How to overcome the sorrow of losing a loved one?

[Velshin]

Hello everyone, first of all I know maybe this forum is not the best place for such topics...and some ppl might think I'm not serious or joking because "hey if you are writing here in the forums it means you are fine."

but no..just because im logged in here and writing doesn't mean I'm fine...Yesterday my young cousin just suddenly died in his bed he wasn't sick or having any issues at all. The day before he died I just talked to him in his home and he was 100% fine just after he slept he simpley didn't wake up...at first I was in shock believing it was just a joke he is alive and all but no..we made sure of everything and in the end indeed he died.

He was like a younger brother to me he is just 24 years old so young..I just don't know is there any possible way to overcome this? some ppl might say time overtime will make your pain fade away but the problem is in my nature I have strong memory so that means in fact anything happened in my life even if it was like 20 years ago I can still remember them as if it was yesterday I guess this is the penalty of having good strong memory eh?

Sorry everyone if it's not the best place to write such thing...any feedback will be appreciate it.

[Chingylol]

My soulmate passed away in '07 a day before my birthday and I found out my birthday morning. She was only 23 and would have been 29 this March. Man, I miss her.. I have a custom gold with black onyx ring with a small sprinkle of her ashes in the center I always wear. The pain really doesn't go way, but time does make it alittle better. It took about a full year to stop thinking about her every few hours, but I still do on occasion. It's fucked up because I just had a dream about her last week and we were sitting in a restaurant and I was telling her how much I missed her and she told me she missed me too. Everything was so damn calm even the conversation.. Anyway, I feel your pain man. Life is so unfair but stay strong.

Now that I think about it, I started to play WoW heavily a month after she passed and spent countless hours on this game. Took my mind off it. Maybe my way of escaping reality?

[Underverse]

Death is a natural process. Cry, and then be done. I watched my dad die when I was 15. I was destroyed, filled with wishes and regrets. But that passed within a month, and then it was just memories. Like anything else, it takes time to adjust. You just have to accept it as inevitable or real, and the pain will fade with time.

[joyfulmmo]

You put yourself in their position.

Yep, imagine that it is you that has just passed away, and now looking upon your loved ones from the afterlife.


It would grieve me to know people were weeping for me. I would want them to laugh and celebrate my life and remember the good times knowing that death is a part of life and that we will all are one and share the same fate.


My sentences may be hard for you to take in now, but as time goes on, i believe you will find great comfort in what i have written.

[Bowowner]

Reading both of those honestly just put tears in my eyes, what the hell....... Im not one to do that either...

Im 18, and have been to the funeral of 4 aunties and 3 uncles, 5 people whom I went to school with and talked to who killed themselves , and grandparents on my dads side... big family you can say. And I guess you never really forget, the pain will always come back. But what I can say is that when I actually let myself break down and cry I felt a bit better for a bit, makes me happier. After a few months you will think of him less but they will always still be a part of your life that you can never just throw away, cherish it, and try to let time do it's thing.

[Catta]

Intellectualize it.

[breadisfunny]

i have had both grandfather and dog pass away. both due to old age. my sister crys herself to sleep every other night over her dog. im not sure if it ever goes away.

[Kalis]

In some ways you never overcome it, but the immediate sense of grief vanishes after a while.

There is a sense of unrealness when someone dies unexpectedly, and after a while that just becomes realness (kind of hard to put into words).

[Deleted]

it never fully goes away but it will start to feel better as time goes by. I would try to keep myself busy at the start and keep something close to remeber the loved one by (picture) (item the person loved). I would also ask myself if he/she could see me now after death in anyway what would she like me to do and ofc i would focus on all the good times i had together with the person and treasure said time always. With other words keep him/her in your heart belive he/she might be watching over you. It sounds silly but it helps specialy if you think death is just well death.

[Velshin]

In some ways you never overcome it, but the immediate sense of grief vanishes after a while.

There is a sense of unrealness when someone dies unexpectedly, and after a while that just becomes realness (kind of hard to put into words).

This is exactly how I felt at the first 8 hours of his death I was shocked beyond belief to the point I thought this is just not true somekind of bad joke or a dream or something because as I said we were always so together like real brothers.

[Neetz]

That is so terrible, such a loss and such a young age... I am so sorry for you.

Time heals is a term I don't like to use. It never heals, but it does get easier. Everyone deals with death differently and I think that your whole attitude on life and your own personal beliefs makes a difference on how you cope with the death of those you love, but that's only from my experience, other people might say otherwise.

My father passed away just over 3 years ago with Leukaemia. My father was the mortar that held our home together. My mother was always by his side and he was my best friend. So funny and witty, such a brilliant, brilliant man. They had been together since they were 17. He was 56 when he was diagnosed in November 2009 and he took very ill just after Christmas that year. He died on 26 January 2010.

I had a lot of things going on in my life at the time. Me and my (then) boyfriend were about to move into our new home and out of my parents house. With the shocking news things were put on hold, but my father was a proud man and didn't like sympathy, he also didn't want chemotherapy or a bone marrow transplant which is something we found out after he passed. When he died, I decided not to move out so I could stay and take care of my mother. I wasn't a nice person to be around and it put a huge strain on the relationship between me and my boyfriend. We split up a month later.

Death makes an impact on your life, the only thing you can focus on is trying to be strong, not just for them but for yourself and the people around you that you love. My mother was depressed for a long time, it's extremely hard to live with someone in that state and I don't know how she would have coped without me.

I believe that there is an afterlife, and I believe with my whole heart that when my time comes, I will see my dad again. This belief has helped my family cope so much.

Just try to be strong mate. Like my dad said, 'It's not goodbye, it's see you later'.

[Speaknoevil]

- Spend more time living in your memories, if you do it enough you see them at night.
- You'll be dead too someday soon, and their past will be just as real as your present.

[Deleted]

You'll never get over it, you'll just get used to them missing.

Both my grandparents on my mother's side died, I was really close to them. Sometimes when I think of them I feel like crying, but sometimes I just think of the happy times I had together with them. Same with my main cat, who was with me for 16 years. Though not a human, still a family member. In the end, you get used to them not being there and you don't feel the pain as bad unless you stay and think of the past sometimes or get some special object/song/etc reminding you of a special moment with them.

In the meantime, try focusing on a hobby you like (but did not do with them). It will help take your mind off it a bit.

And condoleances to you.

[Kalis]

some ppl might say time overtime will make your pain fade away but the problem is in my nature I have strong memory so that means in fact anything happened in my life even if it was like 20 years ago I can still remember them as if it was yesterday I guess this is the penalty of having good strong memory eh?

The pain does fade, the memories don't, there is a difference.

[Terahertz]

You put yourself in their position.

Yep, imagine that it is you that has just passed away, and now looking upon your loved ones from the afterlife.


It would grieve me to know people were weeping for me. I would want them to laugh and celebrate my life and remember the good times knowing that death is a part of life and that we will all are one and share the same fate.


My sentences may be hard for you to take in now, but as time goes on, i believe you will find great comfort in what i have written.

This is what my grandma kept telling us (she passed away in december 2012). She didn't want us to cry, so we tried not to just for her. Having to say goodbye to her was even harder as she couldn't talk back anymore. Couple of hours later my mother called me to tell me the news. I wasn't -as- devestated because I kept thinking about my grandma's attitude towards her dying and I got over it in about a week or so. I still miss her from time to time though.

[God8010]

It's never ends. I just lost my dad not long ago, you think you beat it and in the shower some random morning it just floods back. All you can do is accept this life made both pleasure and pain possible and the only thing in our power is our reaction. It's good to cry, it helps you really understand what matters to you and breaks you free just long enough to see all the stupid things you thought were important. Pain like this are how we as humans understand and define happiness. If you hadn't before, I'm sure you see now how precious every moment is.

My prayers go out to your family.

[Gandrake]

You don't.

You wallow in your self-pity until you realize that being upset about isn't going to change anything and that you have to move on. Or not.

You don't get over it, you get used to it and accept it as reality.

[PACOX]

Sorry for your lose. The unexpected ones are the hardest.

You don't overcome it, you accept it. Accept it for what it is and let it run its course. Trying to internalize it or pretend you're not hurt is just going to make it worse/impact other parts of your life. Accept death as a natural and uncontrollable part of life. Focus on the good times, release the bad. Don't grieve in a way people expect you to, grieve in the way you feel that is right.

[smelltheglove]

time. not much else tbh

[Deleted]

Time can heal all wounds it just depends on how you was raised the speed of the loss take to heal it took me about 2 weeks to fully recover from the loss of my father i lost at a way to young age, he was just as old as jobs