Have You Ever Been In Total Love?

[AssimilateTruthx]

I'm just wondering this from a relatively by-stander perspective. I've been contemplating whether or not most married people/people in other forms of congruent relationships are actually in total love with their significant other or whether they just "tolerate" the presence of their spouse and carry on passively.

So, I thought I'd ask you all to share your experience (or I suppose lack thereof) with this:

Have you ever been in love with someone to the point where you're on the verge of obsession with him or her where you can not go by a few minutes without thinking of the significant other?

I haven't personally as I'm not that social and I don't really care for relationships beyond those with my parents/etc, but that's precisely why this intrigues me and that's also why I'd like to learn more about this and how someone can get to the point where another being becomes so important in their life.

thanks in advance for all of the input

[Xs]

Have you ever been in love with someone to the point where you're on the verge of obsession with him or her where you can not go by a few minutes without thinking of the significant other?

I wouldn't call that definition 'love', you can love someone without being obsessively clingy and unable to function without them. If anything thats more annoying than loving and is something you want to avoid with most people, some people like that kind of relationship, but if both of you aren't like that its not going to work very well.

[AssimilateTruthx]

Correct, and I don't call that the definition of "love," but merely one end of the spectrum of definitions of love. Its converse being the "passive" attachment that someone has to the significant other of a relationship.

[Uennie]

That's called the honeymoon part of a relationship. It's usually the first three months to a year. Your entire life is them, and then things even out and you discover your individual selves while being together and discovering your combined selves. It's very cool. Beyond that, obsession is not love, and it can take the form of rampant insecurity, trust issues, commitment issues, or otherwise.

Aside from all that, yes. I found love exactly where I least expected it. Thinking about how I felt regarding relationships before all those emotions and fancies seem very trivial. You may not know right away (few do), but as time goes by you will KNOW you've made it to the show. If you're five years in and they're still all you're thinking about ever, you might have a legitimate problem and more than likely will not do well at your job or anything else.

It's tolerance, and yeah putting up with stuff, but it's really more compromise. It's not a bunch of dealing with things because you feel you have to or else you're single. It's compromise, which is communicating and creating a situation where it's a win/win, or a win/lose (sometimes lose/lose) but you remember and appreciate the concession (and generally try to repay it). It's like extra friendship with whipped cream.

It's mutual admiration and respect. It's fighting it out because you really believe in something and you don't want to think that this person you care for might not share the same opinion. At the end of the fight, it's a feeling of relief, and resolution, a compromise to move forward and keep becoming the people you want to be for each other. Maybe you changed their mind, maybe they changed yours, or maybe you realized it's less of a cause and more misplaced frustration. It's someone who doesn't want to change you, but you do without even realizing it because you want to be a better person for them. They will make you cry, and you will make them cry, because of how much you both care. Happy tears, sad tears, tears you can't really explain because hormones are getting a little whacked out. Love is that massively irrational thing where you don't have to talk for days but still be able to feel how happy they are to be around you in comfortable silence.

Love is when you can actually see a future together (I never saw a future with anyone I dated before this person). Love is when you think about losing them, or never having met them ... And you swallow a painful lump because you don't really want to imagine the kind of person you would be before their love subconsciously made you better. It's not just sex and companionship, it's camaraderie and finding a piece of the puzzle you didn't even realize was missing.

There's almost no such thing as having truly separate lives when you're in it to win it. You have your individual identity, but in the big picture you become "we" and "us". I can still hang out with my friends and he can hang out with his. We have our own interests, I am me and he is he. At the end of the day, you are someone's other half. It's just that easy to understand.

[Powerogue]

20, never been in a relationship due to having none of that feeling.

I can tell what lust is, and that's all I've really felt. Obsessive lust is not love.

Maybe eventually I'll find someone who I can obsess with for some reason other than cleavage, but not yet.

[shise]

Love doesn't exist. I think that we all know that tho, and I think that we all more or less know what it is, just a matter of chemic stuff going on in our brains. For some reason, I've always tried to be as cold as I could with feelings, since I was a child.

However, I have feelings, just as every single person in this world (there's not a single person without them). Love is one of those you can not control, but you can normally handle it, more than you think.

I have never fall in complete love. But of course I've liked some girls.

[Stir]

I've been with my partner for six years, and I still get a fuzzy feeling when I look at her. Not one minute goes by where I do not think of her... Of course; I think of many, many things (at once, because that's what a cerebral cortex is for after all), so that's not that impressive if you stop to think about it.

I'm not a very social person, either, by the way. Something like this just happens. It's a nice mixture of chemistry and intellectual compatibility that might be called 'serendipity.' It just happens. It's not something I looked for, it's not something I wanted at the time I met her (and it's not something she wanted at the time, either).

But yeah; at some point, 'my life' becomes 'our life.' I don't like to think about it as compromise; I don't feel as if I'm making any. We both simply facilitate one another in what we want and need, with a mutual understanding that no sacrifice is ever required.
Basically: I don't have to worry about my needs, because they'll be met. She, in turn, doesn't need to worry about her needs because they'll be met.

Love doesn't exist. I think that we all know that tho, and I think that we all more or less know what it is, just a matter of chemic stuff going on in our brains.

Tables don't exist. After all, it's just a flat surface in three-dimensional space.

[Airwaves]

I haven't even had a real girlfriend lol. Sure I have had "friends" /wink but never nothing serious. So the answer is no. I am 23 and can't even decide what I want to with my life let alone get in a serious relationship.

[Itisamuh]

Once, and I sincerely hope to never repeat it. Nothing can break a person like a failed love. Also, it has nothing to do with being social or emotional. I am about as antisocial and emotionless as it gets in general, yet I fell so hard for this girl that it was unhealthy even before it fell apart. On the other hand, I really have no problem with being single. I quite enjoy the privacy and the emotional freedom. So I pretty much have to fall for a girl to some significant degree before I will even bother. And yes, I know the difference between love, lust and infatuation.

[WarpKnight]

That's called the honeymoon part of a relationship. It's usually the first three months to a year. Your entire life is them, and then things even out and you discover your individual selves while being together and discovering your combined selves. It's very cool. Beyond that, obsession is not love, and it can take the form of rampant insecurity, trust issues, commitment issues, or otherwise.

snip

There's almost no such thing as having truly separate lives when you're in it to win it. You have your individual identity, but in the big picture you become "we" and "us". I can still hang out with my friends and he can hang out with his. We have our own interests, I am me and he is he. At the end of the day, you are someone's other half. It's just that easy to understand.

Wow, what a brilliantly descriptive post.

Now I know sort of what it would be like to not be foreveralone.

[Taurenburger]

It would be bad if I couldn't stop thinking about my girlfriend for longer than a few minutes. There's lots of other things I should be thinking about/concentrating on. However, I'd miss her if I haven't got her around for more than a few days (which is normal, I guess).

Whether I'm totally in love or I could be more in love, I'm not sure. Never had a better feeling about a girl than my current girlfriend.

[Starving Artist]

Oh yes I been totally in love one time . However I made the mistake of becoming a " bitch " ...and woman hate that in men ...they want a challenge not someone who meets their every whim ..Sadly if I treated her like shit and dumped her we would probably still be together .. oh well ...the woman I have dated after her have all been treated like as if they hardly exist ..I learned my lesson ...ty sarah ..

[Wildtree]

Love doesn't exist. I think that we all know that tho, and I think that we all more or less know what it is, just a matter of chemic stuff going on in our brains. For some reason, I've always tried to be as cold as I could with feelings, since I was a child.

However, I have feelings, just as every single person in this world (there's not a single person without them). Love is one of those you can not control, but you can normally handle it, more than you think.

I have never fall in complete love. But of course I've liked some girls.

I feel sorry for you, very sorry..


OP: The answer is yes.

[Kerath]

I've never been obsessively in love with someone, but I have been (and am) in love, yes.
It's... difficult to describe. He's often in my thoughts, but I can get through a day (or several days) without him with no issues, though I do feel his absence. It's simply... nicer, better, more pleasant to be regularly in his company than out of it. I enjoy his company, his insights, his wit. We talk about serious stuff and we laugh about really silly stuff. I can be completely myself with him (and he with me) without having to keep the usual social barriers up.
He's my partner.

[Deleted]

Have been truly in love once.

Now I'm 21, without any relationships. I fell in love at the end of my 20th life year. No real crush in that way how people know it usually - it was more like a insight. We know each other for more than 3 years and our last 4 months of spending time with each other every single day for more than 2 hours (sometimes the whole day) opened my eyes and revealed the truth - it was completely fulfillment.

It was more like I realized that I wanted to spent every single moment with her cause only when she was with me I felt truly free, pleasure, joy, happyness - in the strongest way I ever felt it. She was in my mind when I woke up, when I was at school, when I went back home until we met - when she was not only in my mind but also right in front of me right until we went home or had something to do (which we could not do together) when the only real place she was with me was my mind again.

I wrote many poems about the whole situation with her, about my feelings and everything. It was my sort of diary. It was some kind of bridging for the moments without her.

"Long" (reduced) story, short end:

After 3 confessions in a certain good moment each, I was still in the friendzone and even after ~4 months of not seeing each other (I had to tell her that I sadly cannot bear the emotion of completely loving her while standing next to her, talking to her, doing all the stuff we wanted to do (neglected nearly the whole rest of my life in my obsession) ) I still feel the same way about her and if I had to guess I would say: It will never ever stop - atleast when I am as faithful as with every other thing.

I'm still not made for love I guess - or at least not relationships.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7Myff5xAZM

[Velaniz]

Love doesn't exist. I think that we all know that tho, and I think that we all more or less know what it is, just a matter of chemic stuff going on in our brains. For some reason, I've always tried to be as cold as I could with feelings, since I was a child.

What? Your conscience is just electricity and chemicals. Does it not exist either then?

[Zlily]

I met my guy and started dating him when I was 13 and he was 15; we met in highschool. 6 years later we live together with 4 rats . We're quite a perfect mixture together, I'm more open with him than I could be to anyone even my family.
Being with someone who gets your stupid jokes and who you can be completely yourself with is really nice. Anyways, getting engaged soon as we can afford it. Two college students living in an apartment really sucks up the money.

To answer the OP: Yes, I've been in love but not that obsessive way you've stated it, I could live my life without the person but it just wouldn't be as awesome as it is.

[lordmatthias]

Yeah as other have said the love you describe is more of the "Honeymoon phase". I felt that way for about a year (maybe 2) with my wife (we have been together for 6 going on 7 years now). I have found after that I have settled into more of a sustained love type situation. It is not what you described as "tolerate" but I can see where someone might describe it kind of like that as (at least in my experience) and can function on my own, I don't need to do EVERYTHING with my wife, we can be in the same house/room doing different things and it is not a big deal. Relationships and people change over time, things are not really all black and white.

[Grimbold21]

As a guy who's been single for a long time now, everytime i go out i fall in love when i see a decent looking woman.

[Deleted]

I don't think I've experienced true love but I'm certainly familiar with obsessive love. Been obsessed with this girl for about 2 years now, made tons of mistakes at the start and only stopped beating around the bush and asked her about a year later. Was rejected and we don't talk/see each other anymore but I'm still more or less obsessed with her. Wonder if it would be a good idea to see a professional as I'm getting quite tired of longing for her when it's clearly not happening.