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  1. #1
    Dreadlord
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    Problems with my girlfriend

    So guys...
    I've been in a relationship for 2 and a half years with the love of my life, but she's been having a rough patch lately.
    She has a lot of stress and because of that, we argue quite a lot lately.
    I've been agitated very quickly in the relationship earlier aswell, so now I know how much this hurts for the other.
    She's thinking of getting a 'pause' on the relationship, but I am not quite willing to abide.
    Actual pauses on relationships turn out bad 99% of the time, as far as I know.

    So... What would you do?
    a) Anything you can to make her change her train of thought and accept all the help she can get from me
    b) let is all just go
    c) actually accept the pause

    Regards,
    Jim

  2. #2
    I am Murloc! Tomatketchup's Avatar
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    Accept the pause. She needs some alone time obviously.

  3. #3
    Yeah, but like he said, most of the time pauses turn out bad. Talk to her about it and tell her what a pause could do to your relationship, then if she doesn't want it anymore, choose a obviously.

  4. #4
    Dreadlord
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    any way to help her with the stress? if not, may as well just let the 'pause' happen. Doesnt sound like she wants help, from the little info you posted.
    Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries.

  5. #5
    I know the feeling, had the same half a year ago with my girlfriend of 2 years, and it's horrible.

    but my pick wouldb be A)
    I highly suggest not to accept the pause :/
    Might as well break up then/

  6. #6
    Legendary! Sigma's Avatar
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    Trade her in for a new model, preferably for someone she knows.

  7. #7
    'Absence makes the heart grow fonder', as they say. Depends on the terms of the 'pause', IMO.

    If you're just going to spend some time apart while she focuses on other areas of her life, but you're still considered 'together', then fair enough. Give her space and time to sort things out, then she'll come back when she's able. Make sure she knows that you're there for her if she needs you, but don't force your help on her.

    However if you're on a proper 'break', where you're able to see other people during that time... Eh, I don't see the point of that myself. It could work for some, but personally I don't understand it. So if that's part of the terms of this 'pause', then I'd just pack in the relationship altogether.

    But yeah, from the sounds of it she just needs some space and time to sort the rest of her life out. Give her that, then after some time spent apart you'll both realise what you miss about each other and appreciate each other more.

    Nobody is meant to spend time with 1 other person 100% of the time. They will drive you insane, no matter who they are. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and focus on other parts of your life, give each other space. Do different hobbies, go out with different friends, etc.

  8. #8
    Dreadlord
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    Quote Originally Posted by jazen View Post
    any way to help her with the stress? if not, may as well just let the 'pause' happen. Doesnt sound like she wants help, from the little info you posted.
    Well, I'm at work and she's in class at the moment, I'll call her after work to talk this over.
    I really feel uneasy with the pause, nor do I want to end this, I love this woman so damn much, this is just horrible...
    She'll be calling her best friend aswell today, who's a sweet girl, but that girl only had 1 week with a boy, lol, unrealiable source of advice over there.

    So yeah, what would you guys reckon I'd say to her once I call her, since honestly, I have no other idea than 'Honey, I'm sorry I put you through this, but I want to help you with the struggles of life you're having now, now that you get as easily agitated as I did a year back, I now understand how much it hurts.
    But you were there for me, so let me be there for you.'

  9. #9
    I don't understand why you have to have a pause on the relationship because she's stressed? usually pauses on relationships are peoples way of saying they wanna try things out with other people, you CAN give eachother space and not have a pause in the relationship, me and my girlfriend don't see eachother for most of the week but we still love each other

  10. #10
    Keyboard Turner
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    I can understand your reluctance in a pause/break, but sometimes you have to just take the risk... obviously there is something upsetting her at the moment that makes her thing some time apart will help... if you try and force a continuance of the relationship when obviously she wants something different, she'll just resent you anyway complicating matters.

    I would ask her however if she is willing, to write down a list of her worries/reasons for the pause... sometimes doing this then going through them once-by-one together can provide a different, more relaxed perspective of things - but can also be highly emotional...

    Hope whatever happens works out for the best,
    Ark

  11. #11
    Erm I would go with a pause but don't treat it like a pause,

    As in tell her you'll give her some space but that your there for her and your on her side etc

    Just if she starts to bite at you for anything, stay calm, let her finish her rant, then tell her not to have a go at you for x reason, but nicely

  12. #12
    Dreadlord
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blandar View Post
    I don't understand why you have to have a pause on the relationship because she's stressed? usually pauses on relationships are peoples way of saying they wanna try things out with other people, you CAN give eachother space and not have a pause in the relationship, me and my girlfriend don't see eachother for most of the week but we still love each other
    we only see eachother in the weekend... She studies in Amsterdam, which is quite a long train ride.
    And I think she means she wants space, as in, we're still together and she wants to sort things out, but still, why completely ignore me and focus on your life, that's like not caring at all about me.

  13. #13
    Moderator Shamanic's Avatar
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    Do you live together? Because if a pause just means you already don't live together, and you're just not gonna spend much time with each other for a few weeks or a month, then to me that's sometimes a good thing (as long as she's not doing it because she wants to spend the time with someone else, then there are other issues). But if you actually live together already, and a pause means one of you moving out - then that's a massive step and I think most of the time, there is no coming back from that.

    If you're not at the stage where you live together then just giving her some space and freedom for a little could be a good thing - but I don't know as I'd actually call it a break, maybe just suggest to her that you guys have a week or two of chilling out and getting your own minds straight and then see where you are and how much you actually missed each other.
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  14. #14
    Burn some cash and take her on a relaxing vacation while you are there make sure you do whatever she wants to do if she turns down the vacation she is just trying to dump you softly if she accepts you can make this work.

    Breaks are break-ups never forget that.

  15. #15
    Dreadlord
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    Quote Originally Posted by Koneko View Post
    Burn some cash and take her on a relaxing vacation while you are there make sure you do whatever she wants to do if she turns down the vacation she is just trying to dump you softly if she accepts you can make this work.

    Breaks are break-ups never forget that.
    My friend did that, they had a great time.
    3 weeks later they broke up.

    ---------- Post added 2012-12-03 at 01:26 PM ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Rotted View Post
    Erm I would go with a pause but don't treat it like a pause,

    As in tell her you'll give her some space but that your there for her and your on her side etc

    Just if she starts to bite at you for anything, stay calm, let her finish her rant, then tell her not to have a go at you for x reason, but nicely
    Thanks mate, I tried doing that but I'm a dumbass.
    I don't know when to stop making my point untill she gets so pissed she hangs up on me. =\
    But she's exactly the same, she's even more stubborn than I am.

  16. #16
    Talk this matters via phone its never good...even tho you live far away, wait till the weekend to solve it.
    one important thing, what is the age difference between you two?

    as you said, pauses never work...if she wants a pause, probably you are getting into routines witch is not that good to :P
    but if your going with the pause, let her miss you...dont talk/text everytime...

    anyway, talk to her, listen to her problems...and if she wants to break up..ask her if she is sure of that if thats what she really wants..

    Good luck man

  17. #17
    Well if that dosnt work and you REALLY cant let her go......... Chloroform

  18. #18
    Dreadlord
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oldie View Post
    Talk this matters via phone its never good...even tho you live far away, wait till the weekend to solve it.
    one important thing, what is the age difference between you two?

    as you said, pauses never work...if she wants a pause, probably you are getting into routines witch is not that good to :P
    but if your going with the pause, let her miss you...dont talk/text everytime...

    anyway, talk to her, listen to her problems...and if she wants to break up..ask her if she is sure of that if thats what she really wants..

    Good luck man
    Thanks man.
    She's 18 and I'm 20.
    We see eachother every weekend, but that's not the problem, the problem is that we fight a lot, because she's so stressed out she gets agitated easily.
    I'm only calling her to get this straight, what kind of 'pause' she wants, if she wants to terminate contact for a while or whatever.

    Should I tell her I'll do anything for her, as long as she lets me help her?

    ---------- Post added 2012-12-03 at 01:37 PM ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Koneko View Post
    Well if that dosnt work and you REALLY cant let her go......... Chloroform
    Even though I'm not even slightly in the mood, that made me laugh.

  19. #19
    Hahaha i know these are bad times for you but i could not resist ^^
    Anyway im all out of options i would say take the holiday idea and try it if it works its worth the cash if it dosnt then its unsolvable.

  20. #20
    Dreadlord
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    Quote Originally Posted by Koneko View Post
    Hahaha i know these are bad times for you but i could not resist ^^
    Anyway im all out of options i would say take the holiday idea and try it if it works its worth the cash if it dosnt then its unsolvable.
    Alright, thanks man.

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