Women don't make sense. Help me make sense of this.

[Levitt]

Hey all,

I made a thread a while back about a girl. TL;DR version - I've known her for about 8 years; been good friends since high school. I had feelings for her and told her how I felt about her. She told me that she'll always love me as a friend. We parted ways for a couple months, but got together a couple times as friends since then. 3 or 4 weeks ago, I went out with her and some friends for her birthday. She got pretty drunk and was flirting with me, taking my hand and putting it on her leg, being touchy when she would talk to me, etc. She asked me to go outside for a smoke with her, and she starts making out with me. But she's drunk, I was a bit buzzed. Things happen regardless of feelings, and I get that.

Since then, however, she keeps texting me calling me like "boo" and "babe" and talking about how she misses me. How should I feel about this? How should I respond? I've been flirting back a bit with the little cute names or whatnot because I do still have feelings for her (albeit not as strong as they were a few months ago), but I really have no clue what's going on. I'm just going with the motions, but someone please explain and give me some insight as to what's going through her head.

She told me she doesn't have feelings for me, and now she's doing these things. Help.

[Heedless One]

She probably doesn't even know what she's doing herself, so there's no real sense to be made of the matter.

It seems that maybe she does have some feelings for you though. I would say just play it cool, hang out with her if you want. Ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend eventually offhand, etc.

[whathump]

I guess she changed her mind.

[Deleted]

She wants you to flirt back. If you are still interrested she is up for grabs, just saying. Your chance is now, not in a week or two.

If you don't want her back, stop flirting, it will only make it worse after you made out with her and all you will probably lose your friendship.

If I was you i'd try to have sex with her before you make your decision.

[3DTyrant]

If you still want to be with her, by all means, flirt back, and ask her out once more, if she says no again, she may just be screwing you about knowing how you feel for her, if she's not, however, congrats, you now have a girlfriend!

[Falos]

TLDR: She friendzoned me but later started getting flirty.

Could be she just got wet feet when you confessed, even panicked when she should've asked for time. Judge by context.

Could be Plan A fell through and now you're Plan B.

Whatever happens, avoid dancing on her strings. I'm not saying decline her advances, which may be genuine after her reflections, just don't lose track of clear-minded judgement and drop in her pocket.

Sensing intention, sincerity, honesty, predicting events and reactions, these are calculated from the cumulative, the many details from events and exchanges, the personality profile you've built over time. We can't see those, only you. Keep those senses above sudden emotion.

She is in charge of her own life, but YOU are the person that decides how you should feel about things she says/does, she can't decide whether you think something is/isn't okay in your book. Feel free to rush into things - when it doesn't require sticking your neck out.

My TLDR: Go for it if you want, just don't be stupid or weak.

[vizzle]

"She's making out with me and putting my hands all over her and calling me babe. WTF?! Girls are so confusing!"

No... you people are just clueless. Could she make it any more obvious?

[Sorrior]

"She's making out with me and putting my hands all over her and calling me babe. WTF?! Girls are so confusing!"

No... you people are just clueless. Could she make it any more obvious?

Actuallllly I have a female friend who did this...THE MOMENT i asked her pout(she KNEW how i felt) sj turned me down and stopped talking to me for a bit....Then she texts wants to hang ou and yeah....

Sadly i don't think even Venucians speak Venucian....

[TheNationGamer]

dude take the risk with her its obvious shes having feelings after that drunk moment

no its not confusing shes obviously putting herself out there for you

do what you feel is right but don't get too attached or clingy right away

[TirielWoW]

She told me she doesn't have feelings for me, and now she's doing these things. Help.

It's possible that she had you in her head as "friend only" and couldn't initially get past that. Add in alcohol and perhaps seeing you in a different light and it may be that you are no longer friendzoned.

I would really encourage you to speak to her directly about it. Ask her what she's after, and if you two have a chance together. If she says yes, then it's up to you whether or not you want to pursue it. If she says no, well, then you know she's flirty and probably a bit internally confused.

[Deleted]

Talk to her. Simple conversation "Hey, when I told you how I felt about you, you didn't feel the same way - but then we made out at the club and now you're flirting with me. Do you want to give it another go, go on a date sometime?" Simple as that. If you don't feel like being that open about it, just skip the first sentence and just ask her out on a date. Make it clear it's a date, if she says yes, it's pretty obvious she's changed her mind.

[Deleted]

I don't get what's confusing about this. Apparently she's into you. What are you waiting for?

[TirielWoW]

I don't get what's confusing about this. Apparently she's into you. What are you waiting for?

I'm guessing this is a case of "mixed signals," since she blew him off when he expressed interest before, and now she's super interested.

@OP: Btw, I don't consider women to be confusing. We're very easy to understand. :-P Men, on the other hand...are strange. :-P

[Elim Garak]

She's an indecisive girl, she doesn't know what she wants herself, leave her be. She can change her mind again and again. Give her time to sort things out. On her own. just tell her "Either lovers or friends. Decide in 1 month." And during this month you are neither her friend nor lover.

[Deleted]

She's an indecisive girl, she doesn't know what she wants herself, leave her be. She can change her mind again and again. Give her time to sort things out. On her own. just tell her "Either lovers or friends. Decide in 1 month." And during this month you are neither her friend nor lover.

And don't take advice from this guy.

[Deleted]

Try your best to get her into bed, and if you get friendzoned again, at least you got sex /fistpump.

In all seriousness, most women like to be wanted, and if you passionately pursue them (without crossing the sex-pest stalker line) they will appreciate you more for it.

[forwards1ca]

Short answer:get her in the sack while the getting is good. If it leads somewhere, great, if not, at least you got laid.

[Strakha]

She probably ruined her #1 option and you were her #2 option, tread carefully.

[vizzle]

And don't take advice from this guy.

Yea I agree. The last thing you want to do -- if you want a relationship with her -- is to leave her alone right now.

This is what she's thinking: she doesn't want you to put it in words. Just do it. She doesn't want to think about it, she doesn't want to plan it, just do it.

[MerinPally]

dude take the risk with her its obvious shes having feelings after that drunk moment

no its not confusing shes obviously putting herself out there for you

do what you feel is right but don't get too attached or clingy right away

Kinda true but the first line isn't, it's not really a risk if you do it right. Stop overthinking it - will either work or it won't. Just don't be an asshole and continue being who you are whilst being affectionate. There's got to be something she likes about you, don't risk losing that feature in an attempt to look more attractive or manly. Then you really gon fucked up.

There's not some secret recipe or realisation that will suddenly make her/others like you. Just don't be a wanker and you'll be just fine. But at the same time, don't come across as really try hard - but don't be apathetic either. It sounds a lot harder than it is.