Feeling Guilty

[Velshin]

Hey everyone, just a brief summary about myself:

Ever since I was young I was that guy who love to help others to accomplish things either in video games or activities or sports or whatever. But I have that feeling I like to call it "the guilty syndrome" that whenever the team I play with (as I said either chess or football or WoW or any other video games or something require a team work play) fail or when I do a horrible mistake I beat myself harshly and get haunted (all righty maybe not haunted but the annoying feeling lingers inside, because I feel I am one of the causes of that horrible loss or fail or whatever, even if that is not the case sometimes it is a combination of many things and not just my fault...yet I still feel guilty and frustration.



Over the years this feeling amplified even in WoW when I fail the dungeon group or guild raiding group into something I feel super horrible because I keep telling myself "f**** me I should have done this and that to get better or I should avoided that or stuff like that". Now with the mythic+ timer stuff they added in Legion that feeling got even worse because now we have a time period. This is why in the recent years I am leaning more and more toward solo activity more than teamwork competition activity.

[exsanguinate]

If it affects your real life or mental health in general (which is clear from what you write), you may need to seek help. No joke at this point.

[Velshin]

If it affects your real life, you may need to seek help. No joke at this point.

It is not just in video games that is the problem. The problem it affects me even when we do real life team work activity stuff (football matches, chess team, anything that require a teamwork to win).

[Segus1992]

It is not just in video games that is the problem. The problem it affects me even when we do real life team work activity stuff (football matches, chess team, anything that require a teamwork to win).

I agree with the other guy. Seek help.

[Beingbob]

Don't be so hard on yourself - remember it's only a game that we play for fun, and anyone who does flame someone in entry level content (I assume you don't do anything higher than heroic dungeons or keys below 10) is being immature and entitled. Honestly at any time when someone does flip out and say "fucking noobs" or something after a key is depleted, I instantly assume they are either an immature teenager or an adult loser, since a reasonable adult does not lose their shit over a video game nor berate/bully others over mistakes that in the grand scheme of things are minor.

Everyone was new/bad at some point, even if that was far in the past, and it's only healthy for the game to have newer and/or more casual players around. If you avoid competitive content, you won't improve at it.

Being extremely hard on oneself is generally a waste of time, irrational and counterproductive - torturing yourself won't make anything better, making mistakes in a video game is not a big deal, and most people do not struggle with such intense feelings from minor mistakes. If this "guilty syndrome" bothers you outside of gaming as well I'd seek out a therapist if I were you, as it can be difficult to break out of an unhealthy mindset alone.

[Velshin]

Don't be so hard on yourself - remember it's only a game that we play for fun, and anyone who does flame someone in entry level content (I assume you don't do anything higher than heroic dungeons or keys below 10) is being immature and entitled. Honestly at any time when someone does flip out and say "fucking noobs" or something after a key is depleted, I instantly assume they are either an immature teenager or an adult loser, since a reasonable adult does not lose their shit over a video game nor berate/bully others over mistakes that in the grand scheme of things are minor.

Everyone was new/bad at some point, even if that was far in the past, and it's only healthy for the game to have newer and/or more casual players around. If you avoid competitive content, you won't improve at it.

Being extremely hard on oneself is generally a waste of time, irrational and counterproductive - torturing yourself won't make anything better, making mistakes in a video game is not a big deal, and most people do not struggle with such intense feelings from minor mistakes. If this "guilty syndrome" bothers you outside of gaming as well I'd seek out a therapist if I were you, as it can be difficult to break out of an unhealthy mindset alone.

I do heroic raiding content and my current maximum mythic+ key is between 12 to 13. But yeah as I said it is not just in video games anything that require teamwork effort in real life like sport or competition or anything like that affects me.

[Freedom]

If you really want to keep playing WoW, maybe try using it as exposure therapy for yourself, and just have an attitude of, "I am going to try and change myself, I will not tolerate any excessive negative self talk any longer, and will think corrective, firm, 'no mercy for the thoughts' type things any time this comes up, inwardly to myself." It will feel insurmountable at first, just like any mental change, but keep at it, and it will fall.

I used to be a lot more negative towards myself, and have found that rejecting a lot of untrue things that I won't get into here have helped me greatly, and I am now a lot less negative to myself. Just think of it as a raid fight with many phases, or a really long dungeon to get through, with the loot at the end being a better mental health state.

If you have any nice/intelligent/insightful/competent/grounded friends or family I'd talk to them before a therapist; it's free, and they might be able to help you make some progress and get your thoughts together to visit a professional.

[scelero]

might sound harsh or as if im speaking in code, but figure out your programming. Watch some documentaries on how you think, etc. You're not born this way, but made this way. Find out who made you and how they made you. Until you take back your own identity, you'll be playing by someone else's rules. Stop trying to understand their rules to their game, start creating your own. Break the spells that trap and trick your mind into feeling bad and feeling you're the root cause of it.

[deenman]

Boy...this is a tough one...as others said,if you feel its affecting you and making you unhappy you really should look in to some professional help...if it was just wow related you could just avoid it by playing solo games,but you say its also irl

I have my moments also when i feel like you but it doesnt linger with me...hope it gets better

[Throwme]

anything that require teamwork effort in real life like sport or competition or anything like that affects me.

As the others have said, you need help. You need professional help. Don't torture yourself by doing the content that triggers this. Get help. Get it sorted. THEN come back and play. But right now?

Get help.

[parasight]

Take that feeling, roll it up into a very small ball, swallow it, and bury it underneath a stomach full of contempt and narcissism.

Run your own key. Let it fail. If other people can't accept the fact that life isn't perfect then it's not your fault. Think of all the first world problems these other gamers have and remind yourself that your gamer peers have nothing to really complain about.

Always be honest. Keep this mantra and let the misplaced feelings of responsibility for video gaming dissipate. And remember, half of the population is below average intelligence.

good luck

Ive never heard of team chess. I've been playing chess and studying it for decades. Team chess is irrelevant.

[glowpipe]

There is litteraly nothing anyone can do here. You need to seek professional help.

[Velshin]

Take that feeling, roll it up into a very small ball, swallow it, and bury it underneath a stomach full of contempt and narcissism.

Run your own key. Let it fail. If other people can't accept the fact that life isn't perfect then it's not your fault. Think of all the first world problems these other gamers have and remind yourself that your gamer peers have nothing to really complain about.

Always be honest. Keep this mantra and let the misplaced feelings of responsibility for video gaming dissipate. And remember, half of the population is below average intelligence.

good luck

Ive never heard of team chess. I've been playing chess and studying it for decades. Team chess is irrelevant.

Team Chess is not that common but it happens in Olympic of chess where almost every country team participate in a team of 4 or 5 players for each team.

[Sonnillon]

I know how you feel. I was in the same spot as well a year or so back, as a raid leader and a tank I felt horrible when I failed at one or another aspect of what I was doing, even worse when it happened on both - was it my fault in reality or not, didn't matter too much to me. The one who took the blunt of my "failings" was my husband as it truly kinda affected me in real life as well.

What helped me "get over myself and the being afraid of failing" was actually having a kid, cause all the failures in game and possible feeling crap cause you think you did something wrong in the virtual environment will pale in comparison of parenthood and the amount of mistakes you make there, or you think you made :P. And it kinda gave me new energy to lead and tank and laugh at my own fails and not be afraid to go to m+ even.
Maybe change in your life or change of perspective will help you out in feeling more confident .

Try to find a group of people who accept you the way you are and are supportive - might take bit of time, but you will eventually find a group that fits you and makes you feel that even if you fail, it happens. Or you can try stop playing MMO-s or any equivalent for a while and take on another game or take a complete break from it and see does it help to fix your mindset. Or truly seek professional help if you really cannot deal with it on your own.

[Doffen]

Whats wrong with feeling that you fucked up now and then? Telling him to seek help.. Come on.

Just start to think that this is just another game. I guess since this is heroic the guild is kinda lean back and lenient on things like failing now and then? I bet you are 10 times harder on yourself than your guild. Avoid pugs if that bothers you, stay within safety!

I myself get annoyed when I fail, some times I can go like FUCK SAKE! but then I just blame my guildies and I'm back on track

[czarek]

You push too much preasure on self. You feel guilty because u feel responsibility. But yeah is way too much. How is ur assertiveness ? I bet its very low or none. Just chill and repeat. No QQ more pew pew :P You should work it out by ur self. Read some book and practice. Dont hide dont quit team work. Stand against and fight! Go for tank and be a leader.

[Loveliest]

I know the feeling. I have a similar issue and i feel like anything going wrong or any kind of drama is my fault. This is medical based, as I started suffering from crippling anxiety attacks which led to physical and mental burnout and exhaustion.

People will tell you not to take things personal or to take breaks or even quit. But it is not easy and human mind is not simething that you just will into change. The only thing that helps me is walking. I walk an hour a day and it seems to alleviate pressure. I feel like it is all rooted in low self esteem for me, though mostly because i have a burning need to do everything perfect. Sorry, not being much help here, just maybe telling you you are not the only one.

[AkundaMrdal]

When you die because of your mistake, start blaming healers, they could have prevented your death, if they healed more. This helps, it focus your guilt somewhere else.

[Adamar1]

When you die because of your mistake, start blaming healers, they could have prevented your death, if they healed more. This helps, it focus your guilt somewhere else.

Don't be like everyone else...

[Magneto]

There is litteraly nothing anyone can do here. You need to seek professional help.

/10char This^