Friend Failed Drug Test

[devincarlson]

Okay my thoughts are a little scrambled and I need some help putting them back together for some advice on how to handle this situation. 5 months ago me and my friend (We'll call him friend A since he's the main person) went to a rave and he took some pill I don't remember what it is. Anyways his parents caught him that night after he came home and then his parents also found out that he, friend B and I had been smoking weed earlier that month from reading his text messages. They didn't seem to care about the weed at all and were only concerned about him taking the pills. Being a good friend I wanted to redeem my reputation with his parents and help him out at the same time. I decided that Friend A and I would start going to a local gym to work out (We were planning to do this anyway). My plan worked and we got the "druggie" status removed from our names and things had been fine ever since. However last weekend Friend A, Friend B, and I pooled together a little money after a football game to get some weed. This was on the down low and absolutely no one knew of it except us three. We did it, it was great and around rolls Monday.

Everything seemed fine and dandy that day. After school like usual we went to the gym to do our workout. Did it, came home and then at 7 PM I get a text from Friend A saying that he got caught again. So today at school I asked him "How did you get caught". Friend A tells me "My sister (who is at a college an entire state away) heard rumors that I was popping pills." After he tells me that I'm just baffled to how she hears that. His sister called his parents crying to know if it was true to what he had been doing. His dad whipped out a drug test after Friend A got home from the gym, and of course he failed it.

This is where the deep stuff comes in. Friend A's parents asked him when he smoked weed and he openly admitted to doing it on Friday with Friend B and I. However I think an excuse he could have used is going to Lollapalooza, there's tons of weed there but his parents trusted him to go there. It would have still been in his system right now with all of it he did. His parents then tell him that he is never allowed to be around Friend B and I outside of school. And apparently this means going to work out, which we have been doing for 5 months straight. I understand what they must be going through but this is a little much. For two people that do something as healthy as hitting the gym and bulking up for 5 months, can't you put a little leniency on that? Also me, Friend A and Friend B are all in Honors AP classes at our high school. And on top of that it was Friend A's idea to get weed in the first place. But he doesn't think that will help out me and Friend B's situation at all. I talked to Friend A today and he told me "We'll never be able to hang out again or go to the gym." He said the same thing to Friend B. It seemed like he was trying to make that clear to both of us as he seemed like he kept repeating that phrase throughout the day. He was not even punished. He is allowed to do all the things he could normally do if he didn't get caught, except be around me and Friend B outside of school. I feel like he's trying to end our 4 year long friendship with his mistakes. I tried to tell him to talk to his parents to get them to understand but he said he won't. I know he'll still do these things just with other people.

I need some advice on how to work this out with Friend A or his parents. I don't want to lose him as a friend. And it could label me as a "druggie" once more (which I am not, I've smoked like 3 times in my life). All the parents at our school talk with one another so it's probably not soon until I get that title. Thanks for any advice!! I'm not homosexual by the way so in case some oddball decides to pull that card, just don't. We're just good friends.

[Deleted]

I sincerely don't know...

If you say that your friend looks like he wants the friendship to end then maybe he truly wants that and is using it as an excuse.

[Xeones]

I'm not going to give you any advice but to clean yourself up. Hopefully you'll get some help.

[Frostys99]

Lets get the sequence of events straight here first... After smoking weed and getting caught the first time you contemplated the consequences and labels as such. You again decide to smoke weed but under different circumstances, but also get caught. You then try to justify your actions with the argument that you're a good student and you workout and keep your body in shape. Regardless you made the decision knowing said labels would be given. You didn't learn from the first experience so why would anyone think you would learn the second time around. Since you blew your first opportunity the only thing that will redeem yourself is time and decisions you make from this point on.

[devincarlson]

Lets get the sequence of events straight here first... After smoking weed and getting caught the first time you contemplated the consequences and labels as such. You again decide to smoke weed but under different circumstances, but also get caught. You then try to justify your actions with the argument that you're a good student and you workout and keep your body in shape. Regardless you made the decision knowing said labels would be given. You didn't learn from the first experience so why would anyone think you would learn the second time around. Since you blew your first opportunity the only thing that will redeem yourself is time and decisions you make from this point on.

The only reason they don't want me around him is because they think that we're hardcore drug users and well turn Friend A into a mess. I honestly don't think they cared about it the first time or this time. Friend A has a family history of alcoholics. Probably should have added that.

[FusedMass]

I'm going to say. I know exactly what he took. XO-The Love Drug aka. The rave part gave it away, seriously that's what people enjoy when they're at them. If you see a person sweating with their center eyes the size of a a round circle and bouncing around. Yea they took it. XO is considered a felony in most states. However on topic seriously I don't know what to say. It depends on their personality but the effects of that drug wear off for 5 hours, it's not addictive. I don't know why they could be so vicious about it.

[Gandrake]

high school? and he's still listening to his parents?

tell him to grow some balls, problem solved.

I'm not going to give you any advice but to clean yourself up. Hopefully you'll get some help.

ahahaha

oh wait, you're serious.

[Yosef1015]

I would talk to his parents and explain the situation and tell them how important your relationship with him is.

[Kalis]

You know you hear those stories about the kid who started hanging out with the wrong crowd and it ended up ruining his life, etc.?

Well, hate to break it to you, but you're the wrong crowd.

[DEATHETERNAL]

You screwed up, your friend screwed up, and you justifiably got collectively burned for it. Accept the consequences of what was done all around and try to improve yourself as a result instead of attempting to return to the conditions that brought about your initial mistakes.

[Frostys99]

You know you hear those stories about the kid who started hanging out with the wrong crowd and it ended up ruining his life, etc.?

Well, hate to break it to you, but you're the wrong crowd.

This guy is so right, to bad the original poster is to ignorant to see it. This is one of those moments where you look back in 10 years and say if only I would have realized what I was getting myself into. Sure it may have ONLY been you third time, but where does it end? What drug are you going to try next? Oh and good luck getting any type of decent job most if not all do randoms.

[Nario64]

I'm going to say. I know exactly what he took. XO-The Love Drug aka. The rave part gave it away, seriously that's what people enjoy when they're at them. If you see a person sweating with their center eyes the size of a a round circle and bouncing around. Yea they took it. XO is considered a felony in most states. However on topic seriously I don't know what to say. It depends on their personality but the effects of that drug wear off for 5 hours, it's not addictive. I don't know why they could be so vicious about it.

I had a friend who was adamant about the difference between natural and chemical drugs. She was fine with natural (weed/shrooms) but would not allow any chemical drugs into her house at parties (keep in mind I was 22 and she was 26 at the time). It's a personal stance that some people take, and according to the origional story, his parents didn't really mind the weed but when he started taking the pill that they got worried.

To the OP,
I'm not sure you're age but you sound young, my best bet is just let it go the way it is. Stop doing drugs at all if you don't want the 'druggie' label and then you won't have it. Keep going to the gym and just be friends with friend A at school. I got in a bit of trouble with my friend back in grade 10 (speeding) and wasn't allowed to drive with him anywhere and he didn't have his license and lived far away so we basically couldn't do anything outside of school. We just had fun at school, and eventually, after highschool, when you become an adult, your parents can't hold rules over you (at least not as strong as before). Just ride it out, don't say you've lost a friendship because if it's strong it'll always be there.

My friend in this situation now is still my best friend, we've traveled the world together twice. Just be strong and stop doing drugs.

[Bluesftw]

and the moral of the story is : dont do drugs, kids.

[Lynarii]

Unfortunately, you're probably shit out of luck. You guys screwed up once, but with a lot of effort you managed to get forgiven and get past it. You followed that up by making the same mistake again, chances are A's parents are /never/ going to forgive a second time. You also have to realize that it doesn't matter whose idea it was to them. They want to believe their kid is good and you and B are at fault, and they're going to believe that no matter what you personally say or do.

At this point you can only live with the consequences of your actions. You may feel that they're way out of proportion, and they may be, but that's life sometimes. Besides, the reason A probably doesn't want to talk about it is that it's very likely he lied and told his parents that you and B made him do the drugs to make himself look like a victim and not be punished. If you're truly worried about the label, and your relationship with your parents is good, you may want to try talking with them before someone else does?

[panterarules]

Drugs are only as bad as the people that take them. I know plenty of well educated people who smoke weed and do well for themselves (my generation + older generations). I also know plenty of people who have been addicted to drugs or just can't handle them yet do them anyway.

The golden rule is if a drug is affecting your life, it's time to drop it. If it's not then you're likely taking it casually or socially which can still have consequences. You will learn your limits, or you will learn the hard way it's as simple as that. My only advice for a highschool student (i'm guessing) is that you keep it social and on the weekends. Just about every drug makes you lethargic after the come down and you will either need to give your brain a rest or your body, but most likely both.

EDIT: as for your friend, all you can do is tell him how you feel

[Frostys99]

Frostys99, first of all I'm not ignorant in any sense. I know what I get into, and I would not go into anything deeper. I have set goals and limits for myself. I would never do anything to ruin the path I have for me right now. And to Kalis, never did I say in the original post that this was interfering with my life and that I was considering doing something more. I'm and open person and I would have stated that.

---------- Post added 2012-08-29 at 06:30 PM ----------



Thank you I appreciate advice like this.

See the bold part if you keep smoking weed you will not have the same opportunities as those who don't smoke regardless of your education or work habit. So my advice stop now you experimented, got caught, and man up to your friends parents.

[Deleted]

At that age, still obeying your parent's every word is worrying.
Time for him to grow some balls and live his life. Respect your parent's opinion, but in the end, it's your decision.

Also : super main point : don't do drugs. Drugs are bad mmkay ? And if you don't want to be labelled a druggie, nothing works better than not doing drugs in the first place.

[broski98]

i say just give it time....i remember in grade 8 i had a similar situation happen...when me and my friend went to the store...and he wanted this energy drink but he had no money.. i bought it for him and he sed he would drink it before his hockey game...anyways his mom saw him drinking it and asked who he got it from...he sed he got it from me...and she looked at the can and it sed it was for adults only and it could harm children..she thot that i bought him the energy drink just to harm in some way..shape or forum...and ya his mom freaked out about it and she didn't want him to hangout with me anymore...all over a fucking energy drink that he picked out..but after a year we started hanging out again...ya thats my lil short story lol

[Low Hanging Fruit]

I think you were being pretty normal kids. But I think after the first "discovery" you would lay low for a while. Odds of random sister calls or other rumors are always running pretty wild during the period when everyone thinks of you as a "druggie" and rightfully so. I know it sounds like Monday morning quarterbacking but when you get caught you need to chill out for a bit. I know it is just weed and so did your pals but obviously drama lamas are afoot and good parents don't enjoy their kids doing any drugs. Even if you know it isn't the one that isn't all that bad because a lot of wrong education out their makes everyone think a lot of wrong things.

I would give it some time. I would also lay off doing anything illegal or doing any drugs for a good strong moment because haters are going to try to feast on your exposure. I doubt you will ever be cool with his parents again but the guy is still salvageable. I just doubt while his world is on fire he will take a lot of risks. You should do the same. But if ultimately if his parents choose his friends for him then he isn't his own man so you should just forget him anyway but at the same time you need to respect his relationship with his parents and try to give him some space while he works it out. Also if he doesn't want to use anymore then avoid using around him if you still must. Also be cool with his lack of use if he is a real friend. Most of the time that is what people that want to stop or are in trouble with the situation want to avoid.

Time will tell. I have been though something similar in high school. Minus the pills at a rave thing.

[Darkener]

Drug use starts socially, and then as the dependency grows you spend more time doing drugs socially which extends the type of drugs you are exposed to. The addictive nature of drug use affects people differently. Some have no problem keeping it infrequent, but more often than not drug use leads to drug experimentation, and some drugs are highly addictive. You almost have no choice but to keep doing them because you hate the way you feel when you are not doing them. Drugs, alcohol, cigs, even crime done with a group of friends gives people a high and provides a bonding experience and becomes a habit. In every case your life will not be any better for it, and can only get worse. Your friend has loving parents, but in any case your friend is the one who has to make the tough decision whether associating with you and friend B is something that would make his life better or worse. Maybe he believes the use is accelerating and wants to avoid you, maybe he is only doing this for his parents. Either way he has made his decision clear and you should respect him for that. I know it is hard to lose a friend, but you are certainly free to keep the line of communication open from you to him. Let him know how things are going with you and maybe if he feels he can trust you to respect certain boundaries your friendship can continue as adults.