Was it wrong of me to do this?

[Sykol]

You people are sad. You're telling a guy who looked through a phone he's in the wrong, and excusing the girl for cheating on him? That's ridiculous.

If it was the other way around, the guy would be just another dickhead cheater, and the girl vindicated for following her women's intuition and exposing the nature of man.

[Sverige]

If it was the other way around, the guy would be just another dickhead cheater, and the girl vindicated for following her women's intuition and exposing the nature of man.

Sad but true.

[Chirri]

Yes, you were wrong.

You were both wrong. This doesn't sound like a situation whether either of you is going to come out in the right.

You invaded her privacy.

She cheated on you. I'd include that she lied about it, but I don't know what you said when you asked, and I don't know what she said (the specifics).

(no, not in that order... as far as we know <_<)

Sounds like both of you could do with a bit more growing up.

My first thoughts after reading just the first post were, "Have you ever been in an online chat room?" Because people flirt and .. other things quite a lot there. The vast majority of them don't mean most of what they type. I don't know where I stand in terms of cybering if you're in a relationship, but it's certainly a lesser evil than physically following through IRL, to my mind.

I don't know whether she was cheating purely electronically or not, but ... well. I'm not going to read 12 pages worth of posts, 30-50% of which couldn't even tell OP was still with his girlfriend prior to grabbing her phone and going through her texts.

You both done f'ed up. At least you're both free to find someone more on your own wave lengths though, right?

[Larynx]

Yes, it was wrong for you to read her phone.
Yes, it was wrong for her to want to cheat on you.

Both of you are dicks. Now kiss.

[Xanjori]

She's your ex. It was wrong and also none of your business...

Shes NOW his ex, she wasnt at the time.

[Theodon]

You people are sad. You're telling a guy who looked through a phone he's in the wrong, and excusing the girl for cheating on him? That's ridiculous.

Also, in a mature relationship, nobody would care if their partner messed around with their phone or computer, cause they've got nothing to hide.

Most people seem to be blasting both the man and woman here in this relationship. Sometimes things aren't so black and white, and are often just black and black, and this scenario is just such a situation. In a mature relationship there shouldn't be any problems with breaches of trust and privacy, and I personally think that any relationship will always have something to hide, and the reasons for hiding it aren't by default malicious or self-serving. This isn't one of those times though and both people are just wrong in the OP.

[Harry Botter]

Yes, you were wrong. It's none of your business who she's giving handjobs to now. You just made it worse for yourself now. Every time you're alone and bored and wondering what your ex is up to, you're going to imagine her yanking on a wiener... someone else's wiener.

OMG I laughed so loud.

OT. Yeah you were wrong. Obviously you were doing shit to make her look elsewhere (unless she is a ho) more than like your fault tho. So you should step back and see what you were doing to cause this.

[Polarthief]

So today me and my now ex girlfriend were hanging out and I started messing with her phone and looked at her messages and saw one that said something about sex so I looked into it and it turns out she was talking to this kid saying how he would make a great boyfriend and how she had fun when they did stuff and that she would give him and handjob and stuff but when I confronted her about it she got mad at me saying I shouldnt be looking through her phone but I told her she shouldnt be talking to guys like that and I ended it there. So was it wrong of me to look at her messages?

Was she messing around while you were WITH her, or after you guys broke up?

Or did you break up OVER this?

If you were still together and she was messaging some guy with that kind of stuff... If you guys weren't even in a semi-open relationship, then she's being a whore, and fuck her.

If you guys were broken up BEFORE she started texting these guys, then why the fuck are you so concerned about who she's with now? Jealous much?

---------- Post added 2012-07-03 at 10:18 PM ----------

He is saying that they were together at the time he did it.

"me and my now ex girlfriend" "and I ended it there"

Then my first answer is the right one. She's a fucking whore and fuck her. Glad you went through her phone and found out she was a slut c:

[oblivionx]

Because we're all the same, right? Even though quite a few women in this thread have been advocating privacy rights?

Shrug it's an anonymous forum, you can admit you rifled thru your bf's wallet and phone.

But, to the point... if it's a serious relationship what do you really have to hide? Cheaters are cheaters, they don't really deserve privacy to do their cheating.

[lupii]

I think the context of it was that he was just bored and decided to flip through it non-chalantly, then when he discovered suspicious wording he looked further into it. I couldn't see any real intent to check up that she was cheating on him. Mind you, with text, it is objective and there's a hundred and one ways of looking at a sentence, in terms of tone and emotion. "...messing with her phone..." is what leads me to this conclusion.

Further Thoughts:

Privacy...so tricky in this situation. If she had issues suddenly because she was caught, then thats kind of a defensive reaction to try to throw the blame on him.

In terms of the ACTUAL question, I think you didn't have any malicious intent with checking her messages, aka looking for if shes cheating. I wouldn't really say you were in the WRONG here. if you hadn't found anything suspicious I'd assume you wouldn't of delved further.

[Longbow73]

This is a really difficult thing to judge on (Supreme Court Time! jk) Anyways I would say that you were both in the wrong, but she was more so. She shouldn't be cheating on you, that's just unforgivable, but it wasn't right to invade her privacy. But she still out-wrongs you by like 200 light years.

[Hanto]

Personally, I feel it was justified because you found out she was cheating on you. However, normally I'd say you were in the wrong because it's an invasion of privacy. I used to snoop through my ex's texts and such as well. She used to be very naive when it came to guys trying to make a move on her, she almost let one guy bring her to the movies and dinner while we were still together. That didn't justify me snooping, but I was glad I did because that stuff needed to stop (and it did). Privacy wasn't an issue after that because we had a niiiiice long talk about it all.

Anyway, I wish you the best. You're better off without that conniving whore.

[Khaidu]

she was talking to this kid saying how he would make a great boyfriend and how she had fun when they did stuff and that she would give him and handjob and stuff

Did people overlook this part? Was it actually a kid? are you talking about child/kid or younger than you but legal kid?

Sure it is wrong to check her phone, but if she is going for underage children I would be reporting her to the authorities.