Advice needed on a Woman

[Tommy T]

Ok, so I'm 21, I'm an attractive, decent and fairly intelligent person. I've had a few girlfriends and a three year long relationship so I have healthy knowledge of women but I just can't for the life of me understand THIS woman.

But before that, I must tell you, I'm not that good with women, never have been a "player", or a guy who just chooses someone and get her. I've hit a bit of a snag recently and I think I'm just making things complicated in my head. Let me tell you a typical story.

First day of work, I come in, meet fellow colleagues, get shown around by the manager, walk past a fellow colleague called "Jess", and give her a smile. She looks but averts her gaze immediately. Don't really think anything of it. Later on, I end up working with her for a while, I say Hi, but she has headphones on, so I guess she didn't hear me? (I'm not trying to hit on her, I'm genuinely just trying to be friendly). Come in the next day, and it's the same damn thing. I look at her, smile like I do with everyone, and all I get is a cold look and then she looks away. I'm not looking to please everyone, so I just give up. I think it's a little rude to be honest, but what pisses me off, is she talks to everybody else. She doesn't even notice I'm there.

anyway, my shyness kicks in, and find myself freezing in awkwardness every time I'm near her.

One night, we are both waiting to be let in and I talk to her. She seems alright, maybe just a bit quiet, we have a rather limited conversation as she mainly just gives yes/no answers. Next day. I see her, give her a hearty smile and she does it again. That cold barren look, and then looks away and brings back all that awkward tension which is very uncomfortable.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Is it the way I walk, do I have something on my face?

It's gotten to the point where I actually hate this woman. Weird I know, but all the women I've ever known would at least TRY and be friendly? She's not that shy cause she talks to other guys my age with no problem...

I've tried talking to her. Doesn't work. Unless I actively tell her she's pissing me off, I don't really know what to do.

[CJack14dt]

All I can say is women that have interesting traits like this always end up being a hassle because you think that someday there is potential they will fall for you and stop being weird like that. Unfortunately that never happens and eventually the "interesting" that piqued your curiosity will become aggravating to you.

[Uwibami]

Just avoid her as much as possible, seems like the best choice.

Women, or just people in general who are like that, totally aren't worth it. They'll just waste your time trying to be nice to them.

[BLCalliente]

If she is "the hot girl" at work, she is probably tired of getting smiles from "the new guy" at work.

I used to get slightly annoyed by it, but it's hundreds times worse for women, especially if they don't want the attention.

[Deleted]

Gonna go out on a limb here and say she likes you - Clearly has no issues talking/smiling to other guys, only issue is with you, thus brings me to thinking the only reason could be she likes you.
That or you remind her of someone not so good?

Point is she is making an effort to avoid looking, talking and anything "you" related.
Either srsly likes you and doesn't know how to handle it or ..maybe thinks you are a player?

I'm a woman and we are difficult. Sry :P

[StayTuned]

Gonna go out on a limb here and say she likes you - Clearly has no issues talking/smiling to other guys, only issue is with you, thus brings me to thinking the only reason could be she likes you.
That or you remind her of someone not so good?

Point is she is making an effort to avoid looking, talking and anything "you" related.
Either srsly likes you and doesn't know how to handle it or ..maybe thinks you are a player?

I'm a woman and we are difficult. Sry :P

OR she hates him for no reason. Not like it did not happen b4 in human history.
As you said, women are difficult.

[Dhi]

since u only recently started work, its probably a good idea to have a healthy work relationship, just be frank ask her nicely what her problem is with you and if that dont work, then u tried ur best and can move on to ignore her

[Tommy T]

If she is "the hot girl" at work, she is probably tired of getting smiles from "the new guy" at work.

I used to get slightly annoyed by it, but it's hundreds times worse for women, especially if they don't want the attention.

Do you think you're better then everyone else? People aren't worth your attention? I don't see how a smile can annoy you unless you have a very distorted view of your self worth.

It could get annoying if I started to hit on her with lines and such but a smile is a smile.

[Deleted]

Maybe she just doesnt like you?

[Anonimus]

I wouldn't smile at you either.

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I'm just messing with ya.

Personally found that the act of ignoring expresses some level of interest or just genuine disinterest/dislike, but in your case it seems the latter (sorry). Maybe you remind her of her abusive dad. I'd say man up and ask what is wrong / if you have done something to offend her and if she still reacts like a cold bitch just let it slide and don't bother trying to be friendly to her anymore.

[Tommy T]

As I said, you can't please everyone and I am happy to accept the fact that she doesn't like me for any reason she has

[mmao]

have you seen her talk to any other guys normally?

[Tommy T]

have you seen her talk to any other guys normally?

Yes, all the time and she actually smiles. Shock horror!

[ThreeLions]

Well, I'm kind to everyone and people insult me. The only thing I can think of is that even though I do not come from a posh, rich background, but I have been brought up with people who speak rather poshly.

I am 5.5 in height, 12.3 stone, so I am a chubby bilbo baggins that has a posh voice. I am a target for most people, and girls are no exception. Girls in particular (and I cannot say all, for there are plenty of fantastic people) will see you, take you for what they see and hear first time, and will not change that opinion.

Perhaps she likes you? Perhaps you remind her of someone that hacked her off to the point of depression and cannot shake the thought?

There is a reason behind most things, perhaps she just does not trust you or know you enough to speak to you openly like she does with the other Employee's.

[Against the Modern World]

Why do you care at all if your job doesn't depend on communicating with her? Do you want to fuck her? I thought it's a working environment, not a dating club.

[Disenchanted]

Maybe she doesn't like you. Maybe she finds your smile to be creepy (not saying you have a creepy smile, but people misinterpret things all of the time). Maybe she finds you attractive / intimidating. Maybe she has a skeleton full of closets and worries about what you've heard about her already.

Who the hell knows?

The most likely explanation is she's naturally shy / insecure and takes a while to warm up to a stranger. Sure, she smiles and talks with everyone else. She's known them and been around them long enough to be comfortable. You? You're some new guy who keeps looking at her and smiling. Why? Are you mocking her? Is something in her teeth? Hair messed up? Planning to wear her skin as a dress on your birthday?

Best thing you can do is not pay her close attention. Don't go out of your way to smile at her or talk to her. Let any interactions happen naturally. If you choose to acknowledge her presence, say hi, but keep any smiles modest. If she's just that way, she eventually warm up in her own time. Don't try to force it.

[Deleted]

Closing. Gender-based stuff always ends up messy, as such it's a topic we ask users to refrain from discussing.