I lost my love, my best friend and my support.

[Deleted]

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, after almost 3 years, we couldn't continue doing this.
We argued a lot lately and we've been wanting to fix it, but by wanting to fix it we pressured ourselves way too much, she lost interest in me but still tried.

She told me what was wrong multiple times, but I realised it too long and couldn't prevent the break up.
She broke up with me, and I'm getting mixed reactions from people.
Some people tell me it'll be alright and to give her time and the first step after that is to become friends again and then work my way back if I still feel the love.

Some people tell me not to dwell on her, forget about her, break contact with her.
I am at a loss, I have no clue what to do, I want to give her the time and become friends, but I know that if I start hoping for that I'll drive myself crazy.

If I don't hope for it, I might become even more depressed than I am know, it's whats been keeping me up all the time.
I told her my story and what I wanted to do to fix things yesterday, and she said:

I've listened to what you said, I've emptied my mind so I could think clear, but I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore.

We've pressurized ourselves so much we grew apart, not even friends.
I've never done much for her to show her that I love her, now it's too late.
I wanted to do something big for our 3rd anniversary, but it's too late.

Yesterday evening I lost my best friend, my love and my support.

For the people who are going to tell me to get over it and fuck bitches, no, I'm not alpha, I have no interest in being alpha.

[Airwaves]

Move on, it happens to everyone.






Wtf is alpha?

[Deleted]

Alpha, be a man - act like it doesn't matter, etc.

OT: Only you can really make that decision i'm afraid, you know more than anyone, do what you think you should do.

[DPA]

So you're asking us to choose for you, wethever you should drive yourself crazy, or get super depressed?

How about go hang out with friends? Enjoy the good weather, look positive on life.
Don't "delete" her from your life, after all you have had 3 years together so you have something in common. A friendship could very well be building up already and might work out good or bad, nobody will know that by now. However only you can make the decision if you want to give it a shot or not, by letting it happen naturally.

[Deleted]

Alpha, be a man - act like it doesn't matter, etc.

OT: Only you can really make that decision i'm afraid, you know more than anyone, do what you think you should do.

I'm thinking of meeting up with her at the place where it all began to tell her I'm letting her go.
We need to be apart for now, after the dust settles we can become friends again and if feelings arise, we can try again, but for now, it's just killing us.

I don't want to lose her, but if I ever want her to love me again, I have to give it time.

EDIT:

So you're asking us to choose for you, wethever you should drive yourself crazy, or get super depressed?

How about go hang out with friends? Enjoy the good weather, look positive on life.
Don't "delete" her from your life, after all you have had 3 years together so you have something in common. A friendship could very well be building up already and might work out good or bad, nobody will know that by now. However only you can make the decision if you want to give it a shot or not, by letting it happen naturally.

What you said basicly makes sense, it's a weird choice that can't be made.

We have things in common, we like eachother, but lately it's been way to pressurizing and difficult to keep up.
Thing is, I want to give it a shot, I want to be with her forever, but she needs the time.

She needs to fall in love again basicly, we can only do that by starting over.

[Deleted]

Get off the computer and go get a life.
Posting in these forums is not gonna help in your situation.
Best Regards.

Infracted

[Deleted]

Get off the computer and go get a life.
Posting in these forums is not gonna help in your situation.
Best Regards.

I'm at work, and not much clients are calling for help, already gave the testing environment a few rounds.
I think posting in these forums is a great way of helping me through the day.

[Spectral]

This is one reason that your girlfriend/wife shouldn't be your "best friend".

[Shadowdance]

OP - I know how you're feeling. I'm going through almost the exact same thing. Like you, I've made many mistakes. But your friends are right, just give her time. Learn from it, become a better person.

[Speaknoevil]

Get a new girlfriend, it can't be serious though, because if it is you will just be using her as a replacement so that's not cool.
__

Keep in touch with your ex, casually, stay friends, but don't act bothered by anything she does. You don't have to lose her as your friend, over time push her into the sister category in your head with willpower. That way you can still have a close relationship without it being weird when you both have new romantic interests. When/if you feel the urge to be romantically intimate with her again, if the opportunity presents, deny yourself.

Willpower is how you keep her in your life as your friend, otherwise you lose her completely.
__

Choose your battles more wisely in the future. I know this applies to you even though I don't know the details of your relationship, because it applies to almost every single person on Earth.

[DPA]

I'm thinking of meeting up with her at the place where it all began to tell her I'm letting her go.
We need to be apart for now, after the dust settles we can become friends again and if feelings arise, we can try again, but for now, it's just killing us.

I don't want to lose her, but if I ever want her to love me again, I have to give it time.

EDIT:



What you said basicly makes sense, it's a weird choice that can't be made.

We have things in common, we like eachother, but lately it's been way to pressurizing and difficult to keep up.
Thing is, I want to give it a shot, I want to be with her forever, but she needs the time.

She needs to fall in love again basicly, we can only do that by starting over.

Maybe she will but by "giving it a shot" it almost sounds like you're desperate for it to happen now (I'm sure you are tho!).
Let he be herself, and let her make the decision for herself if she want to fall in love with you again, or not.

Pushing it will just end out bad because straight away she will feel under pressure, which apparently ended your relationship.

[marthsk]

You don't need to be alpha; you just need to find your sense of self-love back! And in a f'n hurry. For your own sake, dude...

Putting yourself first is not alpha by itself, even though it's a sizeable part of it. It's merely thinking about your own well-being, as you can't hope to take care of someone if your own well-being is not kept in check.

Forget the girls for now, do what YOU gotta do.

[Anium]

She's made up her mind - there's nothing you can do to change that.
Go out and live your life, it's yours after all.
Don't dwell and sulk, although, breakups, especially after such a long one are naturally hard. But it will get better, it always does and thats how we move on.
If our minds were unable to let go the future would be bleak.

So yeah, chin up!

[Deleted]

Get a new girlfriend, it can't be serious though, because if it is you will just be using her as a replacement so that's not cool.
__

Keep in touch with your ex, casually, stay friends, but don't act bothered by anything she does. You don't have to lose her as your friend, over time push her into the sister category in your head with willpower. That way you can still have a close relationship without it being weird when you both have new romantic interests. When/if you feel the urge to be romantically intimate with her again, if the opportunity presents, deny yourself.

Willpower is how you keep her in your life as your friend, otherwise you lose her completely.
__

Choose your battles more wisely in the future. I know this applies to you even though I don't know the details of your relationship, because it applies to almost every single person on Earth.

For now, I think I'm gonna be single.

I will keep in touch with her as friends and I will try not to act bothered, but if the opportunity presents itself within a reasonable amount of time and certain circumstances, I will grab it.

This woman is my life, she's improved me on so many levels, I feel terrible having wronged her for so long.

[Melt]

For the people who are going to tell me to get over it and fuck bitches, no, I'm not alpha, I have no interest in being alpha.

Fucking bitches is as far away from alpha as relying on other peoples opinion.

What helps me in these situations is watching other people being in the same position so I can "pause and reflect". After 2 minutes I usually realize "fuck it, I can do better than that" and get myself involved into something more productive.

[Deleted]

You don't need to be alpha; you just need to find your sense of self-love back! And in a f'n hurry. For your own sake, dude...

Putting yourself first is not alpha by itself, even though it's a sizeable part of it. It's merely thinking about your own well-being, as you can't hope to take care of someone if your own well-being is not kept in check.

Forget the girls for now, do what YOU gotta do.

This has been my whole issue for so, so long.

I wanted to fix things and help her whilst fucking myself up and over.

How can I be good for her if I can't be good for me?

[Dragonix80]

This is one reason that your girlfriend/wife shouldn't be your "best friend".

What a horrible advice and comment this is.

If you're going to live your lifetime with your girlfriend/wife, they certainly should be your best friend, lover, and soulmate.

Anyway, OP, I'm sorry to hear that. It's probably better to give it a little time if the break up is still fresh and raw. Then you and your friend can sit down and have a long talk, as a friend. Find out how both of you can learn from this experience. And it's probably good idea to say "I'm sorry" even if it's not your fault. Apologize can repair or renew the relationship.

And putting yourself first over other is usually a bad idea. When you love someone, you will put her first over yourself and in the return, she will put you first over herself. That's love.

[marthsk]

Wtf is alpha?

Alpha, aka alpha male.

Often misunderstood as being overly macho and using women for his own amusement.

What it really means is being assertive, not falling for typical women tactics, keeping yourself above those, being mentally strong enough to feel awfully comfortable around women and making them just as comfortable. In short, covering the weakesses of the average 2013 male.

Interesting concept to look into solely for the theory vs practice comparisons. Only, this concept is hated and despised by those who haven't figured out how the friendzone works, and how to fool it.

---------- Post added 2013-05-08 at 09:22 AM ----------

What a horrible advice and comment this is.

If you're going to live your lifetime with your girlfriend/wife, they certainly should be your best friend, lover, and soulmate.

Except it doesn't work that way. If it did, why would this be a problematic item in so many lives?

Not saying it's impossible, tho... just saying too many people are doing it wrong and won't accept that.

[Aliessil]

First off, forget about trying to get her back. Trying to work towards that is a great way of destroying whatever feelings are left. Maybe things will work out and you'll be together again, but the more you pursue that, the less likely it becomes.

As to whether to cut her off completely, that depends on the two of you. Are you both the kind of people who can switch straight to being friends (assuming you both want to)? If not, then you'll need a clean break for a while. Discuss it, agree a timeframe to leave each other completely alone and then see how you both feel after X amount of time. If one or both of you needs more time, rinse and repeat. That's assuming you both want to be friends.

Don't push, don't chase, don't harass. It sounds like you messed up, now you need to learn from your mistakes and get on with life.

Alie

[marthsk]

This has been my whole issue for so, so long.

I wanted to fix things and help her whilst fucking myself up and over.

How can I be good for her if I can't be good for me?

Well you did the first step: identify the most pressing challenge you need to go through. I don't think anyone can give suitable advice on how to tackle it, as we all have different personalities and attitudes, we all have different backgrounds. What worked for me may result into a total disaster for you because of that.

But what I'll say is that it's what you'd need to work on as top priority, in my opinion. Won't be easy, but it'll be so worth it!