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  1. #1

    Well, she's gone.

    Tonight, it seems that the girl I loved for 3 years, who I gave everything, decided to leave me. She says she loves me, but she is not sure why anymore. It started with her listening to a presentation regarding abusive relationships. Now, hear me out, I have never laid a hand or raised a word to her and I would never want to. I do, however have trouble sublimating my arousal. Part of the reason she left is because sometimes I become to aroused and eventually we have sex so I stop annoying her, which is how she put it. I was never told outright that she was unwilling and, the man that I am, I wept when she told me how I hurt her. Another reason is because I cannot drive at the age of 19. For two years, I never cared about it and I never worked towards getting it, but about a year ago, I promised her I would try and I started learning before going to University. When I moved to University, I wasn't able to learn because I was too far from anyone I knew who could teach me. I was planning to get my license this summer. Overall, our relationship was fantastic. She even said that she still loved me and was happy being with me the weekend before she saw the presentation. Being the despairing type, I have no one to turn to besides a few friends, so I made this thread to perhaps find insight from the few reasonable people out there. Was it the presentation that scared her into becoming somewhat irrational, thus blowing things somewhat out of proportion? In that case, should I let her calm down before approaching the matter again? If I deserved it, any advice, reasoning would be appreciated. I try to be an honorable man and lover, but I'm not perfect. I want her back more than anything, because I'm mature enough to know what true love is. Not fairy tale garbage found in story books about princesses in castles and damsels in distress.

  2. #2
    The Lightbringer Mokoshne's Avatar
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    sucks dude, sorry to hear that.
    My weekly podcast can be downloaded here this week information is revealed about secret CIA trained dolphins, climbing Mt. Everest and dream analysis!!

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Mokoshne View Post
    sucks dude, sorry to hear that.
    Thank you for your condolences. It was tough to write, but everyone needs to be a better person.

  4. #4
    dont do presentations, and in my experience 95% of women are lying bstrds who only want yer money!
    if she rlly loved u she wouldnt hurt u?

  5. #5
    She finished you because you pressure her for sex (whether that's intentionally or not we would never know without being able to observe you doing it) and because you can't drive her ass around?

    You're both better off without each other from the sounds of things.

  6. #6
    I was 19 once. Thought I knew what true love was about. Forgot the immortal advice of the great Garth Algar: "Just get over it, go out with somebody else."

  7. #7
    Before the e-thugs come in and tell you to man up, I just want to say that you shouldn't ever take a breakup as a tragic event. If she didn't love you enough to not over think that presentation, it wouldn't have been worth it in the long run.

    It's a punch in the gut to hear, but you've been given another chance to find someone reasonable, I suggest taking that chance.

  8. #8
    Young love is a fickle thing.
    It's LeviOsa, not LeviosAR!

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Neviril View Post
    I was 19 once. Thought I knew what true love was about. Forgot the immortal advice of the great Garth Algar: "Just get over it, go out with somebody else."
    I'm also not your average 19 year old. I'm young and dumb, yes, but my philosophy is more complex than anything most of the YOLO-ites of my age group can comprehend.

  10. #10
    Moderator chazus's Avatar
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    You move on, day at a time. Just like any traumatic loss, the world continues to spin around you, unaware and uncaring of your situation. That does not mean that you do not care, or that she does not.

    Sometimes, people are simply not compatible, and we make reasons, excuses, and explanations for it. Dwelling on it will not fix anything, and likely will not bring you any answers that might help.

    Distract yourself, busy yourself, find goals that keep you occupied. Answers may come, or not, but understanding might, in time. You are still young, no matter how worldly you think you are. I consider myself brilliant and empathic, and did when I was younger than you, and yet I still find myself learning, many years later. Your time will come, eventually, and you will have learned and become a greater person with this experience.
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  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by BatteredRose View Post
    Young love is a fickle thing.
    Fickle thing indeed, but the fruit grown with sweat and toil is the sweetest of all.

  12. #12
    Now, hear me out, I have never laid a hand or raised a word to her and I would never want to. I do, however have trouble sublimating my arousal. Part of the reason she left is because sometimes I become to aroused and eventually we have sex so I stop annoying her, which is how she put it. I was never told outright that she was unwilling and, the man that I am, I wept when she told me how I hurt her.
    So essentially she thinks you raped her repeatedly over the course of her relationship?

    :P Not really sure what to say if what you say is true and she never said "no" or otherwise indicated her unwillingness....

    I really have a hard time believing that you can't "control your urges". That's a part of being an adult in a lawful society where we respect others, we don't do things like masturbate in the middle of the street or sexually assault young women who are walking down the street wearing short skirts because we can't control our urge to do so. Or at least, most of us don't, I hope...

    Good luck to you though.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by chazus View Post
    You move on, day at a time. Just like any traumatic loss, the world continues to spin around you, unaware and uncaring of your situation. That does not mean that you do not care, or that she does not.

    Sometimes, people are simply not compatible, and we make reasons, excuses, and explanations for it. Dwelling on it will not fix anything, and likely will not bring you any answers that might help.

    Distract yourself, busy yourself, find goals that keep you occupied. Answers may come, or not, but understanding might, in time. You are still young, no matter how worldly you think you are. I consider myself brilliant and empathic, and did when I was younger than you, and yet I still find myself learning, many years later. Your time will come, eventually, and you will have learned and become a greater person with this experience.
    Dr. Horrible would be proud, friend. Thank you

  14. #14
    Epic! Sinndra's Avatar
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    sounds like a few things happened. first, i really doubt this was anything sudden. it was not a knee jerk reaction to a seminar. she more then likely had her mind made up long before it and this lil seminar is only a coincidence. she prolly needed time to gather her thoughts and find a way to break up without really hurting your feelings.

    second. id say age has a lil bit to do with it. we make lots of mistakes trying to discover ourselves. we think because legally we are adults that we must know everything. but our brains have not totally matured yet. of course, there are exceptions to that. but if nothing else happened she might have made a mistake in breaking up. she may feel bad about it, she may attempt to get back together.

    sorry to hear about it. its never something anybody wants to go thru, but it is an important life learning experience. one that you should reflect on and learn from for future relationships.
    Barette the Light of Dawn

  15. #15
    I am Murloc! Bananarepublic's Avatar
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    I am sorry but the driving excuse from her is very horrible.

    That's just bordering on insane in my opinion.

  16. #16
    I think you're being way too beta, and that's probably why she's looking for something else. If I were you, I wouldn't try to fix it - I would move on and try to better yourself, get your driver's license, get a car, get independent and find somebody else.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Celista View Post
    So essentially she thinks you raped her repeatedly over the course of her relationship?

    :P Not really sure what to say if what you say is true and she never said "no" or otherwise indicated her unwillingness....

    I really have a hard time believing that you can't "control your urges". That's a part of being an adult in a lawful society where we respect others, we don't do things like masturbate in the middle of the street or sexually assault young women who are walking down the street wearing short skirts because we can't control our urge to do so. Or at least, most of us don't, I hope...

    Good luck to you though.
    Basically she had sex just so I would stop pestering her. She never said anything alarmingly serious. She is a playful lover with a kinky side, so anything short of total seriousness is taken with a grain of salt. I don't have a chronic problem with arousal, its simply when I am around her (I often see her only once a month), It is very hard to stop myself when I'm horny and we would have sex maybe 3-5 times over the course of a weekend.

  18. #18
    Epic! Sinndra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bananarepublic View Post
    I am sorry but the driving excuse from her is very horrible.

    That's just bordering on insane in my opinion.
    it depends alot on where they are from. my city, isnt as big as say, London, New York, L.A. so we dont look at public transportation to favorably, and walking is more insane because nothing is in walking distance.
    Barette the Light of Dawn

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Sinndra View Post
    it depends alot on where they are from. my city, isnt as big as say, London, New York, L.A. so we dont look at public transportation to favorably, and walking is more insane because nothing is in walking distance.
    We live in rural Pennsylvania, but I lived 30 minutes from her in Uni and 1.5 hours from her at home. Driving is somewhat of an issue, but we've gotten through it for two years before Uni

  20. #20
    Field Marshal Lenarific's Avatar
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    i lost my best friend aka girlfriend in january and ffs it still hurts and im 37 all i can say bro is keep up your chin idk watelse 2 say

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