Death and reactions

[Skippy88]

I would call myself a realist in that everyone is going to die at some point including myself. I find it a bit strange that we are shocked and sad when something we all know will happen eventually does happen. I personally would love to see my funeral be a party of sorts with music but maybe that's just me.

Probably one of the most bizarre death reactions happened during my Uncle's funeral. We all knew he was going to die shortly due to lung cancer. So, at the funeral while there was sadness there was also a lot of laughter as people mocked another aunt on her sadness (she was crying really loudly). Even my Uncle got into the act by putting a piece of cake into a pocket of a uncle we didn't really like. It's surreal they act like that during a funeral.

[Deleted]

Well I can assure you that you are no freak, you are not alone, you are completely fine. The exact same thing happened to me recently.

My grandpa of 92 years died 2 months ago, and I felt the same that you did. Relief. He had been sick and weak for a long while after my grandma died 3 years ago. He had pretty much given up and was just waiting to die. When his liver failed we knew that it was going to happen soon. We visited him every day, talked about the things we never got to talk about when we normally visited him, asked all the questions we had, laughed about old times. I was sad for an entire week, and when I got the call that he died I was more relieved than sad. I was glad that he didn't have to suffer anymore, I was glad that my dad finally could focus on other things than worrying about when his father was going to pass away.

I cried at the funeral because the speeches and the atmosphere just invited tears. My dad sat right next to me, crying he said to me "I don't know why I am crying, I am not even sad." I replied that I knew exactly how he felt. But outside of the funeral we were not exactly sad, we were as I said, relieved.

We just have to learn to accept that death is part of life and it is what makes life so precious. There is no need to be sad about the inevitable in reality, but there is no shame in it either, just as there is no shame in not being sad. Tragic death through accidents or murders are bound to bring stronger emotions into people's minds than old family members reaching their final breath.

[roflmfao]

When my dad died I too felt nothing, not as if it wasn't real, it was very real, it just didn't bother me. When we had his service I was asked to put his ashes in the tomb, and when I did my first thought to myself was wow, this is kinda heavy, then I looked down at the side and saw his name on it and thought to myself "so this is what his life was reduced to...a box of ashes and a few materiual things", then I realized I was holding what was left of my dad for the last time and that was when it really hit me abd I started to cry.

My point is at some moment something will happen when you don't expect it and you will grieve. For some it's immediate, for others it takes time, but your not broken or insensitive or bad if it hasn't happened yet, it just ins't your time yet.

[Baracuda]

I wasn't sad when my grandma died. I haven't cried but you do get sad a few months later if you happen to think about em...

[Deleted]

My grandpa died some years ago but I was just a kid, like 12 years old, I didn't really have a sense of death around me so I didn't feel like sad about it, although now I, sometimes, get sad because I really miss him, but not to the point of crying.

Three weeks ago my cousin of 87 years old just died, I felt like, sad, a bit, I might even had a bit of water in my eyes, but I didn't want to get sad. There was no point in being sad, she did what she wanted in life, she enjoyed all the moments she had, and that made her really happy, and that also makes me happy because she did what she wanted and got all she asked for in her life because she worked hard for it. I shouldn't feel sad, I should feel happy that she died a good death, happy.

Also, don't let yourself down or wanting to be let down because someone close to you died. Some people take it differently like you said, but you shouldn't force feelings you do not have, they could eventually appear later, but who knows, just don't let yourself down because someone died, always try to be happy.

[Ayonel]

Are you on anti-depressants or other medication? There are plenty of very common meds that disconnect the emotional response and about 31 million people taking antis in the US.

Everyone reacts differently, as already stated. However, I wouldn't say it is entirely 'normal' to have no sadness at all at the death of someone you say was very close to you. Normal being defined as how most people would react. It seems odd that you are bothered more by the fact that you aren't bothered than by the death itself.

It's also possible that you didn't really have a close emotional bond with the person. My response to the deaths of my parents/grandparents was proportional to the closeness of the relationship and their involvement in my life. It also came at different times and in different ways.

I hope that you come to terms with this, and cherish your fond memories of your grandfather.

I would call myself a realist in that everyone is going to die at some point including myself. I find it a bit strange that we are shocked and sad when something we all know will happen eventually does happen. I personally would love to see my funeral be a party of sorts with music but maybe that's just me.

In saying this, you are completely discounting your humanity and the bonds that connect you to other people. Yes, we are all going to die. That is what makes being alive meaningful. If you have spent a great deal of your life with someone, and look forward to your meetings with them, then knowing you will never be able to visit, call, or have lunch with them again should understandably make you sad. Yes, you are glad of the time you had, but also, sad for that time having passed.

[-Scarecrow-]

When my dad died I too felt nothing, not as if it wasn't real, it was very real, it just didn't bother me. When we had his service I was asked to put his ashes in the tomb, and when I did my first thought to myself was wow, this is kinda heavy, then I looked down at the side and saw his name on it and thought to myself "so this is what his life was reduced to...a box of ashes and a few materiual things", then I realized I was holding what was left of my dad for the last time and that was when it really hit me abd I started to cry.

My point is at some moment something will happen when you don't expect it and you will grieve. For some it's immediate, for others it takes time, but your not broken or insensitive or bad if it hasn't happened yet, it just ins't your time yet.

I had a similar reaction to my great grandmother dying, I loved her a lot and we visited her often but when she died I didn't really feel anything, but on her funeral seeing all the sad people I suddenly became very sad myself and started crying.

My reaction to our cat and dog dying was much more excessive and I cried a lot more and for a lot longer.

I think a big part of the reason was that my great grandmother was old and sick when she died, I already knew it was coming, but in the case of my cat, whom died from getting stuck and starved to death (I was told on Christmas when I asked why I hadn't seen her in awhile, kinda hilariously bad moment to tell me) and my dog whom got hit by a car, it was much more sudden and it took me by surprise.

[Auloria]

The death of a friend or family member could result in a major upheaval of your life, and you don't have any anxiety or uncertainty associated with that. You are old enough that you don't have severe fears about the mortality of your parents or friends, and young enough that you aren't dealing with the reality of your own mortality. He had a full life and time to say his goodbyes to his family, so you aren't dwelling on any loss for his sake. You've had a long time to come to terms with his eventual exit from your life, because he's been old your entire life!

It sounds like your reaction is totally normal.


By the way, not being sad doesn't mean you won't remember him, or think of him fondly, or honor the role he had in your life... isn't that just so much more important?

[apepi]

I think it could be either of 1-4 things.
1) Either that is how you truly felt, which is okay way to react.
2) Maybe your in shock and it will come later.
3) Medication from making you not sad?
4) Maybe you were preparing for it so you were not that sad.

I hope you feel better, even if it is not from the death but how you reacted from the death.