Tips for getting married?

[Deleted]

not marrying just for the fact that you won't receive financial benefits is about the worst tip that someone can give to you.

Enjoy getting raped in divorce court then.

[Malagan]

Rip to the couples that go through the first few months of still being too scared to fart around one another at home

My GF dropped that real quickly, farted in one of the first times we met and was very "so what" about it. I didn't feel any fuss about it, was relaxing to know we were very open from the get go.

[Swizzington]

Don't marry until you're fairly comfortable financially. I think money problems is one of the biggest things that screws people up.

[Toccs]

I'm getting married in 6 weeks, we have been engaged for 7 years together for 9. The main issue is £££ and being realistic with both of your expectations. Don't make it too expensive, use that cash for a house or something that will actually give you a return.

If you want to get married first you need to be engaged though, and you should know in your heart (and wallet) when the time is right to do that.

Bear in mind that some couples never get married and that's ok.

PS: We are playing the Reins of Castermere during the wedding, need to pay someone to slam some doors.

[nacixems]

I have only been married for 33 years, 2 grown kids. I'm sure many more have better advice, but here is what i have learned.

1. Be committed, this your money my money crap only causes issues, not sure how someone can be committed except for...
2. Dont tell or speak bad about your spouse to family members, they only get YOUR side and it causes undue impressions that make things disfuctional
3. This is not 50/50 most of the time its 90/10 or 10/90 or somewhere inbetween, if you expect anything different, rethink marrage.
4. Give your spouse space when they ask for it, you may want to fix it, but be respectful of their wants/needs.
5. You will Fight, its going to happen, someone needs the "over-ride" power, accecpt it, dont bring it up 5 years from now with an "I told u so". speak up or shut up.
6. Dont air your dirty laundry with friends/family unless its violent or health related, learn to communicate and talk thru things.
7. Kids are great, but it sucks at times, remember there is no class or test u can take, use what u and your spouse have learned do your best, its a crap-shot anyway.
8. Kids...again, find time for each other, keep the spark alive, like date night or something.. it helps.
9. Kids will bring Great Joy that cant be explained, but also bring sorrow , dont get discouraged, the Joy far out weights the sorrow, .. dont fester in the sorrow.
10. Having someone committed and unconditionally love you is special, make sure you return the favor.
11. Guys... say "im sorry" and mean it , by not doing it again. treat her like she is ment to be treated, a gift from God.

I know many have over lapped. but the last thing is keep your sense of humor.. learn to LOL with and at each other..

just my .02

[Toccs]

11. Guys... say "im sorry" and mean it , by not doing it again. treat her like she is ment to be treated, a gift from God.

In my 9 years with my partner i have perfected the term "Yes Dear" can relate haha

[nacixems]

Don't marry until you're fairly comfortable financially. I think money problems is one of the biggest things that screws people up.

LOL we would have never gotten married. we where both broke and in debt . not sure if i 100% agree, its about understanding and being committed to deal with it, yes money problems screw people up, but it will screw u up even if ur single. lol

[Deleted]

So many "don't get married" posts

It is the rational response, but it is kind of sad that there is so much disharmony in society today

[Sponge108]

Dont do it. Thats my protip. She will rape your money and rings should things go sour. oh and dont forget about alimony.

Second tip: you make more money, get a prenup.

God i was fucking stupid to thing my marriage would last.

[hrugner]

So many "don't get married" posts

It is the rational response, but it is kind of sad that there is so much disharmony in society today

It's not like marriage is the same thing it used to be. Childless families, "no-fault" divorce; it's just super dating for most people. Good or bad, it's what we got. I suppose the best first step would be making sure you and your partner think marriage is the same thing.

[ringpriest]

Not necessarily.

The problem with marriage is that marriages are a legal partnership. But most people walk into said partnership with the most basic set of terms laid out.

The whole point of the prenup is to actually flesh out the terms of the partnership and include termination procedures.

So the whole idea of agreeing beforehand on what to do if the marriage fails is very important.

The financial aspect can indeed be extremely important, particularly if you have any real assets (or debt); my fiancee and I are currently seriously considering turning our scheduled wedding next spring into a "long-term engagement celebration" solely because the financial and legal aspects of it are beyond complicated (I have a higher net worth, she makes more than I do; I'm still a US citizen, she isn't anymore (partly but not entirely for tax reasons), etc.)

[Nillah]

It's the truth too. Both genders do it really. As much as people may want to claim they're 100% themselves while dating its just a blatant lie. Everyone puts on their best impression of themselves in the dating phase.

Rip to the couples that go through the first few months of still being too scared to fart around one another at home

I think it's hilarious that some couples stay that way forever. A guy I work with never heard his ex wife fart once and their oldest kid is in high school.

I mean to each their own and everything, but come on. They're just farts.

[Berengil]

this is what I do not get about westerners. How you can be so blase about marriage. To me marriage is preservation of family line, our history and tradition. To provide our children security and prosperity, each generation building upon works of the next gen. till the world ends. Western ways seem so nihilistic. You do not preserve your family line (hell you end it volunteerily), you have no tradition or history, you let your children run around bemirching family name and being useless (like allowing them to study useless degrees as majors). You have no expectation for your desendents. Do not pass on home as inheritance, you guys dont even have an heir. I lived in the U.S. for 60 years, and still can't comprehend your bizzare selfdestructive behavior.

It's called freedom, my good fellow. No one commands me, unless I'm being paid or they have a gun to my head.

F tradition.
F custom.
F parental expectations.

F. It. All.

This life is mine. I'll enjoy it while staying away from hurting others as much as I possibly can. Why in the world would I marry some woman? To pop out kids? To endanger half my money?

1) i have no interest in ever being a father. Too much work and too expensive.
2) My money is MINE, and I only let loose of it if I have no other choice.

This has been your insight into my mind. Please close the door on your way out, or the voices might leave.

[abel86silhouette]

I'm glad I don't suffer the burden of outdated expectations of marriage

[darkwarrior42]

My advice:

1) Don't make it a goal. If it happens, it happens. Trying to force that kind of long-term relationship isn't likely to go well, and if you're doing it for anyone but yourself (ie your family wants to see you married) then you're already doing it for the wrong reasons.
--1a) When I proposed to my wife, it was to formalize the relationship, announce it to the world, and get the legal benefits... plus we liked the ceremonial aspect of the wedding itself. It didn't change the nature of our relationship at all, and we didn't rush; we started dating in 2005, got engaged in 2007, and married in 2009.
2) Everyone is different. Don't try to make your relationship conform to any preconceived notions, just find out what works best for you and your partner, and go from there.
--2a) Examples: My wife and I never fight. We disagree from time to time, but neither of us wants to attack the other so when we disagree we are far more concerned with resolving the issues at hand. The whole "yes dear" thing also does not exist with us, because neither of us would ever want the other to simply back down and accept something simply for the sake of keeping the peace.
3) Communicate. If you have a problem, or there's something you want that isn't happening, speak out. That doesn't mean you always get your way 100% of the time, but when you live together it's all going to come out eventually. Just be open up-front.
--3a) Especially communicate about what you want out of the marriage before you get married. Do you both want kids? Any specific number? Are there religious differences? Are there any family expectations that either of you feel obliged to? Are your career goals compatible? If you have children and you both have careers, is one of you willing to give that up for a while, or are you going to go with nannys/babysitters/etc? There are no right answers to any of these, just make sure you have an idea of what you want.
4) Money. Make sure you're both on the same page. I personally loathe the concept of the prenuptial agreement (to the point where if it's necessary, I would say you're not ready to be married), but at a bare minimum you need to be sure you'll both be financially secure. Whether you merge accounts or keep them separate, just be in agreement. My wife and I have everything in both our names, which we're fine with, but if you're not just be up front about it.

Optional: Living together first. I think this can be very beneficial, but people have varying opinions. There are lots of little habits that might drive you crazy... but those can also be changed with less drama or pain. Giving up a career or a favored hobby simply because your partner says so is a problem, but learning not to be a slob because your partner doesn't like living in a messy house/flat/whatever isn't really a big deal. Smoking might also be a big one; if one of you smokes and the other doesn't, will that be a problem?

tl;dr: Don't let sterotypes or preconceptions define your relationship, don't get married for the sake of getting married. Communicate, figure out what you both want, and if it turns out that's the same thing (or close enough that you're both willing to make it work), go for it.