Fell in love with my school Headmaster, what do i do?

[Halyon]

I am not the OP, because let's be real I am sure you have your suspicions about this whole story anyways.

Sure, I mostly debate for the debate itself though, I like to challenge my beliefs.

Ok bare with me let say this were you or me, or whatever, and i am like OMFG I love this _______ can't live without. Granted we are adults, granted this is stupid, but hear me out, because this shit can happen.

People can suddenly feel after whatever path they are on, it is the wrong one, the chances are not good, I conceded this is a stupid idea. However if you or I ran across a situation where someone either of us came across simply just rocked our world, and they feel the same and there is a real connection NO a ring shouldn't make much of a differences outside of the considerations that you've given.

But recognized and moved passed, people do get together, and unless it's marriage it's fair game.

That's your opinion, and I still disagree. If the person I targetted with my affection was in a stabil relationship, ring or not, I'd leave them be, because know what? What matters to me is them being happy. If they're happy, then I have no right or want to interfere, I will just get over myself and be the best friend that I can be to them, if applicable.

Ok I see how you frame that, and I can't say NO because that is an opinion, but my counter is not knowing the situation, I also wouldn't want to encourage two people to be miserable the rest of their lives either, when there is a real shot, however stupid or slim to none i think it is.

Gotta weigh how much it's worth then. In this situation I don't find any worth in risking it. If someone did take the risk, they're either too impulsive, or the consequences don't matter that much to them, which puts the intent of the attempt into question as well, then it just comes off as "just wanted a quick fling"...or they have wasy access to another job opening as well.

[Gravity2015]

You act as if the person has no agency this is the 21st century, unless there is a ring, there is no established commitment.

could care less, the OP refers to her as "headmaster" (i know this is based on her roll), but maybe he should keep playing online chess or dungeons and dragons than risk getting his ass kicked by his headmasters significant other lol

[Doctor Amadeus]

You say that yet most of the people i know aren't married and are in long term relationships. Im not married and i've been with my partner for six years. So none of my friends are committed to one another? Me and my partner aren't committed to one another?

A ring and a certificate doesn't make commitment valid. The commitment comes from what the two people have

Nope, and If your partner is willing and asked out that is ALL that matters period.

A ring is a symbol, if someone else has business with your friend, well that is between them.

- - - Updated - - -

could care less, the OP refers to her as "headmaster" (i know this is based on her roll), but maybe he should keep playing online chess or dungeons and dragons than risk getting his ass kicked by his headmasters significant other lol

Well if the she is willing, then she can take care of her insignificant other.

[Malkiah]

You act as if the person has no agency this is the 21st century, unless there is a ring, there is no established commitment.

two quick things:

1. that's a load of bullshit because commitment has no relation to public displays.
2. thinking over the course of my life and the people i've known, i've known more married people who cheated than i have unmarried married who cheated.

statistically speaking marriage simply has zero impact on whether or not a given person will cheat, and statistically speaking being married or not married makes no difference to the likelihood of someone in that relationship cheating.

[Gravity2015]

Well if the she is willing, then she can take care of her insignificant other.

I would love to revisit this years from now and find out I was wrong and that insured made the right choice by confessing his love to this #1 in charge Headmaster (her title indicates she is worth the attempt)..

OP - follow your nose, might get lucky

[Malkiah]

A ring is a symbol, if someone else has business with your friend, well that is between them.

a ring is a "do not step on grass" sign stuck on a patch of greenery outside of the entrance of a mall.

you're acting like it's some kind of magical barrier, and it's really hilarious.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Sure, I mostly debate for the debate itself though, I like to challenge my beliefs.

I can appreciate that, it's fun to hammer out ideas.

That's your opinion, and I still disagree. If the person I targetted with my affection was in a stabil relationship, ring or not, I'd leave them be, because know what? What matters to me is them being happy. If they're happy, then I have no right or want to interfere, I will just get over myself and be the best friend that I can be to them, if applicable.

Well I think you are conflating some things, you seem to describe a friends. This is a guy interested in a woman who might be his friend seems to be his boss, her boyfriend is insignificant to him. It is in no way his concern outside of a normal factor of could this person be a threat.

They aren't friends, this woman obviously is someone he is interested in, the only one that holds any importance is here when it comes to going further full stop.

Gotta weigh how much it's worth then. In this situation I don't find any worth in risking it. If someone did take the risk, they're either too impulsive, or the consequences don't matter that much to them, which puts the intent of the attempt into question as well, then it just comes off as "just wanted a quick fling"...or they have wasy access to another job opening as well.

Of course I agree about the risk, which as I said I don't know HOW important this is to the parties involved. But life is full of risks, I mean if her boyfriend is some lunatic violent asshole, I am sure that could be a factor, but sometimes that is what it comes to.

However keep in mind it has to come from her lips her mind what she wants, if she makes it clear she is ok with switching up, her ex can deal.

[videotape]

I have a better idea: date some other people and forget about this absurd fantasy. Remember that nothing was meant to be, there are a million people you can be happy with, and she's fucking taken already. There are three things that can happen if you go for this:

1) You will be rejected, quite possibly ruining your work environment and maybe even forcing you to find a new job.
2) She will actually end her 8-year relationship to be with a co-worker who is "in love" with her despite having established no mutual romantic connection, but she will ultimately realize the one-sidedness of the infatuation and leave you disappointed and inconsolable as she shatters your totally unrealistic perception of her.
3) She will actually end her 8-year relationship to be with a co-worker with whom she is also secretly in love, and you'll both live happily ever after forever and ever.

Probability estimate of these things happening is about 99% for #1, 0.9% for #2, and 0.1% for #3. Your call though.

[Doctor Amadeus]

two quick things:

1. that's a load of bullshit because commitment has no relation to public displays.
2. thinking over the course of my life and the people i've known, i've known more married people who cheated than i have unmarried married who cheated.

statistically speaking marriage simply has zero impact on whether or not a given person will cheat, and statistically speaking being married or not married makes no difference to the likelihood of someone in that relationship cheating.

It makes a difference in a over all symbolic act which means actually having to step the fuck up. If that hasn't happened and he has dragged his feet, and she is tired of waiting, or wants to switch up, again that is all that matters.

[Moadar]

Don't shit where you eat.

[Doctor Amadeus]

I would love to revisit this years from now and find out I was wrong and that insured made the right choice by confessing his love to this #1 in charge Headmaster (her title indicates she is worth the attempt)..

OP - follow your nose, might get lucky

Honestly the OP sounds silly, and I am saying 99 out of 100 this is a bad idea. But if this is real it's their life, who am I to advice what they should do, only know what I would do under the right circumstances.

[Tiwack]

1. She's in a relationship.

2. Don't shit where you eat.

3. Get down town and get on the market.

[Doctor Amadeus]

a ring is a "do not step on grass" sign stuck on a patch of greenery outside of the entrance of a mall.

you're acting like it's some kind of magical barrier, and it's really hilarious.

Well her boyfriends feelings aren't a fucking symbol of anything. If she is up for switching or exploring options then so long as she isn't married then I say all is fair in love and war.

Plenty of guys especially believe in feeding that bullshit, I love you, and we are committed and blah blah blah blah.


It's fucking nonsense, fuck em!

[Malkiah]

It makes a difference in a over all symbolic act which means actually having to step the fuck up.

well, two things to this:

1. no it doesn't, not any sort of objectively defined quantifiable way.

2. any way in which you think it does is purely in your head... which is fine, because commitment and relationships are all just in our heads, they're all arbitrary abstractions we've invented, and while the meaning behind them is subjective it's still real to the individual.
but... it's still subjective. marriage or not means nothing to anyone that isn't that individual, and just because you personally assign value to that fictional construct doesn't mean anyone else does.

[Gravity2015]

there are only a few woman job titles that automatically make them worth going after romantically ... HeadMaster seems like a no brainer - I do see where OP is coming from..

[Doctor Amadeus]

well, two things to this:
1. no it doesn't, not any sort of objectively defined quantifiable way.
2. any way in which you think it does is purely in your head... which is fine, because commitment and relationships are all just in our heads, they're all arbitrary abstractions we've invented, and while the meaning behind them is subjective it's still real to the individual.
but... it's still subjective. marriage or not means nothing to anyone that isn't that individual, and just because you personally assign value to that fictional construct doesn't mean anyone else does.

yes it does, it is legally a defined way, if two people are married that is a substantive barrier where as the feelings of some insignificant other and their feelings isn't.


It's only fictional if some complacent insignificant, sits on their ass and does nothing while expecting to their lame ass efforts should mean something, yeah I laugh at that. I will respect a marriage, I respect if a person says no.

I don't respect some insignificant doofus still under delusions he is in the future picture because he says I love you once in awhile LMFAO!


I am a grown up and an adult, if i find interest and it is return from another adult for a romantic love, they got plans, I have plans, our plans work together, the insignificant other can go watch football or eat a raw steak at the bar or something.

[Swalload]

I started working at this school as tech support about 3 years ago where I met this wonderful Headmaster, let's call her Kriss ( she was second in command at first, she became headmaster the following year) and it was love at first sight for me but i didn't pursue her. There is a 4 year gap between us which isn't a problem at all, i'm 29 and she is 33.

Here is where things become complicated, Kriss has a bf, they've been together for about 8 years, they also live together but they are still not married. She is a very lovely, loving, kind person and she is this way with everyone around her. Kriss and I have a good friendly relationship we talk and joke all the time.

I was thinking about telling her how i feel, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do. On one hand this would kinda give me closure so i can move on, but on the other hand Kriss is my boss and I still have to work with her after the fact and I am a little bit afraid how this will affect our relationship.

What do you guys think? Is it ok, fair to pursue a girl who is in a relationship for this long?

Okay my dude, this coming from a guy who went through something EXTREMELY SIMILAR a few years back so read carefully.

First, here's what my situation was: she was not my boss, and only 2 years older, we were classmates in a 3D art program (with very strong possibility of eventually working together in the same company or at least in the same industry). We became really good friends pretty quick, she also had a boyfriend for a long time, about 8 years as well or around that.
Here's what made me keep going: her relationship with her boyfriend was getting worst every day as WE were getting closer. Other classmates who didn't know us very well legitimately thought we were a couple. Even teachers were asking me about her if she was sick or something some days she didn't show up (and I always knew the reasons so it looked even more like we had a pretty close private life).
Here's what made me hold off: they were fucking engaged, and she's like extremely loyal and respectful, like even if their relationship was bad they were still a couple and she wouldn't cheat or anything, which is respectable of course.

Anyways at some point she and her bf took a break, she moved out and went to live with a friend. Other shitty events in the mix pushed me to just straight up tell her how I felt about her, and basically everything slowly went to shit but these details don't make any difference for my advice.

Here's my advice: these things are a case by case situation. If her relationship with her boyfriend is good, I think your chances of this ending well for you are very close to non-existant. You need to check for pros and cons of your own situation. How much do you like that job? How much do you value your friendship in a situation where it never becomes more than that? Just based on a forum post I would say that you should look around, see other people, see if you can kinda get her out of your head and in the end maybe find another girl, all while keeping your job and a good friendship with your boss, like a big win-win situation, who knows?

Your situation is more serious than mine, as much as I didn't regret just going ham and telling her everything, I don't think it's that simple in your situation, there's more at stake so I really don't suggest you do that. You gotta really think about it, but try to not think as yourself, try to detach yourself from the situation and see it from a more grounded perspective.

[Malkiah]

yes it does, it is legally a defined way, if two people are married that is a substantive barrier where as the feelings of some insignificant other and their feelings isn't.

i'm sorry, i don't even know how to respond to this because that is one of the dumbest things i've ever seen another human being attempt to earnestly posit as a truth about the physical world.
you either have a magnificently naive view of relationships and marriage, or you've never actually known anyone in a marriage before, because that statement is such a load of crap it defies reason.

marriage is nothing more or less than posting a speed limit sign on a highway.
acting like that's going to realistically impact everyone's behavior is ludicrous to the point of absurdity.

It's only fictional if some complacent insignificant, sits on their ass and does nothing while expecting to their lame ass efforts should mean something, yeah I laugh at that. I will respect a marriage, I respect if a person says no.

no, it's still fictional either way, as in it's a fabrication with no basis in reality.
relationships in general and marriage especially is a children's story that we've all collectively agreed to buy into - which gives it subjective importance, no doubt, but it has no real or substantive weight.

I don't respect some insignificant doofus still under delusions he is in the future picture because he says I love you once in awhile LMFAO!

lol on that we most definitely agree.

I am a grown up and an adult, if i find interest and it is return from another adult for a romantic love, they got plans, I have plans, our plans work together, the insignificant other can go watch football or eat a raw steak at the bar or something.

yeah i'd personally never fuck with another couple's relationship, that's just my personal code - and granted it's one i think is sound, and one i'd advise others to use as well, but it's still just personal and subjective and i'd never pretend that because i think it that means everyone else does.

[Halyon]

Well I think you are conflating some things, you seem to describe a friends. This is a guy interested in a woman who might be his friend seems to be his boss, her boyfriend is insignificant to him. It is in no way his concern outside of a normal factor of could this person be a threat.

They aren't friends, this woman obviously is someone he is interested in, the only one that holds any importance is here when it comes to going further full stop.

You continued the subject from my/your own perspectives, and from my perspective... Friend or not, if I'm interested in someone who is already in a relationship, I will not interfere at all if they're happy. My ultimate goal with a relationship is happiness for both, but if that is not to be, then I seek happiness for them, regardless of who it is with, I can look elsewhere.

[Verzen]

I started working at this school as tech support about 3 years ago where I met this wonderful Headmaster, let's call her Kriss ( she was second in command at first, she became headmaster the following year) and it was love at first sight for me but i didn't pursue her. There is a 4 year gap between us which isn't a problem at all, i'm 29 and she is 33.

Here is where things become complicated, Kriss has a bf, they've been together for about 8 years, they also live together but they are still not married. She is a very lovely, loving, kind person and she is this way with everyone around her. Kriss and I have a good friendly relationship we talk and joke all the time.

I was thinking about telling her how i feel, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do. On one hand this would kinda give me closure so i can move on, but on the other hand Kriss is my boss and I still have to work with her after the fact and I am a little bit afraid how this will affect our relationship.

What do you guys think? Is it ok, fair to pursue a girl who is in a relationship for this long?

Obviously you need to kill the boyfriend then present her his head as a sign of commitment. She will fall madly in love with you in part due to your show of dominance.