I have a girl friend
I don't have a girl friend
I am married
I am forever alone
Lose the filter. Really, that little part in your brain that says "Oh man, I should watch what I say. I don't want to offend this person, because she might be interested in me." What' you're doing is: Needlessly making yourself unavailable. In half the people, this filter is what stops you from even talking to someone. The shy people. In the other half, this filter might get you a date or two, but sets you up for a painful break-up later. If you have to withhold your actual thoughts from someone to get them to like you, then they don't actually like you anyway.
Go out and do things. You don't meet people when you don't go out and do things. Beyond that, ditch the filter and be yourself. If someone doesn't like it, too bad, that's who you are. But when you find someone who does like it, you've got no filter to keep you from talking to them.
It's harder than I make it sound. It's a battle you have to internally solve.
1) Go out and do things. Meeting people requires being where people are.
2) Lose the filter. Say and do what you want to do. Lots of people are interested in everything you are. You just have to be yourself when you meet those people.
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As is the same for literally every guy I know.
However, that isn't to say that if you find someone interesting doing the same things you do that you shouldn't ask them out. It'd be a good thing to do.
And dating sites do work for some people. I would suggest OkCupid, since it's the best organized and most used.
You'd be surprised at the level of hotness some chicks are on there, who are just as shy or socially awkward as you.
I am American mentally, with Japanese tendencies.
def forever alone, can't really blame anyone but myself though, slightly overweight, well I'm down almost 26kg(at 80 atm), really not good looking lol, not much in the way of an education (slightly dumb so studying aint my strong suit, more of a manual labor kind of guy), living at home etc etc..
did I mention I'm terribly shy and have no real interest in anything(so meeting people that way aint going to work)
Oh well, there are more men than women in the world anyway, I guess some of us have to be alone lol
My husband has been there for me through the entire thing to support me and pick me up when I had no idea what to do and our money was running out. We have both supported each other. Things are better money wise but I am still not settled and either is he.
I did for quite some time, teenage girls are very immature. Atleast the ones i meet.
So people consider themselves forever ALONE just because they don't have a girlfirend...
There are a few people who are posting in this thread, something along the lines of "I want to wait until X happens in my life to find a partner" (where X represents a 'milestone', of sorts).
Do yourselves a favour, and scrap this mode of thinking.
Most of your contemporaries are dating throughout their lives - through high school, through post-secondary, and beyond. Life is full of ups and downs, and the realization that what seems like forever when you're 16 isn't really, is an important one.
You put yourself at a tremendous disadvantage, because you will not have learned how to be in a relationship (it's not as easy as people think!) by the time you've reached these milestones; but anyone close to your age group (and thus, available to you) probably already has. So you will come off as immature, and will be ill-equipped at being a good partner.
You'll have a lot of catching up to do, and this will be after your life has 'reached that point'. So you're really shooting yourself in the foot.
Life is meant to be experienced, not catalogued and documented. It's not a checklist, and there is no particular order.
Take it from someone whose teenage years were over before most of yours began.
Advise from someone who was VERY introverted when I was young; believe it or not, you will eventually meet someone you like, who likes you. Just let it happen.
The other option is to unhappily troll around town looking for girls, which is going to make you look and feel like a bigger loser than you might already. Just go about your life and eventually you will meet someone.
Been engaged for 2 years now so picked i'm married as closest to.
I can't necessarily say it's difficult for me to find female friends, in fact, the amount of female friends I have severely outnumber my male ones, but I'm also gay, so us hooking up is not something they suspect will happen. It's one of things that since I'm FAR more likely to go shopping and pick them out clothes to try on than most guys, they feel more comfortable. I'm not saying that I'm one of those stereotypical gay guys, but it's easier to hang out with women as friends, because there's ZERO sexual tension.
As for guys, I have no issue hanging out with 'straight' people, usually they have problems with me. Not saying everyone does, I have plenty of straight friends, who acknowledge there's nothing in our relationship but friendship, but for other people, it's one of those vanity things, where they're like "oh he wants my dick I should steer clear" I could think they're ugly as all hell, and I could say that to their face, but they'll still think it. It's usually more common with people who aren't confident in their sexuality. I'm not saying they're in the closet, but society has a way of making homosexuality a thing of dread: "Don't do girl things you f*g!" and people who aren't confident in themselves, will try to prove to their peers they aren't that way.
As for building a relationship, and not just dating? My advice is don't go for something that isn't there. When you find the right person, you will instantly click. Being with the right person is easy, and anyone in a happy relationship will tell you that it was very easy to be around their S.O. It wasn't EVER a 'friendzone' issue, and the love was never one-sided. I'm not saying that there weren't struggles. Hell, I know someone who fell in love with a married woman, and she went through a nasty divorce to be with him, but the issue was never "I don't want spend every waking second with this person"
Another key note is confidence. You need to love yourself as much, if not more than you want someone to love you. That doesn't mean be a conceited prick, but you can't be like "OH IM WORTHLESS NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME". If you don't have confidence, you will either be clingy and thirst for attention, giving them no room to breathe, or you will drive them away with your pessimism. If you have them devote all their energy trying to boost your confidence, they will feel neglected, and the relationship will be one-sided.
Also, keep in mind that the friendzone is not just a tool for women to garner affection without the sex. There's also the possibility that they know you want more, and secretly they want more, but they know a relationship is a bad idea, or know it was never meant to be. Hell, I've done that before. I friendzoned a girl who desperately wanted to be with me, because I knew I didn't want it (though I didn't know why at the time) and finally, she pushed the issue enough so I caved. Needless to say, I am no longer on speaking terms with her, but if I went back and spoke with her now, I'm sure she'd understand.
TL;DR Relax, most of you are young. Society puts too much of a strain on being in a relationship, and you feel outcasted if you aren't with someone. You should never pursue something based on other people. As for the loneliness? Surround yourself with people who are genuinely interested in you (not love) and it won't feel as bad. Every person in your life should be a positive enjoyable influence on you. Pick and choose carefully.
Last edited by SvetlanaSvetlana; 2012-12-14 at 03:52 PM.
If I can't be the sex symbol, then I can definitely be the BITCH