Online Friends CAN BE Real Friends

[DeltrusDisc]

(Thank you to Sunshine for changing the title to something that isn't such an ultimatum!)

I never much questioned the belief present in the title, however I have known several who do. Some may say the internet has been around long enough we should be used to having conversations on it and such, and hell, even the same with the phone, yet still some people cling to the belief that "true friendships are formed in person" or some bull like that.

Now however? I am learning that it is not only a belief to believe in, but know is in fact true, at least if you ask me. Friendship can be put to the test in a multitude of fashions and, well, about an hour and a half ago I got up from bed and came down to my computer. Like the human robot I am, I grabbed a fruit drink on the way with some cereal on the way. I hit the power button on my computer, sat down in my chair, loaded up my overkill amount of 40 Google Chrome tabs and the first one, farthest to the left, is Faceebook. I wasn't planning to look much at my news feed however it was the first thing that popped up on Facebook and I noticed something off.

A good friend of mine (now of about 2-3 years) who I had first met in a dungeon run on an alt back in my World of Warcraft days, had posted an oddly long bit of text. At first I noticed how it was someone else posting in her stead, as they mentioned their name off the bat. Then it moved into "I'm very sorry to have to tell you all this" and I was thinking, in my still not fully-awoken state, "is Jessica in the hospital or something?"

I had to read it a good 2 or 3 times, but one of my dearest and best "online" friends, had passed away sometime over Sunday night, from a 'cardiac event,' likely a heart attack. Tears welled up nearly immediately. To avoid going too much into detail and get more back on topic, I suppose, the point of this is, whether you know the person IN REAL LIFE, IRL as most of you all know I am sure, does not matter in how close of friends you can be. Friendship is made through shared experiences, likes, dislikes, possibly beliefs, and so on and so forth. It does not matter whether you can touch this friend or not, who cares? The fact of the matter is you both enjoy spending time doing something together, or talking, or what have you.

This friend of mine started out simply as "that druid tree" in "one of many Blackrock Depths runs" which became Skype conversations, computer-geek talk, me bashing Apple relentlessly and she calming me down and teaching me that you can be a computer builder and still appreciate Apple, amongst many other things. She was in her mid-40s.

I suppose what really helped bring on this whole topic, and what I am more interested to hear from others about, is what do you think when a non-computer/online-type friend, someone who perhaps still doesn't care much for it all, says they think you can't have as good friends online. I used to be friends with a guy who was like this, he felt like me spending so much time back then playing WoW and valuing the friendships I made on it, was foolish. He said playing WoW is fine in itself, but valuing it/the people you meet is more or less bad. I ended up cutting off contact because he was very difficult to talk to, plus college took the kind and very gentle guy he was throughout high school and made him into, what more can I consider, a dick. He became hard to contact because he hated talking on the phone but also despised texting, and would get on Facebook once in a blue moon. This past March he sealed the deal when he visited my college and I introduced him to a couple fellow computer club friends of mine, who were working on some things having to do with coding and physics. The next day he essentially said they seemed overly obsessed with the computers (he met them for about 20 whopping minutes) and said he thinks people who spend a lot of time in front of a computer are essentially a waste. Being a computer nerd who built his own computer and is seeking a degree and certificates in the field towards a career, this was obviously something hard to take.

It's like when you hear the "but there are other PEOPLE playing these characters on my screen"... and the dreaded response "yes whatever." What do you say to that? I hope the mods will understand the point of this thread, I think it is part me getting my thoughts out but also just looking for others who know what it is like.

I can certainly say writing this all out finally cleared my mind up a bit, as they always say, talk/write out your feelings. It damn well works. Thanks for reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts on the conclusions I've come to, am I seeing things right or am I biased? I had another friend who, while she's only ever had one really close internet friend, believes they are just as special.

RIP Jess

[Sam the Wiser]

Thing about Online friendships is there either a hit or a miss. Most people just want something out of you these days.

[Deleted]

I have close online friends some for over 8years.we'll probably never meet but thats okay.
Wether its real friendship or not, they're just opinions of people and everyone seems to go along with it.

[Temp name]

First of all, I'm sorry to hear your friend has passed away.
Secondly, I agree with you. Being friends have nothing to do with being able to touch each other, it has something to do with both of you wanting to spent time together. I don't get the people who argue against it because, why is it you can't be friends if you haven't met up IRL?

[Nzx]

I met one of my best friends on World of Warcraft seven years ago. Started out being Nymph and Ticky, NE Hunter and Gnome Rogue, learning how to play the game, fucking round, leveling. Shooting the shit. Through periods of time where we talked less because one or the other was no longer playing the game, we would always pick up where we left off as if nothing had happened. It was never a friendship built on making a "profit" for either of us, which is what most RL "friendships" are. We're probably not people that would have been friends in real life simply because we have fairly different interests. But he's still someone I would trust with pretty much anything. I've known him longer now than anyone who I kick around with irl.. And yet people think internet friendships are meaningless. I guess what I'm saying, while rambling, is that you're right. Online friends are real friends, if you put the effort in.

I've been thinking about something about online communities too. A game like World of Warcraft completely removes your own past as a tool for people to judge you for. Unless you tell them, who is to know that in real life you're sitting in front of your computer in a room full of.. I dunno.. those real doll sex toy things. In the eight years I spent playing this game, I've probably carried pedophiles through 5 mans, corpse camped university professors in questing zones, bought items off a drug addict on the auction house and quested with celebrities. The beauty of it is you have no idea. The only thing you can really judge someone for is how they act in game, which is what every friendship should really be based on. In real life, people judge you based on your profession, your choice of hobbies, your physical appearance even if they say they don't. Online environments like WoW remove that "first impression" possibility. Not really relevant I know, but I thought it might provoke some discussion.

[Deleted]

Its just one of those things, And it doesent matter if people think online friendship is real or not. if you feel good having online friends who is there to stop you?
If you can talk to people, confide in them, trust them, but you havent met them.. how isnt that real friendship? people say no, and can't happen, will always go wrong, far too fast. just like long distant relationships. just because something doesent work in their eyes doesent mean it can't work for anyone.

[Jomaty]

First off, I am sorry for your loss. Everything you said has hit me on one way or another. I have lots of online friends, some just friends and some who I could consider to be best friends. I want to say I have just about as many friends who I've met through gaming, that I have met in real life. I have heard that before, many times, that people you meet online shouldn't even be considered friends.

Most of the friends that I do have I've known since middle of BC, early Wrath. A majority of them have my phone number, we are friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter, and from time to time we talk on Skype. There are even a few people who I raided with in the first tier of Cata who I have done the same with, I'd say that he is probably one of my best friends. Same age etc.

Anyway, point is, siding with DeltrusDisc, yes I agree, you do not have to know somebody in real life to get close to them and actually mean something to you.

[Sills]

First off, my condolances to you for the loss of your friend. Second, thank you for taking the time to post such a deep and moving topic. I too have seen people, both online and offline, who scoff at the idea of real friendships forming in WoW.

In my experience, real bonds do form in WoW. Battling and grinding through the different challenges in the game with the same group of people year after year can really bring a group together and begin establishing those relationships. You get to know each other bit by bit through small talk and polite conversation. Suddenly you realize that you have more in common with your guildmates than just the love of a game. This is when friendships and real bonds start to form. Over time these grow stronger and stronger as you continue to overcome challenges and chat online in the game or via voice comms. I have a few people in my guild who I would consider my friends without evening thinking about it. I can talk to them just like I would talk to my friends in real life. These are real bonds that form and losing one in such a tragic way as the OP can hurt just as much as losing an offline friend. When you and a group of people talk via Skype or Vent or whatever you may use, how is that different than talking to friends on a phone call?

I know there are people in real life who will balk at this idea of real, online friendships. In my experience, those people are just ignorant of the truth. These games are playe with real people with real feelings so of course over time real friendships can develop. That can make playing the game all that much better!

[Pipboi]

I never really thought that I could have online friends that meant as much to me as real friends, because my family brain washed me into thinking so. But now days my best friend, who's been my best friend since diapers, is now more of an online friend. We spend more time hanging out in video games and skype than we do anywhere else. We also met another friend who's now more close to me than my other "real life" friends. I tell both of them pretty much everything, most of which I don't tell my other friends. But it doesn't matter whether or not they're "real life" friends or not, because to me they're just as important as anything.

[Migrin]

Hey Bro, I know what you are talking about. For people who have not yet been part of an online community, it is hard to understand that. I play this game since its release and through all this time, there have been four people I constantly played with. We meet at least once a year, making city tours and it is really great seeing them. I really do consider them good friends.

Friendship is a very complex thing. You will meet people you will never want to speak to again and other that become friends. With some of your friends, you might have contact for ever and with some, you won't. But you know what? I think that is fine.

Your real life friends maybe won't understand you, but if they are true friends they will try to or atleast accept you as you are.

Cheers
Migrin

[DeltrusDisc]

Thanks to the responses so far, I'm quite enjoying reading the responses. It's helping keep my mind focused on the positive as opposed to the negative. I used to have mostly real life friends, but my real life friends have really dwindled (probably because of me getting fed up with their behavior and such) and there's only really a few people tops who I hang out with anymore IRL.

[Irony]

I consider them the same as work friends. I doubt I'll ever meet with them outside of work, but I do enjoy talking to them. They're still someone I'd call a friend, just not a "best" friend.

Also, my condolances to you for the loss of your friend.

[MOLTENSPRING]

Back in the bc days my guildmaster/raidlead was killed in a car crash i never met the man, but i did cry like i had lost a true friend say what you like if u met some beit on the net or in person its still friendship sometimes your more likely to confide in a net friend before a rl friend btw R.I.P mrnasty u will be remembered

[DeltrusDisc]

Back in the bc days my guildmaster/raidlead was killed in a car crash i never met the man, but i did cry like i had lost a true friend say what you like if u met some beit on the net or in person its still friendship sometimes your more likely to confide in a net friend before a rl friend btw R.I.P mrnasty u will be remembered

Even though TBC was years back, my condolences to you, as well.

[PizzaSHARK]

Online friends ain't really the same as real friends. In the sense of raiding with them or whatever, they're more like coworkers than friends. You're doing things together because it's mutually beneficial.

It can extend beyond that, but the simple answer is that if you haven't met them in real life, you don't really know them. Not until you've been to their home and gone out for drinks and whatnot.

Fortyish seems pretty young to have heart issues. What happened?

[Varyk]

People are completely different online than in person. Even people who are "being themselves" have annoying habits and tendencies that you can't experience via the internet.

[PizzaSHARK]

People are completely different online than in person. Even people who are "being themselves" have annoying habits and tendencies that you can't experience via the internet.

This. People can turn off their microphones so you don't hear them raging or beating their kids or kicking their dog over Vent.

[Kuniku]

sure, online friends can become real friends, I have several friends who went from wow to facebook to meeting in real life who i now talk to offline regularly =)

[Sills]

I used to have mostly real life friends, but my real life friends have really dwindled (probably because of me getting fed up with their behavior and such) and there's only really a few people tops who I hang out with anymore IRL.

People who will criticize you for making friends in a game like WoW are people I would not want to associate myself with. People who belittle others for who they are or what they do (the OP mentioned a former friend of yours making fun of others, calling them obsessed, for their interest in computers and such) are negative people who are just too closed minded to escape their old prejudices. You should be able to have friends wherever you find them, be it online or offline. Anyone who would make fun of that is no friend to you. I am fortunate enough to be surrounded offline by people who understand this, play online games and have online friendships of their own.

[Deleted]

Online friends ain't really the same as real friends. In the sense of raiding with them or whatever, they're more like coworkers than friends. You're doing things together because it's mutually beneficial.

It can extend beyond that, but the simple answer is that if you haven't met them in real life, you don't really know them. Not until you've been to their home and gone out for drinks and whatnot.

Fortyish seems pretty young to have heart issues. What happened?

Spending all your time on videogames and fast foods can get you this.
While I can understand that online friends can be friends, but best friends? Or even close? It takes a pretty lonely person to think that.