Girl Issues (as usual?)

[Deleted]

Hey, so I'm having some issues regarding a certain female, and I'm not sure what to do, so I came here for some anonymous advice. There is a long backstory to this, so bear with me. If your not interested in a long read, stop here!

So I met this girl on my university course, and we became really good friends. When I met her there was no attraction at either end, it was mutual friendship. But after about a month or so I realised I liked her quite a bit. Only problem was that she had a current boyfriend who she was pretty serious with. So we started some innocent flirting etc. nothing too serious, but over time it became more and more heated. Whenever we were in a room alone together sparks were flying. What you have to understand is, she was from a foreign country so she didn't have many friends and had been pretty depressed the previous year. She had become very closed off and I was the first person she had been able to talk to, properly, in a long time. It was almost as though we had a connection, and she loved coming over to mine to talk etc. as she didn't talk with her boyfriend at all.

So eventually I confessed that I had feelings for her, and she admitted that she felt the same way, but that she felt extremely guilty about it as she was seeing someone. So we decided to keep it casual and just leave our feelings alone for the time being. That was until things started going downhill with her boyfriend. Once this happened, things started elevating with us, there was more touching/hugging and we pretty much considered ourselves as together but not together if you know what I mean!
Eventually this culminated in the fact that she kissed me. More than once. But ended with her leaving in tears as she realised that she had cheated on her boyfriend. I thought this would end the whole thing right there, but after that things got even more heated, and we ended up kissing quite a bit. I of course realised I was being a dick, causing her to cheat so I made sure it never ever went further than that.

At this point I was getting very confused as to why she hadn't ended things with her current boyfriend. It turned out, she couldn't end things with her boyfriend because she was too scared to break up with him. Naturally this didn't sit too well with me, but I stuck by it, and told her to take her time. There were several occasions where she almost or actually did break up with him, but he would do something sweet and endearing that would draw her straight back in. He would then do something to hurt her and she would be straight back to the point where she was ready to break up with him again. All the while she would be coming over and we'd end up making out and I was struggling to keep my only kissing policy at this point.

So this carried on for a while until it came to the point where she had to return home once university finished. She had decided she was going to use the holiday as an anchor to get a fresh break from her boyfriend and then we might have a clean start next August. Things were going fine, she was getting over him, until he decided to go spend 2 weeks holiday in her country with her. This went really well for them and she ended up falling in love with him again. I on the other hand, had realised by this point that I loved her now, it wasn't just a crush anymore. After her boyfriend returned home, things ended up being very weird between us when we spoke. She kept telling me to get over her since she couldn't promise anything, but I couldn't believe her, as the next day she would flirt with me and I'd be drawn straight back in.

It wasn't until recently that she came back to university to do an internship. She spent two days with me before I went home where she basically told me, there was no chance for me now until things ended with her boyfriend. She could hardly look me in the eye the whole time, and she hugged me once the entire time. She also broke the news she was moving in with her boyfriend for next August's university year.

I, quite obviously, was pretty dejected at that point, as she had consistently tried to convince me she hadn't "friendzoned" me, up until this point. Now she is currently living with her boyfriend whilst she does her internship, and barely speaks to me, almost like she is trying to avoid me. She says she wants to be my friend but it honestly doesn't fully feel that way.


So thank you if you've stuck with me this far. Honestly this is the short version and I could have gone into much more detail about how things between me and her were far better than her current boyfriends but I shan't get into it! So this is my question, what should I do now? Honestly I'm still in love with her, and want nothing more than to be with her, but at the same time, it hurts a lot to be rejected this badly. I'm not sure how I feel about being friends because of the way she's treated me this whole time.
Any thoughts are really appreciated. Thanks for your time!

[announced]

sadly ur gonna have to let her go.. shes too much of a coward to actually break up with her boyfriend as you may have noticed.. and hes just gonna keep pushing her around... unfortunatly short of the boyfriend having an "accident" theres nothing u can do as its up to her.. unless u wanna tell him that u slept with her and see if he breaks up with her.

[Daymanmb]

got 99 problems but a bitch aint 1.

[Deleted]

unless u wanna tell him that u slept with her and see if he breaks up with her.

I'm 100% sure she would not want to be with me if I did that. And I never slept with her, we only ever kissed and maybe a little further. I never wanted her to fully cheat with me.

[Deleted]

Joined jun 2012 and has only 1 post ( which is this one) Why are you being anonomous :/

[Deleted]

I'm 100% sure she would not want to be with me if I did that. And I never slept with her, we only ever kissed and maybe a little further. I never wanted her to fully cheat with me.

Too bad, you have already fully cheated with her by "kissing and maybe a little further."

[Daymanmb]

Meet someone else and youll be surprised how quickly you get over her..

[Farolok]

It's just one of those things OP, you may not have had your chance so to speak, but the moment is gone now. It was fun while it lasted, but she was only using you to escape from her own relationship problems. I've been in a similar position with a girl being on the verge of breaking up with her boyfriend whilst in a bad relationship too, eventually she did. Things didn't go well, though. She ended up leaving me to go back to her ex. It's probably just aswell things ended the way they did in my opinion, as things could've got a lot worse and you could've ended up a lot more hurt.

[Deleted]

got 99 problems but a bitch aint 1.

got 99 problems but glitch aint 1

[rowaasr13]

Sorry, but why would girl ever leave somebody for some timid guy that "only kisses" her? Do not feel sorry. Who the fuck is that guy and why you must somehow restrain yourself. Go further. Be positively assertive. Don't ever apologize for doing something you wanted to. Or give up. Now.

[Deleted]

ironicly if you werent trying to protect your own self image with this 'cheat all the way' crap and had actually slept with her you probably would have won her. She was pushing herself to sleep with you so she wouldnt have to break up with him. Sleep with you, sobbingly confess her sins and after hes done yelling and stormed out shed have been free. Why else would she have kept comming back to you for these 'semi cheat' makeout sessions.

Your 'self control' in the end is whats friendzoned you.

Sadly this ship has now sailed as from what yer saying it seems shes settled on him now. Good news is there are PLENTY of fish in the sea in a year or two youll probably have had a couple more relationships under yer belt and will be looking back on this and laughing.

I will warn you though when you get into a new relationship there is a good chance she will come sniffing after you (your her backup guy afterall). Dont do the stupid thing, like i did, and go backwards. It will ruin a perfectly good relationship and youll be crushed when she goes back to her ex just cause hes pouting and saying sorry.

[Tekkommo]

Got 99 cans cos a bitch took one.

[Deleted]

Stop being so available and turn the tables on her. Right now you are her 'banker' so to speak. She knows she can stay with her boyfriend while you conveniently wait for her. She has her BF, and then she has you for security just in case something goes wrong.

The moment she sees you don't really care whether she likes you anymore. And the moment she sees you dating OTHER girls, is the moment when she'll want you back. People want what they can't have, and right now, you are not so appealing because she can have you whenever she wants.

TL:dr - Stop being her bitch.

got 99 problems but a bitch aint 1.

It appears a bitch is one of his problems in this case. So I guess he has 100.

[Dragonix80]

Sorry, but why would girl ever leave somebody for some timid guy that "only kisses" her? Do not feel sorry. Who the fuck is that guy and why you must somehow restrain yourself. Go further. Be positively assertive. Don't ever apologize for doing something you wanted to. Or give up. Now.

I disagree with you. Suppose you want to hurt someone else, you don't have to apologize for it? That's selfish. "You should do whatever it makes you happy" is the most selfish comment ever said nor it should be encouraged.

To OP, if the girl really want you, she will have a long talk with her boyfriend and tell her how she feel. Only when the girl have broken up with her boy for good, should you start date with her.

No one deserve to get hurt because of one's selfish need.

[Deleted]

Don't ever apologize for doing something you wanted to.

This doesn't make any sense.

[Suggs]

I'm 100% sure she would not want to be with me if I did that. And I never slept with her, we only ever kissed and maybe a little further. I never wanted her to fully cheat with me.

Kinda cant understand why people think having sex is when its classed as 'Cheating'... sorry man you both cheated on her BF the moment you kissed.

[Deleted]

Joined jun 2012 and has only 1 post ( which is this one) Why are you being anonomous :/

Because I would like it to remain anonymous, is there something wrong with that?

Sorry, but why would girl ever leave somebody for some timid guy that "only kisses" her? Do not feel sorry. Who the fuck is that guy and why you must somehow restrain yourself. Go further. Be positively assertive. Don't ever apologize for doing something you wanted to. Or give up. Now.

Quite frankly that's extremely selfish and I'm not going to do that. And I wasn't the only reason it never went further, she was also saying she didn't want us sleeping together to be something she would regret. And I was also reasonably friendly with her boyfriend since he knew that me and her were good friends, makes my position a little harder.
Like I said, I could have gone into much more detail about the position I'm in but it would have been a ridiculously long essay.

---------- Post added 2012-06-09 at 03:06 PM ----------

Kinda cant understand why people think having sex is when its classed as 'Cheating'... sorry man you both cheated on her BF the moment you kissed.

I understand, and personally I feel that it was cheating. I also think it would be much worse and harder to take back if we slept together rather than a kiss, wouldn't you say?

[ryotte]

Leave her alone. She's into the drama of cheating/breaking up/making up. She's a jerk or she's dumb, or both. Your best bet is to suck it up and move on because she has no intentions of leaving her BF for you and is just using you to make her life more entertaining.

[Stormspellz]

forget her, find someone who won't play games, and when she comes back, tell her just that "Not going to play this game, you had your chance."

[Deleted]

Leave her alone. She's into the drama of cheating/breaking up/making up. She's a jerk or she's dumb, or both. Your best bet is to suck it up and move on because she has no intentions of leaving her BF for you and is just using you to make her life more entertaining.

See that's what I thought at first aswell. But she has never had a history of ever doing this before (when we were friends before all the drama, I pretty much got her life story). Not to mention she has a habit of settling with bf's that she doesn't fully like, just because she's lonely. I think when she realised I reciprocated her feelings towards me and what we would have would be very real, she panicked a bit and backed off.