Childfree.

[Nayelie]

Don't want kids? Don't have kids. No one is forcing you.

I am 22. My mom was married and had 2 kids at 22.

My facebook news feed is full of baby pictures and wedding photos.

I choose to not let the pressure get to me. I want kids eventually, but not right now. I told my boyfriend I do not want to get married before I am 25, and I do not want to have kids until after that. So just chin up and ignore the pressure.

[Deleted]

i never said slandered, and perhaps berated is to harsh of a word, you did however respond aggressively when i gave MY opinion, of which you opened a thread about
also i did admit i had misconstrued your "not wanting children" a miscommunication there.

just because my opinions do not coincide with yours(and many others it seems) does not invalidate them.
@the apathetic / not caring part, you said that yourself. also anyones opinions who have varied from your own, you pretend don't matter at all, it seems that your mindset is "only my opinion matters" which is a part of the not caring / apathetic mindset. (complete indifference to others feelings, as evidenced to your replies here, and what you said to your parents, not caring about their opinions either, they raised you and you stomped on their hopes of having grandkids)

@who's hopes have you crushed? telling your parents flat out NO, instead of perhaps giving them hope that when their daughter grows up they can have grandkids.
also not caring about your parents feelings on the matter (you could approach the matter with them very differently)


if you do not want to have children, then don't, don't want to adopt, then don't..

what i have been saying isn't "go do this" it is...
make your parents feel better by telling them "when it is the right time / find the right man / may eventually adopt"
in the end you will do what you want... but please don't treat your parents that way.
give them some hope.

-edit-

i'm just not sure if i am being clear enough or even getting through...

even if in your own heart you decide to never deal with having/adopting children....
don't tell your family that...trust me it hurts to know your genetic line is going to end with your only child, it is better to...
give a little white lie to make them feel better...

sigh... i hope you understand what i am trying to get across...

Ah, sorry. I do have a tendency to be too blunt, and I'm sorry for that, honestly. However, I do not want to lie. I was raised in an honest home, and I will keep it that way. I have 2 siblings anyway, if I don't have kids, not that much of a loss.

I respect others opinion. That will not stop me from questioning it, because I don't understand it, and want to try doing so.

I understand what you're saying, but when what you're saying is contradictory to how my mother raised me, and what she has has said herself about being honest, then I will be honest with her. My grandparents is another matter.

---------- Post added 2012-06-25 at 11:26 PM ----------

Well then, if you get the same response EVERY SINGLE TIME you can bet your ass it's true!
Now, I don't want to come off as aggressive but seriously, who knows what exactly, at that age? You thought you knew how the world works when you were 15. How did that turn out for you?

If you get the same response, it's gotta stand for something, doesn't it?

Except there are people who had the same opinion from the age of 10 years younger and stuck to it.

[Holy]

I'm with you on this one. Having kids is such an expensive, exhausting task. Kids have no real value until they become adults, and it just isn't worth the effort (to me personally.) I'd also hate the idea of having kids come between me and my wife/girlfriend. You get to choose in that regard, but how how your kids turn out is really a crapshoot (even if you raise them a certain way.) Being female, you are dodging an extra bullet. I can't even imagine going through childbirth being male... wasting half a year of your life that way... makes me shudder.

Physically, mentally and financially there is just no question the not having kids is better for you. It also helps to slow down the inevitable overpopulation that we... well, already have. So thumbs up, and don't pop any out!

[Baratheon]

I'm with you on this one. Having kids is such an expensive, exhausting task. Kids have no real value until they become adults, and it just isn't worth the effort (to me personally.) I'd also hate the idea of having kids come between me and my wife/girlfriend. You get to choose in that regard, but how how your kids turn out is really a crapshoot (even if you raise them a certain way.) Being female, you are dodging an extra bullet. I can't even imagine going through childbirth being male... wasting half a year of your life that way... makes me shudder.

Physically, mentally and financially there is just no question the not having kids is better for you. It also helps to slow down the inevitable overpopulation that we... well, already have. So thumbs up, and don't pop any out!

I completely disagree with everything you just said. A child can bring joy to your life regardless of how expensive, time consuming it can be. When my son was born, my whole life changed (for the better). I realized how selfish, lazy, and ignorant I was about babies, kids, starting families, and just in general. Everyone has a different perspective I guess. Becoming a dad has made me more of a man than ever before.

[Deleted]

I completely disagree with everything you just said. A child can bring joy to your life regardless of how expensive, time consuming it can be. When my son was born, my whole life changed (for the better). I realized how selfish, lazy, and ignorant I was about babies, kids, starting families, and just in general. Everyone has a different perspective I guess. Becoming a dad has made me more of a man than ever before.

And that's fine and dandy, but don't expect it to be the case for everyone else.

[Baratheon]

And that's fine and dandy, but don't expect it to be the case for everyone else.

wtf are you talking about? when did I say i expect that for everyone else? Get off your high horse for a moment and realize other people have different opinions than your own.

[Holy]

I completely disagree with everything you just said. A child can bring joy to your life regardless of how expensive, time consuming it can be. When my son was born, my whole life changed (for the better). I realized how selfish, lazy, and ignorant I was about babies, kids, starting families, and just in general. Everyone has a different perspective I guess. Becoming a dad has made me more of a man than ever before.

That's why I added the note that It wasn't worth it for me personally. I have no problem with people having kids, it's their own business. I also disagree with most of what you said. I don't want to give up on personal and financial freedom to raise a child. I also don't think you suddenly 'awoke' from your stupor because you had a kid. Accepting responsibility isn't a bad thing, but being a parent is a responsibility you can never give up without just being a horrible cretin. I don't think it's going to make me a better person or 'more of a man' either, it might in fact have to opposite effect.

[Fojos]

Can I ask why? Why will she change her mind?
Will there be some overwhelming sense of 'I need to spawn children', or her life will become meaningless?

I'm not saying she will, but many people underestimate the biological side of it. It can strike suddenly.

I'm not planning on getting kids either, but I'm not foolish enough to expect to know exactly what I might (or not) want in the future.

[KingHorse]

What do you think? Do you want kids? Do you feel 'pressured' (social or otherwise) to have kids/family? Because of religion, and the agreement to the lifestyle of said religion? Do you just love kids? What do you think of childfree people?

I never felt pressured to have children, and I'm not religious.
I didn't want kids for years, to the point of saying I thought I never would.
I never liked/disliked children, but babies were always awesome: they're so much fun and easy to get a laugh out of.
Your "biological clock" is hardly an issue of any kind until you're in your late thirties/early forties usually.
I changed my mind about wanting a child when I married a woman that had children, and I got to see her interact with them, and started learning how to deal with them better myself. Essentially, seeing her be a mother made me want to be a father. So we had a baby. And he's fucking awesome!

Edit: I was 33 when this happened.

Not saying you'll change your mind, but it's possible.

[davispunx]

Wait until your late 20s because, if you are a woman, thats when it starts ticking.

[Baratheon]

That's why I added the note that It wasn't worth it for me personally. I have no problem with people having kids, it's their own business. I also disagree with most of what you said. I don't want to give up on personal and financial freedom to raise a child. I also don't think you suddenly 'awoke' from your stupor because you had a kid. Accepting responsibility isn't a bad thing, but being a parent is a responsibility you can never give up without just being a horrible cretin. I don't think it's going to make me a better person or 'more of a man' either, it might in fact have to opposite effect.

You wanted to put your 2 cents in, so can I. And where did you get the idea that I "awoke" from a stupor? Give me a break. Don't sit there and tell me what you know I went through when my child was born when you've never experienced it yourself. Commenting on something you know nothing about just makes you look like a complete tool.

[Deleted]

wtf are you talking about? when did I say i expect that for everyone else? Get off your high horse for a moment and realize other people have different opinions than your own.

Well, sorry for misunderstanding then, it came across that way to me.

[transorD]

My wife and I made the same decision before getting married. In fact, we discussed it on like our fourth date. Nothing wrong with not wanting kids if it's not for you, though I would suggest you give it a few more years before you do anything drastic like get a vasectomy or something. Everyone changes, and you're plenty young enough to have a change of heart in the next decade.

[Collie]

Didn't read many posts, but I know there are enough of them for me to be able to say the following.

To all of you people who say "Don't be silly, you'll change your mind" and "You don't know, it'll happen some day" - did you think for a single second that perhaps Jaguera has already considered these vague, nebulous ideas, and that maybe all of the months or years spent on self-analysis, and discussions with others about the subject, and exposure to children and parents has actually resulted (if not reinforced) her position on being childfree? Honestly, how do you believe you know someone so much better than themselves to be able to guarantee a change of perspective like that? For you to be happy with your decision to have children is one thing, but it doesn't grant you magical foresight.

Jaguera, you are no one's breeding machine. You didn't ask to be born, and you have no contract obligating you to produce offspring. It's your body. Do what you want with it. I don't even understand why this is such a big social issue, and plus, I fucking HATE kids. The more people who tell me they don't want to have them, the happier I feel for them.

[Holy]

You wanted to put your 2 cents in, so can I. And where did you get the idea that I "awoke" from a stupor? Give me a break. Don't sit there and tell me what you know I went through when my child was born when you've never experienced it yourself. Commenting on something you know nothing about just makes you look like a complete tool.

I didn't think I was being rude or saying anything personally insulting. By saying you awoke from your stupor I was commenting on how you said you realized you where selfish, lazy, etc. after you had a child, and I didn't meant stupor as an insult, but more of a lack of particular knowledge, which is something I really don't beleive in at all (aka the common paren thing wehre they say stuff like 'I didn't know anything until I had my child!'). Your 2 cents was a response to mine, so I decided to add another 2 to make a grand total of 6, but apparently I somehow became a tool in the process. It seems you have more hostility towards the opposite end of the spectrum then I do to me.

[Son of Lothar]

and plus, I fucking HATE kids. The more people who tell me they don't want to have them, the happier I feel for them.

I fucking HATE people who hate kids. Right back at ya.

[Arganis]

I think a whole lot of people in this thread hate kids / don't want to have any because they're kids themselves. Being selfish and purely hedonistic is a hallmark of immaturity. Also, hating the perpetuation of life says a lot about your identity on a subconscious level. (If you see only ugly things it's usually because you're ugly yourself)

I don't even understand why this is such a big social issue, and plus, I fucking HATE kids. The more people who tell me they don't want to have them, the happier I feel for them.

I don't understand how people can "hate" kids. We're all kids but I guess some of us like to pretend like we popped out of our mother's crotch with a phd.

[Son of Lothar]

I think a whole of people in this thread hate kids / don't want to have any because they're kids themselves. Being selfish and purely hedonistic is a hallmark of the immaturity. Also, hating the perpetuation of life says a lot about your identity on a subconscious level. (If you see only ugly things it's usually because you're ugly yourself)

^^ /applaud. Well said.

[Holy]

I think a whole of people in this thread hate kids / don't want to have any because they're kids themselves. Being selfish and purely hedonistic is a hallmark of the immaturity. Also, hating the perpetuation of life says a lot about your identity on a subconscious level. (If you see only ugly things it's usually because you're ugly yourself)

That's a whole lot of bologna. If you truly beleive that is the only reason people choose to not have kids, I am truly sorry for you...

[Rugdoctor]

One thing I would like to interject here about your opinions on children, I'm 24 myself with a 2 year old son... I still fucking hate other peoples kids, they stink, they're messy, and selfish, and all those things that you said, and I'd sooner kick them under a bus than take care of them.

But I love mine, hes all those things, and a little asshole. But he's my little asshole, and one day I'll be there for his first glass of whiskey, and I'll tell him hes an asshole who totally ruined my partying days, and then I'll tell him I love him and I'm glad he did, and not to have kids until hes 30.

Point is I hated kids, but I love mine. Science is funny that way, don't let your feelings about other peoples heathen brats spoil you on how you'll feel about your own, there's something different about it. Like a lot of folks have said, you're young, this is the time you're supposed to be worried about you, not a child, even as a parent I'm fully behind that logic. Mine wasn't intended, but I'm not one to shy away from responsiblity, it has its trying moments but even being so young its been one of the most oddly rewarding experiences of my still young life, and I don't think I'd trade him. I'd love to rework it so I could've had him like 6 or 7 years from now, but alas, earwax.