1. #1
    I am Murloc! Fenixdown's Avatar
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    Creative Writing Thread

    I've been noticing that a few people like to write. However, I've also noticed that the writing that is posted is somewhat limited to fan fictions, lore-related storylines, and other such styles. I would like to see a thread where people can broaden their horizons, so to speak.

    This thread is solely dedicated to people who love to write creatively. Anything from short stories to sonets, poems to publishings, and everything in between. If you wrote it and you are proud of it, you should have a place to share it. I personally love to show off my creative works, so naturally being the person to start this thread, I will begin by sharing a recent poem that I wrote for a very dear friend of mine.

    “Free”

    Trapped inside
    Nowhere to go
    Empty room
    With no flow

    A small crack
    Along the wall
    A glimmer of light
    Seeps from a hall

    The crack now grows
    Slow but true
    More light comes in
    Feelings brew

    It’s now a hole
    Where I can see
    A friend is there
    Reaching for me

    Little by little
    Each passing day
    This hole grows larger
    Yet cannot get away

    A burst of sound
    Comes from the hall
    I look to see
    There is no wall

    Light radiates
    So I can see
    Friendship, forever
    Is now set free

    My next two works that I am going to share are a song and a poem about druids.

    So, let's see what you guys have! Don't have anything? Give some feedback! Can't be constructive in your feedback? Keep it to yourself! :P

  2. #2
    Elemental Lord Blueobelisk's Avatar
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    Hmmmmmmmmm? I actually prefer short stories lol, I'm not a fan of poems.

    I'll put my feedback in spoilers. I'll tell you now, my feedback is usually...harsh...but it makes the writing a lot better. (My teacher liked "positive feedback" where you talked about stuff you liked in a work, but I never understood that, it just wouldn't help me at all. I'll explain more if someone doesn't understand, just ask, but otherwise I'll leave it at that.)

    -Rhyme scheme is nice and all but I didn't really like that you used hall/wall twice. Maybe I'm nitpicking but it just made the rhyme scheme feel more forced, especially with a short poem like this.

    -Verse 8, I think you should say '"the" hall' instead of '"a" hall' since you use the later. Well hmmm. I'm not too sure, since you're first introducing the hall, but how would you even know whether or not that's a hall at all if you can only see some light coming out of it? How do you know it's not outdoors? Or another room?

    -Verse 20, what is it that cannot get away? I'm assuming it's the narrator but maybe you show throw in an "I" there or something, it was a little ambiguous.

    -Hmmm I know this defeats some of the magical-ness of the poem but if the wall is opening gradually, why does the narrator wait until the whole wall is gone before leaving?

    -You talk about a friend reaching in and friendship at the end but hmmmm I don't really understand its purpose in this poem...I mean, unless you're implying that to be "free" is the same as having friends?


    As I said I might have been a little harsh but don't think anything of it, I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to strengthen your work.

    I'll probably post story of my own a little later after I get my grade in this class.
    Last edited by Blueobelisk; 2012-12-11 at 10:34 PM.

  3. #3
    The Lightbringer Kerath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blueobelisk View Post
    Hmmmmmmmmm? I actually prefer short stories lol, I'm not a fan of poems.

    I'll put my feedback in spoilers. I'll tell you now, my feedback is usually...harsh...but it makes the writing a lot better. (My teacher liked "positive feedback" where you talked about stuff you liked in a work, but I never understood that, it just wouldn't help me at all. I'll explain more if someone doesn't understand, just ask, but otherwise I'll leave it at that.)

    -Rhyme scheme is nice and all but I didn't really like that you used hall/wall twice. Maybe I'm nitpicking but it just made the rhyme scheme feel more forced, especially with a short poem like this.

    -Verse 8, I think you should say '"the" hall' instead of '"a" hall' since you use the later. Well hmmm. I'm not too sure, since you're first introducing the hall, but how would you even know whether or not that's a hall at all if you can only see some light coming out of it? How do you know it's not outdoors? Or another room?

    -Verse 20, what is it that cannot get away? I'm assuming it's the narrator but maybe you show throw in an "I" there or something, it was a little ambiguous.

    -Hmmm I know this defeats some of the magical-ness of the poem but if the wall is opening gradually, why does the narrator wait until the whole wall is gone before leaving?

    -You talk about a friend reaching in and friendship at the end but hmmmm I don't really understand its purpose in this poem...I mean, unless you're implying that to be "free" is the same as having friends?


    As I said I might have been a little harsh but don't think anything of it, I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to strengthen your work.

    I'll probably post story of my own a little later after I get my grade in this class.
    I get the impression that the repetition of hall and wall is deliberate - to demonstrate the change in circumstances surrounding the words. I think the purpose is to show that a friend can help you leave a dark place (ie: depression, sadness, being stuck in a rut in your life). Even if you can't see it straight away, they are there, hammering away at your metaphorical walls.
    At least, that's what I get from it.
    Thanks Fenixdown - I enjoyed it. I'm not generally a massive fan of poetry, so you can take my feedback with a pinch of salt as it's not something I'm knowledgeable about, but the simple wording and rhyming scheme were appealing. I like the hopeful feel it has towards the end.

    Edit: I'll bite. http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...rk-in-Progress
    Unfinished at the moment - I've got the rest fleshed out and written down (I like to scribble with pen and paper when I'm on the train to work). Just trying to find time to get it typed up and tidied up.
    Yeah, it's fanfic - sorry about that.
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  4. #4
    I agree with Blueobelisk that the repetition of "hall" and "wall" is strange, mostly since both times they are used, they're used for the same rhyme and it takes you out of the poem's flow. That's not to say that this particular technique isn't an effective one; it just doesn't seem to fit here. You could still describe the same place without using the same words. A replacement verse for that could be like

    Then thunder burst
    The hole was gone
    Now before me
    Room and hall were one
    (Or "the rooms were one")


    That's just my quick suggestion though, it's still a decent poem either way. You have to accent one of those words to make gone and one rhyme properly... so eh.


    I posted the first chapter a few weeks ago of a new thing I've been writing on my blog. It's short, ~thousand words.

    http://xjselman.wordpress.com/2012/1...something-new/

    It's done now (the first draft), 18k words, planned in short installments.
    Last edited by vizzle; 2012-12-12 at 05:14 PM.
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  5. #5
    I am Murloc! Fenixdown's Avatar
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    Very nice sharing, you two! Keep more stuff coming, everyone! I will have a new post soonish. I sort of set the song to the side for other things that I've been taking care of.

  6. #6
    Elemental Lord Blueobelisk's Avatar
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    Alright I got my A in that class, I'll go ahead and share. Here is the website I made for the class: http://english1000c.weebly.com/creative-piece.html

    I linked you to the one I liked best. If you want to read more then read the "Self Portrait" one too. Rest are trash. (If you're REALLY bored read the First Draft Creative Piece, it's a different story altogether.) I'm probably gonna take the website down later, or at least delete pieces of it, sooo.

    Oh and I'm not really looking for corrections, because I won't be updating them. So if you want to tell me if you liked a piece or just discuss a part of it, that's cool. Don't go out of your way to proofread and fix it though.
    Last edited by Blueobelisk; 2012-12-14 at 03:14 PM.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Blueobelisk View Post
    Alright I got my A in that class, I'll go ahead and share. Here is the website I made for the class: http://english1000c.weebly.com/creative-piece.html

    I linked you to the one I liked best. If you want to read more then read the "Self Portrait" one too. Rest are trash. (If you're REALLY bored read the First Draft Creative Piece, it's a different story altogether.) I'm probably gonna take the website down later, or at least delete pieces of it, sooo.

    Oh and I'm not really looking for corrections, because I won't be updating them. So if you want to tell me if you liked a piece or just discuss a part of it, that's cool. Don't go out of your way to proofread and fix it though.
    Haha, that last line was so good!
    “Don’t worry sweetie,” the woman’s familiar voice said as she raised her gun. “We’re not here to lower your interest rates."

    Familiar voice? I'm speculating it's because you wanted to (if you kept writing that is) her to scare him, and it's probably the parents and a kiddo, maybe?

    Anyway, was a nice read

  8. #8
    I wrote this short story (kind of recently after the plane went into the Hudson and the pilot was a hero):


    “Airplanes are the worst kind of torturing devices.” I said, standing at the open door to our garage.

    Ever since those reports about planes crashing due to colliding with birds, I decided I would never get on a plane for the rest of my life. I was scared, no, mortified by the thought of riding in a plane. Even still, Jaclyn bought a couple of tickets for my birthday for us to go across the country and visit San Francisco, and the flight was leaving soon. She kept reminding me that we needed to arrive early, so she was trying to coax me into the car.

    “Can’t we just drive there?” I asked.

    “Don’t be so ridiculous, we live in Florida! It would take just as long to drive there as we have time off for our entire vacation.” She responded, logically.

    I stood at the garage door, unable to step forward. Jaclyn was tapping her foot behind me. “Don’t be such a baby, it’s a plane. What is that statistic out there? 99% less chance to get in a plane accident than a car accident?”

    “Yeah, but look how many more cars there are than airplanes, it is a flawed statistic.” I retorted. The garage door was open and I could see my neighbors across the street staring at our house, at me. When I looked at them they quickly looked away and continued on with their business.

    I must have looked like a grown baby, unable to get into a car. “Fine,” I decided. “I’ll get in the car, but I’m not going to get on the plane.”

    As we got nearer and nearer to the airport, I could see airplanes flying overhead. I just closed my eyes, and grasped tighter onto the bag I was holding.

    “There, there,” Jaclyn said, looking over to me. “You’ll be just fine. We’re almost there, and pretty soon we’ll be on the plane all safe and sound.”

    “I’m not going to get on the plane.”

    “We’ll see.”

    Moments later, we arrived at the airport and parked the car. “I’ll just wait here,” I said. I knew this was irrational thinking, but I was sure four days in a parked car would be better than the plane ride to San Francisco.

    Jaclyn sighed, “Come on,” she came around the car and opened my door for me, and reached over and unbuckled the seatbelt. “You can do this, at least come inside the airport.”

    Her tone of voice was so passionate. How could I disagree with anything she says? Maybe I was too nice of a person, but what Jaclyn told me wasn’t such a bad idea. I’ll just step inside the Airport. It’s air conditioned, and it’s been hot and humid these last few weeks.

    I stepped out of the car, and stepped inside the automatic doors of the airport.

    “We already have our tickets printed out, we can go straight through security.” My wife informed me, flashing two tickets in her hand.

    My heart was pumping. Just looking at the tickets made my heart race. That couldn’t be healthy.

    I looked at the board showing flight times. There were a lot of “Delayed” and “Cancelled” flights. Was there another accident?

    Jaclyn noticed the way I looked at the board. “It’s normal. All normal. Come on, let’s go.”

    We got up the escalator and went through security. It was quicker than I had imagined it. But now, all that was left to do was board our flight. They would be boarding in less than an hour. That was plenty of time to figure out a way to not get on.

    Maybe I could go to the bathroom, and just sit on a toilet, and they will board and I will still be here. No, my wife would send someone in after me.

    Maybe I could pull the fire alarm when my wife isn’t looking, causing major delays and hopefully cancel our flight. No. Isn’t that illegal? If it was, it shouldn’t be, because I cannot force myself to get on a plane.

    A voice overhead was talking. “Now boarding Flight 2059 to San Francisco”

    I had to say something to not get on. “Jaclyn, I think we left the garage door open at home.” I said. Was it obvious I was lying?

    “Oh, no, I made sure to close it. You know, I was the one driving. I know I closed it.” She smiled.

    My heart wanted to fall out of my body it was pounding so hard in my chest.

    “Are you seriously that scared?” She asked at the foot of the plane’s door.

    “Yes!”

    “You’ll be fine.” She continued dragging me onto the plane into our seats. When the plane took off, I heard a bang, then beeping sounds. The captain’s voice came on overhead, “We’re returning to the airport, both engines have just failed.”

    “I told you so.”
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  9. #9
    Elemental Lord Blueobelisk's Avatar
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    ....symphonic. I'm flying tomorrow morning to go to Florida...

    Your story was okay. I think you could have been more detailed on the transitions of time and space. One minute the guy is thinking about how to spend his hour before boarding to get out of the situation, and 2 thoughts later the plane is boarding? Then the transition of actually waiting on line and handing your tickets in to get scanned and going through the little walkway to the plane was skipped. Which is a big jump.

    And the end lines could have been better. If the plane "took off" and the engines failed, I don't think the captain can casually say they're turning back, I'm pretty sure the plane would be crashed into the water. And I don't really feel like what the captain said is authentic. It just doesn't sound normal for the situation. It's not realistic.

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