The Girl of my dreams may have changed her mind about me. What do I do?

[v2prwsmb45yhuq3wj23vpjk]

Wow.....wow......wow......i'm gonna need to see your Godwin's Law license sir? we can't be willy nilly bringing that up atm.

Back on topic.... in this case, and because of my history. I know the signs this person is showing, the medical professionals called it "human detachment disorder". Alot of the outward signs lean towards it, meaning a bout of crazy is not far away. This bout, does not have to be violent, but can be "life altering" if she subverts things in OPs life (ie finding another relationship). I put it as food for thought.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with mentioning Hitler.

But yeah, I'm betting you had one experience and got an explanation of her behavior from a psychologist. Even if you were/are an expert, the amount of information the OP has given is hardly enough to make such a call.

[Bixy]

Don't sit there promising her the world when she is vulnerable it just leads to disappointment.

[Deleo]

You are so fried. Forget about it. Played it too cheesy.

[Kulthor]

Women... They still exist? I gave up on them years ago.
I'll be single for the rest of my life and have no kids (Hate them anyways) and no gold digging crazy wife.
Life alone seems like a paradise to me.

[Deleted]

calling you a kid is kinda a clear message
saying big worlds like never is a nono, empty promise
pushing her to come out with an answer will only get you turned down, you already said youll wait. stick to your words
you remind me of myself in my younger days^^

[PriestRela]

Hey, there's nothing wrong with mentioning Hitler.

But yeah, I'm betting you had one experience and got an explanation of her behavior from a psychologist. Even if you were/are an expert, the amount of information the OP has given is hardly enough to make such a call.

Ive dealt with all types, cheaters, money grubbers.....but yeah i read the OP and got a chill down my spine because it just sounded so damn familiar. And while a complete pysch workup isnt possible on limited info. I based my theory on a key piece of info.... they are both obviously young, Im gonna go to say 16-20 range. At that age, what "hurt could be soooooooooo bad" to not let anyone in? Hmmmm.....i know we all thought high school was the most important thing, but it wasn't thats a emo overeation of epic levels. Which leads me to believe, that the pushing away is "more extreme" than stated because its not from a possible beakup romance, but a sign of deeper abuses (going back to childhood).... a root cause of human detachment disorder.

[v2prwsmb45yhuq3wj23vpjk]

Ive dealt with all types, cheaters, money grubbers.....but yeah i read the OP and got a chill down my spine because it just sounded so damn familiar. And while a complete pysch workup isnt possible on limited info. I based my theory on a key piece of info.... they are both obviously young, Im gonna go to say 16-20 range. At that age, what "hurt could be soooooooooo bad" to not let anyone in? Hmmmm.....i know we all thought high school was the most important thing, but it wasn't thats a emo overeation of epic levels. Which leads me to believe, that the pushing away is "more extreme" than stated because its not from a possible beakup romance, but a sign of deeper abuses (going back to childhood).... a root cause of human detachment disorder.

It was something that happened over the course of a day. People say lots of stuff they don't really mean when in that kind of situation. Even over the course of a month this wouldn't be unusual. Bad breakups can hit people really hard, especially teenagers. Now, if she continued to be like this for quite some time, I could see it.

I would be more worried for him if she immediately went for him.

[Jeleh]

Back off, give her space for a couple of months, resume, profit. Her reaction clearly says she is not ready or willing to be with anyone, she at least needs a bit of time.

[Necrolepsy]

Friend zoned hard. Find a new girl.

[PriestRela]

It was something that happened over the course of a day. People say lots of stuff they don't really mean when in that kind of situation. Even over the course of a month this wouldn't be unusual. Bad breakups can hit people really hard, especially teenagers. Now, if she continued to be like this for quite some time, I could see it.

Typical case study of these things, the reaction shes having to the OP seems at least IMO drawn out. I wouldn't be overly surprised if there wasn't some form of abuse there in her childhood. Also, it tends to lead formally abused children into bad relationships with very abusive men/women which feeds the cycle. It seems to me, that OP's little miss is showing potential triggers and is likely a time bomb.

It's sad in these cases, the miss is really a hurting person but will refuse to get the help needed, or refuse to admit a problem. It doesn't change my advice to the OP however, he should run away asap. For baseline reason that he stands no chance/shouldn't want to take the chance. However, with these possible triggers and her actions, maybe its slightly more complex then "hit it or quit it" as some posters implyed.

If by some longshot, im right......OP DON'T BE A HERO! I know its tempting, and 16 years ago ......yeah i was you. Its not worth it, she needs professional help in that rare case.

[Verbatim]

Back away slowly, let her stew in whatever "I'm fragile and insecure" things she has going on. The way I see it, things will go one of two ways;

1. She'll eventually come around. She'll realize that not everyone on the planet aims to intentionally abuse her, and she'll start to open up once again. Should that time arrive while you're around, you go ahead and subtly remind her that you might be her best bet. Don't drop on your knees with roses, but throw in a few remarks that'll leave her wondering - and hopefully interested.

2. She'll never change. She'll continue to methodically spurn every decent guy in her vicinity, you included OP, and hook up with another a-hole now and then.. which feeds the vicious cycle. If this should be the case, I can only say one thing. Good riddance. Go find a girl who isn't that unreasonably mental, and you'll live to see that she's not the only fish in the pond. Nor the best, for that matter.

Edit: If I come off as crude, I apologize. However it's my firm belief that life is too short, to aimlessly pine and yearn for one person - especially one that seems out of reach for the moment.

[Collegeguy]

Why would you want to be with a girl that needs to "think about it"...?

[Tosu]

Sooo, you tell her how you feel, she asks for more time, and you continue to pester her from the immediate time after she said she needs time. Hmmmmmmmmm

[Heca]

She is using an excuse.

She's just not that into you. Sorry bud.

[Ankram]

Rinse repeat until you have felt that way about 5-6 women, then stop getting those feelings. At this point you will actually be able to rationalize/feel what it is you actually want out of a woman. Then you can proceed with finding one you could actually spend the rest of your life with. Rather than pummeling some girl with affection until she just give up, marries you, and then 20 years later realizes you are nothing like the man she now realizes she wants and leaves you.

[Pepitobenito]

This may sound callous, but save yourself the time and sanity, and just forget about it...at least for now. It's tough, when you find someone who you know is right for you, but they just don't see it for some largely inexplicable reason. Believe me, I'm in a similar situation, and am doing my best to just drop it and stop keeping my hopes up.

Is it working? Not really, because I'm being an idiot and continuing to want something that won't happen. And it's caused me all manner of mental grief.

[haxartus]

If she needs to "think about it", 99% of the time it means "no" but she is to polite to tell you directly.

[Deleted]

I mean, Hitler was a vegetarian, does that make all vegetarians crazy?

I have no idea if Hitler was a vegetarian or not, I've just heard it and wanted to mention him.

Hitler wasnt a vegetarian, its just a myth.
heres a better example for you;
Einstein was a vegetarian, does that make all vegetarians geniuses?

[Krullthor]

have you tried just simply telling her that you'll never give her up, let her down or desert her?
Or never make her cry, say goodbye or hurt her?
it helps if you combine it with a silly dance routine

seriously, if you're in the friend zone you're screwed. or you wont get screwed technically.
and if she gives you the "I don't want to get hurt" crap, that would mean she'll stay alone for the rest of her life. life is all about getting hurt & getting back up on the horse. (or underneath, depending on your preference). Use this wisdom to your advantage in a last desperate attempt to "get some"

also; asking a bunch of forum people you dont know for relationship advice is kind of sad

[Torne]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKWWyEP7Xaw

maybe she just wants you to be there without having to give you anything? I had that once, she said she loves me but can´t be with me right now because of stuff. I saw her at a party later, making out with a random jerk (I came to know him a few weeks later, he was such an incredible idiot that I nearly smashed my head against a wall) in the middle of a dancefloor. When I asked her wtf she was doing when she supposedly loved me she said "I just want to dance."
I was like wtf? glad I found another girl last year and she is incredible.

If you want to know if you still got chances, tell her to be fucking honest to you and say if she really wants more or "just" being friends. because it will break you if you stay on the "maybe it will work itself out?" trip. And if she really just wants you to be a friend that is there for her accept that she will not be your girl. then you can decide wheter to stay friends or not. even if she seems perfect, there are lots of "perfect" girls.