Are you a Forever Alone ?

[Torq]

It's easy to jump to nice clean conclusions and say "You gave up, that's why you haven't" when we actually have no idea as to the details of the breakup and how much it hurt him, so let's give this guy the benefit of the doubt. I got really burned 7 years ago by my ex, and while we are still on talking terms, I secretly harbour a great deal of resentment and bitterness towards her for putting me through the emotional wringer that a part of me has still never recovered from. Please don't tell me "That's your problem, you haven't got over it" because you have no idea what else I was going through at the time, what she did, how long she did it for, what happened afterwards, nothing. And the same can be said for Vizzardlorde. For us guys that got hit hard by the one we loved, stating the obvious is both condescending and obliviously ignorant to the all important details.

Relationships can end so badly that it will put us off going for another for a very long time and, for somebody like myself, terrified at the prospect of getting into another one in case it happens all over again. We became very emotionally guarded, as a psychological defence mechanism, and people should understand and respect that, rather than assume we are being weak or lacking in self-esteem. You need to know the whole case and judge it on it's own merits.

Nobody has the right to say to another in a sarcastic fashion that because they were at a young age and split up that they should not take the breakup so hard and let it put him/her off future ones. We do not know the details of the breakup nor the general conditions of that person's life at the time, which may have exacerbated the negative emotional effect of the breakup on said individual. Lest we forget the teenage years are full of many learning processes and pressures socially, emotionally, educationally, and personally. It is the crucible of adolescence, when we are at our most impressionable and influenced, the outcome of which can affect how we turn out for the next 5 to 10 years. Let us bare these details in mind before making one-lined pearls of wisdom to suddenly solve our problems. Some us need more time than others. Let us all respect that and understand it.

You realize you're preaching to the choir, right? I've been pretty badly burned by almost all of my past relationships; and yet that hasn't stopped me from eventually coming to terms with it, putting it away, and moving on. Hell, the most recent of them still affects me, somewhat, but I refuse to let that taint my current relationship.

Every one of my relationships (save the only one that didn't really burn me) lasted well over a year. I've been cheated on, dumped for a friend, you name it. And yet I came to terms with those, realized that no, not every woman is a selfish, heartless bitch, and moved on.

Judging by your ages, I've probably been burned far more times (and far worse) than you have; the difference is, I'm not still hung up on it. So please. Don't pull the "you don't know what I went through QQ" card. It just makes you look pathetic.

Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it causes a lot of permanent changes to your outlook on relationships. But really, all it takes is realizing that no two people are the same; and how much it affects you is entirely under your control.

The rest is just discipline, and realizing that, yeah, you'll never have that person back, but that doesn't mean you won't get to enjoy those feelings again, with someone else. If you're still hurting over something that happened 5 years ago, you haven't moved on, and that's no one's fault but your own. You're the only one holding yourself back, by that point.

[Seegtease]

Nobody has the right to say to another in a sarcastic fashion that because they were at a young age and split up that they should not take the breakup so hard and let it put him/her off future ones. We do not know the details of the breakup nor the general conditions of that person's life at the time, which may have exacerbated the negative emotional effect of the breakup on said individual. Lest we forget the teenage years are full of many learning processes and pressures socially, emotionally, educationally, and personally. It is the crucible of adolescence, when we are at our most impressionable and influenced, the outcome of which can affect how we turn out for the next 5 to 10 years. Let us bare these details in mind before making one-lined pearls of wisdom to suddenly solve our problems. Some us need more time than others. Let us all respect that and understand it.

We DO have the right, and we are usually correct in our statement. Some kid with his underdeveloped frontal lobe had a relationship, it ended, possibly badly.

Guess what? Plenty of people have had horrible breakups. They moved on. Not everybody has to act like "Oh you couldn't understand what it's like, nobody has had it worse than me!" Somebody has. A relationship during the teen years is pretty much meaningless. Not saying they can't last and end up eventually committing their lives together, but teenagers generally make bad decisions. Most of it does not matter in the larger scheme of life, and we just move on. A bad relationship at 17 is irrelevant and should not prevent a grown, fully developed adult from pursuing further relationships. That's irrational.

[Spectral]

Nobody has the right to say to another in a sarcastic fashion that because they were at a young age and split up that they should not take the breakup so hard and let it put him/her off future ones. <snipped a bunch>

Actually, it's entirely reasonable for someone that has both personal experience and has observed numerous other people to assert that a bad relationship shouldn't be a deathknell for all future relationships. The thing you seem to be missing is nearly everyone has shit happen to them in relationships that's unpleasant; it's part of the growing and maturing process. I wouldn't disrespect someone that said, "I need more time to get over this", but I think it's fine to tell someone that says, "I'll be alone forever!" that they're being absurd.

[Deleted]

Judging by your ages, I've probably been burned far more times (and far worse) than you have; the difference is, I'm not still hung up on it. So please. Don't pull the "you don't know what I went through QQ" card. It just makes you look pathetic.

So your saying that just because you got over it, everybody else should do to? Way to tar everybody with the same brush. Oh, and playing the martyr card and assuming you've been through worse than us but came out better only makes you look stupid and ignorant. Thanks for proving my point that most people make assumptions without knowing every fact. Only goes to show what I'm saying is true.

---------- Post added 2012-09-18 at 01:02 AM ----------

Most of it does not matter in the larger scheme of life, and we just move on. A bad relationship at 17 is irrelevant and should not prevent a grown, fully developed adult from pursuing further relationships. That's irrational.

Only because you do not know the full details. I don't know what Vizzardlord went through, but I'm not judging him on what I don't know, I'm judging what I DO know about based on what he has said, which is that the bad breakup has affected him badly. And the reason I can sympathise with that is because I experienced a bad breakup at the same age too, and again a few years later. Seeing him say that it has put him off future relationships, I can also relate to, so I can make a pretty good guess as to how he is feeling because I feel the same. Nobody can tell us we are right or wrong to feel this way because at the end of the day we are all individuals. But judging somebody's reaction and feelings about their future prospects based entirely on their age and a singular phrase is incredibly erroneous and inaccurate. Most importantly it is disrespectful tpo those of us who do not have the capacity to deal with emotional turmoil that comes with a breakup. Why people cannot respect that that, even if they do not accept it, and instead seize this as an opportunuity of establishing some kind of superiority over us I do not know, because that is pretty pathetic.

[Vizardlorde]

You realize you're preaching to the choir, right? I've been pretty badly burned by almost all of my past relationships; and yet that hasn't stopped me from eventually coming to terms with it, putting it away, and moving on. Hell, the most recent of them still affects me, somewhat, but I refuse to let that taint my current relationship.

Every one of my relationships (save the only one that didn't really burn me) lasted well over a year. I've been cheated on, dumped for a friend, you name it. And yet I came to terms with those, realized that no, not every woman is a selfish, heartless bitch, and moved on.

Judging by your ages, I've probably been burned far more times (and far worse) than you have; the difference is, I'm not still hung up on it. So please. Don't pull the "you don't know what I went through QQ" card. It just makes you look pathetic.

Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it causes a lot of permanent changes to your outlook on relationships. But really, all it takes is realizing that no two people are the same; and how much it affects you is entirely under your control.

The rest is just discipline, and realizing that, yeah, you'll never have that person back, but that doesn't mean you won't get to enjoy those feelings again, with someone else. If you're still hurting over something that happened 5 years ago, you haven't moved on, and that's no one's fault but your own. You're the only one holding yourself back, by that point.

If we all reacted the same way and had the same exact experiences having this thread would be pointless. If you've been hurt and you've overcome it several times good for you, but I refuse to allow myself to become vulnerable again only to be taken advantage of, be played with, be humiliated and hurt again. I just dont want to go through that crap again.

[Torq]

So your saying that just because you got over it, everybody else should do to? Way to tar everybody with the same brush. Oh, and playing the martyr card and assuming you've been through worse than us but came out better only makes you look stupid and ignorant. Thanks for proving my point that most people make assumptions without knowing every fact. Only goes to show what I'm saying is true.

No, what it proves is that you're young, ignorant, and too stubborn to admit you might be wrong. The fact that you think what you're saying now proves your own point is kinda evidence of that. You're going to reject anything that doesn't agree with your current view on the matter, so me saying anything further will probably be moot... But I'll say it anyway.

Believe me (and most others who are older than you), you'll look back on this and realize just how stupid you're being. You're acting like you're some sort of special snowflake. Guess what? I thought I was, too, when I was in your shoes.

And then I realized how stupid I was being, dwelling on things that I couldn't change. Guess what you can change? Yourself.

If we all reacted the same way and had the same exact experiences having this thread would be pointless. If you've been hurt and you've overcome it several times good for you, but I refuse to allow myself to become vulnerable again only to be taken advantage of, be played with, be humiliated and hurt again. I just dont want to go through that crap again.

That's entirely acceptable. What's not is thinking that a decision you make right now is going to last for the remainder of your life. You're what... 20? You've got more years ahead of you than you've put behind you; your opinion will change. That's a fact of life.

To sit and despair about it is also not acceptable. And before you try to say you're just stating a fact: if you weren't despairing over it, you wouldn't be in this thread complaining about it.

[Deleted]

No, what it proves is that you're young, ignorant, and too stubborn to admit you might be wrong. The fact that you think what you're saying now proves your own point is kinda evidence of that. You're going to reject anything that doesn't agree with your current view on the matter.

Pot calling the kettle black IMO. I'm not going to waste my time with you any more.

[Torq]

Pot calling the kettle black IMO. I'm not going to waste my time with you any more.

Except I'm pretty sure I'm the one who's been wasting my time on someone who's too self-centered to realize I'm not the only person in this thread (nay, even on this page) saying the same thing.

So, when faced with multiple people telling him he's wrong, he puts his hands over his ears and says "la la la I can't hear you."

[Deleted]

Except I'm pretty sure I'm the one who's been wasting my time on someone who's too self-centered to realize I'm not the only person in this thread (nay, even on this page) saying the same thing.

So, when faced with multiple people telling him he's wrong, he puts his hands over his ears and says "la la la I can't hear you."

It looks like you yourself also have your hands over his ears with people telling you you are wrong, in a round about way. In fact, we are not even saying that. All we are doing is telling you it's not as simple as you are making it to be, and instead of understanding that (which I would expect you would accept as being within the realms of possibility being as you have apparently had it 'so much worse') you're just ignoring everything myself and Vizardlorde has been saying and repeating the same ignorant self-righteous 'advice'. The difference is, I'm not being judgemental towards you or anybody else, but you and your cohorts are. That is why we are arguing.

[Torq]

No, you're just ignoring everything myself and Vizardlorde has been saying and repeating the same ignorant self-righteous 'advice'. It looks like you yourself also have your hands over his ears.

Have you even read any of the other replies on this page, or are you just being intentionally obtuse?

For one thing, you're the only one repeating anything. Vizard came back and added some depth to one of this comments, but all told, he's been far more reasonable than you have.

[Deleted]

Have you even read any of the other replies on this page, or are you just being intentionally obtuse?

For one thing, you're the only one repeating anything. Vizard came back and added some depth to one of this comments, but all told, he's been far more reasonable than you have.

You do not seem to be able to swallow the simple possibility that different people have different ways of dealing with things and depending on who they are will take longer than others. Implying that I am being unreasonable simply because I am disagreeing with you only smacks of arrogance, as does the assumption that more people agreeing with you than me suggests that you are 'right'. To me, you are coming across as blinkered and narrow-minded. I have been explaining that every breakup case is different and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. There are many extraneous elements that affect how a person handles it at the time and also how it affects him or her in the long term, such as mental health (which applies to me), fear of repeat experiences, family problems, and many others. For god knows what reason, you and others cannot digest this. I would love to know why, because at the end of the day, there is no right or wrong way to deal with breakups.

[Jackmoves]

What the fuck is this thread.

Come back in 20 years and I'm sure most of you who claim to be "lost causes"/forever alone will be in a relationship or have been in at least one long term relationship.

I look like I've spent months in the Hindu Kush half of the time yet I have pretty much always been a "never alone". Nor have I ever gone for 2nd rate booty, sorry for the blunt language but yeah thats how it is.

I know I got some great qualities and I know I got my weaknesses and flaws, that goes for pretty much every human walking the earth. You learn to appriciate your strengths and qualities and try to live with your weaknesses and flaws.

[Seegtease]

Why people cannot respect that that, even if they do not accept it, and instead seize this as an opportunuity of establishing some kind of superiority over us I do not know, because that is pretty pathetic.

Oh, there is no superiority here. Only equality. When I was a teenager, I had horrible breakups. I was freaking out and crying and thinking I had the worst thing ever to deal with. Then I grew up, look back, and realize how absolutely ridiculous I was being. This is something that comes with development and maturity. Do not let horrible teenage breakups affect you. It is wasting your time and energy on things that do not matter.

[Sorrior]

Oh, there is no superiority here. Only equality. When I was a teenager, I had horrible breakups. I was freaking out and crying and thinking I had the worst thing ever to deal with. Then I grew up, look back, and realize how absolutely ridiculous I was being. This is something that comes with development and maturity. Do not let horrible teenage breakups affect you. It is wasting your time and energy on things that do not matter.

What he is TRYING to say is that it takes longer for some than others regardless of how much it happens or how YOU or others may deal with it. It has less to do with "maturity" and more with how they process. I can understand their way of thinking i still have it every so often about various things. However i am also taking steps to move forward. However if it sticks with them for some time then that is for them not even necessarily to decide but to deal with at their own pace.

And people call me hartless.

[Grimbold21]

I haven't been in a relationship in 5 years and since then only engaged in a few minor smooches.

Does that qualify?

[Vizardlorde]

I haven't been in a relationship in 5 years and since then only engaged in a few minor smooches.

Does that qualify?

Welcome to MMO-Champion's FAC (Forever Alone Club), here we share our loneliness together.

[golds]

money

that is all

---------- Post added 2012-09-17 at 03:45 PM ----------

just get a damn degree at the very least and you'll do fine

get a job

[Spectral]

On the bright side, this thread's less misogynistic than I was expecting.

[golds]

also if youve never gotten your dick wet, you're not missing out on too much that your hand can do. it gets old ramming the same pussy. nice at first though

[Vizardlorde]

Just because a cold heartless fiend shattered my heart doesnt make all women cold heartless fiends, my absurd reaction is just my means of protecting myself from pain. And as crazy as it sounds it works for me.