I've read these threads on here before and always enjoyed them so I thought why not, see if we can get some good stories going.
One time when I was much younger (around 16-17) I was staying over at my friends place with him, another friend and his girlfriend. Now we ran out of stuff to drink pretty early, and as we were teenage boys this created quite the predicament - so we set about fixing the situation. After searching around my friends parents place, the best we could find was an assortment of wine bottles, so we grabbed a few (his parents were upstairs) and headed down to a nearby park to begin drinking. Well the first bottle went down pretty quick, and then my friend (whose house it was) decided to go back to the house with his girlfriend, leaving me and my other friend with two more bottles of wine.
We went for a walk for some reason (literally no idea why), heading up towards the main road. My friend lived at the bottom of a hill so it was a bit of a stiff walk, and by the time we got to the top I had finished another bottle of wine to myself (I no longer can drink wine in this capacity, I'm pretty sure this night was the reason why). Then my friend has the brilliant idea of checking if cars were unlocked in case there was stuff to steal (classic teenage rebel phase). So we are walking along the street, increasingly hammered, checking cars when we find one with the boot open. So we open it up and there is all these plastic bags of trash basically, might have been old clothes the details are a little fuzzy, so we start rifling through the back when some cars start going past.
So being the incredibly intelligent drunk man that I am, I begin to yell "I know mum left it in here somewhere!" as these cars drive by, not suspicious at all.
Anyway we keep walking (finding nothing worthwhile in the car) and I see a pair of lights approaching. We were pretty tired at this point so I try to flag down what I thought was a Taxi. It was a police car. The second I realise this, after obviously standing in the middle of the road trying to flag it, I barrel roll into some bushes at the side of the road and try and hide there.
My (more sober) friend somehow manages to talk the cops out of arresting us, and they ask him about some break ins in the suburb. Deny, deny, deny.
Somehow we are out of that situation and then... Suddenly I wake up in my friends house, completely naked with an incredible pain in my right upper thigh.
It's obviously hours later, this is the first time I've memory blacked out, and I have no idea why I am on a mattress (alone) completely naked on my friends floor with a bruised tailbone from the feel of it.
I got the full story the next day: Apparently we started walking home when we spotted a shopping trolley. My friend said he would push me and not let go. He lied. He let go at the top of the hill down to my other friends place and the trolley ended up crashing into a streetlight (with me inside). Then when we got back to my other friends place, him and his girlfriend were "getting intimate". So my friend convinces me to strip naked and walk in there. So I walk in there completely naked and say "I heard there was a party in there" and then apparently turned around and passed out instantly on the mattress on the ground. At which point my friends parents walked in.
... Needless to say, breakfast was a little awkward the next day. But all up it was a pretty funny night.
At a nightclub with some college friends and i was hammered on lager, wine and champagne (was someones birthday and was handed it free).
Sat down on a sofa in a corner with two of my mates and this stunning girl heads over to us and plonks herself on my mates lap then proceeds to chew his face off much to our bewilderment. I had another swig of my drink and fell asleep for at most 5 minutes.
I wake up and look over to see that the stunning girl had turned into some fatty. I lean over to my other mate and say in a voice loud enough for anyone in 3 meters to hear (even with the music blaring) 'did that fat girl eat the pretty one or am i seeing things ?'
I then fell asleep again for another 5 or so minutes only to have a bouncer wake me up. My mate who had the girl is gone and my other mate told me that he was not impressed with me at all insulting his cousin like i did. So we both leave to get some food and a taxi home and there is my mate with his cousin outside the cab place.
Neither of them spoke to me i just got cold stares lol. I did manage to explain to my friend what happened that night a few days later at college and he thought it was hilarious, but had to act pissed for his cousins sake.
Another time a load of us from work went bowling after starting our drinking in a bar downstairs. We finished our two games and as our lanes lights shut off i grabbed a size/weight 16 ball and prepared to hurl it down our lane at the pins.
I swing and let the fucker go, only for it to land 1/4 of the way down our lane, spin into the gutter, bounce into the lane next door and score a strike ! I cheer and yell 'GOAL' then spin around to see a guy on that lane was lining up his shot but had stopped when he saw my ball hurtling down his lane...
His friends laugh and he is stood there ready to bowl the ball but looking right at me as my embarrassed colleagues steer me to the counter to get our shoes
At the gym with 2 mates, doing leg press' and having maxed out at 170kg.
I get dared to do 200kg, and if I do 5 reps, they are gonna pay for lunch.
I agree to do it, and with great confidence i load up the extra weight, and i sit down getting ready to do my 8 reps, my mates are just waiting.
First rep is cool, I go for the second and third one, and do them without much of a struggle. On the fourth i struggle a bit, and i decide to take like a 5-10 second break, just holding my hands on my knees, I then decide it's time to go for the last one, and as I push, a very LOUD fart comes out....
Embarrassed I just scratch my neck getting all red in the face, while my mates are literally rofl'ing... Needless to say, I went home for the day...