1) This man was driving down the interstate speeding pretty badly when he sees a state trooper pull out behind him and turns on his lights. Thinking he might be able to out run the cop the driver floors it but soon sees there's no escaping. Finally, the man pulls over and the officer walks up to his window. The trooper looks at him and says "If you can give me one good reason you were speeding and then tried to out run me I will let you off with a warning" The man looks up at the trooper and says "Two years ago my wife ran off with a cop, I thought you were trying to give her back".
2) What's the most positive thing in Harlem? HIV.
3) A blonde was driving to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left". She sighed, turned around and drove home.
4) Little Johnny was sitting in his math class as the teacher was doing word problems. The teacher asked the class "If three birds are sitting on a telephone wire and you shoot one with a BB Gun how many after left?" Many kids in the class had their hands up and the teacher called on Sussie, whom replied "Two!" The teacher responds that she is correct and is about to move on. However, in the back she sees Little Johnny waving his hand furiously. "What is it Johnny?" she asks.
"I disagree teacher, if you shoot one bird the other two will fly away. So there will be none left"
"Ah, very good, I like the way you think Johnny" The teacher replies.
"Let me ask you this teach, three women are sitting on a park bench all eating an icecream cone. One is biting the cone, one is licking the cone and one is sucking the cone. Which of the three are married?" Little Johnny asks.
The teacher turns red and stutters a little before finally answering "Uh, the one sucking the cone?"
"Well, I would have said the one wearing a wedding ring, but I like the way YOU think."