Should I return my ex-husband's heirloom?

[Lovechile]

Ok, so I've tried to Google the proper etiquette for this but my situation is slightly unique. Hopefully one of you awesome folks can help me out! <3

I was married to this guy for 3 years, we were together for 5 total. His mother gave me a pearl ring that was her grandmother's. When me and my husband split, I'll admit I was a little hostile towards him (he left me for another woman but that's besides the point) and when I was asked to return the ring (His mom asked me, not him) I refused. About 5 days after he told me he was leaving me for her, I moved from Alabama to Indiana. I recently returned to Alabama to get the rest of my stuff from my father's since I recently remarried (this was a while ago with the first husband and the ring) and came across it in my stuff. My question is this...Should I return it? I do know it means A LOT to his mom, it belonged to her Grandmother, and I've really got no use for it, I feel weird keeping it, it's not really worth enough to sell, and I'd feel REALLY bad just throwing it away if I could possibly return it to her without making it look like I'm trying to make drama or force myself back in or something..because since me and Ex split, apparently it's come out his family never liked me (they were all very wealthy and I'm from a blue-collar family) and they're kinda pretending I never happened since a divorce in the family would look bad for them.

So? Should I return it? And how? I would like to message his mother on facebook, or call her one, to inform her I'm sending it because I'm honestly scared that if I just drop it in the post she'll throw it away because they know I live in Indianapolis and it'll be postmarked from here. Should I message her, or just call? I just don't want to make a bunch of drama or anything...just return it.

halp?

Edit -for those of you who are asking "why did you hold onto it for so long?" I didn't. My husband told me he was leaving, 5 days later I had a suitcase of clothes and a couple of REALLY personal items (couple of pictures of me and family, important papers, ect) packed and was in 5 states away. The ring has been packed in my stuff in my father's storage since then. I recently got my stuff and brought it home to where I live now, was going through it, found the ring, and wanted to return it. Simple as that. It's just that his family has literally shunned all contact or mention of me, hence why I am asking for help. I realize the RIGHT thing is to return it -- but if it'd be worse for them for me to make myself known by sending it back after we've all moved on, I'd rather just not.

And before you bash me for being married twice, tell me I'm not "grown up" or anything along the lines of that, you've VERY obviously never been in a serious relationship or anything like that, and I'm glad you measure my level of "adultness" by my relationships with men -- I have a well paying job, I take care of myself, I pay my bills and I take care of business. That makes me more adult than A LOT of people on MMO-Champ.

2nd Edit -- I'm not "not over" the situation. I'm not holding onto it for spite. I'm not able to return it in person, I'm in Indiana and they live in Alabama. I'm not an "overemotional wreck". I fail to see how asking this makes me immature. I refused to return the ring at first because it was my wedding ring replacement ( I wasn't able to wear gold, and the ring is silver) and I was hurt, confused, and angry when they asked for it back. It was literally "Hey, Mom, your son left me..." "Oh, that's so sad, I'm so sorry your marriage fell apart...btw, I can has ring back?" I've only had 3 relationships in my life -- high school boyfriend, first husband, second husband.

Please, if you're just gonna be snarky, bash me, or act like a general jackass then just move on. I have 8 pages of that. I wanted to return the ring anyways, but I was wondering if it was the socially acceptable thing to do, and if anyone else would, because i was CURIOUS.

[Kalcheus]

Message on Facebook first

[ACES]

If he's making a new character and could use the XP boost then you should return it.

[Alvito]

Give it to his mom move on and get past the hate and be happy.

[sdkphoenix]

You should return it, especially since you said you have no use for it and it is a family heirloom. You are no longer family, and have no sentimental value attached to it. Facebook or call her, whichever you are comfortable with.

[blackblade]

If he's making a new character and could use the XP boost then you should return it.

Agreed. Unless you're talking about some IRL stuff. Then you should probably not drop it into the WoW forums.

[Thetruth1400]

You're doing the right thing in returning it as it has no meaning for you, but meaning to them. I'd say send her a facebook message saying you would like to return the ring, and ask how she would like it returned. If she wants it mailed, make sure to send it certified so you know it gets there. If she wants it back in person, maybe bite that bullet and return it in a neutral place, just so she has the piece of mind and you know you can leave as soon as you return it.

Good luck OP.

[GKLeatherCraft]

I would return it, Message first too, And hopefully she will receive it, as I know if you message someone who's not been in recent contact with you, or that you're not friends with, the message goes into the "others" folder, and they have no notification of it.

I hope your current marriage goes better, anyway^^

[ohshift]

His MOTHER gave it to you, not him.
SHE asked you to return it, not him.
HE was the one that screwed up, not her.

Doesn't seem that hard of a decision to me. You are punishing the wrong person here.
Should have stopped being so childish back when she asked it. Go there personally, like a grown up, return it and don't look back.

[Deleted]

Moved this to off topic.

[Anthonian]

Definitly message on Facebook as that'll remove any awkwardness that might come of a phone conversation. I'd give the ring back, myself. I would want someone to return something of mine if they had it so, based on that, I would give it back to them.

[Lovechile]

Agreed. Unless you're talking about some IRL stuff. Then you should probably not drop it into the WoW forums.

can't ask anywhere else. I've tried to ask my parents, and my father is "why are you hung up on him" and my mom is "trash it like he trashed you" and I'm like "STAHP THAT'S NOT CONTRUCTIVE UGHGHGHG"

besides, just because we play games doesn't mean we have rl stuff going on, and I figured someone might have been in this type of situation before.

Moved this to off topic.

Oh, shoot! I misclicked the forum! ty :3

[Forgettable]

Definitely return it to her. Just send her a facebook message saying you're sorry for keeping it as long as you did, and you want to return it. That's all that needs to be said.

[Raven]

If you didnt end it on bad terms with the mother too i would say return it. be on the + side with karma is always good

[Nightman]

\_/ care cup is empty, why bring your RL drama on here?

Infracted - please post constructively

[NatePsy]

Just message/call them and ask them for their address, go to the postal office and send it off. Done. It's really that simple, honestly.

[Lovechile]

His MOTHER gave it to you, not him.
SHE asked you to return it, not him.
HE was the one that screwed up, not her.

Doesn't seem that hard of a decision to me. You are punishing the wrong person here.
Should have stopped being so childish back when she asked it. Go there personally, like a grown up, return it and don't look back.

Well, I didn't return it for awhile after that because she was petty enough to photoshop me out of family photos on the website, and while I was no longer part of the family, I was at the time of the picture.

And going there is a -tad- bit hard. I live in Indiana, they live in Alabama...It took me 4 years to make a 550 mile drive just to see my dying father, not going to make it again to return a ring. Postman can cover that for me

\_/ care cup is empty, why bring your RL drama on here?

I'm not "bringing drama" here, if I wanted to bring the drama I would have added the whole story of the divorce. I simply asked for advice on what everyone else would do, because my parents are NO HELP. please take your snark elsewhere, it wasn't needed. If you don't want it, then don't read it

[Deleted]

Message the mother and take it from there, I'm sure she will be happy to get it back and understand why you didn't return it sooner.

[Gandrake]

Should I return it? I do know it means A LOT to his mom, it belonged to her Grandmother, and I've really got no use for it, I feel weird keeping it, it's not really worth enough to sell, and I'd feel REALLY bad just throwing it away if I could possibly return it to her without making it look like I'm trying to make drama or force myself back in or something..because since me and Ex split, apparently it's come out his family never liked me (they were all very wealthy and I'm from a blue-collar family) and they're kinda pretending I never happened since a divorce in the family would look bad for them.

At first, I was like... Yeah, why the hell not?

But after that last bit, I'd just melt it down into something else and then keep it around to remind me of how awesome I am. If they don't like you anyway, what's the point of trying to do anything nice for them?

If you're really determined about it though, you should just speak to her personally and keep anyone else out of the matter.

[Lothaeryn]

Keeping the ring the first place was wrong, while i know divorces are ugly and people tend to be picky about what they take away from that situation (especially since he left YOU, not the other way around) i understand that it feels justified. But given that the circumstances is now that you are holding onto a possession of the mother of your ex. not his property per se.

His mother gave you that heirloom in honor of your marriage and in hopes that it would last for you to pass it on to your children with him, but that did not last. It is unfortunate that it happened, but whatever the reason for the divorce, you let go of your relationships with them. Holding the ring is just keeping a reminder of a bitter situation, and im pretty sure she probably would resent you for keeping the ring.

If you ask me, while it is not expected of you, have the humility to return the ring to his mother, it will leave you on better terms and close that chapter of your life.

EDIT: now i saw the last bit since they are being snide about your relationship, if you return the ring, and they make some remarks about it, you are at least still in the right and on the moral ground by returning it, and they only make themselves look bad by doing so.