Online Dating, I forgot!

[Stelio Kontos]

[MENTION=1370736]1. You just love to give Freighter a difficult time (not going to feed you the straight line) but the female Asian posters do draw their share of creepy stalker types even here, and this isn't a dating site. Case in point was the guy who was all over pestering Megitsune. We also had a group of fake posters, who played it up much like the guys pretending to be female in WoW to get over.

This is very true, because of how many western men fetishize Asian women, especially in internet/gaming related circles, Asian women are constantly being harassed by weirdos.

I worked as a teaching assistant back in college, helping to teach Japanese students English while they were enrolled in a tourism studies program. Essentially training them to work in hotels and hospitality and tourism-related jobs back in Japan. Feather in my cap for being an English tutor without English being my first language, but that's beside the point.

There was one guy. This guy....he was the dead-on personification of everything Asian girls talk about when they mention creepy Asian fetishists. He had the job just to talk to Japanese girls. He was Mormon, always dressed business casual. Obsessed with anime. Poor social skills. He was always trying to hang out with whole groups of Japanese girls, then he'd single one out and try to get a relationship going.

It never worked. Not even once. I asked him once, what it was he was looking for in a woman, because he asked for help talking to girls.

His list was hilarious and weird:

1. She had to be Japanese
2. She had to be a virgin
3. She had to be a Mormon
4. She had to be into anime and video games.
5. She couldn't touch alcohol (tied in with the Mormonism bit)
6. She had to be submissive.

What could I say to that? Later I heard he essentially stalked one of the girls in the program. Even went to Japan and "invited" himself to her town and tried to stay with her. He was convinced that would bring a relationship. The poor girl ended up complaining to the program about him and changes had to be made.

[shadowmouse]

Feather in my cap for being an English tutor without English being my first language, but that's beside the point.

An accomplishment all the same. It's a bit late but congratulations!

There was one guy. This guy....he was the dead-on personification of everything Asian girls talk about when they mention creepy Asian fetishists.

I know the sort. I meet them all too often, even though I try to avoid expat hangouts. Since I'm a guy, and I've been here awhile, I'm sometimes assumed to be a similar aficionado -- to be regaled with tales and (since I must be happy as a pig in clover surrounded by young Asian women) asked for rather explicit pointers on how to pick them up. This tends to cause me to have sudden inexplicable allergy attacks that force me to leave quickly.

One of my favorites was the guy who was ready to jump any Chinese woman less than 100 years old, and willing to make an exception if he'd had at least one beer. There are cameras in the classrooms, in part to monitor tests. They're there to discourage cheating and such, they aren't subtle. He was proudly recounting how he had just done one of his students from another school on the desk in a classroom when he paused and said: "did you guys know they have cameras in those classrooms? Do you think anyone saw?" Of course we assured him that nobody every looked at those feeds and they were like fake cameras in a convenience store. Nope, they are constantly monitored because security is also watching for theft and unauthorized usage -- and the door to the security office for those monitors is usually open, with the rows of monitors clearly visible. Yes, we stayed late to have another round of beer after he left, to celebrate the image of him with his pants around his ankles on CCTV, watched by random students and building security. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. We could only hope that it wound up on the Internet.

[Lahis]

You guys act like you're reading or writing resumes for a job interview here. ONE ACTUAL REQUIREMENT: look like someone that people want to fuck. It's not difficult to understand, just difficult for many to pull off.

"Difficult to pull of" is an understatement.

[Coldfrostzero]

Why do you think me not wanting to date fetishists has anything to do with me being single?

Just because a guy likes Asian women doesn't mean it is a fetish. I like Asian women, but I've dated white girls and my recent girlfriend who just dumped me was a mixed girl (black/white). Unless the man is ONLY into Asian women, and won't even consider a women of another race, then maybe you've got a point. However, you getting a message saying "I like Asian women" or whatever you've claimed doesn't mean anything other than "I like Asian women." Not trying to be a jerk or anything, but if you think every guy who likes Asian women has a fetish, you're going to have a rough time finding someone and probably already passed on perfectly normal people.

More on topic, so last night on Plenty of Fish I got a message from a girl who lives in my area. Unfortunately, she was a prostitute. She even asked if I was a cop or worked for the police, I explained that police do not have to identify themselves. I feel a little disheartened, but if I get lucky, there is a girl at the local Target who has caught my eye. No idea if she'd be interested, but she seems really nice and went through a semi similar situation from the small conversation we had at her register. Might not lead to anything, but I've got nothing more to lose.

[Freighter]

Not trying to be a jerk or anything, but if you think every guy who likes Asian women has a fetish, you're going to have a rough time finding someone and probably already passed on perfectly normal people.

Even if I thought that(I don't) it wouldn't make any noticeable difference.

[Deleted]

You guys act like you're reading or writing resumes for a job interview here. ONE ACTUAL REQUIREMENT: look like someone that people want to fuck. It's not difficult to understand, just difficult for many to pull off.

Even if you look good, as a man, you still have to do the work. You still have to approach. You still have to learn game.

[Deleted]

That's not necessarily true. I served in the military with a guy that I can be objective in saying was a perfect 10 in the eyes of lady's looks-wise. He was also the goofiest cornball socially inept person I knew. He would regularly have women fall at his feet just because of his looks. People are a lot more shallow than you think when you look perfect for fucking.

There are no perfect 10's. And it heavily depends on how these women looked like. Of course if you are an 8 or a 9, you might have a lot of 4's, 5's and 6's chasing after you. Game is about having sex with women that are more attractive than you, not less. Everybody can fuck down.

[Coldfrostzero]

That's not necessarily true. I served in the military with a guy that I can be objective in saying was a perfect 10 in the eyes of lady's looks-wise. He was also the goofiest cornball socially inept person I knew. He would regularly have women fall at his feet just because of his looks. People are a lot more shallow than you think when you look perfect for fucking.

Yeah, but when they realize how awkward he is, do they stick around? Sure looks get your foot in the door, but that shallowness runs out pretty fast.

[Deleted]

Why do you think me not wanting to date fetishists has anything to do with me being single?

Maybe you see every guy who likes you as a fetishist.

[A dot Ham]

What's online dating? Oh, that thing where you send a match a message, and never get one in return, and repeat? Yeah, that.

Seriously. Been on OkCupid for years, only person that ever messaged me first had three kids.

Thirsty...

[Freighter]

Maybe you see every guy who likes you as a fetishist.

No, I don't.

[Coldfrostzero]

I mean, as someone who is objectively not the best looking person in the world, I can tell you guys are trying to make out that suaveness or whatever outweighs looks. It simply isn't true. There are plenty of people with fucked up looks and good personalities that stay lonely their whole adult lives and there are many good looking people with no redeemable personality traits getting whatever they want whether it be a family, random hookups or getting paid for looking so gorgeous.

I"m just saying, when it really comes down to it, people are primal and they only really want to fuck what makes them feel good and that is a good-looking person. You might be able to sneak in under the radar occasionally with your funny quips or confidence, but you're not the prize everyone is looking for.

I'd spend more time in the gym and less time trying to write out your case on an online dating site that no one will ever read.

It depends on the situation, you don't have to settle for less, but its a long road to get more.

I've dated some extremely beautiful women, my last (now) two ex's were undeniably out of my league. I nearly married the most recent one until she left me a month ago now (9+ years together). I'm trying the whole Tinder / Plenty of Fish thing to really no avail. Tinder is the silliest of the two though, mainly because you match and try to talk with someone and either they never check their profile or they just don't care. With PoF you can at least tell when someone looked at your profile to see if it'd be worthwhile to look into them.

I'm not a bad looking guy and I am pretty interesting (or so I've been told), but the hardest part is getting a girl to respond so that you can strike up a conversation. Sent plenty of unanswered messaged on either app and not boring "hi" ones either. Usually try to say something about what they are doing in a picture or something they wrote about themselves so they'll elaborate since people love to talk about themselves, but no reply.

[Daneman]

No, I don't.

Would you date a white man? What about other korean women, how do they feel about dating white men?

[Deleted]

Tinder is the silliest of the two though, mainly because you match and try to talk with someone and either they never check their profile or they just don't care. With PoF you can at least tell when someone looked at your profile to see if it'd be worthwhile to look into them.

I'm not a bad looking guy and I am pretty interesting (or so I've been told), but the hardest part is getting a girl to respond so that you can strike up a conversation. Sent plenty of unanswered messaged on either app and not boring "hi" ones either. Usually try to say something about what they are doing in a picture or something they wrote about themselves so they'll elaborate since people love to talk about themselves, but no reply.

Tinder is just for sex or self boosting. Chicks there will either respond to you if you are hot and will have sex with you or will ignore/play hard to get because they are in a relationship and just want to spite their BF or boost their own confidance "I can totally get guys on me online! So cool!".

PoF or OkCupid is better, but even there you have people that "want to date" that don't really want to date, just socialize. Went out with a few girls, one was so wierd, like she was high all the time and barely had any interest in walking let alone sex or dating.

[Ballistic]

I'm new to OkCupid (It looks better than Tinder) but it looks like I have zero chance If I'm a foreigner. You might all have a better chance than me LOL.

[Deleted]

Would you date a white man? What about other korean women, how do they feel about dating white men?

Asians love white men.

[shadowmouse]

Asians love white men.

Ah, back to the uninformed racist stereotypes already? I can't recall you mentioning that you've even met, let alone dated one of these mythical "Asian" women, and I say mythical because you are trying to apply one stereotype to a very wide swath of cultures. For a guy whose knowledge of dating comes from pick up artists on the Internet, you certainly have an inflated opinion of your expertise.

[Deleted]

Ah, back to the uninformed racist stereotypes already? I can't recall you mentioning that you've even met, let alone dated one of these mythical "Asian" women, and I say mythical because you are trying to apply one stereotype to a very wide swath of cultures. For a guy whose knowledge of dating comes from pick up artists on the Internet, you certainly have an inflated opinion of your expertise.

Yeah, saying that one race likes another is racist. But it's not racist to say that white men love Asians, is it? Or to say that they have an Asian fetish, like so many have done in here.

[shadowmouse]

Yeah, saying that one race likes another is racist. But it's not racist to say that white men love Asians, is it? Or to say that they have an Asian fetish, like so many have done in here.

Mr. Trump, is that you? Because that's the level of comprehension you're showing, and the degree of honesty in your answers.

The difference between like and fetish has been explained to you more than a few times. One more time ... X does not like being a fetish object is not the same as X does not like all men of a general group, nor is it the same as all men of a general group hold a particular fetish. It is neither more nor less than finding one particular behavior annoying.

By the way, I missed your reply about how many Asian women you've dated. I'm waiting to hear, because dang you must be a pro.

[Deleted]

Mr. Trump, is that you? Because that's the level of comprehension you're showing, and the degree of honesty in your answers.

The difference between like and fetish has been explained to you more than a few times. One more time ... X does not like being a fetish object is not the same as X does not like all men of a general group, nor is it the same as all men of a general group hold a particular fetish. It is neither more nor less than finding one particular behavior annoying.

By the way, I missed your reply about how many Asian women you've dated. I'm waiting to hear, because dang you must be a pro.

It doesn't matter. You said a statement like "race 1 likes race 2" is racist, yet the reverse isn't. Generalisations are ok if made about race 1, but not ok if made about race 2.