How do you tell someone you like them as more than friends?

[Nasriel]

Hey guys, similar to the guy in this thread In love, will tell the person today I have a person that i'm falling for. I wouldn't say it's love but it could be if you know what I mean. The big difference between myself and linked thread is the OP of the other thread is male who had fallen for another man, in my case i'm female and have fallen for a male. Although to be honest i'm expecting my outcome to be similar to the OP of the previous post....


so TLDR version if you don't want to read the wall of text:

I like a guy, I think he may like me but i'm not entirely sure. Just how the heck do you go about admitting your feelings? I'm not going to pull him aside and say "I LOVE YOU!" that would just plain scare him off and I'd be lying as i'm not in love with him. The potential is definitely there but it's not love. I just don't know how to approach the topic. I struggle to talk about my feelings and I know that he likes a girl but hasn't asked her out so if I want a chance i'm going to have to take the reins and make the first move but i just don't know how to.... So i'm kinda hoping you guys can give me some pointers... thanks in advance

EDIT: Resolution on page 3. I got the courage to ask him to see a movie. He said yes. Have tried since then to contact him twice. Both messages appear to have been ignored... It would appear i'm not even good enough for friendzone.

[Felicia]

I've always been really shy around guys myself. I didn't really date a lot in high school, but once I met my husband. That all changed really fast. I'm not sure how it is with other guys, but when I told him, he seemed to appreciate the directness. I did go around the mulberry bush with him for a while, but he really wasn't catching on :P I'd just tell him straight up, it makes things way easier. Just be honest with your feelings, and everything will fall into place by itself. If it doesn't work out, just remember that he's human, too.

[Gemini Sunrise]

Talk as equals, not potential mates. If he takes it poorly, probably wasn't worth pursuing in the first place.

[Deleted]

TLDR

You're friendzoned, sorry

[Nasriel]

TLDR

You're friendzoned, sorry

lol probably but still, it was a somewhat pointless reply :P

[Deleted]

Honesty is the best policy. It's always difficult to pluck up the courage to tell someone you love them, though if you can seriously see yourself as being in a long term relationship with someone, then it's best to tell them before you lose the chance. If the feeling is mutual, great! If he doesn't feel the same way, then at least you won't have to live the rest of your life with a dreaded 'what if'.

[Deleted]

Honesty is the best policy. It's always difficult to pluck up the courage to tell someone you love them, though if you can seriously see yourself as being in a long term relationship with someone, then it's best to tell them before you lose the chance. If the feeling is mutual, great! If he doesn't feel the same way, then at least you won't have to live the rest of your life with a dreaded 'what if'.

Why does your post shows twice.. O.o

[IIamaKing]

Write down how you feel, compiling it in the most concise way, read it to your self a few times then recite it to whomever.

[Deleted]

Why does your post shows twice.. O.o

Not sure, but I made an edit to correct a grammar error and it ended up showing the post twice! I edited it again to remove repeat text though. :P

[Stir]

You describe how much he leaned on you for help during his studies.

Normally, a person would probably ask for help; a few pointers here and there... But this one, you said you dragged through it.
Have you considered that he might have wánted to be dragged by you in order to spend more time with you?

His getting drunk: Classic. One possibility is:
Doesn't want to talk to you about his feelings, so he complains to his other friend (with a convenient though illogical reason to be complained at) within earshot of you, so that he's kind of telling you (by telling Luke) that he might want more and is getting desperate, and doesn't know if you'll reciprocate his feelings...
If that sounds crazy, then I'd say: It counts as logic amongst drunk people.

So try it. If you don't pull the trigger, you're going to be hungry anyway.

[Calzaeth]

Go with a healthy mix of honesty and eloquence.

Seriously, though. Just ask him to come over, watch a movie and enjoy yourselves, then slowly ease into the subject. Let him know that wether or not the feelings are mutual you're there for him, but that you would like to TRY a relationship. If he thinks it is a bad idea, DON'T MAKE IT AWKWARD! I can't stress this enough, but there is NO situation that is more awkward than the people involved make it. See him to the door, and continue acting according to your heart.

But just in case he is a moron, be prepared for him thinking things need to be awkward.

[Nasriel]

You describe how much he leaned on you for help during his studies.

Normally, a person would probably ask for help; a few pointers here and there... But this one, you said you dragged through it.
Have you considered that he might have wánted to be dragged by you in order to spend more time with you?

His getting drunk: Classic. One possibility is:
Doesn't want to talk to you about his feelings, so he complains to his other friend (with a convenient though illogical reason to be complained at) within earshot of you, so that he's kind of telling you (by telling Luke) that he might want more and is getting desperate, and doesn't know if you'll reciprocate his feelings...
If that sounds crazy, then I'd say: It counts as logic amongst drunk people.

So try it. If you don't pull the trigger, you're going to be hungry anyway.

Yes I have considered those options. I've noticed (especially in the past few days) that after we're finished for the day he'll hang back and wait for me so we can walk to the bus together (where we get time to chat together one on one), however i've been stupid and not gone as I had too much last minute fixing to do. There was this thing they were doing at the school where we had primary school kids come in and we were meant to be teaching them. He was also pushed into it and they had two team leaders. I was picked as was another guy... Shaun was given the option of which team he wanted to go in and without hesitation picked mine which I always thought was a bit odd as the other guy is a much better leader and far more knowledgable than I am...

As for getting drunk I was wondering if he was going for the "Liquid courage" option lol but that would have been a bad place to have such a discussion as it was very busy and I don't feel comfortable having a drunk person pouring his feelings out haha. I'd rather hear it from someone who is sober and completely in control.


I just hope to god he dosn't have a hang over today and not turn up otherwise i'm going to be left with the "What if" anyway

[Rakoth]

Don't come off too strong. You said yourself you think this might be love, or not. If you aren't sure, don't mention the L word. I am very much a strong proponent of not saying it until you are sure. (I said it to my future fiancee a full two months before she did).

I would just tell him that you would really like to hang out with him after all this is done. Ask him if he wants to grab a bite to eat or a drink . Setup a "date". Honestly, it sounds like he is into you. I wouldn't make a big declaration, it might scare him if he is also unsure. You could simply say, you enjoy hanging around with him and would like to see him outside these courses.

My story is similar, I met my partner in a course and we worked together. When the course was about to end, I asked her if she wanted to grab a coffee (we don't really drink) after the final exam. I didn't spell it out, but I also didn't say anything about as friends. It was our first date. two days later we did diner at a restaurant followed by desert and coffee in a small cafe. I walked her home (took the bus with her) and called her a day later. That's how we started dating, and the rest as we say is history. I am a month more or less away from a proposal and we have been living together for over three years now.

[blackblade]

Honesty is the best policy. It's always difficult to pluck up the courage to tell someone you love them, though if you can seriously see yourself as being in a long term relationship with someone, then it's best to tell them before you lose the chance. If the feeling is mutual, great! If he doesn't feel the same way, then at least you won't have to live the rest of your life with a dreaded 'what if'.

Yes. treat this What If as the worst case scenario; not the fallout if things go sour.

[TEHPALLYTANK]

My perception of this is that he lacks the confidence to tell you he likes you. I wish I had advice but unfortunately I'm not very good at relationship problems(Other people tend to get emotional, I get logical, they get upset and I lack the ability to understand as to why they get upset)

[Troklon]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA ... true in almost all cases so you got him anyway

[Nasriel]

Yes. treat this What If as the worst case scenario; not the fallout if things go sour.

I know Shaun well enough that he's not going to completely ignore me if he dosn't feel the same way The absolute worst case scenario other than "What if" is as someone posted above. Friend zoned. Which in itself isn't a bad thing as Shaun is a nice guy who is easy to get along with. I'd just really much prefer we were more than friends

He's not the type of guy that would go EW she likes me! I don't like her so i'm going to stop talking to her completely!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA ... true in almost all cases so you got him anyway

Not finished watching yet but I find it really interesting and funny how all the girls i've seen so far have said yes and all the blokes have said no.

[TekGoNos]

To quote some TV show: "Or, you could just kiss the girl" (well, guy, in this situation).

More seriously, I'm with Rakoth here: Invite him on a date, just you two, don't state that it's a date, but don't state that it's not a date either. That way you can always claim that it was just meant as a normal friend activity. If his answer is "can Luke come along", he's most likely not interested. (He could also be absolutely clueless or extremely terrified, but "not interested" is more likely). If he accepts, see how the date develops and if you get a good feeling, you might lean in for a kiss at the end of the night - or you can just ask "so, is this a date?" and look how he reacts.

[Jotaux]

Just tell him how you feel.

I did that with a girl I was crazy about. It turned out I was in the friend zone and while that really hurts at least I don't have any regrets. She's still my best friend and someone I can talk to about anything.

Judging from your story, he probably wants to be more than friends.

[Grimfrost]

Just go for it man.