Is Being A "Loner" Really A Bad Thing?

[Yohassakura]

No it's not bad to not have IRL friends. I have people who may call themselves my friends but they don't bother to invite me to social events (even though I probably would go). I got invited to the cinema last year which I went and enjoyed, there was 3 of us (and that's literally the only event in at least the past 5 years). In the UK it's typical to go out drinking/clubbing at 18+ as that's the legal age, though many go at 16 anyways. I wouldn't just invite myself as i'm not [insert terms here]. Currently 21.

[Doktor Faustus]

The word 'Idiot' comes from the Greek for loner/private person.

Ripped off Wikipedia:

'Idiot as a word derived from the Greek ἰδιώτης, idiōtēs ("person lacking professional skill", "a private citizen", "individual"), from ἴδιος, idios ("private", "one's own").[1] In Latin the word idiota ("ordinary person, layman") preceded the Late Latin meaning "uneducated or ignorant person".[2] Its modern meaning and form dates back to Middle English around the year 1300, from the Old French idiote ("uneducated or ignorant person"). The related word idiocy dates to 1487 and may have been analogously modeled on the words prophet[3] and prophecy.[4][5] The word has cognates in many other languages.'

[Lily Crowley]

If you are content with being a loner and don't suffer from things like depression and the likes, its fine!

I prefer to have a lot of alone time reading, drawing, gaming or just relaxing. I have friends and I do like to socialize with them, its just that I cannot do it every fucking day, like certain people think is a requirement.

I am SO GLAD that I live in this time and not back in the times where whole families lived together forever and ever. THAT I am sure would make me into a serial killer tbh.

[Deleted]

No it's not bad to not have IRL friends. I have people who may call themselves my friends but they don't bother to invite me to social events (even though I probably would go). I got invited to the cinema last year which I went and enjoyed, there was 3 of us (and that's literally the only event in at least the past 5 years). In the UK it's typical to go out drinking/clubbing at 18+ as that's the legal age, though many go at 16 anyways. I wouldn't just invite myself as i'm not [insert terms here]. Currently 21.

When was the last time you invited someone to a social event? People do not invite you out of the blue, they need a reason to, if you never come up with anything to do, then why would people bother hanging out except maybe out of pity?

Blaming other people for not inviting you is stupid excuse. It can be a obstacle to socializing, but the only way to recieve attention is to give attention, and make no mistake, you need to give more, way more then you receive, thats just how it works.

[RH92]

When was the last time you invited someone to a social event? People do not invite you out of the blue, they need a reason to, if you never come up with anything to do, then why would people bother hanging out except maybe out of pity?

Blaming other people for not inviting you is stupid excuse. It can be a obstacle to socializing, but the only way to recieve attention is to give attention, and make no mistake, you need to give more, way more then you receive, thats just how it works.

As I have stated already, I am introverted and I agree with this. Do not ask for things when you give nothing in return.

I used to blame other people for not wanting to invite me. But when I started to write them about various things, calling them and asking them out for a conversation somewhere they agreed and later started asking me if I wanted to come with them somewhere. Usually it was few days after our meeting. In my country we have saying "What eyes doesn't see, the heart doesn't care about.". If you don't care about people unless you are in "need" then they will ignore you too.

If you don't like socializing that much, just tell them you are not in a mood and they will understand it. If not, you will quickly find who is good friend who is not. And you will also start care more about those people. I even had one girl really like me for being honest and doing things for myself as practicing drums and going to gym, I haven't seen her for a while as I was "scared" of someone liking me, haha. Maybe I should call her.

[Asics]

It isn't a problem and shouldn't be approached as such. You cannot force yourself to enjoy being around other people nor can you force others to enjoy being around you.

If you enjoy being a loner then just be aware the connections you make in friendships or even casual relationships are very important when it comes to resources and networking. Your friends can be powerful allies when you need one. They can also be that "in" that you might need to get a good job. These are examples, of course.

[Adamas102]

Not all people need others to feel happy. Some would even say relationships are good for nothing but misery.

Those people would be wrong.

If someone wants to live the solitary life of a hermit out in the wilderness, more power to them. However, attempting to live in a social environment without being social is a recipe for disaster and depression. Look, no one is saying that everyone should go out and befriend every stranger they meet. Everyone has had bad relationships here and there, but in the end you're losing a lot more than you're gaining by avoiding relationships altogether, especially in professional life.

Oh and to specifically respond to the OP, since you're on your way to college now I would highly recommend making it a point to socialize with classmates for academic purposes. I don't hang out with any of my classmates (I have a close group of friends that I spend time with), but I've spent plenty of time studying with them outside of class, getting help when I needed it, and helping them in turn when they needed it. I used to be one of those guys who just showed up at the start of class, didn't say a word, and made a beeline for the door as soon as it was over. If not for the effort I now make to make contact with fellow classmates, my grades would not be as good as they currently are.

[Deleted]

Bad place for this tbh, since most people here probably are loners and refuse to accept that a "I hate the world" attitude is bad for them.

Let me tell you this, life is short. If / when you reach 80 don't look back and think "wish i'd done this differently", because you most likely will when you are sat there on your own with nobody to care for you.

Advice: Stop staring at a computer screen and go outside. Really cliche, but it works.

[Deleted]

This thread is perfect example of extroverts VS introverts thing that people face in everyday life as well. I dont understand these extremes tho.
"If you are not super social you must be anti-social killjoy who lives in dark house all their life". Um, no.

Extroverts seem to look at introverts as people who "probably has depression, hates society, angsty emo who probably is in worst case social "retard" who is afraid to go outside cos of people", when all they do is like to be alone sometimes or most of the time.
Read books, watch movies or listen to music alone..enjoy the silence. They dont always go to club/concert to listen to music, or go to packed movie theater to watch movie or go to book club/library to read. They certainly can, but its not their preference.

Just because someone is introvert it doesnt mean they cant have friends. Just because someone is introvert it doesnt mean they wont go outside the house (they just dont do it so often and sometimes need time to relax after that). Just because someone is introvert it doesnt mean they are unable to be social. Just because someone is introvert it doesnt mean they are depressive, angsty or "socially behind others". Just because someone is introvert it doesnt mean they "hate people and society".

There might be people who have these, but that doesnt mean all of them are.

2 cents and all that. Take it however you want etc etc

[Adamas102]

This thread is perfect example of extroverts VS introverts thing that people face in everyday life as well. I dont understand these extremes tho.
"If you are not super social you must be anti-social killjoy who lives in dark house all their life". Um, no.

Extroverts seem to look at introverts as people who "probably has depression, hates society, angsty emo who probably is in worst case social "retard" who is afraid to go outside cos of people", when all they do is like to be alone sometimes or most of the time.
Read books, watch movies or listen to music alone..enjoy the silence. They dont always go to club/concert to listen to music, or go to packed movie theater to watch movie or go to book club/library to read. They certainly can, but its not their preference.

Just because someone is introvert it doesnt mean they cant have friends. Just because someone is introvert it doesnt mean they wont go outside the house (they just dont do it so often and sometimes need time to relax after that). Just because someone is introvert it doesnt mean they are unable to be social. Just because someone is introvert it doesnt mean they are depressive, angsty or "socially behind others". Just because someone is introvert it doesnt mean they "hate people and society".

There might be people who have these, but that doesnt mean all of them are.

2 cents and all that. Take it however you want etc etc

There are people in this thread suggesting that it's not a bad thing to literally have no real friends...

[Deleted]

There are people in this thread suggesting that it's not a bad thing to literally have no real friends...

And there are people who say that if you dont go clubbing or to pub every weekend, you must be depressed and have literally miserable life now and forever?
Or that introverts are "social crazies who live in shack up in the hill middle of forest being village crazy anti-social society hating emo" - if you are not one now you will soon be if you dont "start to be social"

Extremes are not good either way.

[Spectral]

Introversion is not a bad thing in and of itself, but turning so deeply inward that you lose any sense of connection with people is a very bad idea. I personally have a narrow band of people that I'm interested in friendship with, but I have very close friendships with those people, and I'm perfectly happy that way. I've got a delightful girlfriend that's basically the same way (both of us are INTJ if you put any stock in Myers-Briggs), and we're just not that interested in most people. Not in a hateful way, and we always have a nice time when we go out to parties and such, we just don't really feel the need to be around other people all that often.

Having some interpersonal relations is really important for good mental health though. Introversion and extroversion are just different ways to be, there's no right or wrong there, but being completed isolated will lead to psychological problems for most.

[Deleted]

Being alone is only a problem if you don't like it. But if you like it, then good for you.
I'm usually quite alone, but im not "lonely". I have 1-2 good friends and that's all i need.

[Deleted]

I dunno, I think that everybody needs someone to talk to.

[Underverse]

Humans are social creatures. My guess is that you'll come to see the benefits of having friends in the future

[Coffer]

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. There's nothing wrong with it unless you yourself see it as a bad thing. If not, who cares? Be yourself, not the person society wants or expects you to be.

[Zafire]

I'm pretty much a loner. I am perfectly fine having no friends. I haven't made a single friend at work yet even though I get along great with everybody. All the friends I have had generally ask me to do things I don't want to do. A few of them I have had in particular only wanted to hang out when they needed a ride or wanted to bulk their party. Back when I messed my knee up and needed surgery I don't think I talked to anybody outside of my mother and sisters for over a year. Most of the time I am out with people I think to myself "I'd be having more fun if I was inside playing video games right now.." When I get drunk around lots of people I generally just sit there and zone out. Nobody really tries talking to me and when I'm drunk I don't really feel like putting in effort either.

I do have a girlfriend that lives with me, but we spend a lot of time apart from each other even though we're in the same house. We do have sex and go out and do things together. Still trying to find the right balance, but it doesn't really bother either of us. My self-esteem does kind-of take a hit when I notice others making friends and for some reason nobody even *wants* to be mine. It's more the lack of opportunity that gets to me than the end result. In the end it doesn't bother me at all because I realize I don't really want friends to begin with.

Do I feel bad about being the way I am? Hell no. XD Not needing people makes me more independent, and I am very proud that I don't just simply need people to be happy with my life.

[Maxilian]

Friends are the most important thing you can have in life. One day you will realize it I'm afraid

These..., when you get older you will fill the void the lack of friends left in your life... :S

[Mezyo]

To the OP, who may not read this. 4 pages in and all.
I dont think I can post links yet but.. Here's a Ted talk from Susan Cain: The power of introverts
youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4

I'm a loner, an introvert. I have great friends and at 25 I would say pretty succesfull. I do the things I like, I love my job, my better half, my dog and the place I live.
I'm a marketing analyst. I embrace social situations, they teach me a lot. I would struggle to think of a best man, so far the only downside.
Viva la introvert.

[Adjusting]

I have been a loner all my life even since a very young age. I have always tried to make friends but I was never able to really connect with anyone.