Understanding people

[God8010]

How do you deal with stupid people without coming across as arrogant? Mind you people you can't just disconnect from for whatever reasons. People who would ask you a question and between history channel, some wiki pages and maybe a few news articles you generate a reply that is met by emotional responses which look to make the content of the conversation personal? I know each person is unique but each time I find it turning from theoretical to personal I cannot tell if the person really is emotionally insecure or if it's just a tactic used to avoid confusing conversations.

I know now anger is worthless but with letting go of the anger, I begin to feel the whole conversation is pointless. How do you retain respect for people that you cannot just give up on when it's clear you're unable to reach them whenever they put this wall between you?

(Please note the "stupid" comment of mine is between us as i would never say this to the persons face.)

[Belize]

Well, first off, you have to be dead honest with said person and be willing to call them stupid to their face, else it makes you look like an arrogant hypocrite...

[God8010]

I've tried that with other people in the past. I find it makes them defensive. Once that wall is up I never get the chance to see this second one.

[Belize]

Great! Then they leave you alone for the most part! Things work themselves out like that. Who cares if there's a wall, as long as you get the basic necessities done, everything is good. It works great for me

[Tradewind]

I just stare at them until they go away.

[Beenie]

How do you deal with stupid people without coming across as arrogant? Mind you people you can't just disconnect from for whatever reasons. People who would ask you a question and between history channel, some wiki pages and maybe a few news articles you generate a reply that is met by emotional responses which look to make the content of the conversation personal? I know each person is unique but each time I find it turning from theoretical to personal I cannot tell if the person really is emotionally insecure or if it's just a tactic used to avoid confusing conversations.

I know now anger is worthless but with letting go of the anger, I begin to feel the whole conversation is pointless. How do you retain respect for people that you cannot just give up on when it's clear you're unable to reach them whenever they put this wall between you?

(Please note the "stupid" comment of mine is between us as i would never say this to the persons face.)

If the person is responding too emotionally and from a personal perspective, you aren't going to get them to see it another way. If they are coming from an emotional place during the argument they are clearly dealing some personal connection to the topic and can't view the situation objectively. In that case, there is nothing to be done. I'd rather just walk away and maintain my dignity than arguing with someone who can't see past themselves long enough to entertain the possibility of another explanation holding validity.

[God8010]

I agree with everything said but be my curse this problem lives under my roof. We never use to speak before when her husband was still alive but now with his passing and her trying to make new friends I wonder if she was ever allowed her own ideas or if shes been trained to think and feel how she does today. I cannot just attack this wall because of all the loss in her life but I do find my attempts with her end in me trying to close my eyes and picture two massive candles on ornate candle holders burning in a large vacant dark room.

I'm even shutting myself up on the inside to make sure I'm only listening to her and not hearing her while thinking more of my response. Still, I find nothing to bridge the fear supporting the need to either rip control of the conversation or obliterate the subject completely in rather strong unwarranted displays of anger.

[namelessone]

If you feel the need to "educate" other people about their "ignorance", you are arrogant asshole and nothing will help you. A neutral solution to people you dislike is to ignore them. You don't HAVE to live with this person, moving out on your own is always an option.

[God8010]

If you feel the need to "educate" other people about their "ignorance", you are arrogant asshole and nothing will help you. A neutral solution to people you dislike is to ignore them. You don't HAVE to live with this person, moving out on your own is always an option.

Trust me, if we could go back to the days where we no longer speak I'm perfectly fine with this. She has nowhere to go and I have no problem other than this kind of exchange with her. I have no need of watching her final days end in a home or on the street. I can avoid it completely until she comes asking me questions. I'm attempting to learn how better to deal with this. I have no ego, all people have purpose. To judge anything, unwittingly or otherwise is ones own responsibility. There is no measurement of "better or worse" being materialistic or social intended in anything I've said.

[Mukki]

How do you deal with stupid people without coming across as arrogant? Mind you people you can't just disconnect from for whatever reasons. People who would ask you a question and between history channel, some wiki pages and maybe a few news articles you generate a reply that is met by emotional responses which look to make the content of the conversation personal? I know each person is unique but each time I find it turning from theoretical to personal I cannot tell if the person really is emotionally insecure or if it's just a tactic used to avoid confusing conversations.

I know now anger is worthless but with letting go of the anger, I begin to feel the whole conversation is pointless. How do you retain respect for people that you cannot just give up on when it's clear you're unable to reach them whenever they put this wall between you?

(Please note the "stupid" comment of mine is between us as i would never say this to the persons face.)

This isn't sarcasm, it's a really good read and will help if you're trying to genuinely persuade and/or relate to people.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friend.../dp/0671723650

Try relating to people, find a way that your point of view also benefits them, and (I'm sure everyone knows I have trouble with this) try to avoid criticizing people. Criticism causes people to shut you out, whereas genuine appreciation and compliments (NOT flattery, flattery isn't sincere) cause people to be more open.

Again, it's a good book. You can probably find a pdf of it floating around on the internet too.

[God8010]

This isn't sarcasm, it's a really good read and will help if you're trying to genuinely persuade and/or relate to people.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friend.../dp/0671723650

Try relating to people, find a way that your point of view also benefits them, and (I'm sure everyone knows I have trouble with this) try to avoid criticizing people. Criticism causes people to shut you out, whereas genuine appreciation and compliments (NOT flattery, flattery isn't sincere) cause people to be more open.

Again, it's a good book. You can probably find a pdf of it floating around on the internet too.

Thanks. I think you have the right idea, this can't be some new phenomenon.

[Deleted]

I don't really know, Ive never had problems with them. I guess when I realize they are not very intelligent, I just start treating them differently, more like children so I never get upset or start yelling or anything. I just accept that things probably wont get through to them, so I just use simple words and dont expect them to understand why, just do whats needed or if they need something give them directions on how to get it without explaining.