Afternoon folks, I made this thread to get a bit of feedback and criticism really, you see I've always wanted to write fantasy books that everyone will read and everyone will love but we all have to start somewhere. For as long as I can remember I've always been creative, I just wasn't sure how to channel that creativity. I went through high school and college taking art and graphic courses, I've looked into game design and I've even spent 2 years employed in web design but none of that felt quite right. Then I started to think, I really enjoyed my English classes in school, just studying how the language works and the beauty and depth of grammar and structure so I opened Word one day and I began to write. Before I knew it I had written four pages worth of ideas filled with magic and epic landscapes and mystical creatures. So I would simply like to ask if you would be so kind as to read a small section of rough work and tell me how it makes you feel. Are you engaged? Does it read fluently? Is it something you would carry on reading? I chose to post within this particular forum because I feel at home hear with other like-minded geeks who I share common interests with so im hoping I've hit the right target audience. So without further ado, enjoy.
"Fire!" The greying man bellowed to the row or archers atop the wall. The echoing sound of bow strings twanging sung through the air as hundreds of arrows were let loose. He shifted his shoulders under the weight of the steel plated armor, it wasn't designed for him so it didn't even fit and it was far from comfortable but it would keep him alive. Two boys that could have been no older than fifteen darted by him carrying a stretcher upon which was an elderly man who wailed and clutched at his leg. Everyone did their part here. A gust of icy wind cast his dark hair over his eyes, though his stance and expression remained unaffected as if water smashing upon rocks.
"How are you enjoying command, Daltren?"
Swinging round on his heels Daltren's eyebrows quickly dropped from curiosity into a scowl as he matched the voice to the man bounding towards him with a bucket of water in each hand. His shoulder length, straw-like hair was soaked with sweat. Either that or the fool had thrown himself into the well. His blonde beard was trimmed to perfection and his emerald green eyes shon like those of a cat. Unlike most he did not wear armor, he was clothed in a vibrant green coat lined with golden thread and silver buttons up the middle. Emond, Lord and ruler of the town.
"Try not to get your pretty dress wet, Lord Emond and... just do your job!" Daltren snapped as the lord jogged by him with a grin. Sighing he turned back to observe the situation. The gate was holding strong for now. Reports assured that his archers had control of the enemy infantry from the walls and that there had yet to be any casualties from this sector of town. His nose burnt and he almost coughed at the stink of burning wood and water reeds as several thatched rooves around him had been set alight by stray arrows coming over the wall. The makeshift infirmary that had been set up on the town green pierced his ears with shrieks and wails but he did his best to ignore them. Everyone was relying on him to tell them what to do. as if he knew what to do. They weren't so eager to listen to him when he was just a simple farmer but now, captain of the guard, nothing happened without his say so. He didn't want this power but wishing so would not change anything.