Mom cheated on dad

[-aiko-]

Blah blah blah, she could have been an adult and left him. Any pity goes out the window when she crossed that line.

Agreed again. Make whatever excuses you want, cheating is cheating and is a childish way to end things.

[Whidbey]

Yep, tell them to make it their business not yours.. things will go how it will go as it's "Their" relationship and you're not involved in that part of their lives. It took me a while to figure that out after my mom blamed us kids for her divorce, rather than my step dad cheating on her. "We" drove him off. BS. Just let them sort it out.. in the end once time has passed and as long as they can act like adults and move on, things will smooth out.

[Stelio Kontos]

Europe, Western Europe in particular has quite significant differences in morals to the USA, where you are.
My views are just more open, more liberal. I explained that just earlier.

You twist your morals to your likes... It's not immoral to breach into mom's stuff, yet it's immoral when she moves on, and waits for the perfect moment to tell it all..

Well, I'm from eastern Europe and would never accept a woman cheating on me. I take my oaths seriously, and the marriage oath I take will be in an Orthodox church, before God, in my eyes, so it will be serious. I've never cheated, never slipped, and I expect nothing less in return.

If my wife cheats, she's getting thrown out. Simple as that. And if it happens to be a guy who knows me and knows she's married, well...he'll be lucky to walk away without violence.

[Deleted]

Make sure they both deal with it like mature adults. The only bad thing about having your parents divorce is if one tries to steal everything off the other just because they can get better representation. Otherwise, it really doesn't make that much of a difference.
Support your dad more than your mum, though. Otherwise he may think you're taking her side and you will drift apart.
But you're old enough to talk to them about it, all as adults.

My parents had a nasty divorce when i was 7 after my dad cheated, the whole process took nearly 7 years. And also when i was 13 my dad took me and my two brothers on holiday, which he then introduced us to our new half-brother... Who was 5 years old. Good way to find out, eh? In the middle of portugal

But as others have said, don't let it get to you. But it really is not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. It's not an excuse to muck up your exams.

So many people believe it to be an awful trauma, but it isn't. Maybe if they were killed, yeah, but it really isn't that bad.

[tjanson]

Europe, Western Europe in particular has quite significant differences in morals to the USA, where you are.
My views are just more open, more liberal. I explained that just earlier.

You twist your morals to your likes... It's not immoral to breach into mom's stuff, yet it's immoral when she moves on, and waits for the perfect moment to tell it all..

Thanks for turning this into a USA vs Europe thread. I don't know what we would have done without all of this sanctimonious, preachy bullshit.

The woman cheated on her husband, and then instead of apologizing or offering to try and work things out ended the marriage when confronted. This is wrong. There very well could have been mitigating factors, maybe dad's a huge asshole - obviously telling the son about this before confronting the wife wasn't exactly the best move. Regardless, you end the relationship and THEN move on to new romance.

You can split up amicably, it's rare but it happens. Doing it this way gives you zero chance of making the whole thing not a huge mess.

[Lovecrafts]

why in the hell would your dad have you read that? only reason i can think of is to "win" you over to "his side". dont play into that shit, there will be no winners in this. just do what you need to do to keep going.

also inb4 "can i haz mom's phone number?"

Considering how often manipulative women will lie to their children in order to paint the father in as bad of light as possible, I don't blame him. He wants his child to understand exactly what caused this. Remember, in the woman's world she is NEVER to blame. If she's cheating it's because "he didn't love me the way I deserve!".

Cue the 'new-wave' feminist posters in 3...2...1...

[Zazzmi]

At least the father was being honest with his son, unlike his mother.


OP don't let it bother you. Whatever is the cause there is little to nothing you can do anyways.

There's 'Honesty' and then there's "blatent attempt to involve a 3rd party who has NO business taking part in the demise of his parents' marriage'.

ANY parent who would insert their child (regardless of age) into the middle of that warzone of a marriage isn't deserving of the title of parent. Both parents sounds like self-absorbed asshats but bringing your kid into the middle of it is a special kind of self-absorbed asshat.

[Raiju]

My parents divorced when I was in school and did the whole "my side" thing. While they never actually told me directly what happened at the time (and I never asked) I was quite aware that my mother was having an affair of some form with another guy who she immediately started living with after whom I knew she met often intentionally without my dad around. My dad got the short end of the stick generally, but that isn't a reason to get involved.

Just stay out of it. Make it clear you aren't interested in their bitching about one another, and that you aren't going to visit X if all they do is belittle Y. If you feel sympathetic to one feel free to support them on an individual basis.

[Roose]

Try not to get involved. They will likely try to pull you in, like your dad already did, to get leverage. Stay out.

You are old enough to start focusing on your own life. Do not let their divorce dampen your senior year.

It sucks, but likely all for the better. Only thing worse than a divorce is a loveless, hostile marriage.

[Orange Joe]

There's 'Honesty' and then there's "blatent attempt to involve a 3rd party who has NO business taking part in the demise of his parents' marriage'.

ANY parent who would insert their child (regardless of age) into the middle of that warzone of a marriage isn't deserving of the title of parent. Both parents sounds like self-absorbed asshats but bringing your kid into the middle of it is a special kind of self-absorbed asshat.

He didn't put the kid in the middle. He didn't ask his son to do anything. (that we know). All he did was inform his son on what is going on. Which is what a good parent should do.

[Goronfighter]

Well Mom got home and tried to say how hes always at work that she is a single mom and that it was nice to have someone to talk to.

anyways she talked my dad into marriage counseling so I don't know whats going to happen hes willing to forgive her I don't know if that's a good or bad thing

[Activi-T]

He didn't put the kid in the middle. He didn't ask his son to do anything. (that we know). All he did was inform his son on what is going on. Which is what a good parent should do.

A good parent, in my opinion, would have discussed it with their spouse and they would have done the 'talk' together.

OP I think you would benefit in the future from trying to stay as neutral as possible in the present, they will always be your parents and you should, again in my opinion, not let their failed marriage impact too heavily on your relationship with them both.

[Lovecrafts]

Well Mom got home and tried to say how hes always at work that she is a single mom and that it was nice to have someone to talk to.

anyways she talked my dad into marriage counseling so I don't know whats going to happen hes willing to forgive her I don't know if that's a good or bad thing

And there it is a version of the "It's ok for me to cheat because he doesn't love me the way I want/isn't home enough for my tastes" excuse. So predictable. You're mom is not a good woman/person.

[Neazy]

Be glad your dad told you what happened. Hiding it from you or acting like it didn't even affect him would have been wayyy worse. Everyone who says otherwise isn't thinking about how they would react in that situation.

Don't let them use you and take care of yourself. Good luck man.

[TEHPALLYTANK]

My advice? Stay the hell out of it, it is THEIR relationship problem not yours. Your dad should not have told you about it, even at 17 you don't need them dumping their problems on you.

[anyaka21]

not to sound rude, but shit happens and really there's not much you can do about it but be encouraging to your dad and to your mom. You are their son/daughter regardless. just because they are or will no longer be together shouldn't change that.

Since I don't know the details, it's difficult to tell if one is more responsible for this than the other, but really, the reality is that both are at fault for letting their relationship go into the shitter. All you can really do is man up, be a good son and continue on your own life path. It probably will get fucked up at times but that's just the reality of the situation.

As long as you are okay with yourself, you'll come out of this as a stronger and a better person.

just my 2cp

edit: forgot this. Don't let them try to get you on their side of the problem. If they try and do it, stay the fuck out of it and tell them so. That's when it can get seriously fucked up.

[gneugen]

Alright, I woke up this morning with my dad sitting next to me and when he saw I was awake he had me read an email on my mom's tablet. Showing that she is cheating on him and everything. Well he calls her while shes at work and she told him it's over.
Now i'm 17 this is my senior year in high school and this is really going to throw me off my school work. I don't know what to do I don't know what to think
any advice?

This is a difficult topic to breakdown because there's always so many dirty details with relationships. There are influences you won't see from your perspective as their child. Here's my experience with dealing with this sort of scenario.

My Story: Dad and mom married for 31 years. Dad cheats on mom with old flame from middle school after 31 years of marriage. Mom finds out, tries to make it work, Dad half-asses it because he doesn't want to lose access to me and brother. Mom finds out he's still cheating and pursues a divorce. Dad drags feet, for unknown reasons, and finally signs the papers.

My Experience: I took sides, despite nearly every resource telling me not to. I knew full well that my mom didn't like to have sex and that it was the cause for my dad to pursue his need for sex elsewhere but I didn't care. I couldn't respect him as a person for taking such a myopic route to his own happiness. I also couldn't respect him for doing something he knew would put the family in jeopardy.

My Conclusion (thus far): I have no regrets for how I handled things. I have made my peace with the loss of relationship with my dad. In a sense this comes from the ability to look at the situation a bit objectively. Knowing what I know today, would I try to befriend a person who treats people this way? My answer is still no.

My Advice: Don't let this experience make you jaded. You have to pursue your own definitions of love, relationships, happiness, family, and life. Above all, you have to ask yourself if you want to end up with the same situation your parents wound up in. I know it can hurt to look at your own family with an eye for judgement, but it's to improve your own ability to see into your future and how you want your life to play out. It's a rare scenario to see what a relationship looks like from the inside out, but that is what children experience in nuclear households. You will be tempted to become jaded with regard to relationships, the opposite sex, and even in yourself. My strongest advice to you is to fight that cynicism with hope that you can affect your own future by constantly striving to be a better person.

[Revik]

He didn't put the kid in the middle. He didn't ask his son to do anything. (that we know). All he did was inform his son on what is going on. Which is what a good parent should do.

I'm with Slozon on this one. The OP is 17 and old enough to understand these things. The father didn't just tell him the "truth" but SHOWED him the "truth" which are very different things.

While I wouldn't necessarily do the exact same things his father had done but letting mature enough kids on the truth I feel is never a bad thing. How can you sort out your feelings about your parents if what they are telling you is a lie? I will admit it is harsh but necessary.

@OP - That being said I agree with the other posters here. Don't worry about it and concentrate on your school work. Let whatever shit happen but don't let it affect your school work. Also don't let this episode taint your ability to relate to the opposite sex.

[smelltheglove]

Considering how often manipulative women will lie to their children in order to paint the father in as bad of light as possible, I don't blame him. He wants his child to understand exactly what caused this. Remember, in the woman's world she is NEVER to blame. If she's cheating it's because "he didn't love me the way I deserve!".

Cue the 'new-wave' feminist posters in 3...2...1...

that's a hell of an assumption, and completely unsupported by any info in the OP. my mom and dad split when i was 4... care to place a bet on which tried to paint the other negatively?

[Banzhe]

Alright, I woke up this morning with my dad sitting next to me and when he saw I was awake he had me read an email on my mom's tablet. Showing that she is cheating on him and everything. Well he calls her while shes at work and she told him it's over.
Now i'm 17 this is my senior year in high school and this is really going to throw me off my school work. I don't know what to do I don't know what to think
any advice?

Not to be brutal, or even cruel or anything, but why do you come of sounding like it's the end of the world?- more over, you're 17, your about what.., 6-12 months away from moving into your own apartment I would hope.

Break it down, what do you think it'll mean? That you won't get to say good morning or good night to one of them at times, that's it.., your parents are human beings, if one part wasn't happy, then eventually it would break apart, it doesn't mean they stop being your parents or anything, and guaranteed it won't affect their feelings towards you any bit.

If it does affect you that as badly as you suspect, talk to your school counselor so their aware of what's happening, most of the time they can even provide assistance if you need a 3rd party to talk to about everything.