Is Being A "Loner" Really A Bad Thing?

[AssimilateTruthx]

I wasn't always a "loner" as most people would refer to introverts who prefer not to be particularly socially out-going or socially interactive, but ever since the beginning of high school, I've been this way. Now that I've graduated high school and will be going into University in the coming fall, I've really been thinking: is being a loner such a bad thing? The way I see it, the reason I'm a "loner" is because most of the people I interacted with in school were petty/not worth my time for joking around/not those who'd I'd really want to associate with. I'm not a rude person or a particularly socially awkward person as when needed, I can interact with other people in a social environment in an adept manner. I've also never really had any "real" friends during my tenure in high school, my "friends" have generally been acquaintances with whom I'd speak with occasionally in a relatively friendly manner. Now that high school is over, those acquaintances have essentially evaporated and I've finally realized that I'm actually alone. This doesn't alarm me or bother me in general, but I know that most people (including some psychologists apparently) consider this a negative thing.

I suppose what I want to ask is really this: should I be worried and should I try to be more social, especially going into University next year or do I have nothing to worry about?


All input is appreciated, so, thanks in advance.

[Deleted]

Psychologists say that because most people cannot be loners, plus they want to make some money off of you.

If you however are fine with it, and instead you are stressed by living in a social environment, I cannot see why it's wrong. I've been a loner for years, and I have a healthy lifestyle. I still have friends, and I still go out with them from time to time.

[Deleted]

It's negative when you are a loner against your will. If you are a loner and you like it, then good for you.

On the other hand, being a loner has other consequences: being able to establish and keep friendships gives you people to fall back on. Not just people to listen to you when you have problems, but also people who can help you out when you need it, like lending you money, a place to crash, or helping you find a job.

If you have a secure source of income and you enjoy being alone, there's nothing you need to change in your life. If you are a regular person, it's better to have friends, even if you have to exhaust yourself emotionally in order to keep up with the socialization requisites.

[Giants41]

I mean if you are alright being this way then stay with it. But you took the time to write this post so it may bother you a little. Personally i think it's important to have a few friends around who you can talk to. Your going to college next year so there will a larger number of people. There has to be someone with similar interests. Thats all i got. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[pucGG]

Friends are the most important thing you can have in life. One day you will realize it I'm afraid

[Deleted]

I mean if you are alright being this way then stay with it. But you took the time to write this post so it may bother you a little. Personally i think it's important to have a few friends around who you can talk to. Your going to college next year so there will a larger number of people. There has to be someone with similar interests. Thats all i got. Good luck with whatever you decide.

We live in a society where being a loner is frowned upon. Of course he is insecure because of this and he sounds like he has a "problem".

[Velaniz]

Generally, it's always good to have at least a handful of people you're on close terms with that you can turn to in times of need, even if you find you get by and are perfectly happy on your own.

In your case, it just sounds like you haven't met people who would make suitable friends. This could be due to purely bad luck, but if it isn't, you might have to ask yourself if you set your standards for a friend too high. You aren't going to find anyone who is exactly like you, so don't hold that as any sort of standard if you are. If anyone is friendly, courteous, and generally a nice person, give them a chance to get closer to you. Sooner or later you'll decide for yourself if this is a person you want to be just more than an acquaintance with.

[Kraenen]

It certainly has an effect on your cognitive development from studies I've browsed and courses I've taken.

But regardless of that, I'd at least try to find someone/some people to hang out with and that share interests. University can be stressful and well, I never had anyone to count on and to support me as friends and as peers.

Also being able to socialize is, unfortunately, one of the key ingredients for success in just about any career. So you might as well take some chances and gain experiences and learn from mistakes now while you still can.

[GrieverXIII]

I'm the same and honestly its completly fine. Biggest advice i can give is that whatever you do, just be yourself, if you end up clicking with some people, cool. Otherwise, who cares? You've been just fine so far right? If you try to force things up by pretending to be someone else or to be interested in things that you couldn't care less about, it will eventually backfire.

[TheGravemind]

Friends are the most important thing you can have in life. One day you will realize it I'm afraid

I would say that's wrong, if you're not the type who enjoys to socialize with people (i.e. talk to them about miscellaneous things), then not having any "friends" isn't that large of a problem. Maybe you have more experience with this (given the possibility that you're significantly older than I am, I'm 18), but I would tell the OP to not worry and to just carry on if he has no problem with not going to parties/social gatherings as a consequence of not having any friends.

parties usually suck anyway LOL (imo)

[Kraenen]

I would say that's wrong, if you're not the type who enjoys to socialize with people (i.e. talk to them about miscellaneous things), then not having any "friends" isn't that large of a problem. Maybe you have more experience with this (given the possibility that you're significantly older than I am, I'm 18), but I would tell the OP to not worry and to just carry on if he has no problem with not going to parties/social gatherings as a consequence of not having any friends.

parties usually suck anyway LOL (imo)

I think pucGG was thinking of the other kind of friend.

[ciggy]

Its nice having friends, and I missed it when i was a loner for a good 15 years (i'm in my mid to late 30s). I didn't realize how much i missed it.

I wouldn't say it's a bad thing, and i wouldn't say it's a good thing. I'm a firm believer in needing friends around to keep yourself occupied and to keep you in check a little bit.

I played wow for 6 of those 15 years, and I was around internet friends, and made a few real life friends in the process. It's nice to be able to shut off your computer at any time. That's why the internet friends always was so attractive to me.

That being said, i'm just one person. I'm sure what worked/works for me won't work for others. Just putting my feelings out there to give you a bit of how it worked for me.

[anabolicz]

While being alone for huge amounts of time ur brain will fuck u up mentally its scientifically proven,.

I don't know why u group urself as a looner,(might be hormons, a short need to be alone) but at an university u will find like minded people
U will share interest and by time help each-other without even trying to and suddenly ur a nice little gang of 5 or more taking a cold beer in the sun.
And u will grow to adapt each-other a competitive instinct will occur.

Social interaction leads to competitive behavior. This will make u want to push limits. As will ur friends. There's no red light bulb over ur heads saying omg it happens now!
It happens over time.

Sometimes the needy feeling to be lonely comes because u really want something and u can't have it.
Only u can get what u want. It's all about dedication.

[vizzle]

We live in a society where being a loner is frowned upon. Of course he is insecure because of this and he sounds like he has a "problem".

When the entire point of society is to live communally then I don't see how being a loner could be looked at any other way by "society".

[pucGG]

I think pucGG was thinking of the other kind of friend.

Definetely was. I have a decently large social cirlce, but only about 3 friends that i can trust to really take a fall for me, and who I would take a bullet for. These are relationships that take years to establish, and they are the most valuable asset to your life, IMO

[AssimilateTruthx]

PucGG, that's a little cryptic as well as ominous. What do you mean by "one day you'll realize it I'm afraid?" Are you saying that one day I'll enter a phase of deep depression or something as a result of not having many friends, not being social, being a loner? lol

Anabolicz, I think you're correct in saying that to a certain extent, competitiveness is driven by social interaction, but I don't think it's a necessary requisite for me purely because of the fact that I'm already immensely competitive (academically, physically too in that I push myself to my physical limits when endurance training for track) despite not being that social. Also, what do you mean by "ur brain will (expletive) you up" if I'm a loner for a given period of time? haha, also, a citation with regard to that would be nice :]

[Chisato]

If you're truly comfortable living alone with few friends or contacts that's fine. If living alone makes you sad, depressed, lonely, or angry then you should consider stepping out of your comfort zone to change for what will make you happy.

It seems to made this post to receive validation from others which makes me question whether or not you're truly comfortable and happy being a loner. Loners typically don't care about what others think of themselves or their lifestyle and don't seek comfort or validation from others.

[Deleted]

When the entire point of society is to live communally then I don't see how being a loner could be looked at any other way by "society".

I wasn't judging, I was stating why OP came off as "feeling bad himself". When people tell you for years that what you are doing is bad, even though what you are doing is not bad, you tend to believe that it's bad. It kind of sucks, but he should try to stop falling for this.

[Deleted]

No, it isn't. It's just view of society, and views of society always suck. I'm also living alone, i don't have anyone i can call friend, and i'm OK with it. I dislike people in general, so that "helps" me.

[Tommy T]

I mostly have acquaintances but I would say I have only two good friends.

I'm really not bothered by it. I'm travelling Europe in a few months on my own. While it's a scary thought, going out in the world on your own, I wouldn't have it any other way. Plus I would say you're in a awkward part of life. People are changing quickly, growing up, getting jobs, finding their feet. Probably not the best time to make good friends. I would say most people lose contact with their friends after college. It's only natural.

When you get a full time job, have a flat or something, that's when you make your friends for life in my opinion. Even if you don't, it's not a big deal.

I would prefer to call it lone wolfing to be honest. Some people don't get on with people which is fine, but if you're the type of lone wolf who gets on with people, makes friendly easily but still choose to lone wolf through life. That's pretty cool in my opinion.