Best Friend's Wedding -- Not Invited?

[Callace]

What do you mean by "messy" ?

Disorganized. Like the type of people that leave socks on the carpet. They're really uptight about cleanliness. I almost always clean house and clean up around them though, so I don't understand the disparity. I think it's just an excuse.

[Deleted]

So to sum up. You're a guy who's been friends with another guy for 10+ years. He's been with this girl for half of that. They are having a wedding and inviting all the usual guests that normal to big sized weddings invite. You're not invited. You've already confronted said friend. His only reasoning is that his girl doesn't like you because you're awkward. The only example provided was how you left a sock on the floor once. There is no more complication to the story.

Based on that alone: yeah fuck that guy. He isn't a true friend and doesn't deserve an ounce more of your loyalty or caring. Go with the suggestion to show up at the place they're getting married with a card and politely wish them a happy life together before saying a final goodbye. Believe me, you're better off without friends like that.

This pretty much is what I'd also say.

[Deleted]

If my wife had told me that I couldn't have my best mate as my best man, I wouldn't have married her, let alone not inviting him at all.

Give him a call, tell him you want to sit down with both him AND his future wife. Meet them both face to face and explain how upset you are that you are not invited, let alone not involved at all and be honest about your feelings and thoughts. Ask for an honest explanation and if they pad around it, just wish them a happy life together and leave..

However, It may well be you have made a few comments in jest in the past or done something they have taken literally that you don't want to come.

[Theodon]

I'm personally would not too happy about a friend forcing his wift-to-be to do what he wants there, as it will just cause him problems early on in a marriage and likely snowball on from there. If a friend was put in an akward situation due to my presence then I'd bro it up and step aside to save him the discomfort/angst that would result due to my presence. You can either sacrifice a days worth of enjoyment, or he can risk sacrificing 5 years of work to get the relationship to the level of marriage with his other half. What would a true friend do in that situation?

[Eorayn]

OMG I am so cracked up by the first comment!
+10 internets

OT: Confront him. If he really is your friend he would want you there at his wedding.

[Ianus]

Kinda have to agree that the "Bro's before Ho's" brigade either have the most amazing and involved friends, or haven't been in an adult relationship yet.

Your mates are who who can relax and have fun with when you don't have other responsibilties, awesome

Your wife/husband is the person who will potentially be rearing your offspring with you and as such the perspective and involvement with you is completely different. My fiancé sometimes tells me the hard truths, and makes me do things I'd rather not do (when I'd rather be gaming with my mates or having a beer in the pub) and thats not because she's a control freak, she just has more of an interest in seeing me 'do the right thing' than my mates probably do (bless 'em).

On topic - talk to him, if he won't give you a reason then yeah, you'll have to build a bridge and get over it, hard luck. Chances are it's as you predict, because she doesn't like you, in which case its not that big a deal, its only a wedding.

all you wimps are disgrace to male sex...so only pussy matters i guess lmao.. its ok to have compromises with woman you love but even its about my friends and family and she is a bitch to them, then she can get only a boot in her ass.. also u wimps like SM bitches cause u have some mommy issues.. your problem is that u dont have self-respect..

<Infracted> Do not resort to personal attacks, please. Keep your posts respectful.

[smelltheglove]

only possible answers to the root of this situation:
1: friend is not as friendly as thought
2: wife to be is a bitch, and friend is a pussy
3: OP is a reprehensible douche
4: any combination of 1-3

[Odina]

I guess he chose hoes before bros.

-I'm inviting Steve to the wedding
-No, you're not
-Yes, dear

Yeah, I'm gonna go with the fact that he's not the friend you thought he is.

Or perhaps the guy is the OP's best friend but not vice versa? For all we know the OP is this guys "Karren" (see Dane cook skit)!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx69ONvci7o

[BMBLB]

my first reaction to seeing the post is that he's not actually a good friend and he doesn't see you that way, which sucks don't get me wrong.

but after reading it, I think she may already be pulling the strings in this thing and your friend is submitting to what she's saying. If I were in his shoes and I felt a strong relationship with you as you had for me, then nothing and nobody would break the loyalty i'd have with my best friend. sure, my fiance hates you, but she's gonna have to learn to deal with you because you're not going anywhere. So i see your friend as being cowardly by both ignoring/avoiding you and not inviting you to the wedding.

now if I were you, then I would be hurt and pissed. I suppose the mature thing to do would be to talk to him again, but I've been hurt so many times before in the same sort of situation that i'd probably just cut him out of my life, it'd be easy as I've done it multiple times before. but the way I see it, if someone you're willing to stand up for through thick and thin isn't willing to return the favor, then frankly that person isn't worth your time.

[Deleted]

I once had nearly the same situation not as serious as missing a wedding but a friendship that essentially fell off, we basically started hanging out with this guy in our group and he didnt like me for one reason or the other ( we still spoke whenever we met etc.. he never said anything about it ), but after a while he would always fob me off when we arranged to go for a drink, to the point that sometimes we had things arranged to go for a couple of pints on a friday and the other guy was going out and he would just fob me off at the last minute ( I know weird right its not like they were lovers or anything it was just an awkward situation I had idea why it came about ), we would still hang out, we both work in central london so would meet up for lunch and it was fine when the other guy didnt have to come around.

So at the end of the day, I just realized he wasnt really my friend, and didnt really care much, while yeah I had known him for a while we had gone to uni together and had shared a lot of fun over the years, he made his bed, and obviously didnt care about our friendship anymore, so I just withdrew completely and decided to cut it off rather than keep going some sort of charade.

Its the same here it seems you know what he is doing fairly clearly, I am not the kind of person to go begging someone to be part of their social/personal life, even if they decided to invite me, I wouldnt go anyway out of principle, I would always be one step back with anything they would potentially tell me after the fact, and would likely never really trust him again which means he wouldnt really be my friend anymore.

[anveena]

I guess he really isn't your best friend. I would confront him over it, and disown if he doesn't change his mind.

[StaeleAilar]

Turn up drunk and make a scene

While this may be funny, and it did make me laugh, i do not reccomend this >.>. It will cause more shit than it's worth.

As UncleSilas said, confront him about it, not in a provoking manner, and ask him exactly what the deal is. If his mrs has caused him to cut you out of his life and he is happy for her to do that, then he was never really a good friend to you and she is not a good girlfriend/fiance/wife to him. He will eventually realise this and regret pushing you away because of her, but by then it may be too late.

Anyway, good luck with the problem. Hopefully it can be sorted!

[McSpriest]

I'm wondering if anyone has been in this boat before...

I have been friends with this guy for ten years, up until recently, I've considered him my best friend.

He has a fiance that he's been engaged to for nearly half that time.

I suspect they are finally getting married.

She doesn't like me.

During the planning phase, he's basically gone into hiding from me.

I finally get him on the phone again today, to discover that I'm not invited to the wedding that is around the corner.


How offended should I be?

Disown him as a friend? Take it with a grain of salt? Act like it never happened and chalk it up as her fault?

Has anyone else been through this?

I'd say talk it over with him

it sounds like she told him that she didn't want you there.

if he's your best friend and you his then you need to talk to him. just because his soon to be wife dislikes you doesn't mean he should disown all his friends either. maybe she's not good for him if she won't let him see his friends.

I had a cousin marry a girl like that. she didn't like his friends so he stopped talking to them didn't like our family so convinced him to move. 2 years later they were divorced and he had no friends or family. he's moved back but its was very hard on him losing all his friends. your best friend should realize that a marriage is a two way relationship its about what she wants AND what he wants.

[Deleted]

Or you could just let them enjoy their big day, and try not to be such a self-righteous ********************, *****ing ***********!

[Jolly Duck]

Obviously we can't know the whole story, but based on what's going on... I'm guessing you guys aren't "best bro's" like you seemed to insinuate, and if you actually do/did think you were then it wasn't recipricated. Point is, I've got wow buddies, I've got drinking buddies, and I've got buddies that I actually like and would invite to my own wedding.

You missed the niche, you fell from the fold, you aren't what you thought you were to him (nohomo). You can act like a dramatic child and get in his face about why he doesn't want you at his wedding, or you can move on like a respectable person.

[McSpriest]

Don't make a scene and don't show up uninvited.

If this guy is really YOUR friend, you'll respect that he is making a compromise with his own feelings to keep his fiance happy.

This Bro's before hoes/pussy whipped/under the thumb crap that is spouted on the internet between kids does not exist in the real world of relationships and if you're a true friend and want your friend to be happy, you'll understand that to him, his fiance comes first.

no marriage goes two ways she cannot dictate the entire marriage and who he is friends with any more than he can dictate who she is friends with. she doesn't have to like the OP, but that doesn't mean that her soon-to-be husband has to leave all his friends and family behind to live as the second person in her life. that's not a healthy relationship and any marriage like that will most likely end in divorce. the small stuff is fine (ie. like he always takes out the trash or something minor like that) but on major things like who he's friends with he must remember a healthy marriage is built on both people being equals in the relationship

[Deleted]

I hope you decline the invite if they change their mind. Ask your "friend", what kind of a friend does not invite their best buddy to their marriage? It shouldn't matter what kind of person you are, a friend is a friend-

[Deleted]

If my friend didn't invite me to his marriage and even (tried?) To hide it from me, I would just confront him and ask why he Didn't invite me, but (real?) Best friends wouldn't do that....

[Wendyclear]

I'm not going to read through every single post to see if it was said, but if I were you, I would talk to him alone first and see the reasons/who's wearing the pants and if you find no resolution, go to the wedding, somehow get your paws on the mic, and propose a toast and start off saying congrats n all, then say you're his best friend and weren't invited because of his controlling wife and that's the measure of a man he is. Do this in front of everyone and I bet you people will look down on both of them, not everyone, but some at the least.

[StaeleAilar]

Don't make a scene and don't show up uninvited.

If this guy is really YOUR friend, you'll respect that he is making a compromise with his own feelings to keep his fiance happy.

This Bro's before hoes/pussy whipped/under the thumb crap that is spouted on the internet between kids does not exist in the real world of relationships and if you're a true friend and want your friend to be happy, you'll understand that to him, his fiance comes first.

Whilst i agree that his Fiance should come first, i have to respectfully disagree with your "does not exist" stuff. Because it does, and it even exists to the opposite end with men sometimes having their girlfriends "under the thumb". In a relationship if one person kicks up enough of a fuss that they don't like someone, the partner will inevitably just agree that it is easier to cut said person out to keep the fiance happy.

As i said earlier though, i agree that a scene should not be made and showing up uninvited is a bad idea aswell. Just talk to him about it and if it really has become a choice of you vs his fiance, sorry to say but the likelihood is that you lose.. for various reasons.