Anyone live with teenagers?

[Ifeanychukwu]

Are you paying the bills? If so, turn off the internet or something. Take away something they can't live without (not literally) until they agree to cooperate. I was going to say something silly like just try to reason with them but that's really just wishful thinking :P Maybe turn off the hot water heater or stop buying toilet paper or something trivial that will bother them as much as their behavior bothers you.

[Deleted]

Almost sounds like my situation... Me and my GF live with my uncle in his apartment. He is drinking and smoking all day, holing up in his room writing in same gaming forum about his everyday life. Sometimes he gets out and just yells at us randomly or threatens us physically just because we didn't clean up the whole apartment after we had dinner. Then he goes back in his room again... sometimes he cries out loud in the middle of the night because he "got banned again". Whatever that means... Then we have to deal with him for many days all the time which is just terrible.

[Deleted]

I play country music full blast..doesn't work, but I am enjoying the tunes though.

See, that's your problem, it's not hardcore enough. Try Wagner.

[Kyocere]

My grandmother used to pile up all my trash on-top of my bed. She would unplug everything and add it to the pile even if it wasn't part of the mess I created. After having to basically rebuild my room a few times it started staying neater. I would try something similar.

[Cruor]

How do you deal with their constant mess? I've tried shaming them over and over but it only lasts for an hour and then the garbage piles up again.

What am I doing wrong? Do I need to grab him by the throat and throw him up against a wall?

why is it so hard for teenagers to throw pop cans/garbage into the recycling? I'm at my wits end here.

The fuck... I thought you were not much older then a teenager? You just made a post asking how you can live without beer and pot, but you want your kid to be responsible? Based on your previous post, your answer to the problem is in the mirror. Like... Its one think to drink and get high in your 20's but with a kid in the house? Come on.

Second, yes, you hit. Humans understand fear. If you hit just hard enough not to leave a bruise but enough to cause pain and fear of doing something wrong they will fall in line. Don't do wrong and you don't get hit, everyone wins. If its an older teen (16+) well then you screwed up, too late. Say no car/TV/video games/going out unless they clean up. If hes 18+ say shape up or ship out. Not sure how this is difficult.

[Nihilist74]

My two brothers are a lot younger than me. They were total slobs. They would make something to eat and then throw there dirty dishes in the sink. I would yell at them like a drill instructor, make them clean the dishes, and put their dishes in the dishwasher. I always had to make them do it. My mom always made me and my sister do chores. We learned how to work. She was too tired to do that with my brothers. That is why they ended up being sloppy brats.

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Almost sounds like my situation... Me and my GF live with my uncle in his apartment. He is drinking and smoking all day, holing up in his room writing in same gaming forum about his everyday life. Sometimes he gets out and just yells at us randomly or threatens us physically just because we didn't clean up the whole apartment after we had dinner. Then he goes back in his room again... sometimes he cries out loud in the middle of the night because he "got banned again". Whatever that means... Then we have to deal with him for many days all the time which is just terrible.

Heh heh heh heh

[Flarelaine]

... and now we got fruit flies for the rest of the summer.

Yeah, I've been there. You can get rid of fruit flies, though. Take a plastic bottle. Cut off the top where it starts tapering. Pour something sweet into it (cough syrup works wonders) and put the top back upside down. Collects most of the suckers in a few days, though you'd still have to take care not to leave other stuff out for them.

[Mackeyser]

I really want to avoid this thread, but it's late. So here goes:

I've told all 4 of my kids growing up since the youngest one was a pre-teen that if they wanted to live at home, they had to WANT to live at home. I'm a Service-Connected Disabled Vet and I just don't have the units of energy or the willingness to drag someone apathetic or antagonistic into wanting to be part of a functioning family unit.

If they didn't want to be at home, we'd work hard to find them accommodations with other family members. We would ensure they were taken care of by close family, but the point was that there were options. It was never about being kicked out, but making positive choices. No one would be kicked out.

What was NOT an option was to act like they were entitled to eat, sleep, shower and shit under my roof and treat me like a villain because there was an expectation that everyone had responsibilities, including emotional responsibilities to one another. A roommate can disappear for a couple/three days and it may just be odd. A child (pre-teen, teen or young adult) disappears for that long and they're MISSING!

Three of the four decided to stay and still decide to stay actively. Oldest daughter decided to move out when it was appropriate to do so. We have a great relationship in part because she finally understood WTF I was talking about with respect to "you get out of something what you put into it."

To put it into perspective, daughter moved out at 19 which is when I moved out of my dad's house and it wasn't an antagonistic move at all.

What's often missing is taking responsibility for one's choices. If a teenager REALLY doesn't want to be at home, they likely have options, be it family or friends. What shouldn't be an option is treating the person who is providing for them like shit. No one is entitled to take their provider for granted.

Is this harsh? I dunno. But there is a positive, affirming power in making choices. And it's not an excuse to "I have nowhere else to go." That doesn't cut it. I've known people who couch-surfed for years with friends/relatives because that's what it took, either to follow a dream or live the life they wanted.

Is this always an option? Mostly, but not always. If a person needs and I mean, NEEDS, help then as tough as it is, that's a choice that has to be made. My wife was about to have our oldest, a high functioning autistic child, live with relatives at 16 because he just wasn't being functional (and yes, he is and was more than capable of this). I refused because I was unwilling to leave my son to have to grow up without the tools he needed, so I doubled down on raising him. Most people now have no idea that he's high functioning autistic. But that's a CHOICE both my son and I made to be committed to his growth and maturity. And on many days, he's the best at being plugged in and participatory when he was almost always the worst. Special needs would need to be handled with even that much more care and thoughtfulness.

The point is that every parent has choices and I don't mean abandonment (although, technically, that's a choice. I absolutely don't advocate that). However, it is important for children to understand after a certain age that there are certain things in life in which participation isn't optional.

It is okay to say, "this is unacceptable". And if that child moves on, wish them well and do what you can to be supportive. Contact shouldn't end, for example, if a child chooses to live with a Grandparent (Oh, and FYI, living with a Grandparent isn't all it's cracked up to be as my eldest daughter found out. It's very different from visiting that same grandparent)

Tl;dr Laziness, apathy and/or antagonism aren't acceptable. It is entirely reasonable to set boundaries and adhere to them. Why take things away? There's no choice in that. People are much happier when they live with their choices. Oh, and as an aside, my daughter did move back home once. I was happy to be a resource as long as she wanted to be home. She really did. And when she was ready to resume her life, she moved out again. Moreover, she feels empowered because she has had the opportunity to own her choices. If a child opts to stay or leave, it's a conscious choice. Don't allow apathy or antagonism to be a choice, because it's not if you want a functioning household.

[StayTuned]

I dont think anything you post is even half true.

[Protean]

its my nephew and his girlfriend.

Tell your nephew he has to shape up, or you'll kick her out. Now you've got the upper hand until they move away.

[shadowmouse]

Do I need to grab him by the throat and throw him up against a wall?

That works great, until he, his girlfriend, or someone they know report it to the police. It doesn't matter that you're related, a physical attack or even the threat of an attack is still a crime. Visits from the police tend not to sit will with landlords, and visiting police may also choose to take notice of things like any drugs or other irregularities. Probably a good idea to avoid visits from the constabulary.

What am I doing wrong?

I hate to be "that guy" but ... I dood it. You aren't in a position to ask much because you don't seem to be aware of the image you project. Teens pick up on that. Anything you say gets diluted by their thought "well, the drunken, stoner hippie reject is in one hell of a state to lecture anyone, isn't he"? You lose even more influence when it comes across as you need them to get you through everyday things like going out to the store for you, simply because it seems like you need them. That's not the best of bargaining positions.

Put it together and you'd probably find they think you're a drunk and a stoner who rants about things, but if they ignore you the problem will go away (and you'll even clean up the mess for them).

[Dismembered]

Just let them live for a week how they want with their trash etc. trust me it will disgust them how it will look and smell in the end and they will clean up by themselfes every day lol

[helebelemon]

What am I doing wrong?

Move out of mom's house.

[Deleted]

yes i am a teenager, dont deal with any mess from me?

[Deleted]

Have you tried threatening to take of your belt?

In all serious though, only thing you can do is sit out their teenage years and hope they get out better.

[Xandrigity]

Password protect the WiFI and don't let the little bastards know it. It's all they care about and becomes a great bargaining tool.

[Crispin]

So I throw my 14 year olds shit in his bed/throw it out/throw it outside, he can fix it before he goes to sleep. I've given up on cursing him out, since it's pointless and tiring. It works alot better than bitching at him, fishing his jacket out of the trash can the 7th time made him realise that he can hang it up or smell like trash, his disrespectful behaviour has consequenses, I'm sure he misses back when it was just yelling. It's oddly satisfying to be trolling him for his crap tbh.

[Techno-Druid]

teenagers in general tend to be absolute dogshit wastes. i loathe them.

either make it leave or ignore it.

I'm a teenager...you loathe me?

[derpkitteh]

I'm a teenager...you loathe me?

in general, not all teens. some are worth a damn. you don't seem like the type that would kick my cat or dog, or shoot shit, damage things etc.

[zenkai]

How do you deal with their constant mess? I've tried shaming them over and over but it only lasts for an hour and then the garbage piles up again.

What am I doing wrong? Do I need to grab him by the throat and throw him up against a wall?

why is it so hard for teenagers to throw pop cans/garbage into the recycling? I'm at my wits end here.

You start taking away their toys and buying the shit they want, they quickly realize who has the power.