I know that in posting this to an online forum, I'm opening myself up to a lot of trolls and flaming, but at this point I need some advice from disconnected and detached people not in any way connected to the situation. And yes, this is gonna be a long post, so be warned that if you aren't interested in reading personal drama and giving advice, this isn't the thread for you =P
I'm from northern California. Back in 2011 I was unemployed and had moved back in with my parents till I could get back on my feet. I met a girl from Texas through WoW, we got into an online relationship, and she found a job opportunity where she lived, so I jumped at the possibility of a new start, even though it was very hard for me because my family has always been very close ("family comes first" is almost the family motto) and I had some good friends where I was. The girl (I'll call her Laura for the purposes of this post) was living with her childhood best friend and his mom at the time in a 2 br apartment. The mom had taken over part of the apartment and converted it into an open bedroom, so it was a bit cramped and awkward. Still, I made the best of it, though we were never intimate (mostly because she never seemed to want to even go there...in fact she held back quite a bit). We ended breaking up after a few months and I finally moved out. Us breaking up was pretty much what she wanted, I was still very much in love with her, but as far as she was concerned it was over. I moved out soon after. We kept in touch, but she got more and more moody and distant and finally broke ties with me in March of this year after telling me she didn't want to talk or keep in touch.
I didn't speak with her for two months, then in mid-May she emailed me out of the blue, apologizing for her behavior and how she treated me, wanted to see how I was doing, wanted to know if we could talk some time, etc. Long story short, we hung out a lot more, she spent more and more time at my place and finally ended up moving in as a roommate. We'd had sex several times by the time she moved in, but she said she didn't want an official relationship. Nevertheless, we were very affectionate for several months and very close. Things were good, even if they weren't official. I brought it up a few times, bringing it to the next level, but she didn't want to go there yet. Then around October, she started to get more distant. She didn't want to be intimate anymore, she started to draw away more and more, similar to how she had acted the year before. Finally, after Thanksgiving, she drops the bombshell that she's pregnant, and didn't think it was mine. Turns out that she went to a co-worker's party after work the first week in October, got absolutely plastered and ended up having a one-night stand with the cousin of one of her co-worker's. There's no way to be 100% sure that it is or isn't mine yet.
Things in the past few weeks have gotten much worse. Her best friend from childhood that we lived with a year ago, and one of his friends, have moved in and it's like it's not my house anymore. She's short-tempered, moody, frustrated, angry. She's pushed me away a LOT, and now we don't even really speak much. It breaks my heart, because I still love her but I can't tell her that because it just pushes her away even more. But at the same time, I don't want to just ignore her because I don't want her to think I'm just turning my back and walking away either. I've explicitly told her that I would never abandon her (especially not if it's my kid), and I wouldn't, but if I give her space she'll probably think that. In truth, I just want to say fuck it and find a job and move back to California or start over somewhere else, and if it's not my kid it might very well come to that.
The biggest irony is that she's said that she doesn't want a relationship with me because she's afraid she'll fuck things up and end up losing my friendship, or that she'll come to hate me because she hasn't handled relationships well in the past. Of course, she never really gave a relationship with me a real, fair try; plus, I'm not a fan of the whole "we're kinda in a relationship but I refuse to commit or acknowledge it" thing because it's basically her wanting the benefits of a relationship without having to put her heart into it and getting to change the terms of the relationship whenever she wants without talking to me first and getting to sleep with other people without any guilt. The reason all this is ironic is because her behavior towards me in trying to keep my friendship but at the same time pushing me away is making her into a really ugly person, the kind of person I don't even want to be just platonic friends with. And I'm not even being slightly smothering...it's like all I need to do is ask her how she is or how her day was or if she wants to hang out and watch a movie or something and that inherently makes me clingy.
So that's my long, rambling story...if you've made it this far, please give me some advice if you have any. I kinda know this is a situation and a person I really should walk away from, but I can't help the fact that I still very much love this girl and care about her. But I've reached the point where I can't let that push me into a situation that does nothing but fucks me over.