What would you do if your partner(long term) became overweight?

[marthsk]

What makes me laugh the most are the idealistic white knights in this thread, valiantly fighting the evil archfiend Shallowness as they have sworn to have it die by their blade, who think attraction is akin to reasoning and logic.

Guess what: it's not. It's a deeply ingrained mating mechanism. Taking this from a purely instinctive point of view, and without regard to humanity's current situation, which is that we no longer have natural enemies, attraction from a male's perspective relies on appearance to ensure he gets the healthiest mate to procreate. From a female's perspective, she will look for the mate with the best potential to provide and protect.

Now today's reality basically makes it so we can take care of all these needs ourselves, men and women alike. However, the instincts are still there. Those instincts conflicting with our man-made environment and context is at the root of all our relationship issues. Because let's face it: when your race's survival is at stake, will you care about the first world problems (ie: DKS GOT NERFED, I GOT FRIENDZONED, YOU'RE AN ATHEIST) that are "the end of the world" in today's day and age? Nah, nobody would. However, once your survival is not at stake, those become more "important".

Like it or not, white knights, what I've described above becomes reality once you've gone past a certain stage (make it age number, specific life experiences, or whatever makes you see first hand how life does its thing). You can say it's an over-generalization all you want; I'll sit back and laugh, as I know you'll realize sooner or later how wrong you currently are.

[The Small Hours]

If you're laying on your partner during sex with full body weight like a potatoe lump, I'd say you're doing something wrong.
I really can't imagine any position that isn't atleast supported by hands or legs, am i missing something?

I laughed at potatoe lump. Obese male lies on back. Girl gets on top, I guess she'll be kinda sitting with her hands on his tummy. Get the picture?

[marthsk]

How to answer this topic..
I (personally) feel that those who say "Yes ofc i would!!", would say the same thing if their "partner" got into an accident wether its burns on their body, lost limbs, got into a wheelchair etc, and that is to me fucked up to do.

Oh okay, "getting the feeling" = fact.

Good to know, thanks!

[Hyve]

It really depends on what level we're talking about, why and their willingness to improve.

If my girlfriend decided to ignore my health concerns, and doubled her weight, I'd probably end up leaving her. I'd still love her on an emotional level, but I can't be a in relationship with someone who is so out of control with their body, because that shows me a serious mental issues when it comes to control, so where else will they fail to control themselves?

When drunk, at a club, with some pervert who is looking to sleep with your misses?

Seems a tad extreme, but I believe you can tell what kind of person someone really is, by how they look. I'm not talking about generalisation and stereotyping, but I am talking about knowing, someone who is over-weight isn't in control of their desires and are gluttonous. Where else are they faulty?

[Reaperitself]

If she had the fat stored proportionately and not just everything on belly (aka curves VS obesity), I'd rejoice!
If she was just fat then she'd need to lose the weight, obviously, but that's that, she's my long term partner whom I otherwise love, right?

[Deleted]

While it's at least someone context dependent (does she have a medical condition?), if it were a product of just not bothering to stay in shape, I'd dump her very quickly. I don't think this is something I have much to worry about - running and biking together are some of our favorite things to do.

People saying that it's "shallow" to dump someone over weight gain are ignoring that weight gain isn't just a matter of appearance - it's a marker for sedentary lifestyle, lack of concern for you appearance, and diminished health.

So if she had a medical condition and her weight came on quicker than it would go off you'd stay with her even though you find obesity to be utterly disgusting?
She could potentionally lose the weight but it would take about 3 years, put a thyroid problem on it.
This question isn't related to the thread though, just a random one.

[Hyve]

I (personally) feel that those who say "Yes ofc i would!!", would say the same thing if their "partner" got into an accident wether its burns on their body, lost limbs, got into a wheelchair etc, and that is to me fucked up to do. I would never do that, if i was in a serious relationship.

I wouldn't leave my misses in those circumstances, because it is something they can't have prevented, helped and avoided. Gaining weight is.

[Speaknoevil]

If you're laying on your partner during sex with full body weight like a potatoe lump, I'd say you're doing something wrong.
I really can't imagine any position that isn't atleast supported by hands or legs, am i missing something?.

You are in fact missing something. I feel like if I explained the logistics I'd get infracted though.

Hmmm, this is somewhat tame:

ankles+shoulders+suspendedbypartner (or on reclining partner)

[Kisho]

Depends on the circumstances really. Chances are very high that the overweight problem isn't the only problem, since being overweight (if the person is otherwise fit/healthy in normal situations) is the result of lifestyle choices. They've probably become sedentary, which could be a sign of laziness, depression, disease, or potentially other issues. But for sake of ease I'll focus on the 3 I mentioned.

If caused by depression, I'd want to be there for her and help her through it. So no, I wouldn't break up with her in this situation.
If caused by disease, I'd get her to the doctor and get her treatment. Again, wouldn't break up with her.
If caused by laziness, then I would break up with her, but not because of being overweight: it'd be because she was no longer the person I wanted to be with in personality and in physical form.

So a short answer to the question: no, I wouldn't break up with someone 'just' for being overweight. But if there are other circumstances at play? Potentially, yes.

[Fortera]

Fuck her harder so she got more of a workout and lost some of it.

[marthsk]

Fuck her harder so she got more of a workout and lost some of it.

I'm glad for you if you're capable of doing this, but I can't have sex if there's no attraction any longer.

[Deleted]

Wake up10char

[Mteq]

if you're in a long term relationship, you've probably made some sort of emotional connection allowing you to discuss this sort of thing.

"hun, don't you think you're letting yourself go a bit?" open up the discussion. see if there is an emotional problem underneath.

and besides that, what is the age of the people in question? people develope their bodies untill their late twenties. in case of a women and if she's 18 ish and she's getting broader hips for example, thats natural.

[bobo333]

What I'm trying to understand is why someone would let their partner's weight get to a point that they no longer found them physically attractive. People don't go to bed one size and wake up another over night.

if she's ok with me smoking a joint, i'm ok with her snorting cake mix. you only get one life, do what you enjoy and fuck whatever anyone else thinks

[Aspect of Death]

Oh okay, "getting the feeling" = fact.

Good to know, thanks!

You are very welcome marthsk! Only i never stated it was a fact.

I wouldn't leave my misses in those circumstances, because it is something they can't have prevented, helped and avoided. Gaining weight is.

Yes and i said that in my post, they can "fix" the weight. However the "Im leaving no questions asked because i'm not attracted to X!", What is to stop them from leaveing when they are "not attracted to X(burns, no hands)" etc, was my point.
It's diffrent to say "I will stay with them, tell them i am unhappy with their weight, and leave if they dont do anything about it", or "I leave asap, not acceptable".

[Deleted]

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[Lenonis]

I read the first half page of macho bullshit responses and decided to skip to the end before I hurled.

If you are in a relationship long enough for someone to get heavy (and if it isn't long enough then they really should see a doctor because it's likely a health issue beyond lifestyle) then you obviously care about them and have built a life together.

What the best approach is to do it together. Odds are extremely likely if one person has gained a lot of weight the other has as well. Perhaps not to the same degree, but there are reasons why couples gain weight over time. Try to find physical activities to do together. Start working out together. Make it a journey and it will strengthen your relationship where telling them they are fat and unattractive will only destroy it.

If they simply refuse, then you might have to get down to the ultimatums -- but if things are that bad, you likely have more issues than just weight. If a partner refuses to make better life choices to try to help the relationship get better things are pretty bleak.

I've heard great stories of friends of mine deciding to get fit together and it being a fantastic thing for their relationship.

[Spectral]

Someone doesn't just become overweight it's not something that happens overnight either, it's a slow process giving you million opportunities to address and tackle it.

I think this is the key point that some are missing - with the exception of rare medical issues, getting fat isn't something that happens to you, it's you make happen. Asking if I'm OK with my girlfriend getting fat is fundamentally the equivalent of asking whether I'm good with her changing who she is and what we do together.

[Deleted]

Luckily I havent been in that situation so far, as I think it will be one of the hardest things to talk about. Specifically to woman, since they are more sensitive to these issues. However I would make sure that I would talk to her about it. In this conversation I would first make sure that she knows and understands that you love her and want to be with her. Then continue with the fact that you are not happy with the direction her body is going, and that you would like to help her if she wanted your help. Just make sure you dont use harsh words, and she knows you still love her, this has nothing to do with her body.

Think you will be fine then.