Weasel Apparently Shuts Down World's Most Powerful Particle Collider

[GennGreymane]

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-w...ticle-collider

A small mammal has sabotaged the world's most powerful scientific instrument.

The Large Hadron Collider, a 17-mile superconducting machine designed to smash protons together at close to the speed of light, went offline overnight. Engineers investigating the mishap found the charred remains of a furry creature near a gnawed-through power cable.

"We had electrical problems, and we are pretty sure this was caused by a small animal," says Arnaud Marsollier, head of press for CERN, the organization that runs the $7 billion particle collider in Switzerland. Although they had not conducted a thorough analysis of the remains, Marsollier says they believe the creature was "a weasel, probably." (Update: An official briefing document from CERN indicates the creature may have been a marten.)

The shutdown comes as the LHC was preparing to collect new data on the Higgs Boson, a fundamental particle it discovered in 2012. The Higgs is believed to endow other particles with mass, and it is considered to be a cornerstone of the modern theory of particle physics.

Researchers have seen some hints in recent data that other, yet-undiscovered particles might also be generated inside the LHC. If those other particles exist, they could revolutionize researcher's understanding of everything from the laws of gravity, to quantum mechanics.

Unfortunately, Marsollier says, scientists will have to wait while workers bring the machine back online. Repairs will take a few days, but getting the machine fully ready to smash might take another week or two. "It may be mid-May," he says.

These sorts of mishaps are not unheard of, says Marsollier. The LHC is located outside of Geneva. "We are in the countryside, and of course we have wild animals everywhere." There have been previous incidents, including one in 2009, when a bird is believed to have dropped a baguette onto critical electrical systems.

Nor are the problems exclusive to the LHC: In 2006, raccoons conducted a "coordinated" attack on a particle accelerator in Illinois.

It is unclear whether the animals are trying to stop humanity from unlocking the secrets of the universe.

Of course, small mammals cause problems in all sorts of organizations. Yesterday, a group of children took National Public Radio off the air for over a minute before engineers could restore the broadcast.

[Reg]

Paulie Shore wants to science!

[A Chozo]

Poor weasel. But it died in GLORIOUS COMBAT against the Megamachine.

[Forogil]

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-w...ticle-collider

Obviously a marten:
"Due to their habit of seeking warm and dry places and to gnaw on soft materials, martens cause damage to soft plastic and rubber parts in cars and other parked vehicles annually costing millions of euros in Central Europe alone, thus leading to the offering of marten damage insurance, "marten-proofing", and electronic repellent devices."

Can't prove the existence of Higgs-particles - or change the constants of nature - without marten-proofing.

[GennGreymane]

got me to think of this

[theostrichsays]

A bit off topic but what would the death have been like if it didn't likely electrocute itself, and instead wondered out into the running portion of the collider?

- - - Updated - - -

got me to think of this

If only an ape had come and tried to show him up, and died in his place.

[Tradewind]

the bird and baguette part is funnier.

[Neyze]

It is unclear whether the animals are trying to stop humanity from unlocking the secrets of the universe.

I lol'd, at first

but now I'm really pondering

[Annoying]

Guys, what if the weasel came back in time to stop us from tearing a hole in spacetime and consuming the earth in a black hole?

A bit off topic but what would the death have been like if it didn't likely electrocute itself, and instead wondered out into the running portion of the collider?

We actually kind of know that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anatoli_Bugorski

Dude's still alive and he stuck his head in the beam's path.

[theostrichsays]

Guys, what if the weasel came back in time to stop us from tearing a hole in spacetime and consuming the earth in a black hole?

We actually kind of know that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anatoli_Bugorski

Dude's still alive and he stuck his head in the beam's path.

I appreciate the response, my Google search didn't give any answers.
Looking at some pictures of him, he seemed to recover well enough.

[Templar 331]

We can smash sub-atomic particles together to better understand the universe, but a giant rat can screw all of it up............

[cousinit1686]

Guys, what if the weasel came back in time to stop us from tearing a hole in spacetime and consuming the earth in a black hole?

We actually kind of know that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anatoli_Bugorski

Dude's still alive and he stuck his head in the beam's path.

Applied for disability and was denied? Wow, way to be, Russia.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Obviously a marten:
"Due to their habit of seeking warm and dry places and to gnaw on soft materials, martens cause damage to soft plastic and rubber parts in cars and other parked vehicles annually costing millions of euros in Central Europe alone, thus leading to the offering of marten damage insurance, "marten-proofing", and electronic repellent devices."

Can't prove the existence of Higgs-particles - or change the constants of nature - without marten-proofing.

Yeah sounds more like a marten. I'm not even sure if there are weasel in Switzerland.

[Calamari]

There have been previous incidents, including one in 2009, when a bird is believed to have dropped a baguette onto critical electrical systems.

Hehehehehe. Imagine a bird picking up a baguette from one of the staff outside, managing to fly through and navigate narrow ventilation shafts all the way into the exposed collider, causing millions of dollars in damage, armed only with someones lunch. Like a silly bird version of the Death Star assault.

[Deleted]

God has clearly given us a sign here. DISMANTLE EVERYTHING QUICK!!

[Neyze]

but like, srsly
Coincidence or divine intervention?

I don't believe in coincidences

[Calamari]

but like, srsly
Coincidence or divine intervention?

I don't believe in coincidences

If God wants the collider offline, it will go offline. If for example the collider was a toy that would eventually get us all killed, the construction would never have been allowed to begin.

God uses all our works to his own advantage, and has a reason to have allowed the collider research to continue. Of course he might also not care because he knows we are wasting our time on a dead-end theory.

Though he might still be making a point about just how frail our greatest achievements really are. While we puff ourselves up in our self-glorifying quest for the "god particle", he shows us that our high reaching plans can be brought low by a weasel, bird and baguette.

It's like God is telling us: "Impressive. Give yourself a round of applause Cern".

[Cerilis]

*checks old newspapers for mysterious gel-weasels*

[Neyze]

Seems like you just flip flopped all around there. I don't think you're accounting for free will. Even God has only so much foresight I believe.

[Techno-Druid]

We can smash sub-atomic particles together to better understand the universe, but a giant rat can screw all of it up............

Hey, weasels are mustelids, get your species together.