Friend with Benefits problem

[Tommy T]

1) Put pin holes in your condoms
2) Impregnate her
3) Now she is forced to stay with you
4) Enjoy your new family

[AndaliteBandit]

Well its just the fact that sometimes we hang out, dont have sex and we end up talking and laughing which leads to feelings getting involved and now I think there is something there. I care about her yes and yes I would go out my way to see herm but if its only for a sexual encounter only then why should I?

Relationships in real life don't come from experience points. You are not going to advance a relationship to the next level if you only spend enough time with her. It sounds as if she's made her intentions clear, but you're hoping that if you continue to see her long enough that eventually she'll come around.

As others have suggested, you should ask her. If she declines, don't wait around hoping she'll change her mind later. Either accept that she's only and will always only be a friend, or leave her alone if that isn't good enough for you.

[Kurioxan]

Ok I am seeing a girl from my work place who is polish and we are meeting for sexual encounters, nothing more (which I am ok with) well I thought I was. She updated her facebook to being in a relationship with an ex of hers, when I questioned her about it she said it was a joke, she changed it but is now hiding her relationship status altogether and so is he, I dont understand because she told me she doesn't want a relationship and now I feel I am stuck because I think I am starting to fall in love with her :/ It has been a while since we started meeting and a lot of the time she comes to talk to me, hang round with me, half the time we dont even have sex when I am at hers so I am wasting my time going over, and now I dont know what to do for the best.

Wasting your time going over to hers? so thats all she is to you? just someone to have sex with...? Are you sure its "falling in love" and not simply "lacking sex"?

And maybe she didnt want a relationship with you, be glad you even had sex with her to start with and she is free as any other human being is, to chose a different partner, that she tries to spare your feelings is proof enough she actually cares about them, man up and accept her choice, be her friend if you ever were on and move on.

[Deleted]

And maybe she didnt want a relationship with you, be glad you even had sex with her to start with and she is free as any other human being is, to chose a different partner, that she tries to spare your feelings is proof enough she actually cares about them, man up and accept her choice, be her friend if you ever were on and move on.

So she is free to be in a relationship with someone else but have unprotected sex with me?

I will sleep on this tonight but thank you all for your replies.

[Deleted]

So she is free to be in a relationship with someone else but have unprotected sex with me?

I will sleep on this tonight but thank you all for your replies.

Dayum your side is so full of hypocrisy, you say you don't care, then you say you care and then you start to bitch about her being in a relationship when you are a fuck buddy; not a boyfriend, a fuck buddy.

[Talzar]

Ok I am seeing a girl from my work place who is polish and we are meeting for sexual encounters, nothing more (which I am ok with) well I thought I was. She updated her facebook to being in a relationship with an ex of hers, when I questioned her about it she said it was a joke, she changed it but is now hiding her relationship status altogether and so is he, I dont understand because she told me she doesn't want a relationship and now I feel I am stuck because I think I am starting to fall in love with her :/ It has been a while since we started meeting and a lot of the time she comes to talk to me, hang round with me, half the time we dont even have sex when I am at hers so I am wasting my time going over, and now I dont know what to do for the best.

Sounds like true love to me.

[Kurioxan]

So she is free to be in a relationship with someone else but have unprotected sex with me?

I will sleep on this tonight but thank you all for your replies.

She is free to do what she wills, it is up to you to decide if you are alright with this situation or not, if yes then continue, if not then retreat from it its quite simple.
But in the end whoever she wants to be, yes its up to her :P

[Morden]

If shes hiding it, chances are she's sleeping with him as well.

Myself I would walk away, but then again i've tried having FiB's as well but tbh it never works out well, a few times its fine but it always leads places where one person doesnt want it to go. and it always ends with one of them being clingy.

Hell you'd have been better off playing it cool and just saying to her that your after a real relationship and that you would keep on sleeping with her until you found someone to settle down with. This would atleast have a chance at working on the reverse psychology while she tries to figure out why you dont want to be with her. But harping on about it when you know all she wants is sex and by the looks of it with more than just you...

walk away dude, you'll only get hurt.

[Endus]

"Friends with benefits" is a very specific relationship, with very specific rules. Both of you essentially agreed that nobody was getting romantic; it was just sex with a buddy.

If you're developing romantic feelings, you're breaking the rules. By all means, break off the sex-buddies relationship, and make it clear that you're only interested in a romantic relationship from here on out, but be ready to find out that she has zero desire to have that kind of relationship with you. A large part of why "friends with benefits" relationships come about is because the other person is someone you could NEVER EVER have a romantic relationship with.

If you're trying to use a FwB to "lean" into a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, you're breaking the rules, deceiving the person you're with, and deserve to get your arse dumped in the street for it (not that that's what you're doing, I'm just saying, don't be that guy).

Also, FwB arrangements are absolutely not exclusive relationships. You're both free to date, because neither of you is dating each other. If she is in a relationship with her ex, unless they're exclusive, she's not breaking any rules by sleeping with you, too. But it absolutely and definitively is not, in any remote way, a betrayal of you. You have no hold on her; you're just a friend.

[Kurioxan]

Endus, what you said is very true, and yet it is sadly too hard a concept for many to understand, built-in ideas that relationships are exclusive, that anyone has any right or hold on someone else and so forth, leads to so much frustration

[Zao]

Friends with Benefits treats sex like any other activity, say tennis.
You shouldn't get jealous if your mate plays tennis with another person and neither should you insist that she only plays tennis with you.

Now if she's using you to cheat on somebody, that's awful and it should be resolved either by you two being together or splitting up or her and her supposed boyfriend splitting up.


That said: I tried it once because I thought myself a man who can always be rational...it failed horribly. Being friends with somebody plus lots of hormones equals strong feelings. That can really be love, or something similar, depending on your definition of love.

[fooliuscaesar13]

Strictly sexual relationships *never* stay strictly sexual if you do it more than once. Feelings always develop. Sometimes they are a good thing (I married a girl and was with her 15 years - that was a FWB relationship at first)...and sometimes, like what you're going through, it becomes a bad thing.

As someone else said...talk to her. Find out if she has the same feelings for you. Put it out there and see what happens. If she's worth loving, then she's worth the risk of being hurt. Nothing good is ever easy.

[Illiterate]

She is clearly not interested. Back off.

[phenix]

I think I am starting to fall in love with her .

+

half the time we dont even have sex .....so I am wasting my time going over

=
wtf

clearly you're too immature to be in this situation. you like her but then not having sex is wasting your time? then you check her facebook status (why exactly?) and wonder if she's sleeping with other ppl? Why would someone having casual sex with you not have it with other ppl? Then you worry about who she's been with when you put your manhood in her?

[Mihalik]

Women out number men in this world 3:1, have your toys on the side and keep them separate from relationships.

Haha...

Which side of your arse did you pull that out of?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sex_ratio

The global ratio tends to be somewhere around 105 boys to 100 girls. This ignoring the bias caused by life expectancy. Women tend to live longer then man, anything from 5 to 9 years longer. So this alters the number a great deal. With other words... Unless you are into 65+ year old women...most likely there are more eligible men in the world then women.

Now ON TOPIC.

OP you are obviously jelous. Maybee not extremly, but the possibility of her being with someone else clearly irks you. This can only go two ways. You either make it clear you wan't more and you form a couple...or the friends with benefits thing is over, if she isn't into you like that. It will be over anyways, as you will get emotionally involved over time and that will spoil things between you.

So figure out what you wan't and go for it. But be prepared that it might not go your way.

[OzoAndIndi]

So...that arrangement has drawbacks? And those who get into this never consider that it might...?

I dunno, be honest with her then. I mean the other guy became an ex for a reason, likely doomed to be re-ex'd anyhow.

[Deleted]

"She doesn't want a relationship"
Suuuuuuuure.

On topic. There is no such thing as "friends with benefits". Eventually someone WILL start taking it very seriously. The explanation is simple: you wouldn't have sex without someone you don't like, no matter how hot they are, and if you do like him/her, then the "friends" part is about to be over.

[Auloria]

You voided the agreement. Time to say bye.

[Zangeiti]

First we can technically call this a office romance even though your not really seeing each other also you guys both do work at the same place and second of all I have had a friends with benefits relation ship and they do not end well with some people. I know I shouldn't really be talking about this with my girlfriend piering over the monitor but yeah she did get a little to needy and she started to want do relationship things because she started to believe we actually were a good couple lol NOPE.

[superstarz]

you said it was friends with benefits.. and now you want more?