Why the outrage over paying for your half of the meal?

[Kithelle]

I don't often agree with you, but in this case I guess I do. If someone wants to pay that's cool, especially if they asked you out, but women need to stop expecting it and be prepared to pay for their share.

And this is why chivalry is dead? sorry couldn't resist lol

While you have a point...at the same time this dude was clearly butthurt that she didn't let him into her pants...and the way he was kinda distant makes it sound like that is all he ever cared about. Could of at least payed for the drinks if he wanted some that badly...

[socanyou]

Well, statistics says otherwise since you don't exactly hear about men getting raped out in public, like ever. They're also more often the target of muggings.

It's polite to put out? What the fuck? And you call me sexist? Please, fuck off.

Yes, you're sexist. I don't know how anyone could claim that women shouldn't be left alone at night and think they are not being sexist. Plus, sounded like she had a car.

[socanyou]

That's nice. I'm not really interested in how her reasoning upsets your delicate sensibilities. It is what it is and you should represent it fairly and accurately.

Good for you. Her reasoning was incorrect, and shouldn't be encouraged.

[l33t]

Again, where the fuck do you people keep getting the idea that she thought he MUST pay for her? He expected him to offer to pay, not expected him to actually pay. There's a difference. I understand it's subtle and hard for your to grasp but it's there.

Typically the bill comes, someone offers to pay or offers to pay their half. She didn't get that chance because he suddenly demanded two separate checks. Do you understand yet? She didn't have the oppturnity to say, "I'll pay for mine." It was decided for her and it was a rude way of doing so.

No sorry, I keep failing to understand why would I pay for her at my second date. Why would I be expected to offer to pay for her on a second date? In a country where I live paying for your own meal is common stuff. Maybe in your wonderland full of white knights and unicorns that's not like that, and it looks like the author of that article lives in the same wonderland. Let me enlighten you in how it happens here where I live. I or she ask for the bill, waiter gives it for us, and I pay for my food, she pays for hers. Expecting me to pay for her meal - while we're seeing each other second time in our lives - is just as absurd and idiotic as expecting her to instantly offer sex to me because I offered a date. That's it. Hope now you understand.

[Zyky]

Wanting to be treated with respect and not have a guy act rude as fuck after being rejected is wanting special treatment?

Expecting him to pay is special treatment, and women need to get it out of their head that they're entitled to it.

[Deleted]

I love how there is no poll option for her paying for both of them. It's either he pays for all of it or split the bill. He has to pay regardless. What a gynocentric world we live in. The only solution is MGTOW.

[zhero]

And he could have easily waited for that cab or Uber to arrive. Not so much to "protect" her. But just to be fucking polite so she's not alone waiting around.

when someone is making up excuses like they have to return someone's keys, its a massive red flag that most men can tell means the relationship is going nowhere and he is essentially be rejected or strung along. hanging around someone like that is going to be awkward as all hell and not something anyone wants to do.

[socanyou]

How is it sexist to think it's rude to leave a woman alone at night instead of walking her to her car or wait for a cab with her? Regardless of her safety, it's just polite. Of course you think not putting out is impolite. Didn't I tell you to fuck off?

No, you said that it's a dick move to leave a "girl" (she's 35) alone outside a bar. Would it be a dick move to leave a guy alone outside a bar? If not, you're being sexist. Are you confused?

[Requimortem]

Fuck I'm tired of arguing this point.

Of course it's a judgement without knowing his side of the story. All we have his her side. All we can do is assume her side. Otherwise we can sit here and speculate all fucking day long but that's irrational as fuck.

It's infinitely more irrational to defend her as fervently as you are knowing only one side of the story. You're condemning someone you don't know based on the evidence given by one party who, as I have pointed out, is quite unpleasant and more than likely exaggerating and/or grossly misinterpreting his actions to fuel her (and your) outrage.

[Hisholyness]

She wouldn't put out so he didn't want to pay for her meal, lol.

Nail on the head (or lack thereof)

[Krigaren]

Expecting him to pay is special treatment, and women need to get it out of their head that they're entitled to it.

She didn't expect him to pay.

[l33t]

Again, she wasn't expecting him to pay, just to offer. You still haven't fucking grasped that concept.

Of course I didn't. In case you didn't read the message you replied to, in a place where I live it is expected to pay for your own meal, unless we're a couple or a very close friends/family. What's so hard to understand?

[Krigaren]

when someone is making up excuses like they have to return someone's keys, its a massive red flag that most men can tell means the relationship is going nowhere and he is essentially be rejected or strung along. hanging around someone like that is going to be awkward as all hell and not something anyone wants to do.

Wrong. Absolutely wrong.

She had an out to give her an excuse to not go back to his condo for sex. Reasonable people understand this. If she made up excuses and flaked on meeting up with him for other dates/events, then you'd be right that she's stringing him along. But not wanting to go back to his place, which in every language is an invitation to have sex, is reasonable, and smart.

[Hisholyness]

She sounds like a chore to be around.

Shes 35 and still isn't married. What is everyone here expecting?

[Krigaren]

Of course I didn't. In case you didn't read the message you replied to, in a place where I live it is expected to pay for your own meal, unless we're a couple or a very close friends/family. What's so hard to understand?

Because the article isn't about you or where you live. It's about her, her experience, and the norms of where she lives. What's so hard to understand?

[Requimortem]

Shes 35 and still isn't married. What is everyone here expecting?

Well, according to several people in this thread, she's a victim of a totally rude jerk.

[Magicpot]

Being exhausted after a date typically means it went well.

I don't get that. If I want to stress myself for giggles I'll work, at least there I get paid.

Why would I choose to stress myself in such a situation?

If I can't enjoy a stressless date with someone, how could I possibly have a stressless relationship with them?

Shes 35 and still isn't married. What is everyone here expecting?

Serious and deal breaking personality flaws. Like those exhibited in the article.

[Tennis]

Wrong. Absolutely wrong.

She had an out to give her an excuse to not go back to his condo for sex. Reasonable people understand this. If she made up excuses and flaked on meeting up with him for other dates/events, then you'd be right that she's stringing him along. But not wanting to go back to his place, which in every language is an invitation to have sex, is reasonable, and smart.

Why didn't she just say no in the first place. First she used some key excuse and then when he called her buff, then she declined.

[Hisholyness]

Well, according to several people in this thread, she's a victim of a totally rude jerk.

Shes 35 and isn't married which statistically means A) she can't keep a man and B) isn't attractive enough for a man to want her. I was agreeing with your chore remark.

[Felthorn]

A lot of people are saying "whoever asked should pay"...isn't that usually the guy, anyway? I mean, here in the states, it is (at least anecdotally in my sphere of experience) expected that the male ask the female out. Females wait for the man to ask, even if she's the one interested. It seems to be the societal expectation. It also 'vogue' for people to judge men as "cheap" or "broke" if they don't offer to pay (even in non-sketchy situations (unlike the OP story). I wonder...how do same-sex dates handle this? Is it different for M+M vs F+F dates?