Women don't make sense. Help me make sense of this.

[Elim Garak]

Yea I agree. The last thing you want to do -- if you want a relationship with her -- is to leave her alone right now.

It's irrelevant what he wants. It's what she wants - that's important. If she doesn't want a relationship - he's just wasting his time. If she wants a relationship - a month to come to that conclusion would be enough - she will be sure that she wants it or not. It's not up to him to do anything here.

[MerinPally]

It's irrelevant what he wants. It's what she wants - that's important. If she doesn't want a relationship - he's just wasting his time. If she wants a relationship - a month to come to that conclusion would be enough - she will be sure that she wants it or not. It's not up to him to do anything here.

There's no point going along with it if he doesn't want it. It is totally relevant what he wants. Not only will she probably be able to tell it'd be a terrible learning experience (OP must be young or a thread like this wouldn't exist). If she gets wind that he's not all that up for it then her attitude would change - I mean, who's wouldn't? It's what you'd do if you realised she wasn't interested. Women don't have an entirely different viewpoint on it, they don't want to be used any more than a guy wants to be rejected.

[vizzle]

It's irrelevant what he wants. It's what she wants - that's important. If she doesn't want a relationship - he's just wasting his time. If she wants a relationship - a month to come to that conclusion would be enough - she will be sure that she wants it or not. It's not up to him to do anything here.

You don't pull the "break" card until you've already had a long and loving relationship with each other and are unsure if you want to continue. You don't pull it before you've even had a relationship, that's just making her forget about you because you don't have anything with her yet.

[Elim Garak]

Now I understand the reasons for the rise of divorces...

[Windfury]

Women are just normal people. You may just have to speak to her like a person.

[vizzle]

Now I understand the reasons for the rise of divorces...

This is the problem entirely: you're not understanding the relationship. This has nothing to do with "the reason for the rise of divorces" because we're not talking in the context of two individuals who have been married for a long time. We're talking about two people who have hardly stepped into the dating game with each other. There's an entirely different level of thought between the two states. You don't take a break from something that doesn't even exist yet.

[Deleted]

Just ask her to speak her mind. Ask her why the change and what she wants. No point beating around the bush, it's a waste of time, just ask her.

[Deleted]

She's an indecisive girl, she doesn't know what she wants herself, leave her be. She can change her mind again and again. Give her time to sort things out. On her own. just tell her "Either lovers or friends. Decide in 1 month." And during this month you are neither her friend nor lover.

Yes, because ultimatums are a great way to endear yourself to a person.

[Elim Garak]

This is the problem entirely: you're not understanding the relationship. This has nothing to do with "the reason for the rise of divorces" because we're not talking in the context of two individuals who have been married for a long time. We're talking about two people who have hardly stepped into the dating game with each other. There's an entirely different level of thought between the two states. You don't take a break from something that doesn't even exist yet.

First of all I wouldn't call a two month long marriage a long one - this is the kind of divorces I was talking about.
Secondly. Exactly because it's just a beginning and girl already demonstrates extreme indecisiveness - he should tread carefully.

Girls like to be wanted. But not by one guy. They want to be wanted by every guy. And rarely they choose the desperate one.

All other suggestions here will either lead to a soap opera (only in real life soap operas rarely end with "Ross marries Rachel after 10 years of back'n'forth relationship-like relationship") or to a one-night stand - hardly what the OP wants out of this.

---------- Post added 2013-06-16 at 02:02 PM ----------

Yes, because ultimatums are a great way to endear yourself to a person.

It depends on how you present it. If you present it as ultimatum....

[vizzle]

First of all I wouldn't call a two month long marriage a long one - this is the kind of divorces I was talking about.
Secondly. Exactly because it's just a beginning and girl already demonstrates extreme indecisiveness - he should tread carefully.

Girls like to be wanted. But not by one guy. They want to be wanted by every guy. And rarely they choose the desperate one.

All other suggestions here will either lead to a soap opera (only in real life soap operas rarely end with "Ross marries Rachel after 10 years of back'n'forth relationship-like relationship") or to a one-night stand - hardly what the OP wants out of this.

Your suggestion will end up with them losing whatever they had in the first place because it hasn't been deeply sowed enough to be safe from the rain of a month's time. Playing the ultimatum card to a girl you've hardly invested in will just lead to losing that girl. They're not even simple bf/gf yet, and you already want him to start being dramatic with "I'LL GIVE YOU ONE MONTH TO DECIDE, LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME!"? Talk about soap opera.

Maybe after half a year of being together, sure. "Break" to see if they want to continue. But they haven't even started dating officially.

[Backlashe]

Women do not know what the fuck the want before the age of 25. I speak from experience. Also, you are beta as fuck if you have to ask people on video game forums what you should do. I do not say this to be mean. Picture me saying this with a smile. You need to alpha up a little bit and be a man. Women HATE guys that are insecure and that is what you are being. Either jump in with both feet and get wet or stay on dry land. Don't just put a toe in and ask others if the water is fine.

Good luck!

[Elim Garak]

Your suggestion will end up with them losing whatever they had in the first place because it hasn't been deeply sowed enough to be safe from the rain of a month's time. Playing the ultimatum card to a girl you've hardly invested in will just lead to losing that girl. They're not even simple bf/gf yet, and you already want him to start being dramatic with "I'LL GIVE YOU ONE MONTH TO DECIDE, LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME!"? Talk about soap opera.

Way to overreact...

First of all, according to you they don't have anything yet. And now they might lose it? Funny.
Secondly let me explain their situation once again.

They had something, she friend-zoned him, then she starts showing signs of interest again.
All I'm saying is to get straight in this matter. Ask her directly what she wants and if she needs time to decide on that. Because she is clearly changing her mind a lot in extreme range. Instead of going for "Ah fuck it, at least I'm getting laid" - sort this thing out right now, not half year from now. Don't waste your time.
I'm not saying "marriage or gtfo" kind of ultimatum. I didn't even use the word ultimatum. I'm saying "Are we going on with this or stay friends forever?". You don't want OP to try to go on and then end up in friend zone a year later? Do you? Well OP certainly does not.

[Tsuna]

you are beta as fuck

Fixed the quote to highlight the essentials.

But no, seriously, she was drunk and in the moment and you DIDN'T take action? I thought you liked this girl.

[Backlashe]

But no, seriously, she was drunk and in the moment and you DIDN'T take action? I thought you liked this girl.

A real man does not take advantage of a woman when she is drunk or otherwise incapacitated.

[vizzle]

Way to overreact...

First of all, according to you they don't have anything yet. And now they might lose it? Funny.
Secondly let me explain their situation once again.

They had something, she friend-zoned him, then she starts showing signs of interest again.
All I'm saying is to get straight in this matter. Ask her directly what she wants and if she needs time to decide on that. Because she is clearly changing her mind a lot in extreme range. Instead of going for "Ah fuck it, at least I'm getting laid" - sort this thing out right now, not half year from now. Don't waste your time.
I'm not saying "marriage or gtfo" kind of ultimatum. I didn't even use the word ultimatum. I'm saying "Are we going on with this or stay friends forever?". You don't want OP to try to go on and then end up in friend zone a year later? Do you? Well OP certainly does not.

You know what I mean -- sure they have more than nothing, but it's nothing more than a one-time hook-up and a tiny piece of infatuation that could fade away once the girl sees another worthy fuckmate.

And what I'm saying is that the girl is indecisive because she's a young adult who probably doesn't want anything set in stone and doesn't want official/lovey dovey shit. That's the usual reason for indecisiveness -- putting it in words makes it too real for young people. She's trying to tell you without telling you that she's interested. Stop making it so serious, go with the flow and just let it happen. Pushing her to make the decision if you're a friend or not at this point in the relationship will just turn her off. Don't wait for a year in the friendzone, no, but he hardly is in the friendzone when she's all over him and making out with him. That's not the friendzone; she's testing him right now and hoping that he can get a clue without her saying it.

A girl is making out with him and calling him baby and asking him out, after telling him one time in the past that they're just friends, and your reaction is to suddenly put the relationship on the gangplank? No.

[Deleted]

Women do not know what the fuck the want before the age of 25. I speak from experience. Also, you are beta as fuck if you have to ask people on video game forums what you should do. I do not say this to be mean. Picture me saying this with a smile. You need to alpha up a little bit and be a man. Women HATE guys that are insecure and that is what you are being. Either jump in with both feet and get wet or stay on dry land. Don't just put a toe in and ask others if the water is fine.

Gross generalisation, accompanied by alpha/beta bullshit that reveals you to be a clueless child.

They had something, she friend-zoned him, then she starts showing signs of interest again.
All I'm saying is to get straight in this matter. Ask her directly what she wants and if she needs time to decide on that. Because she is clearly changing her mind a lot in extreme range. Instead of going for "Ah fuck it, at least I'm getting laid" - sort this thing out right now, not half year from now. Don't waste your time.
I'm not saying "marriage or gtfo" kind of ultimatum. I didn't even use the word ultimatum. I'm saying "Are we going on with this or stay friends forever?". You don't want OP to try to go on and then end up in friend zone a year later? Do you? Well OP certainly does not.

1) Yes. They had something. Friendship. Take your nice-guy "friendzone" rubbish back to high school.
2) How is changing your mind once over several years "changing her mind a lot in extreme range"?
3) I'm not sure you know what an ultimatum is. You're suggesting he demand a decision from her with limited options in a limited timeframe, and that he deny her his friendship for that timeframe. Frankly, that's a pretty shitty position to put anyone in, because far from the "lovers or friends" options you've supposedly presented, what it actually sounds like from the other side is "if we're not lovers, I don't want to see you".
4) Any relationship involves the risk of it all going wrong later on. Whether that's a year later, ten years later, or just a month later is irrelevant.

[Windfury]

Fixed the quote to highlight the essentials.

But no, seriously, she was drunk and in the moment and you DIDN'T take action? I thought you liked this girl.

Wow, that's kind of creepy.

[Shaytan]

Women do not know what the fuck the want before the age of 30 and have a kid. I speak from experience.

Good luck!

Fixed for you.



To the OP.

The solution is simple, go to her and talk. As her out to Lunch (Dinner could hint at it being a romantic meeting, you don't want this until you are sure where you sit in her eyes), at lunch you should let her know whats on your mind in a non-confrontational way.

If you are interested in her, let her know you are interested still, Do not be needy or demanding. If she rejects you, then let her know she needs to stop with the cute names and playing with your heartstrings.

If she says she is interested, great, make plans for a future dinner date and don't screw it up...

Final words of advice, Don't get married. Stay in School, Date, and have kids... but don't get married... ever...

Shay

[Deleted]

People do not know what the fuck they want.

There, now it's fixed.

[Rotted]

I guess she changed her mind.

This, plain and simple,

If you still have feelings, stop playing around and get to her and tell her,

If you dont say anything now, then I promise you in a week or two its going to be "well you had your chance, now I'm not bothered" which she will be, but won't say or do anything out of spite, yes confusing,

Just go now,

Right this second

Shoo