Cheating in a relationship, story-questions-answers

[Adamas102]

Anyway, i understand people have problem with cheaters. But what i dont understand is that while saying "cheaters are weak" etc, and then at the same time, say that its perfectly fine/OK to be interrested in another person while in a relationship. And then its ok to break up with someone and 1h later fuck someone else, or 1hour later go on a date with someone else.
In other words, tell your partner "I.. met someone else, and she is better than you, so i want to break up, bye"
How in the world is that not worse.

The difference is that a relationship is a type of agreement. Unless you're in an open relationship, part of that agreement is to not fool about with other people. No one enjoys break ups, but most relationships end. That's just a fact. Just because some people take them poorly doesn't mean that breaking up is worse than cheating. Anyone who would rather be cheated on that broken up with needs to grow a spine and find some self respect.

This whole "I met someone better" attitude you keep mentioning is pretty juvenile, to be honest. It isn't about finding someone "better", it's about finding someone more compatible. I don't recall anyone saying breaking up and then screwing someone else an hour later was a GOOD thing, but at least by breaking up you're no longer bound by the unspoken rules of the relationship.

Cheaters are indeed weak in that they either fail to live up to one of the most basic expectations of a relationship or just don't have the guts to break up and move on.

[Kurioxan]

Very polarized...

I do think its less about "people can change" and more about "circumstances" a lot of people cheat out of no longer feeling lust for their partner, but they love them so dont want to hurt them, or being cowards and not wanting to go through it, or not giving a crap about the person...

Some people are in relationships they are afraid to leave and cheat on the side with someone they actually love/care, others stay for the money or benefits... its more complex, cheating is not akin to psychopathy that you either are or arent, its akin to small crime, there are times when it becomes a need in the persons perception so they do it, no matter how "wrong" others may see it, someone who steals inst just a thief, someone who kills isnt just a killer, people arent one dimentional and there are many factors behind behavior, some understandable even excusable, others not.


Now, depending on the reason i would trust him/her or not, not the action itself.

[Deleted]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband? Yes, I cheated on an ex-girlfriend.
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more? Had sex.
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you? Yes. She claimed to have forgiven me but hadn't.
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it? I don't see it as a mistake. It happened for many reasons and it eventually got me out of the relationship which was good for both of us.
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them? Yes and I ended the relationship when I found out. I don't hold it against them though, we still talk as friends occasionally.
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them? No I'd give them a chance.
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater. People change. A lot of people cheat because they're unhappy in their relationship - which doesn't make you a bad person. I believe that if the relationship is right the urge to cheat won't reach a point whereby you act on it.

[Reg]

And question is.

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1: I have never cheated on a girlfriend. I haven't exactly been in many long term relationships for that to even be a problem though. And even in the "relationships" I have been in, they've always been open, more like friends with benefits type deals.
2: N/A
3: N/A
4: N/A
5: No one has ever cheated on me, same reason as above.
6: If I was looking for a serious relationship, I would not go out with someone who has been a known cheater. One time deals count. The phrase "Once a cheater, always a cheater" came from somewhere, and I don't think people change very easily.
7: Already answered in 6.

[Kurioxan]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1: nope
2: dont consider a simple kiss (dont mean a fullblown making out) to be cheating
3: N/a
4: N/a but being drunk isnt an excuse lol
5: Nope, not that i know of
6: Nope, depending on reason, again if it was for funzies or lack of control, yep, dumb it, if it was due to a shitty relationship, nope. also could just have open relation.
7: Nope, as said before i dont think someone who cheats to be defined by it, depends on the reasons, i dont see "forgiveness" there is only a reason to or not to respect them.

[Nasriel]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband? No, never
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them? sort of, but I did have a partner try to cheat on me. He asked a girl if she'd sleep with him. She said no. I have no doubt in my mind that he'd have actually gone through with if if she said yes however
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them? I would have to think twice, espically if they had cheated on multiple partners
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? Yes, a guy who was hitting on me. He had a wife living interstate but I didn't realise it until he accidently let slip. He was even bragging that he'd slept with several women while she was away. I definately think of him that way. As for my potentially cheating partner I never trusted him after I found out what he did. It eventually lead to the demise of an already awful relationship

[Felya]

1) Yes
2) a lot more, many times
3) Yes and yes
4) No, didn't say it was a mistake or a regret
5) No, but wouldn't
6) No
7) if they didn't do anything to me, I wouldn't care.

[Wildtree]

1. Yes
2. More
3. Yes, and Yes
4. No Excuse, Mistake accepted.
5. Yes, and Yes
6. No, the past is irrelevant.
7. No, again, the past is irrelevant.

Notorious Cheaters usually don't commit to serious relationships. They enjoy their freedom too much, to restrain themselves.
People who commit to relationships usually don't plan on cheating. Aside from a "hickup" cheat, that just happens out of the blue as a one time only thing, which likely haunts the cheater for the rest of their life, people have other issues in their relationships, of which cheating becomes just a side effect. The former relationships can continue, often even healthier than ever. The latter is doomed to fall apart anyway.

[Rukentuts]

1: No
2: -
3: -
4: -
5: Two of the three have. I forgave neither of them.
6: I'd be very cautious. But it also depends on circumstances of the incident. If it was more than once, I would not.
7: Depends on the circumstances. Saying "always" is a leap, if it was only once the "always" is a stretch.

[Adamas102]

I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater. People change. A lot of people cheat because they're unhappy in their relationship - which doesn't make you a bad person. I believe that if the relationship is right the urge to cheat won't reach a point whereby you act on it.

Depends on what you consider a "bad person". Being unhappy with a relationship isn't justification for cheating. I hope you're not suggesting that the person cheated on shares in the responsibility as well ("keep me happy or else I might cheat on you"). Most relationships don't work out. A decent person either works to make things better or has the courage to break things off so both people can move on.

[Deleted]

Depends on what you consider a "bad person". Being unhappy with a relationship isn't justification for cheating. I hope you're not suggesting that the person cheated on shares in the responsibility as well ("keep me happy or else I might cheat on you"). Most relationships don't work out. A decent person either works to make things better or has the courage to break things off so both people can move on.

I'm not justifying cheating - it's still a pretty shitty thing to do regardless of whatever reason people do use to justify it. What I am saying is - people can and do change so I don't believe that once a cheater, always a cheater.

[Keske]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1: No
5: Yes, and I think there needs to be definition of what forgive is. Am I still angry about it? No. Would I ever resume a relationship with that person? No. What I did was simply call up her brother, told him to get all her stuff, and he did. Then I gave her one phonecall to explain what happened, told her that I didn't want to remain friends and these days I show her common decency when I pass her in the streets.
6: I wouldn't go into a relationship with someone that has cheated on their partner. It shows such a level of disrespect for other human beings that I would never ever consider them to be my partner, regardless if they are never going to cheat again.
7: I will always see them as a cheater ofcourse, cause that's what they are. Would I forgive them? Yea sure, again I don't think you mean forgive, I think you mean take back wich would ofcourse be a big no. It's not hard to not stick your dick or have a dick stuck in you. The complete disrespect for the other human being in the relationship is a breach of trust, and more importantly why would I be with someone that doesn't love me, seems rather pointless.

[Itisamuh]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

1. No.
2. ...
3. ...
4. ...
5. Yes, I have been cheated on, and no, I did not forgive them. I stopped being angry eventually, but I would never give them another chance.
6. If I knew beforehand, I would not go out with her. If I found out afterward, I might stay with her, but it would never be the same.
7. There are certain things I simply see no excuse for, and they carry on with that person long afterward. Cheating is one of them.

[Hraklea]

1: No, I have not.
2: (no answer)
3: (no answer)
4: (no answer)
5: I believe one of my ex-girlfriends did, but it never had been proved.
6: No, I would suggest an open relationship.
7: I believe that people who cheated are more inclined to open relationships. I see "cheaters" more like "liers", as a general thing (I don't see cheating as a "worse sort of lie" or something like that). But everybody lies, including me, so I don't have any problems with "cheaters".

[Brash]

I believe cheating is a loyalty issue. And loyalty is hard taught. I'd have trouble trusting anyone that I knew cheated in a "serious" relationship. 99% of high school relationships aren't serious so I wouldn't care that far back but at 23? Ya that person will "get bored" which is a shitty excuse for being disloyal.

Either way loyalty is a big issue for me and it's tough to get passed something like cheating, not saying its impossible, but its not a mistake if you sleep with someone else 2-3 years into a relationship, it just means you think with your penis (and that applies to ladies too) and don't really care who you hurt in the process of getting your rocks off.

[Divinator]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?

Yes

2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?

All the way.

3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?

I told them and they did not forgive.

4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?

No excuse they were just amazingly hot.

5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?

Yes and no i did not forgive.


6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?

If i find out someone cheats on me while im in a relationship, its over. Period.

7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)

I don't "think" of them as cheater. Like i said if someone cheats on me i get a new person. Ez as pie.

[Skippy88]

I have never cheated and I would need more information before deciding if I wanted to cheat. I do know someone who has cheated which is my dad. I love him but I will never forgive him for it.

His story is he had 2 best friends in high school. The 3 of them each married and had 3 kids. The 9 kids got along great and we always had a good time whenever we got together. I was sleeping over at one of their houses for Halloween when we found out he had been cheating with one of his best friend's wife.

My Dad moved out but they got back together eventually but we moved 3 hours away to start over. A year afterwords it would flare up including one memorable evening where the kids drove around town while mom and dad worked things out at home. It also flared up 8 years ago when dad sent a co-worker some inappropriate e-mails.

The non-cheater best friend's family stayed together for a few years but eventually they broke up partly due to the cheating but there was other issues involved. We saw them a few times afterwords but haven't seen them in a number of years. The cheating best friend's family divorced immediately and we haven't seen them since the cheating got revealed. In a bit of an ironic twist the one best friend got married to the others ex-wife. It's strange to think that if my dad divorced and married the cheating wife the 9 kids would have gone from best friends to being related.

I personally think any form of cheating is not worth it. I think it will eventually come out and you will have a bigger problem on your hands. Either have a long sit down with your partner and try to fix things or divorce and start anew.

[melodramocracy]

It's interesting to read responses here, and how many of them are 100% black and white in their judgement of mistakes.

[Aeluron Lightsong]

It's interesting to read responses here, and how many of them are 100% black and white in their judgement of mistakes.

So what you are trying to imply here.

[Deleted]

1: Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend - Wife/Husband?
No

2: If you did, was it a simple kiss? more?
---

3: Did you tell them you did?, did he/she forgive you?
---
4: Are you trying to find an excuse, (as in "I was drunk", "Men/women have needs!") Or do you accept you made a mistake and regret it?
---

5: Have someone cheated on you? Did you forgive them?
Yes. No.

6: If you started a relationship with someone. Or knew that he/she had cheated on someone before going out with them, would you break up/not go out with them?
I'd be cautious.

7: If you know a person who have cheated. (Cheated = always a cheater) Will you always think of that person as that? And never forgive their mistake. If so, why? (explain)
To some degree, yes, I would consider that person to be someone with poor morals and self-control.