Help convincing wife to let me come back?

[Deleted]

you risked your marrage once before for the game and you got a second chance.
if I was in your wifes postion there is no way in hell I would give you a second chance if you neglect her for a game for the second time.
Your marrage just isnt worth risking.

[pwntzar]

but sadly during my "wow career" I became extremely addicted to the entire raiding scene and as a result nearly ended up divorced.

^Read that a loud. Now do you seriously believe that coming back won't lead to the same ordeal 6 months from now? Get it out of your head move on, get some counseling with your addictive personality if needed. I'm trying to be real with you, I understand that intentions don't come thru well in text.

[Stir]

Point in fact:
An alcoholic will always be an alcoholic. Touch the bottle, and you'll probably relapse.
Same thing with WoW, really... Once you get back into it, chances are you'll go back.

Besides, she has an emotional problem with WoW... An understandable one. Even if you could behave, even if you would prove a hundred times over that you're worth the trust, you're still giving her an emotional slap in the face.

[Kunker]

I can relate to you in the sense that I could feel the game dictating my life, and relationship, however insignificant it ended up being (stupid bitch), so I stopped. I slowly started to come back into the game. Rerolled, leveled nice and slow, enjoyed the game, and the biggest thing was to drop PvE as a whole and just PvP, it takes much less time.

Recently I started to PvE in RF because it takes like 2 hours a week to finish everything. I can guarantee you if you come back as "casual" it's not going to be enough for you, you're going to get frustrated with the rate of play and level of play from your new casual guild/guildmates and are going to pick up the hardcore raiding again.

That's my advance from my experience, take it as you will.

[Fencers]

@OP

Problem wasn't really World of Warcraft. The problem was your willingness to ignore her &/or devote time to a game when there might have been far more important things to get done. At least from her POV.

Provided you actually have some sort of self control, having a hobby is fine. And it's pretty healthy to have personal time to yourselves. But you clearly took it too far previously.

So yea, playing games is fine. Preoccupation with games over a real person is not fine. At all.

Raiding is demanding not in that it's simply a 2-3 hour commitment. It's more that raiding is a 2-3 hours commitment, 2-3 times a week @ specific times/days. Where you need to stick to that schedule to truly progress. Frankly, that's kinda not gonna be okay with a lot of women.

Only advice is make sure you got those impulses in check. Perhaps it's wise to find something less demanding on absolute schedule. I.E. games you can walk away from if needed [pause/save/turn off] or that you can go a few weeks or two without playing intensely when other IRL stuff comes up.

[Pull My Finger]

Well in case you didn't notice, your addiction is fucking with you again already. Also notice how you're falling into the typical addict bargaining behaviour. The point is, you're seriously straining your wife's patience and you don't even realize it. You think you do ("I can see where she is coming from") but in fact you don't. You're about to forfeit the last reserve of respect she has for you, watch it.

I'm gonna go and make a bold claim that you could NO WAY keep your playing habits in check after a while. And if you're honest, you know just as well as I do that the danger of relapsing is actually pretty high. You know it.

By they way, how about seeking help? I'm not thinking addiction - you seem to have a tremendous inward imbalance and tension, perhaps even a feeling of disjointedness? That's your real problem.

[Yourgrounded]

People are saying that WoW is not worth losing your marriage over, and it probably is not, but you have to be a special kind of weak person to let other people dictate what you do. Compromise, but do not give up on things you really want to do, next it will be your friends, your other hobbies, your car, the stuff you eat, how often you have sex etc. Talk to her and agree on maybe two nights/afternoons a week where you can play, and she can stay the fuck away from you, tell her that this is what you need, and if she does not agree start telling her to turn off the TV while she is watching x factor, tell her she is spending too much money on clothes or tell her she needs to go running since her ass is getting too big, see how she likes that.

If you cannot stick to the agreed time a week you have for the game then you are probably addicted again, and should either get her to put parental control on your account or just realise that you are maybe too weak to keep it on a casual level.

[pwntzar]

Your marrage just isnt worth risking

We really don't know the whole story, she could be a raging drama queen. But all the same, he went to the trouble of saving his marriage. But ya if you do come back I'd bet on her leaving your sorry buttootie.

[anveena]

I want to come back simply because I am tired of watching shows the poster above you listed lol. I need something to do other than work/pay the bills. I am the only one that works, she sits at home and keeps it clean while I do so. She has her tv, I need my games =)

So play a different game? Your wife doesn't like wow and has a good reason too. Best if luck finding a game, hopefully you don't choose this one.

[jahasafrat]

Even at its best, WoW just doesn't compare to a healthy human relationship. If it came anywhere close to making me lose a good woman, I'd drop the game cold-turkey and never look back.

[pwntzar]

just realise that you are maybe too weak to keep it on a casual level.

Are you perfect? That was uncalled for.

[Yourgrounded]

Even at its best, WoW just doesn't compare to a healthy human relationship. If it came anywhere close to making me lose a good woman, I'd drop the game cold-turkey and never look back.

Are you single or in a new relationship? Holding hands and staring into each others eyes gets old really fast, you need time apart or you will never miss each other. If your time apart from her is done playing a game then that should be your choice, I cant even imagine what kind of shitstorm I would start if I told my gf that she could never go shopping with her friends again.

[Mikael123]

Don't resume your WoW subscription. Don't risk going into a vicious circle with an increasing amount of time spent in WoW. Spend your time on something else than WoW, preferably something which also includes your wife.

[An_Unoriginal_Name]

... I can see where she is coming from but yeah, I need help so I can come back to my "stress reliever"

Thanks in advance.

Whatever stresses you may have, I'd suggest that you attempt to work it out with her. After all, you're married and I'd assume that you're committed to her and she is committed to you. Depending on how you open yourself up to her (I know, we men often suck at this), she might actually appreciate your efforts and start to understand why you want something to "relieve stress".

Surely she'd love to help you in anyway she could, if you let her. Communication is the key, too. Not just the act of communicating but how you do it. Have you ever asked her what it is that makes her hate WoW? Perhaps ask her how it used to make her feel, when you used to have your "addiction". Maybe she used to feel rejected or ignored. She could even have several other fears or insecurities that you might not even know about. Help her manage them and reassure her and, in turn, hopefully she'll help you manage your problems.

I don't mean to imply that I'm assuming anything of your relationship either, I just wanted to give some ideas. I'd even suggest more counselling too, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that (unless you run into a bad counsellor). We men typically avoid such things for various reasons but they can actually help us to realize many things.

Having said all this, if you remove whatever "stress" or problems you might be having then why would you need something to "relieve stress"? Drowning out reality with something else typically isn't a good way to handle stress or a problem, either. I've done it before and it certainly hasn't helped me in the slightest. Besides that, you're not really missing out on much when it comes to WoW these days, heh.

[Yourgrounded]

Are you perfect? That was uncalled for.

Did you even read what I wrote?

If you cannot stick to the agreed time a week you have for the game then you are probably addicted again, and should either get her to put parental control on your account or just realise that you are maybe too weak to keep it on a casual level.

[bewbilicious]

So play a different game? Your wife doesn't like wow and has a good reason too. Best if luck finding a game, hopefully you don't choose this one.

Yeah I actually was in the #2 Defiant guild in the World up until last week when I left the game due to boring raids. I played 4 days on average a week for 4 hours a night.

[The Ogdru Jahad]

compromise...ask her what HER terms are, before you tell her what you need. Then go from there.

[Kiasari]

Why are you coming here for advice if you've already made up your mind and won't listen? Stop playing the game or it'll end in divorce. We warned you.

[pycnopodia]

I played WoW up until a week or some before Cataclysm was released, but sadly during my "wow career" I became extremely addicted to the entire raiding scene and as a result nearly ended up divorced. I recently have had a HUGE want to come back to the game and try out Cataclysm and try to easy back into raiding (Keeping it casual, maybe 2 days a week). I have tried to approach the whole ordeal with my wife but frankly she wants nothing to do with the discussion. I was curious if anyone else has been in this situation and if anyone could give me advice to show her I am going to be able to keep it in check and not let it come between us again. I can see where she is coming from but yeah, I need help so I can come back to my "stress reliever"

Thanks in advance.

Find a different stress reliever.

There is literally millions of things you could want to do but you want to do more of the thing that almost ruined your marriage.
I think it looks like WoW already ruined your marriage, which is sad because you will for sure regret it later.

No one cares if you play a game now and then, or if its an MMO-game, but you are not just playing a game. You are devoting yourself so hard to the game and sacrificing yourself and even your marriage for the sake of this game. You have absolutely no control and you seek advice from people who in reality are the last ones you should take any advice from.

I think the reason you want to go back to WoW is because you feel the need to master something, be good at something and receive praise for your skills. Even if its all just an illusion it still feels real when you impress the newbs with your amazing skills.
You say you will play casually but I think you know your marriage hangs in a thin line and you will just go hardcore again when the divorce is settled..

If you care about your marriage you need to put wow behind you and find a new hobby, preferably something you can get better at than you used to be in wow.

If your marriage is not important and you wanna play the game then go ahead, do whatever makes you happy.

I suggest you watch the movie Click before making your choice, it may clear your mind so you either can play like you want with a good conscience or prevent you from going down a path you would regret later.
ww.imdb.com/title/tt0389860/

If you want to be able to play wow with your wife who now probably hates all about wow then you need a mindset where you really dont care about the game and you could easily ditch the game at any time. The less you care about the game and the less important the daily/weekly gaming sessions are for you the more likely you can safely start playing again without aggroing your wife.
Its possible but I dont think theres a chance with your current mindset, you need to discover some things about yourself first.

[Dembai]

You didn't play long enough to get burnt out - thus a relapse in your addiction level is inevitable.

Find another hobby - one that is more easy to control.

Jonesing hard enough to risk divorce twice? That's still addictive behavior. If you give a flying crap about your wife...and your life - don't do this to yourself again.