unit... military decides to charge him with rape... sounds like double jeopardy almost doesn't it? The military seize all of his stuff, laptop, etc... On his phone buried deep in a file somewhere they find 2 pictures of this chick when she was 15 and he was 17 and they were dating. The files hadn't been accessed in over a year, he had no idea they were there... They charged and convicted him for child porn.

I got out in early 14, he just got out... Literally did nothing to deserve this. Luckily the charge doesn't follow him into the real world as a sex offender type deal. But still...

And yes that is really the short version. This is a long strange tale in it's entirety.